by Deb Rotuno
Something in his eyes, something in his calm, nonjudgmental expression caused something in me to crack wide open. Maybe it was because he’d known my mother, maybe because he’d been the one to speak at her funeral, or maybe something deep inside told me this man knew more than he let on.
I didn’t say anything at first, and he let me be for a moment. I sipped my coffee, my eyes on the mug.
“This is the first time,” I mumbled, frowning at the cup in my hands, but I gestured to the cut and my neck so he knew that I’d meant physically. I kept the fight and the facts brief, but I told him everything—the thrown glass, the trust fund, the punch, not to mention how badly I’d never even wanted to come home but that I’d done it for Faith.
Sean nodded, getting up for his own cup of coffee before sitting back down. “I can’t say I’m shocked. Your father is a cold man.”
I snapped my head up to stare at him. I was completely shocked that someone else in this town outside my siblings felt this way.
“What? You think it’s a secret?” He laughed, but it wasn’t really in humor. Shaking his head, he added, “This is a small town, son. Rumors burn through the members of this community quicker than a spark sets fire to dry grass.” He sipped his coffee. “Some people see what they want, as long as it doesn’t interfere with their happy, blissfully ignorant bubble. William Shaw puts on a good show, and he’s done a heck of a lot of amazing work at the hospital. But see, you know the type of personality a man has with how they treat their underlings, their children, or even animals. It’s something I’ve always noticed. Dr. Shaw can scare the nurses and assistants into quitting or at the least transferring away from him.”
I sighed deeply, shrugging a shoulder. “We didn’t exactly go see him at work.”
“And that didn’t go unnoticed either, kiddo,” he countered, raising an eyebrow at me. “Your mother was my very good friend.” He said it softly, sadly, smiling a little. “We were friends in high school—the same school you and your brother and sister went to—and your mom liked this town. She always said she wanted to raise her family here. How she convinced William to settle here is a mystery, but he had her…”
“Blinded?” I offered bitterly.
“Yes.” His answer came so quickly and so firmly that my mouth fell open. “He was…perfect in every way, Evan. He was the doting boyfriend, the caring fiancé, and the flawless husband. What do you know about your father’s family history?”
I shook my head. “Not much, just that his parents are dead. Mom said they had that in common. He moved here from Seattle after med school to marry her.” I swallowed thickly, my brow furrowing as I tried to remember things my mother had told me ages ago. “M-Mom said that his parents were strict, that they’d demanded perfection from him. Sh-She said that his father was the reason he was in med school in the first place.”
“All true. But add in the fact that his father would beat him to broken bones and bloody wounds before he sent him off to college.”
I narrowed my eyes as my temper flared. “Are you telling me this to make me feel sorry for him? He…He blames me…” I tapped my chest. “He blames me personally for Mom’s death. He has since I woke up in the hospital. He’s told me and Tyler every day since then that we should have drowned with her.”
Sean grimaced, but he shook his head. “No, son. I’m not asking you to feel sorry for him. I want you to know the truth. Your mother…”
“My mother was leaving him!” I snapped, starting to stand up.
“Evan, please…” he pleaded softly. “I know, son. I know she was. And I was trying to help her.”
Those words made me freeze and then slowly sit back down. I stared at the man in front of me, my mind trying to wrap around it all. Every bit of it was rolling around in my head, and I needed someone to explain it all to me.
“Pastor Sean?”
“Just Sean, Evan…For this conversation, I am simply your mother’s friend.” His voice sounded so sad. “God, I miss her.” He shook his head slowly. “In school, she was the prettiest thing I’d ever seen. In life, she was a damn rock,” he said through a humorless laugh. “We were only friends, son. That’s it. Like siblings, really. By the end of high school, I knew where I was going in life, that I was called for something higher. Robyn, though, she was brilliant. I knew she’d be a writer, and she was, but she was a phenomenal teacher.”
