by R T Green
She sat me down in the chair from hell, tried to reassure me. ‘We don’t need to take it all off, just enough so the wig looks natural and doesn’t arouse suspicion.’
I shook my head. There were no half-measures here, and I didn’t want a girlie bob or something I had to spend a half-hour getting to look right each morning. That wasn’t me… and I had to be me.
‘No, Sharon. Get rid of it all, just leave enough so you can give me a super-short, sexy style maybe?’
She must have seen the petrified look in my eyes in the mirror. ‘If you’re sure?’
‘I am. Just give me a power-cut, ok?’
She understood, began to wield the shears, and I closed my eyes.
‘What do you think?’
She’d talked to me the whole time, in a soft soothing voice, about anything but hair. She knew what she was doing; after the first few swift cuts, I hardly noticed my hair was disappearing fast. Then she’d set to work styling the bit that was left, and almost before I realized it the hand mirror was showing me the back of my head.
She was good. I noticed a smile on my face, hadn’t realized it was there. My new style feathered to nothing at the back, finishing just below the ear-line. Just as short at the sides, my ears were fully exposed. She’d left a little more hair on the top, cut expertly into a choppy, textured style.
I reminded me of Halle Berry, in her short era.
And I liked it.
‘My ears are cold,’ I grinned.
‘Good then?’ she said back.
‘Very. Thank you.’
I didn’t get long to admire the new me. Two minutes later my sexy shortie was replaced by a long blonde wig.
‘Oh boy.’
‘You ok?’
‘Yeah… just two new me’s in five minutes takes a bit of getting used to!’
She laughed. ‘Just trying it on for size. In a few minutes I’ll fix it in place, so it won’t come off no matter what happens. But first, try these…’ She handed me two thin silicone ovals.
‘Breast implants?’
She giggled. ‘Noo… cheek implants. You’ll be amazed how different they make you look. Especially with high cheekbones like yours. Put them in.’
This was something I’d not expected. And wasn’t too sure about. Would I still be able to eat? Smile? What the hell… at least I could take them out at will.
‘Fuck! I look like Renee Zellweger in Bridget Jones’ Diary!’
That made her laugh. It made me cry. I looked nothing like me.
‘I look nothing like me.’
‘Isn’t that the idea?’
‘Guess so.’
She spun the chair away from the mirror, thankfully, and took off the wig. ‘I think you’re very brave doing what you are, Madeline. The least I can do is use my talents to give you the best chance of success. The rest is down to you and the guys.’
‘I know. But thank you for making me look sexy for three minutes anyway.’
‘Oh I don’t know… the blonde look quite suits you.’
Maybe it did. But it wasn’t me. And yet as I left Sharon’s ten minutes later with my blonde locks firmly secured, the fact that the remnants of my hair were now styled into a super-short power cut seemed to give me strength.
I liked the new me.
Now all I had to do was use it right.
Chapter 155
Three faces stared open-mouthed at me as we walked back into Scott’s office. Coop wrenched his eyes away from me, looked at his boss.
‘Sir, you didn’t tell me you were bringing in a new agent.’
Scott smiled. ‘You look… not quite yourself, Madeline.’
‘Maybe sir, but I feel a hundred percent like me.’
‘Glad to hear it.’
I glanced to Zana. She’d closed her mouth, but her eyes gave nothing away. Except unhappiness. I stood in front of her, flicked a lock of my new hair with a finger, deliberately. ‘So, what do you think of the new look?’
She tried to smile. ‘You look… blonde. But I still don’t want you to do this.’
I took her hand. ‘I have to, Zana. It’s the only way. But I need your support, so please will you give it to me? I can’t do this unless you’re by my side, metaphorically speaking.’
For a moment she held my gaze, her green eyes unblinking. Then she gave a single nod, turned away and went to the window, staring out at nothing.
I wasn’t going to get any more from her.
