by Deb Rotuno
I knew she could, but I couldn’t stop now that I’d started. “I tried to go back, but I was too weak and the car was sinking so fast. Tyler stopped me, said I’d get sucked under. I fought him, and I tried anyway, but…I…I’d lost too much blood.”
“Blood? I thought you said…”
“The window, the glass shattered, but…the tint held it together, so the shards cut me when I pulled Tyler out.” I instinctively reached to touch my side, but Dani’s hand covered mine.
“You’re lucky to be here,” she said softly, squeezing my hand that was still flat along my ribcage.
“That’s what your dad said,” I whispered back, shaking my head. “We…we were lucky that someone was behind us. They called for help, but I don’t remember that. I…I woke up like two days later in the hospital.” I reluctantly pushed away from her a bit. “I…can’t face water…I can’t…really drive in the rain. And…my brother couldn’t play sports again because he…he’d taken his seat belt off, so his knee shattered into the dashboard.”
I simply stared at her. With tears coursing down her face and her warm gaze my way, she was still the prettiest thing I’d ever seen. Reaching up, I gently swiped away her tears with my thumbs.
“You were so brave.” She took my hands in hers again but frowned when I started shaking my head.
“No, not at all. It was…All of it was my fault. My…report, the car ride, teasing Tyler…Not helping my m-m-mom. Every bit of it.”
“No! Evan, baby, stop! It’s not your fault. You…You…You were twelve. Just twelve. A little boy. Nothing about that night was your fault. You have any idea how many last-second homework dashes to the store my parents have had to do? Imagine Wes! Homework? Are you kidding?” she asked, though her voice raised an octave.
I cracked a smile but shook my head again. “Everyone…They told me. She…she drowned. I could’ve at least tried!”
“Who? Who would tell a little boy who’d just lost his mother that it was his fault? Who would be cold enough to do that?” she practically growled those questions at me, her blue eyes fierce and protective.
“My dad.”
Dani froze, her face paling as she studied me, and I turned away from her. “He didn’t,” she argued in a whisper.
“He did. From the moment I woke up in the hospital.”
I wasn’t going to tell her this part, but she already knew we didn’t get along, so she might as well know why. She might as well know everything, even the reason I left Montana and moved all the way down to the Sunshine State. She needed to know my father blamed my mother’s death on me, that he used any excuse to tell me, even to this day.
I started shaking my head because I could see it, smell it, hear it all plain as day. I was nineteen, but it didn’t take much to make me feel the pain, the fear, the guilt as if it were yesterday.
Beeping and whispers caught my attention, bringing me around slowly. I felt heavy and cold. I also felt pain everywhere.
“Big brother?” I heard beside me, and I blinked over to see Faith. “You awake, Evan?”
“Yeah,” I rasped, squeezing my eyes closed. “What…Where’s…”
“Hold on! I’ll go get Daddy!” she whisper-yelled, and she hopped down from the chair and out the door.
Gazing around, I could see I was in a hospital room. I was in the bed by the door, and to my right was another bed, but it was empty. The door pushed open, and my dad walked in, wearing scrubs and his white coat. His face was blotchy, red, his mouth set in a thin line. He was pissed.
He didn’t say a word as he picked up my chart, checked my pulse, and flashed a light in my eyes. Even when he pulled down the covers of the bed and lifted the gown I was wearing, he didn’t speak.
Looking down at the bandages once he revealed them, everything rushed back at me. Tears pooled in my eyes, and I flinched when he pulled the wrap and gauze away. When I looked down, the sight made me sick. I looked like I’d been clawed by a tiger or something—long, crooked, angry cuts raked down my side from just beneath my armpit to just above the waistband of my underwear. They hurt, but how I got them hurt more.
“Dad?” I hiccupped through a sniffle.
Without looking at me, he said, “You have a hundred and twenty-two stitches. You might want to keep that in mind before you start to move, hmm?” I nodded, but he wasn’t looking my way. “They’ll still probably scar, but…” He shrugged a shoulder. “Your brother’s in surgery; they’re repairing his knee.”
