by Deb Rotuno
“You aren’t the damaged one, Evan. He is. And his guilt and past ate away anything compassionate he ever had. To live your life to its fullest would be the ultimate in payback. Be happy, follow your dreams, marry that girl you love so much…”
I grinned, my cheeks heating up. “I plan on it.” I laughed a little when Dr. Costa smiled back at me. “Dani’s…it for me. Just everything. She’s that classic my mother told me about. I really do want to put her on a shelf, love her, take care of her. I’m hers until she says different.”
“Having spoken with her a time or two, I’m pretty sure you’re right, and I think she’s in it for the long haul. Just make sure you don’t put her on a pedestal,” she said gently.
Nodding, I swallowed nervously. “We’re moving in together.”
“This weekend, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Nervous?” she asked, smiling, and her dimples made her look younger than she actually was.
I thought about it for a moment but shook my head. “Um, no. I’m…I’ve fought anxiety and nerves and insecurity my whole life. Moving in with Dani makes me feel…none of that. In fact, I…I can’t wait.”
“It’s hard meshing two lives together.”
“I don’t doubt that. But we’re very similar. We’re neat and tidy, we’re quiet, and we’ll be starting our sophomore year come fall, but as much as I appreciate her family and all they’ve done, I…I…I want to start doing things on my own—for Dani, for myself. I feel the need to prove Dad wrong.”
“Prove him wrong…Which part, Evan?”
“Everything.”
She let me be quiet for a moment, and I frowned at the table in front of me. “He was wrong. Everything he ever said to me was wrong—the wreck being my fault, that love makes you weak, that I…I was a loser.
“The wreck was an accident. And…and…love makes me strong; it made me stand up to him when I never did before. And…and…I’m not a loser.” I shook my head, scowling at the memory of his rants. “I’ve busted my ass to maintain my scholarship. I’m working part-time at the café so I can pay for books and not spend everything my mother tried to save, but that may change when Aunt Tessa expands the new section into a bookstore.” I grinned at the thought. “I have the most amazing people surrounding me, helping me, pushing me.” I met her gaze again, shrugging one more time. “I used to want to be invisible. I wanted to disappear into the background. Now…I just want more.”
“More?”
“Yeah, I want to finish school and write, maybe teach like my mother did, or…or run the bookstore Aunt Tessa is opening. I want to marry Dani and have a family. And I swear, I’ll never look back.”
Dr. Costa glanced at the clock and smiled, nodding once before standing. “Now that would be justice, Evan.”
“I can’t believe you’re puttin’ me to work on my vacation, baby bro!” Tyler teased as he dropped two boxes into the middle of the living room.
Grinning over at him, I set my own box onto the kitchen counter. “Sorry, Ty. You can hit the beach tomorrow with Jasmine, all while knowing I’ll be unpacking all this shit.”
He laughed but leaned against the counter, studying me. He and Jasmine had been in Florida since just before my twentieth birthday, which had been celebrated at the Bishop house with not only every member of their family but my brother, Jasmine, and Faith too. It had been the first time in years that I’d had a birthday party.
“Still can’t go, huh?” he asked, and I shook my head without looking up from the box I’d opened. “You think…maybe one day?”
“I dunno, Ty.” I sighed, resting my arms atop the box.
“It’s not the scars anymore, is it? It’s just the water.”
Nodding, I raked a hand through my hair. “Th-The scars don’t bother me. I mean the only person who sees them is Dani, and she’s never…She doesn’t mind them. I don’t…I’m a fucking coward about the water, and that may never change. I don’t think I’m missing anything, but still…”
“You know what I remember?” Tyler asked softly, a faraway look in his eyes. “I barely remember the dog or my knee hitting the dashboard…and…and I don’t remember Mom in the car at all. But I remember you, baby brother. I remember coming to as you pulled me through the window. You ripped yourself wide open to get my ass up to the surface. You fought me like a tiger to try to help Mom, but you’d have died too. Evan…that’s not a fucking coward. Without you, Ev, I wouldn’t be here helping you move in with your girl.”