Duncan Scott was still in action-man mode. ‘Madeline…’ He undid the watch from his wrist, handed it to me. ‘It’s not exactly feminine, but put this on. You are aware of its primary function, so if and when you’re picked up, make sure you get it close to the guy so you know he’s actually alien. The last thing we need is you going off with someone whose only desire is his own pleasure.’
‘Thanks, sir.’ I slipped the watch onto my wrist, felt his hand on my arm. ‘And please take care of it… the damn thing cost more than your BMW!’
Coop handed me a tiny chrome earpiece. ‘And wear this too. While you’re on the street we’ll be able to communicate, and hear everything that goes on. But once you’s taken you’ll have to lose it before you get to wherever they’re hiding, otherwise they’ll find it.’
My throat went dry. Taken. That sounded a bit final.
Scott pulled out another watch from his desk drawer, glanced at it. ‘Ok people, we’re done. Five hours until kick off.’ He nodded to Zana and me. ‘You two, get yourselves back to the apartment, find something to eat and try to relax for a while, although I realize that won’t be easy. Coop will pick you both up at eight-thirty. Madeline, have you got any, um… suitable clothes?’
I remembered a nullification I’d made three years ago, when I’d played a flirty slapper who’d made her mark believe he was about to go to heaven, but ended up in hell instead. ‘Yes sir, I can find something suitable.’
The drive to my apartment was a pretty silent one. And a pretty surreal one. Zana was wearing her wig, I was matching her blondeness in mine… we looked like country-singing sisters heading to a gig.
Except that neither of us felt much like singing Hard Candy Christmas from The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. And we certainly weren’t fine and dandy.
I fixed us some pesto chicken pasta, feeling the frustration building as I worked away in the kitchen. Zana took off her wig and sat on the sofa, flicking channels on the TV, looking like she’d rather be in the dentist’s chair than anywhere near me.
I knew she was hurting, scared to death about what was to come. How do you think I feel, Zana? Can you not see that right now I need you close, helping me find the strength and the reasons to walk willingly into a Calanduran hell?
Clearly she couldn’t. But I could feel the anger building inside me, a pressure-cooker of fear and confusion that didn’t seem to have a safety valve.
I had to find one, release the boiling steam before it was too late.
‘Food’s ready.’
I dropped two plates onto the breakfast bar, watched her sit down on the stool opposite me, her head bowed, spearing her fork into a pasta twist without even a word of thanks.
Don’t let it get to you. She’s petrified, you know that.
‘You ok?’
‘Sure.’ Not even a glance up.
Enough is enough.
I’ll never be the old me again, that much was certain. But when your heart is breaking into a million pieces and your head wants to implode with anger and frustration, sometimes a remnant of the girl you once were raises its ugly head.
I didn’t explode, didn’t even raise my voice.
I just said something I knew would get a bad reaction.
‘Zana, I’ve been worrying about someone ever since I escaped Tiri’s shuttle. What happened to Lisa after I was gone? I hope she was ok?’
Chapter 156
She shook her head slowly from side to side. Still she wouldn’t look at me.
‘I was wondering when yo
u’d bring her name into it.’
‘Her name? Lisa risked her life to help me escape, remember?’
‘I wonder why.’
You know exactly why, Zana. But maybe now was the time to ram it home, force her to confront her demons. No matter what the consequences.
‘Because she liked me. Liked me a lot. And I liked her a lot too.’
She laughed. An evil, sarcastic laugh, that turned my blood cold. ‘That much was obvious.’
‘Yeah… but you know what? People who sneak around spying on others like perverted voyeurs often get to see things they shouldn’t.’
That made her look up. Cold eyes pierced her painful recall straight to my heart. The words were hissed out. ‘You bitch. I risked everything to go halfway around the world to find you, tell you I was alive… and when I did I discovered you’d moved on, forgotten all about me.’
Wrong thing to say, Zana. The kind of thing to fire up the old me, force it to overpower the new one. I stood up, dropped my hands onto the bar top and leaned over her. I wanted to scream the words, but somehow they came out as an angry whisper.
