by Deb Rotuno
“Yes, ma’am,” we all answered her quietly.
“You ever gonna write another book, Mom?” Tyler asked her.
“No, probably not. I enjoy teaching, but more importantly…I wanted children. You guys. Being a mother was all I wanted, more than anything. More than writing or teaching or even money. I wanted you guys.”
I grinned at her, but it was Faith who piped up with a question I hadn’t considered. “And Daddy?”
My mother smiled, and I wanted to say it was a sad smile, but she kissed Faith’s forehead. “I had to convince your father about children, sweet girl. He and his own father didn’t get along very well, so he wasn’t too sure, but he’d give me anything, so he gave me you guys. I couldn’t ask for a better present.”
I snapped awake, and the drone of the plane seemed loud in my ears. Rubbing my face, I wasn’t surprised that I was dreaming about my mother. It had been a long time, but I remembered that conversation. Though, now I saw it in a completely different light. I saw what she hadn’t said.
“Ladies and gentlemen, we’re approaching Bozeman Yellowstone International Airport. The high today is a chilly thirty-eight degrees, and there’s a chance of snow later on tonight.”
Glancing out the window with a sigh, I ached for the Florida weather I’d grown to love. When I left, it was a gorgeous sixty-something and the sky was as clear and blue as I’d ever seen it. I also ached for Dani. Her tears had just about brought me to my knees. Her proclamations of love had almost broken me, because all I wanted was to stay. Turning away from her had taken every fucking ounce of strength I had in me, and I’d had to shut down a part of myself in order to board this damn plane.
Frowning at it all, I adjusted my seat belt, stowed my laptop, and put my tray up. It had been a long damn flight, with layovers in Atlanta and Salt Lake City, but at least I’d slept through most of it, which didn’t surprise me any. I’d stayed up most of the night before, just holding Dani. I’d wanted so badly to make love to her like she’d wanted, but had I done that, hell itself couldn’t have removed me from the Bishop home. Instead, I’d held her close, whispered to her over and over that I loved her, that she’d made me a better person, giving me back myself—something I’d thought had drowned with my mother. I’d pressed light kisses to her forehead, playing with her hair in order to keep her relaxed.
As the flight attendants helped everyone disembark, a sense of dread washed over me. I wasn’t sure who I’d be meeting. All my father had said when I’d called him the night before was that “someone” would be there. Rolling my eyes, I stood and shouldered my backpack. I followed the masses down to get my luggage, but it was who was waiting for me that made me smile.
“Big brother!” Faith squealed, dodging a few people and hitting me like a brick wall.
Chuckling, I hugged her tight. “I missed you.”
She pulled back, and I eyed her from head to toe—no makeup, her hair was up haphazardly in a long, dark ponytail, but at least she had her phone and car keys. She looked okay, just as strong and belligerent as always.
“Don’t judge me; you’re not the only one on break.”
I laughed. “No judging. Promise.”
Turning a bit, I watched for my bag and picked it up when it came by, pulling out my phone once I set it down at my feet. Faith waited patiently, twirling her keys, but I paused just long enough to call Dani.
“Evan!”
“Hey, pretty girl. I landed okay,” I told her, my eyes closing at the sniffles I could hear as clear as a bell, despite the fact that she was across the country, but it was that honest, adorable rambling that made me grin like an idiot.
“Evan, baby…I got your journal, and you’re just about the sweetest…I love you too. So much, and you left our book! What…How are you gonna read to me? I’m not doing all the reading! And I fucking miss you like crazy already.”
I started to chuckle and couldn’t stop. God, I missed that shit already. “Dani, slow down. I have a copy at my house. Just…relax. And I meant every word. I promise.”
“Okay,” she sighed. “Who picked you up?”
“My sister.”
“Hi, Dani!” Faith squealed.
Dani laughed. “Okay, good. Tell her I said hi, and you call me later. We’ll read.”
“Yes, ma’am, but it might be late.”
“I don’t care how late it is.”
“Okay,” I sighed deeply.
“Love you.”
“Love you too,” I said and ended the call, but I flinched when a small fist landed hard on my arm. “Ow! Rylee Faith, what the hell?”