He smiled sadly but went on. “She lost her parents toward the end of college. When she showed back up in town with William Shaw, I instantly didn’t like the man, but he catered to her, he put in to transfer to the hospital here, and they got married.” He met my gaze, shrugging a shoulder. “It’s my…job to give people the benefit of the doubt, to not judge people on their pasts or mistakes. My job. My friendship with your mom, however, made me wary of him. But I didn’t say anything. I knew if she needed me, she’d come to me, and eventually she did.
“Your dad didn’t want children, Evan.”
That fact being confirmed made me squeeze my eyes closed.
“Knowing his own past, the abuse at the hands of his parents, it was actually smart thinking, but Robyn…” He sighed, wearing a small smile. “Your mother wanted you guys so badly. Tyler was an oops, not really an accident, though I think William considers that pregnancy one, but still…Robyn fought for him. She was going to keep him, come hell or high water, even if it meant doing it alone. And your dad knew it.”
My gaze shot up to see the anger in Sean’s expression. “Something about your mother made your dad…possessive. And not in that protective, loving way but like he owned her. I honestly think that due to his childhood, she was the first good thing he’d ever had in his life, which made him selfish with her. He also was up for a promotion at the hospital, and being a family man would look so very good. So…he gave her what she wanted—Tyler, then you…and then eventually, Rylee Faith. It made for a picture-perfect life.” His sarcasm did not go unnoticed.
Sean sipped his coffee, his eyes on his cup. “This is where things get touchy.” He glanced up at me. “The older you got, the more you looked like your mother, which I’m sure you’ve heard.” He chuckled a bit at my eye roll. “Yeah, well, to look at you, it’s like William wasn’t involved. And he started to accuse your mother of…infidelity.”
When I narrowed my eyes, Sean held up a hand.
“You’re his. Believe that, son. Your mother was faithful. Completely faithful. She didn’t like her word being questioned, though, and she started to see that the knight in shining armor was starting to tarnish.” He groaned, setting his elbows on the table and rubbing his face. “This…whole thing was a long time coming, because Robyn had to set things up slowly, in order to…keep you safe.”
“She knew?” I yelled, and he grabbed my arm before I could stand up.
“Wait,” he ordered, and his gaze was fierce. “Let me finish.” Once I was in my seat again, he went on. “Rylee Faith probably doesn’t remember, or if she does, then it didn’t affect her much. She would’ve been about seven or eight at the time. You were about nine or ten. Robyn had a parent/teacher thing at the high school. She’d left you kids with William, something she tried to avoid at all costs because he admittedly had no patience, but she had no choice that particular night. When he agreed to children, she agreed that she would assume responsibility for you—babysitting, schooling, nurturing…
“That night, she came home to…raised voices and Rylee Faith in tears. Apparently she’d spilled something, and William was making her scrub the kitchen tile with a toothbrush. A child…with harsh chemicals and on her knees…and all the while standing over her berating her very existence. It was right then that your mother started to see what he truly was. She started to plan. And she came to me for help.”
He stood up from his chair and paced a bit, saying, “I should’ve gotten all of you to a women’s shelter in Helena or Bozeman, and I offered it to her, but she wanted to do it all on her own. She had the money, but she had to slowl
y change things. She shifted small amounts of cash around, she made a will, she…she changed the beneficiary on her insurance, and she started to plan. It took time! Too much time, if you ask me, but she was being cautious, so I understood that too. William may have been a busy doctor working his way up the ranks, but he was an observant man when it came to his wife and money.” He stopped pacing. “Two years, son. Two years of protecting you guys, planning, seeing a lawyer outside Key Lake, and filing. She had everything set to go—a hidden bank account, an apartment in Helena, and a job too.”