“Dad?” I called again, and he looked at me.
“What, son?” he answered firmly. His gaze raked over my face, but then he looked down at my chart.
“What…Mom?”
“Your mother?” he snapped, glaring my way. “Your mother’s dead, Evan. I’m pretty sure you knew that.”
I turned away from him, a sob escaping me. “Sh-Sh-She said…Sh-She told me t-to get Tyler. Sh-She said she was coming!”
His nostrils flared, his eyes dark as he braced a hand on my bedrail. “Well, she didn’t. Had she died on impact, her lungs wouldn’t have been full of water. She drowned, Evan. You let your mother drown.”
“No, no, no! Dad, I did…I did what she said. I…I…I tried to go back, but everything went black. The car, it…”
“All this…” he spat, sneering at me. “All this over a goddamn book report.”
“Th-Th-There was…a…a…dog, Dad! I swear…I tried!”
He huffed a derisive laugh, shaking his head slowly. “You tried?” He laughed again, and it was scary and mean. He’d always been strict but never mean. “You failed, son,” he practically sang my way. “You failed, taking away my wife, your mother, and you’ll be lucky if your brother can walk. What the hell was he doing with his seat belt off?”
“He…he took it off!”
“Tyler wouldn’t do that. He knows better.”
I’d never argued with my dad before, and I could barely breathe, much less argue with him now.
“Fucking book report…” he spat out into the room with a slow shake of his head. “That better be one helluva damn report. You’d better get an A on it, no matter how late it is. In fact, you’re so worried about your grades, son, you’d better be the perfect student from this moment on…or face the consequences.”
Both of us looked up when Faith stepped back into the room, and her gaze landed on me. She barely batted an eye, crawling up on the bed to hug me.
“Faith,” he sighed impatiently. “Your brother needs his rest.”
My fierce, very small baby sister glared his way. “He’s crying! He needs hugs! Mom would hug him!” she stated, and I could see she meant it and wasn’t going to back down.
He glared at her but merely sniffed. “Make sure he doesn’t rip those stitches.”
She nodded, looking to me. “I’ll take care of you, big brother. Tyler too.”
“Evan, Evan, Evan…Look at me,” Dani whispered against my forehead. She’d moved at some point and was standing between my legs. Her arms were practically holding me together. Placing her hands on either side of my face, she tilted my face up. “Look at me.”
“I’m—”
Her fingers covered my lips. “Oh, my fucking God…If you apologize…”
I frowned beneath her soft fingers, my gaze raking over her tear-stained face.
“What…” Dani started, but then she stopped.
“Ask me anything, Dani,” I said, pulling her fingers away from my lips. “Go ahead.”
She pursed her lips together, her nostrils flaring a bit, but she leaned to kiss my forehead. “What…What were those consequences, Evan? Over your grades?”
Shrugging, I looked down at her hand in mine. “Oh, umm, different stuff—chores, like chopping wood or yard work or cleaning the attic. We weren’t done until there were blisters. He’d, umm…ground us from TV and video games or make us go to bed without dinner, which rarely happened because he worked nights, so we’d eat anyway. Once we were old enough, he’d take away our ca
rs.”
“Did he hit you?” she asked in a whisper.
“No, my dad hasn’t laid a hand on me since before Mom died.”
“You say we. He punished all of you?”
“For grades, yes. We all had to be honor-roll students.” I reached up and captured her tears again. “Please don’t cry. You’re way too pretty to cry,” I begged softly, and my fingers trailed across the color that bloomed in her cheeks. “He didn’t beat us, if that’s what you’re asking. If he gets mad enough, he yells, throws stuff. He pretty much ignores Faith, which I envied for years. He thinks I ruined Tyler’s chances at baseball, but my brother doesn’t care. He’s going to UM to be an architect. The older we got, the harder it was for him to punish us because we all make good grades.”
“Why do I think he specifically picked on you?” she asked.