‘I thought you were dead.’
Her eyes started to mist up, and I knew exactly what was coming next. She held my stare, didn’t blink. ‘Four weeks, Madeline. Four weeks after I died, and you were fucking someone else. And loving it, from what I saw.’
My hands began to shake, a furious anger at the truth of her words doing its best to force me into something we would never recover from. I turned away from her, walked a few steps away, clenching my fists in a desperate attempt to dissipate the tension.
‘Maybe you don’t know how humans deal with grief, Zana. Some people never get over it, some manage to find closure and move on. You know what I did? I drank myself almost to death… became a total waste of space and a liability to my dad and Tami. Because of you. So yeah, four weeks is a pathetically short time, but guess what? Lisa threw me a lifeline, and I grabbed it with both hands… because if I hadn’t, fuck knows what would have happened.’
Even from fifteen feet away I could see the angry flames in her eyes. And the hand gripping her fork so hard it was almost bending in two. She let me have both barrels, the words screamed out.
‘That wasn’t the only thing you grabbed with both hands, was it? Do you love her?’
I guess I shouldn’t have replied. I sure as hell shouldn’t have lied.
‘Yeah… maybe I do.’
The plate of pesto pasta flew at me, slung with such force it hit the fridge freezer door next to my head and shattered into a hundred pieces. She marched over to me, stuck her face right next to mine.
‘Well, thanks for finally having the courage to tell me.’
The desolate anger in her eyes turned me into a statue. I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. It was a look I’d never seen before. But then she turned, walked away.
Don’t walk away from me, Zana.
I grabbed her, shoved her against the wall, hands I didn’t own gripping her upper arms, filling her with fear. ‘Are you so full of hatred you can’t even see when I’m lying, Zana?’
She lowered her eyes. ‘Get your filthy hands off me.’
I couldn’t; they weren’t doing anything I told them to. ‘I don’t love Lisa. How the fuck could I? I love you… even if you hate me now.’
‘I don’t hate you.’
Finally I loosened my grip, turned away. ‘You’re doing a pretty good impression of it.’
It was her turn to spin me around. ‘Am I? So now you’re the one who can’t see the truth?’
‘What truth, Zana? I don’t know what the truth is anymore.’
Her head lowered. She sucked in a deep faltering breath, and I watched the tears roll down her cheeks. ‘The truth is Madeline, I don’t know how to trust you now. I want to, but I can’t find the way back. I’m not sure I ever will…’
Her words broke me in two. In a millisecond the old me was gone, buried forever. Suddenly I was a rag doll, with hands and feet made of lead. I managed to find a few words, inanely repeating myself.
‘I thought you were dead.’
‘I know you did.’
‘And as for Lisa, she was… was my lighthouse. I was out there on a stormy sea, about to drown, all hope gone. And then I saw the light that saved my life. She saved me, Zana. And even though she was only doing what she’d been ordered to, if it hadn’t been for her I might not be here fighting with you now. Can you understand that?’
She nodded, wouldn’t or couldn’t speak. I reached for her hand, she pulled it away. ‘Please don’t touch me, Madeline.’
Please don’t say that, Zana.
She looked up to me, sad eyes giving away her unstoppable torment, and then turned away. ‘I wish to be alone now.’
I stood motionless, helplessly watching as she walked to the bedroom door and closed it behind her.
And I was alone.
I slumped onto the sofa, closed my eyes in a vain attempt to rid my mind of the image of Zana walking away. All the life seemed to have drained out of me. Somehow, watching the door close behind her, it felt like endgame. My pathetic and desperate antics in Tobago were to blame, I couldn’t deny that, even if there were mitigating circumstances.
But even there, Tiri had played her cards to perfection. She’d been the one who’d sent Lisa to seduce me, knowing full well if it came to it she could use that to drive a wedge between Zana and me. She’d been the one who’d driven it in further, by vastly exaggerating what had gone on between me and her.