“And then the accident,” I muttered, feeling my eyes sting. “I f-f…messed up. I…She had to drive me to the store, and…”
He sat back down. “Look at me, Evan. It’s not your fault. That whole thing was an accident. The timing was terrible but not your fault. Your mother had to play the role all the way to the end, and even though she was going to be pulling out of this town the next day, she had no choice but to play the part for another twenty-four hours.” He gripped my shoulder. “Son, I was there. I went to the scene because the chief of police called me. I saw the dog, the break in the railing of the road. I stood in the pouring rain as they rushed you and Tyler away. And I was still standing there when they pulled your mother’s car out of the water.” He squeezed my shoulder gently. “Evan, I saw the window you broke; I saw your mother’s seat belt had jammed. All of it was just a foul and awful accident.”
I shook my head, and I couldn’t find it in me to care about my tears. I didn’t care what he thought, because my grief for my mother opened up inside me like the day she’d died. It was painful, making me feel raw.
I could barely breathe in order to say, “She…Sh-She told me to get Tyler and get out.”
“I’m sure she did, Evan,” he soothed. “Her whole being was about the three of you. You need to know that. You need to accept that she loved you more than anything.” He sighed deeply, shaking his head. “I tried my damnedest to watch over all of you, but your father wouldn’t allow it. I came to see you and Tyler in the hospital, but he stopped me. I think William knew I was your mother’s ally.”
I rubbed my face, smashing the heels of my hands into my eyes to get control of my emotions. I winced at the soreness of my hand and my forehead. Suddenly I was just completely exhausted. I was tired of Montana and fighting with Dad. I was tired of cold weather and the holidays. I just wanted to go home to Dani. My whole soul missed her. I missed everything I’d left in Florida. However, I had a sinking suspicion that this shit would only get worse before I went home.
Once I had my voice back, I looked at him. “I punched my father.”
He grinned, slapping my shoulder gently. “I’m sure he deserved it.”
“No, no, no…You don’t understand! He…He’s probably gonna…”
“Gonna what, Evan? Clearly,” he said firmly, gesturing to my face, “it was self-defense. And I have news for you, son. Chief Clark isn’t exactly a member of the Dr. Shaw Fan Club.”
“I should get back to Faith. I left because I didn’t trust myself. I would’ve…The things he said about my mother and then my girlfriend…” I shook my head but pushed myself up from the table. “Never mind that everything my mother had tried to leave to us is being wasted away…”
“Not everything, Evan.” He stood up from the table and walked to a small writing desk in his living room. He came back with a file. “She needed an emergency escape, but she also needed someone as a contact who wasn’t connected to your father. The account she set up for Helena and her insurance are all for you, Tyler, and Faith. I just happen to be the emergency name she gave. I’ve saved everything.”
“What about the trust my dad controls?”
“There wasn’t much she could do about that one. He watched it closely. Everything was supposed to come to you guys once you each reached twenty-one. She set it up that way in order to monitor it, and I’m certain she never expected to not be able to be here for you. She wanted you guys to have a comfortable life. That’s all she wanted was to give you a chance to live. Is there anything left in it? Because your dad was sued for malpractice. He lost the case. He was probably using that to pay it. Though I have suspicions that he’s got serious issues elsewhere. Highly unethical, but it wouldn’t surprise me.”
I snorted into a nasty laugh. “I’m pretty sure unethical is the least of his concerns.”
“C’mon. I’ll take you home.” He pointed to the folder. “Keep that.” He stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. “Listen, son…I’m so sorry. Your father forbade me from seeing you guys, especially after the accident, stating you were traumatized enough.”
I snorted derisively and nodded. “I’m sure,” I muttered, glancing down at the folder. “Hell, had he known, we might’ve lost this too.”
Sean nodded, his brow furrowed. “Which is why I decided to wait, and then I tried and tried to approach you once Tyler and then you turned eighteen, but your father eventually threatened me with the removal of my position, which made me back down because I needed to watch out for all of you. It was what your mother would’ve wanted. And I obviously did a poor job of it,” he said forlornly with a slow shake of his head as he eyed my face and neck. “All of you—you kids and William—put on a damn good front, not to mention I rarely saw any of you, especially when you and your brother went off to college. Finally I decided to wait until the accounts shifted to Tyler. If I’d known…”
“We…We didn’t want anyone to know. Up until today, we had no proof,” I told him.