“He did. I told you…I was different than my siblings, Dani. I’d rather read or write than go to the movies with the kids from school, especially those kids back home. The town is so small, they all heard about the accident, so it went from curiosity to picking on me when I didn’t talk about it. I rarely talked to anyone but Tyler and Faith. I wouldn’t go to the lake like the rest of them, and soon everyone figured out why, including Dad, which he had no patience for, mind you. My father thought I needed to be more social…or really, keep up appearances, so he’d get pissed when I’d stay home from parties or prom, which resulted in more chores or the car being taken away.”
“That’s why you told Faith you were okay with him selling it.”
“Oh, yeah. He wouldn’t let me bring it because he didn’t want me here. He tells his friends it’s because the insurance would be too much. But he’s held it over my head since I was sixteen.” Smiling sadly, I looked up at her. “I’m not stupid, Dani. I’m aware that the sight of me reminds him of her, that he needed to place blame somewhere. I learned a long time ago that if I shut up, stayed out of sight, no one—not even my dad—could get to me. Though, that can set him off too.”
“It’s unfair and so wrong that he blames you. He’s the grown-up. You’re the kid. Hell, he could’ve even blamed your mom for not watching the road.”
Nodding, I sighed deeply, feeling exhausted. “I know, but he does. Sometimes it’s easier to believe he’s right.”
“No,” she stated firmly, almost angrily. “No, he’s not right. And I think he’s hurt you…”
“Broken dishes and cups of coffee didn’t hurt me, Dani. Insults and constant reminders can’t hurt me anymore either.”
“I can see that they do. You’re shaking, baby,” she said through a thick, emotion-filled voice, cupping my face. “Why?”
“You…You’re the first person I’ve ever told anything to,” I admitted softly. “I wanted to be honest with you because you’ve become so important to me, but I’m scared you can’t…That you won’t…” I grimaced. “I’m not normal, Dani. I don’t like parties or crowds. I can’t go to the beach like everyone. I’m not…” I huffed a humorless laugh. “I don’t even have a car, and…The panic attacks may never—”
“What did I tell you when you started this story, Evan?” she asked, squishing my face a little to stop my rambling. “I told you I wasn’t going anywhere.” She eyed me for a moment, her lips in a tight line, but I could see she meant it. “I want you to come home with me tonight. Let me take care of you. I promised you all night, and I intend to make good on that. We’ll stop by the dorms for your clothes. I’ll feed you, you can stay in the guest room, and we’ll ride to school together in the morning. Please…”
I smiled a little, shaking my head. “I haven’t scared you away yet?”
“Never. I may hold on a bit tighter.” She smiled up at me when I stood in front of her.
When she wrapped her arms around me, I pressed my nose to her hair, whispering, “I may get used to it.”
“Good! You need spoiling!” she huffed but grinned at my chuckle. “C’mon…I think Aunt Tessa was making beef stew tonight.”
She linked our fingers together.
Suddenly, the idea of going to her house instead of my dorm room sounded like the best thing I’d heard in ages.
Chapter Nine
Dani
“YOU EAT AS MUCH as you want, sweet pea,” Mom crooned to Evan, who was on his second bowl of beef stew. She patted him on the shoulder before taking the seat next to him.
Despite the late hour, my family was still up. Wes was watching TV in the living room, Dad was grading papers in the library, and my mother and Aunt Tessa had been cleaning up the kitchen when I’d walked in with Evan in tow. Not one of them batted an eye when I told them he was taking the guest room for the night; they simply heated up dinner for us and sat us down at the table.
Looking at Evan right then, you’d never know all the shit, the hailstorm of hurt and heartache he’d been through. He never showed it. Before I got to know him, talked to him the first time, I thought it was aloofness, but it wasn’t. It was the walls he’d put into place to keep from being hurt, picked on, and it kept him from having to explain himself. As I looked at him sitting across from me, smiling at my mother and aunt fawning over him, I could see he had the ability to shut off the parts of him that had been battered and bruised.
I’d never, ever considered myself a violent person, but as I watched the sweet, beautiful man in front of me, a long list of twisted, vile acts flickered through my head, things I wanted to do to his dad. They ranged from instant gratification to slow, meticulous torture. Shaking my head, I stood from the table.