He pushed himself up straight, shrugging his large shoulders. “Daddy Dearest told you too many times that it was your fault. You associate water with Mom, but…I can’t look at it that way. I see water, and I see my kid brother saving my life. Dude, I was twice your size.” He grinned a bit but shrugged his shoulders again. “You’re right. You’re probably not missing much, but I hate that you think you’re a coward, ’cause you’re far fucking from it.” He raised a deadly serious eyebrow at me. “A coward wouldn’t have punched the ever-lovin’ piss outta Dad. And a coward wouldn’t have looked him straight in the eye and told him what a piece of shit he was to Mom. But honestly, Evan…watching you our whole lives not give in to his bullshit, no matter what that bastard said…even in fucking court! You are the strongest man I know. You think Faith is strong?” He huffed a laugh, shaking his head slowly. “She is, but she ain’t got nothin’ on you, baby bro. Neither of us do. Got me?”
He smiled sadly, gesturing to the door. “Let’s get this done so you and Dani can get your neat-freak on. Emphasis on the freak.”
Snorting into a laugh, I shook my head at his salacious grin and eyebrows rising up and down. “Don’t forget, we’ve got to get Faith moved into the dorms in a few weeks,” I reminded him, still chuckling a bit.
“Yeah, I know.” He reached for the doorknob, pausing enough to look back at me. “Jas and I…We’re looking at transferring down here. She’s looking at a law school just up the panhandle. Just…You’ve found something good here. Even Faith is doing well. We’re gonna hold off on the wedding until she finds out, but I wanted to give you a heads-up. I mean, you are the best man and all.” He smirked at my open-mouth stare, not because I was his best man—I’d already told him yes to that—but because I’d have both my siblings in the same state. “Jasmine likes it here, and my family is here. Plus, I honestly don’t want to be in the state of Montana when they let Daddy Dearest outta jail.”
“No shit,” I sighed, following him down the stairs and out to the moving truck we’d rented.
The girls were sitting on the end, feet dangling, and I smiled at my beautiful girl, who offered me a bottle of water and open arms. I took the water, gulping almost half the bottle before setting it down beside her. I pressed my lips to hers, smiling into the kiss when arms and legs held me captive.
“You okay?” she whispered, pushing my hair from my forehead as I nodded. I honestly couldn’t get any better. “Having second thoughts?”
Grinning, I dug my fingers into her sides just to hear her squeal into giggly protests. “Not a chance in hell, pretty girl.” I dropped kisses to her cheek. “Though, the thought of unpacking scares me.”
Her smile was brighter than the beaming Florida sun, but she leaned in and kissed me briefly. “We got this part, baby. We can be as OCD as we want because it’s just us. No one can make fun of us because it’ll be ours. We can do whatever we want, however we want. Always.”
I fought my smile at her happiness, because it was completely and totally contagious. I hadn’t been lying to Dr. Costa the day before in our session. Dani was it for me. Occasionally my dad’s voice would enter my head, telling me I’d be used by the first girl I fell in love with, but then I’d look at Dani. I’d see the love she had for me, the warmth, the devotion that was all for me, and I’d push his voice away. He knew nothing, and Dani was everything.
I toyed with her long ponytail, tugging it gently. “Then I guess we’d better get our stuff in there, huh?”
Daniel was teaching a summer course, so it made sense he hadn’t shown up yet, and my sister and Wes had been inseparable since Faith had graduated from Glenhaven High. I chuckled at the thought, at their age difference, but Wes treated my sister like a damned princess. As if Tyler and I hadn’t spoiled her enough, Wes was a thousand times worse. But they were good for each other, even I had to admit that, though I was pretty damn sure I wouldn’t be here without Dani and her small, loving, silly family, so I knew my sister was safe with him.
Dani grabbed my face again, squishing it to kiss me. “The more help, Evan, the quicker we’re moved in. The quicker we’re moved in, the faster we can finally have…we can have…”
I chuckled at her loss for words, but her honest rambling was still my absolute favorite thing. I kissed her lips to hush her.