“You’re an idiot!”
“Why?” I asked, rubbing my bicep and glaring down at her.
“Because you were happy and you came back here anyway!”
“Yeah, well, I wasn’t going to leave you alone with Dad at Christmas.”
She tsked at me, rolling her eyes and folding her arms across her chest. “I can handle Dad, Evan.”
Glaring at her, I shook my head slowly. “You shouldn’t have to, and I’ve talked to Tyler…I know all about Thanksgiving.”
She grimaced, reaching for my hand. “C’mon. We’ll talk about it in the car.”
Faith’s car was parked in the garage, and we loaded up in silence. I put my bags in the back seat before practically falling into the passenger seat.
“You hungry? ’Cause if you are, we should stop now. The diner will be closed by the time we get back home.” If my dad had booked the flight to land in Missoula or even Helena, it wouldn’t have been, but he’d gone the cheapest route—to no one’s surprise—which just also happened to be the farthest from Key Lake.
“I had something to eat when I had my layover, but yeah, we can stop.”
Faith didn’t talk about anything in the car as she drove away from the airport. However, once she pulled into the restaurant just outside the city and we were seated, I raised an eyebrow at her.
“You gonna tell me?”
She grimaced but fidgeted with the straw wrapper from her drink. “I’m sorry! I didn’t…I didn’t mean for Thanksgiving to get out of hand. I didn’t mean for Dad to find out about Dani, and I didn’t want to tell him I applied to Edgewater until I knew for sure I was in…which I am.” She wrinkled her nose.
I smirked her way. “Congrats, Faith. So he knows?”
“That I applied, not that I’ve been accepted.”
I hummed, nodding a little. “And don’t beat yourself up about Dani. He knew. He’s known for a while now; he just didn’t say it.”
She raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
I explained the phone call I’d had with Dad the day I’d told him I wasn’t coming for Thanksgiving, how he’d baited me, goaded me, but that I hadn’t given in.
“Fuck. The phone bill,” she surmised in a whisper, frowning down at her hands when I nodded. “Shit…I’m so stupid. I fell into that trap.”
Snorting, I shook my head. “He’d have found some other way to mess with you, Faith. That shit is aimed at me…and Tyler.”
Faith groaned. “Jesus, big brother, you should’ve seen that whole thing. Jasmine don’t play, for real! Dad was so rude—when he was around—and she merely smiled his way. When Dad called her Tyler’s whore, I thought Ty would kill him right there on the spot. Honestly. He told Dad he could go fuck himself, that had it been him in the car instead of Mom, he’d have let the car sink. Tyler told him he couldn’t control us anymore. He also told Dad that if he so much as looks at you cross-eyed while you’re here for Christmas, he’ll personally put him in the ground in the middle of the woods where no one would find him, not that anyone would fucking miss him.”
Squeezing my eyes closed, I shook my head. “Ah, Christ…”
“Why does he hate us?” she asked in a whisper.
“I don’t think he ever wanted us,” I answered honestly, remembering the dream I’d had on the plane. “I think he allowed Mom to get pregnant because she wanted us. Which makes
sense why he blames me, I guess.” I shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t know, Faith, and I don’t care. He’s been abusive and foul our whole lives, even before Mom died. This…I’m…I’m with Tyler on this. I can’t…This is my last trip back, I think.” I met my sister’s sad hazel eyes. “I don’t need him. He can threaten and take away shit, but I don’t need him. I’m…I came here for you. I came to make sure you were okay and to make sure he lays off you until summer.”
“Spring,” she corrected with an evil smirk as the food was set down in front of us. “I’m trying to get Dad to let me come see you for spring break.”
Grinning as I picked up my fork, I shook my head. “Good luck with that. Trust me, once you tell him you’re going to school with me, he’ll be sure to make your life miserable until you leave. Look what he did just before I left…My car, my school funding—all of it was held over my head. He’ll tell you that you can’t have both. Watch.” I pointed the fork her way, raising an eyebrow at her.
She laughed and shook her head. “You’re probably right. As long as I can get to you, I’m good. I can live without spring break. And Tyler and Jasmine said they’d help me move in.”