“I’ll be right back,” I told Evan but locked gazes with my mother. “I need to ask Dad a question before we head upstairs.”
“Sure, baby.”
I stepped out of the kitchen and into the living room, where Wes glanced away from the TV. Closing my eyes, I inhaled deeply through my nose, letting it out slowly through my lips.
“That bad?” Wes whispered, turning away from the show he was watching.
I could only nod.
“Everything okay with you two?”
I nodded again. I wanted to shout to the world and back how I felt about Evan, but it wouldn’t be today. Finally opening my eyes, I could see my cousin’s concern. I teased him—hell, we teased the shit out of each other—but deep down, Wes was a good guy. He was calm and mellow, and he was loyal and kind. He was more a brother to me than a cousin. And at that moment, I could see he was about five seconds from asking whose ass he needed to kick.
Pushing away from the wall, I breathed deeply again, making my way down the hall to the library. Dad’s head shot up when I not only stormed into the room but slammed the door behind me. Rushing to him, I fell into his arms.
“Dani?” he whispered, shifting enough so he could hold me. “What happened?”
Tears filled my eyes, and my heart hurt for the boy in the kitchen, but it made me grateful for what I had, where I’d come from, and it made me grateful for my small, loving family. We were loud and crazy, but we’d never hurt each other. That was family. Not that poor fucking excuse for a father Evan had.
I pushed back from my dad just enough to kiss his cheek, and then I sat down on the edge of his desk. Wiping away my tears with the back of my hand, I met his worried gaze.
“Evan…” I shook my head. “He…He could’ve died!”
“Ah, so he told you about his mother?” Dad verified, and I nodded. “I get the feeling there’s more to it…” He tilted his head at me as he reached up to cup my face.
“His father blames him, Daddy!” I hissed in a whisper. I wanted to yell, rage against the unfairness of it all, but no good would come of it, except to upset Evan. That I wouldn’t have. He’d suffered enough. “He told him that wreck was his fault. Who…who does that?”
My dad’s face went from calm to dark in the blink of an eye. “Who does indeed?” he asked grimly. “Is the boy okay?”
“Yeah, he’s getting loved on by Mom and Aunt Tessa in the kitchen.”
&nbs
p; Dad grinned. “I’m sure he is, but that’s not what I meant, baby girl. I mean…is there a problem at home?”
I nodded. “I think there was, but he came here because it was as far away as he could get.”
He nodded, rubbing his temple. “Good.” Dad’s lips twitched a little. “You like him.”
My brow furrowed. “I do. So much, Dad. He’s…so sweet, gentle, and kind, despite what he’s been through, and…”
“He’s a good boy. And anyone who can put pen to paper like he does isn’t an idiot,” Dad agreed with a nod. “Not to mention…well, he’s pretty smitten with you too, Dani.”
My face heated, and I grinned stupidly. “I want to…lock him up and spoil him rotten and show him this house is what family is, not where he came from, but…I also want to kiss him stupid because I’m falling for him hard.”
Dad squeezed his eyes closed and shook his head. “My heart, Dani. If you do, just…let me stay blissfully ignorant, okay?”
Giggling, I kissed his bearded cheek. “Love you, Daddy.”
“You’re killin’ me, kid.” He stood and moved in front of me and cupped my face again, dropping a heavy kiss to my forehead. “You are your mother made over. All heart, all honesty, and all goodness, Dani. But you’re smart as a damn whip too. I have faith that you know what’s right, what’s love, and what’s not. I’ve always trusted your instincts on people. You and Wes are pretty sharp about reading bullshit. And when you both rave about the boy, then I know he’s worthy.”
Smiling, I nodded. “I’m keeping him, Dad!”
Dad cracked up. “Fine, then we keep him.” He shot me a wink. “What’s one more kid running around here?”
I slipped down from his desk and started for the door.
“Hey, kiddo,” Dad called, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his pants. His face was concerned when he met my eyes. “What will you do when Evan has to go home for the holidays?”
I scowled, frowning down at the floor. “I don’t know.” I looked up at him again. “I can’t let anyone hurt him. He’s too good.”