And yes Tiri, you’re more than smart enough to know that having instilled that doubt in Zana, the less-than-patient side of me would ensure I was the one who blundered her way to ending our love once and for all.
You may have won, my queen, but your victory will be short-lived. You’ve taken away the most precious thing in my life, but in doing that you’ve signed your own death warrant.
Because I’m now more determined than ever to destroy you and everything you stand for.
I glanced at Scott’s watch. Two hours until Coop would arrive. I picked a couple of bits of pesto chicken out of the blonde wig, decided me and it needed a shower. It was real hair, and Sharon had said I could treat it like my own.
For a moment I listened outside the bedroom door. There was no sound from inside the room. I closed my eyes to ward off more tears. Zana was likely on the bed, breaking her heart.
I really needed that shower, right away.
The warm water cascaded over my skin, made me shudder for a moment, but then began to soothe me. I closed my eyes, lifted my head and allowed the stream to pummel my face. It helped ward off the tears, drown me in real water instead.
My eyes were still closed when I heard the shower door wrenched open. I cried out, forcing my eyes to focus through the water. Zana stood there, naked, her breasts rising and falling as she sucked in deep breaths through her open mouth, her eyes a blaze of fiery green.
Oh hell. What have I done?
Chapter 157
She came at me before I had chance to react, rough hands pushing me into the grey tiles of the shower wall, then grabbing the back of my neck. She thrust her body against mine, giving me no escape. I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak.
Then again, it’s hard to say anything when someone else’s tongue is in your mouth.
Ferociously she kissed me, overwhelming me with her full lips, blasting her passion into me like a ballistic missile. Her hands slid down my sides, grasped my butt in an iron grip, forced me even tighter against her.
Then upwards again, never still, clenching and unclenching around every curve of me, fingernails grazing my skin, spearing beautiful pain into me, pummeling me like a Russian masseuse.
Still she wouldn’t let me breathe, still her relentless lips ate mine, dominating me, crushing me into a willing slave. Her fingers drifted around my face, feeling every contour, teasing every sense of me. I think I found movement, wrapped my hands around her tiny waist.
> Such was the perfect storm of her, I couldn’t really tell.
Then her lips broke free of mine, she gasped out the breath she’d sucked from me, drew in a fresh one through an open mouth. She looked as shocked as I was about what just happened, her lips quivering, her beautiful eyes never leaving mine, flaming strobes of neon green straight into my heart.
‘You’d better make me come, blondie,’ she gasped breathlessly.
‘But I thought…’
‘Stop thinking, and get on the floor.’
I didn’t have much choice, even if I’d wanted one. Hands with a grip of steel grasped me just below my butt, pulled me away from the wall, and together we sank onto the shower tray. In truth, maybe the best thing for me right then, her ceaseless attack of passion turning my legs to useless jelly.
She sat astride my wasted legs, lifted my head, and her lips met mine again, firing up my stunned consciousness, pulsing waves of pure love right to where it mattered. As her relentless kisses devoured me, hands I didn’t own clenched around her perfect breasts, teased nipples as hard as rock even harder.
‘Time to make it count, Madeline…’
She lifted herself to her knees, pushed my shoulders down so I half-sat, half lay with my upper back against the wall, like a discarded rag doll.
I was at her mercy, her all-too-willing submissive, unable to do anything but please her, filled with an overpowering joy because that was exactly what she wanted me to do. For a few seconds she was motionless, looking down on her captive, her body tensing and un-tensing as she sucked in deep breaths, allowing her anticipation of what was about to happen build higher and higher, until she could bear it no longer.
I gazed up to her, eyes filled with tears of joy and confusion, meeting her gaze, matching her passion and her silent, motionless ecstasy. The shower water cascaded over her skin, accentuating the red dapples, making them sparkle like jewels. She was a spectre of glowing, vibrant light, filling my awestruck vision, filling every sense I possessed with pure, unstoppable love.