I raked a hand through my hair. “So…all of you are coming to Florida?”
She laughed. “Yup!” Her laugh and smile faded quickly. “Jasmine’s family is pretty great. They’re sending her and Ty to Florida to visit you for the summer, so they’re helping me move into the dorms or whatever.”
Something about that made me very happy, but it also sent warning signals off in my head. “You know, Dad’s just gonna flip the fuck out over all of this. It worries me to leave you until the summer, and we aren’t even at the house yet.”
She scoffed, shaking her head. “I got this. Trust me. He’s…He barely speaks to me, Evan, so when I need something—like my car back to pick you up and the phone just in case and whatever—he gives in simply so he doesn’t have to deal with it.” She snorted a little. “He blew up and took away my makeup, but he doesn’t know me…I had spare stuff in my locker at school. I just dressed there. He pays no attention and is barely home.”
“Lucky you.”
I ate a few bites in silence, thinking she was probably right. Dad had always avoided her, so instead of enforcing the punishment with her, he’d simply give in to get her out of his face. And Faith had grown up learning that shit like the back of her hand. She was quick, she was smart, and she’d watched everything inside that house since our mother died. I just hoped stuff didn’t escalate between my heading back to school and the summer when she left for Edgewater.
“Speaking of lucky…I wanna see your Library Girl,” Faith segued beautifully, wearing the begging face I could never resist.
Laughing, I touched my phone and opened up the pictures, sliding it across the table.
“Oh, God, big brother,” she whispered, scrolling through the innumerable amount of pictures I had of Dani, of Dani and myself, not to mention all my friends and people I now considered family. “She’s gorgeous.”
“I know, right?” I grinned proudly, shrugging a shoulder when my sister laughed at me. “She’s amazing, Faith.”
“And she loves you.”
“For some reason, yeah.”
Faith sighed, rolling her eyes. “I bet if I asked her, she’d give me a thousand reasons.”
Laughing, I shrugged again. “Probably.” When my sister held up another picture, I pointed to everyone. “That’s Dani’s parents, Leanne and Daniel. That’s her Aunt Tessa, who is hilarious, and Dani’s cousin and my boss, Wes.”
Faith’s eyebrows shot up. “He’s hot.”
“He’s great. He’s my boss, but…he’s like my best friend down there.”
She frowned, pushing my phone back to me. “You should’ve stayed.”
“Maybe, but had I not come, Dad would’ve been worse. Let him think I’m doing what he wants, and it’s over.”
“You know…Mom would be pissed at how he’s become,” Faith said softly. “Don’t you think?”
I sighed, setting my fork down and nodding as I reached for my wallet to pay the bill. “Yeah, definitely.”
As we got back into the car, Faith looked over at me. “Hey, big brother…Can…Can we do Christmas like back when Mom was with us?”
Smiling over at her, I studied her face. “You want the tree, stockings, carols, dinner, and everything?” When she nodded, I asked, “What about Dad?”
She chuckled, starting the car. “Let’s hope he’s working.”
Dad was home when we pulled into the driveway. Faith and I had chatted throughout the entire ride home, catching each other up on the little stuff. I told her how things were at school, at the coffee shop, and with Dani, and she told me all about how Key Lake never fucking changed. I’d asked her about the boy she went out with occasionally, Ron. She’d laughed, shaking her head, and told me he wasn’t the asshole everyone thought he was, that they’d become good friends, just friends. According to Faith, Ron’s dad, Dr. Lowe, was just as pleasant to his son as our father was to us, so they compared notes, not to mention used each other to avoid said fathers.
Dad’s black Mercedes sat silently in the driveway like a warning beacon. My stomach knotted, but I took a deep breath, preparing myself for whatever mood he happened to be in. Sadly, my BMW was nowhere to be seen; he’d really gotten rid of it.
The sleek lines and stark angles of the house were shocking in comparison to the Bishop home back in Glenhaven. Dani’s house radiated warmth and laughter and love. In fact, I couldn’t think of a time I took the front steps where laughter didn’t hit my ears as I reached for the door. But my house, this house in front of me, it was cold. It stood there surrounded by trees and manicured lawns like a tombstone in a cemetery. I felt nothing for this place but dread and hopeless, endless grief for my mother.