He nodded, still looking a bit guilty, but I knew my dad well enough that he would’ve thrown his weight around to get his way.
Eventually he said, “Tyler’s about to come of age, so I’m sure you guys can handle it. Get yourselves a lawyer.”
I nodded, flipping through the pages in the folder he’d given me but not really seeing it. It was a blur of numbers and legal jargon.
The streets had a little more activity on them when we stepped outside and started the drive back to the house. The closer we got, the more nervous I became because I wasn’t quite sure what would be waiting. When we drove by the diner, I didn’t see my sister’s car. However, I groaned aloud when we pulled into my driveway to see the chief’s police cruiser parked behind Faith’s car.
“Evan, self-defense, son. I’ll tell him myself,” Sean assured me.
Before he’d even shut off his car, Faith was out the front door and rushing to me. “Evan!” she called, wrapping her arms around my middle.
“You okay?” I asked her, hugging her close. “He didn’t…Did you call…”
“No, that was Dani’s dad.”
“Aw, hell…” I groaned, shaking my head.
“They’re on their way.” Faith looked up at me. “Apparently Daniel called the chief, Wes called Tyler, and Tyler called me.” She held up her phone, and even though it had a crack in the screen, at least it was still functioning. “They’re all coming. All of them.”
The front door slammed open, and my father burst out, yelling, “There he is. Arrest him!”
The chief was right behind him, narrowing his eyes at me and who was with me. “Sean,” he greeted with a single nod, but when he reached me, he shook his head. “Jesus, Evan. You all right?”
I nodded, stepping back when my father rushed at us.
“Doc,” Chief Clark sighed impatiently, placing a hand on his chest. “I saw the video, Dr. Shaw. Hell, I’d have punched you too, and Robyn would be ashamed of you, sir.” Spinning my dad around, he took out his cuffs, and my mouth fell open at his next words.
“Dr. William Shaw, you’re under arrest for assault. You have the right to remain silent…”
Chapter Twenty
Dani
Love, the boy in the library a few tables away
I CLOSED EVAN’S JOURNAL for a moment, gazing unseeingly out of the plane’s window. Missoula was coming into view, and I’d already put my seat belt back on and my tray up. I glared out into the night, my hat
red and anger building into something ugly. My whole body shook with the force of it.
Opening Evan’s journal once more, I lost myself in his words again. Since he’d left for Montana, I’d reread his entries a thousand times. They were beautiful and sweet, filled with love and adorable adoration for me, and they were Evan’s pure, undiluted thoughts written down in black and white.
And they were all to me.
I loved the first one, his sweet initial crush on me, his curiosity over all I’d read inside our library. I loved the tentative decision to tell me about his past, his mother, his fears. My heart swelled with the one he’d left for me declaring his beautiful love for me before getting on the plane. But there were a few in between that were just…Evan.
Pretty girl,
It feels wrong for what I’m about to write, but I need to work stuff out. Everything about you makes me crazy…and in every good way possible. You’re fun and sweet, sexy and alluring, and most days, I can barely see straight at the thought of you.
I’ve just told you about things back home. You asked about crushes, and I explained that I ignored everyone from home because it always seemed they had ulterior motives. It’s all true, and I came to Florida not expecting to change that right away. I had no delusions that I was going to leave Key Lake and become like my brother, who is always so easygoing with members of the opposite sex. It never even entered my mind that I’d meet someone like you, but I did.
But now I’m nervous.
There are moments when it’s just you and me, and all I want is to just…not stop. I just want to completely lose myself in you, Dani, but the reality is…I can’t. There’s a part of me (the bookworm/computer geek) that knows the basics of sex and what to do. However, the reality of it all is overwhelming. It’s scary to place my heart on the line, not to mention a bit of ego too. I don’t REALLY know what I’m doing, but I’m glad to know I’m not alone. I’m glad to know that we’re both…ignorant (for a lack of a better word) about some things, that we’re sort of diving into it all blind…together. That makes me feel better.