Tyler was right in his thinking…After this Christmas break, I’d most likely never come back here.
With that last thought, I got out of the car and grabbed my bags out of the back seat. I wanted to get seeing Dad over with so I could call Dani from the privacy of my room. I missed my girl too much already. I missed the pure, unadulterated love and happiness that floated around her like an angel’s halo. Hell, I missed all of them—Wes’s easygoing laugh, Leanne’s hugs, Susan’s teasing, Aunt Tessa’s sarcasm, and Daniel. I missed Dani’s father for his calming personality, for the fact that he’d never, ever said an unkind word to me, only praise, only good things—both in and out of the classroom. He was, in all aspects, the complete and total opposite of my own father.
As I stepped in through the front door, it finally hit me that Daniel was exactly how a father should be, not the hard-faced man draining a glass of caramel-colored liquid as he sat in the living room.
“’Bout time you got your asses home,” he slurred, narrowing his eyes on the two of us, especially my sister, who laughed softly. “Thought you might’ve gotten in a wreck.” He laughed at his own foul joke.
“We’re fine. Thanks for calling,” she stated wryly.
He hummed her way but locked sights on me. “Nice tan, Evan. How’s the beach?”
“Beautiful,” I answered without much emotion behind it. I was in no mood for his games or negative bullshit. I just wanted to call Dani.
That answer had to have shocked him, so he changed tactics. “Obviously you’re doing something other than studying, since you’re down to a three-point-eight.”
Grinning, I shrugged. “That’s still an A average, Dad, and it’s well within my scholarship’s requirements, so…” I shrugged again.
“And it’s well within my rights to not pay for such shitty grades,” he snapped, standing up in front of me.
Damn, I hadn’t even put my bags down yet and he was in my face. Deep down, I could hear Dani’s voice telling me that his problem with me was just that: his problem. As I stared at him a moment, I could see just how miserable of a human being he was, and he’d aged right before my eyes. There we
re dark spots beneath his eyes, his hair was graying at the temples, and his hands shook, meaning he was drinking just a bit more these days. He was in pure hell, whether from the loss of Mom or simply because he’d always been that way, but having been away from home for several months, I could see it all over him. But I also couldn’t find it in me to sympathize. We’d all lost Mom, we’d all had to struggle through her devastating absence, and we’d all had to move on. He hadn’t, and I found that I honestly didn’t care whether he ever did.
“Then don’t,” I countered calmly, turning away from him to head upstairs to my room. “Don’t pay for it, Dad.”
“Don’t you walk away from me, Evan!” he yelled, the ice in his glass clinking when he pointed at me.
Sighing, I turned around on the step and looked back at him. “Let’s get this over with now, okay?” I said calmly. “I don’t want to be here, but I came for her.” I pointed to Faith. “I don’t care about your money or your threats or anything like that. I’m here for her. I’m well aware of what happened here at Thanksgiving, and I’m not going to have a repeat of it. You wanted me here, told me not to…what was it? Oh, yeah…weasel out of it. So I’m here. But let’s get a few things out in the open.” I ticked off the next few things on my fingers. “My personal life—meaning my girlfriend, my grades, my job, and my financial issues…should you choose to stop paying—are my business. Legally, you have no say in any of it—mine or Tyler’s.” I glanced to Faith, who was smirking a little. “And soon, Faith’s. Come next year, she’ll move to Florida with me. And she got a full scholarship, so she won’t need you at all. Now, I’m here for Christmas and we planned on actually celebrating it, so if you want to join us, which I sincerely doubt, then you can. If not, then point me in the direction of the shit you think needs to be done in order to ‘adjust my attitude,’ and we’ll stay out of each other’s face, okay?”
I’d never spoken to my father that way, but I’d lived since August without his foul words and insults, and I wanted to get back to my life. I’d witnessed what true family was, and this wasn’t it. This was hatred. William Shaw hated every last one of us. He despised us for surviving when our mother hadn’t. He despised how he had to care for three kids he’d never wanted in the first place. I suddenly wished he’d just walked away from us instead of punishing us for simply existing.