“Everything, pretty girl. The quicker we’re in, the quicker we have…everything.”
I closed my laptop, glancing out the window. The rain had stopped, and I’d gotten a shit-ton written on the story I couldn’t seem to get out of my head, so after discussing it with Daniel, who told me to just get it down, I found myself lost to my characters. Today had been the perfect day to work on it too. The rain had started early, Dani was working downstairs in Aunt Tessa’s bookstore all day, I was off from Sunset Roast, and I was caught up on homework.
Tonight, though, was a different story. It was Dani’s birthday. I snorted as I shook my head. A year ago, I was nervous as hell as Dani drove me to her house for the first time. I’d missed out on her real birthday last year, but I wouldn’t this year. We would all meet at the Bishop house for dinner tonight. And this year, I had a present for her. The necklace I’d bought for her was hidden in the back of my nightstand drawer. I’d considered a promise ring, and I’d vowed to myself to buy Dani the real deal closer to our senior year, but damn it all if I didn’t want something on her from me, something permanent and beautiful, which was exactly how I saw her in my life.
Gazing around our apartment, I sighed in contentment. My office was just like Dani had wanted—shelf upon shelf of books and a desk for me to use to write. My mother’s books lined the shelves, with my own and Dani’s added in. The bookcases were full to overflowing but neat and orderly, simply because Dani and I were that way.
I walked into our bedroom, another example of neatness, except for the bed. The bed tended to stay just a bit rumpled, which proved we’d lost ourselves to kisses and secret smiles, touches and pleas for more just this morning before Dani went to work. Personally, the bed was the only thing I liked messy. I pulled on a T-shirt, tied my sneakers, and then reached into my nightstand drawer for the little velvet box before I stepped into the living room.
Our place was small, but it was ours, and we loved it. We liked to cook in our small kitchen, stealing kisses and taste tests. We would read to each other on our sofa in our usual position, with Dani’s back to my chest. And we’d loved each other on just about every surface in the place. There was nothing inside that apartment but good memories. Even small disagreements ended up with us laughing and kissing. Meshing our lives together had been a huge step, but after the last month and a half, I couldn’t have been happier.
It wasn’t perfect. We’d had to find a new schedule, and starting our sophomore year made us as busy as ever. I still worked at the café, but Dani worked with Aunt Tessa in the bookstore that was now a part of the coffee shop. Homework and classes, along with our part-time jobs, meant we only saw each other at the end of the day. The very best part was curling up with her every damn night.
I grabbed my phone and keys to head downstairs, locking the door behind me and making sure Dani’s present was still in my pocket.
“Hey, sweet pea!” Aunt Tessa greeted when I stepped in from the back. “You just missed Dani. She ran out to the beach to get your sister and my son. We’re about to head out to the house.”
“Okay,” I said softly, pushing open the bookstore door and glancing up. Chuckling, I said, “The sign looks good!”
“Well, kiddo, I owe you for the name.”
I waved her praise away but glanced up again. “As the Plot Thickens was really Dani’s idea.”
“Well, both of you, then. Sweetie, she’ll be back in a minute.”
I smiled and nodded but stepped out onto the boardwalk that was still damp from the rain. The sun was setting on the beach. It was quiet—most of the patrons had found somewhere else to be—but there were a few caws from hungry seagulls and laughter coming from the beach. The soft crash of waves hitting the shore was calming, but I couldn’t see the water.
Glancing up the boardwalk and then back toward the wooden path that ended in blinding white beach sand, I shifted nervously on my feet. Memories of the day I’d worked with Dani in Wes’s office came crashing down around me.
Dani pulling me with her out to the boardwalk.
The smells of saltwater, suntan lotion, and people hitting me.
The sight of the water literally stopping me in my tracks.
Dani asking what she’d done wrong.
I took slow, nervous steps down the wooden path, thankful there weren’t very many people around. I stopped at the end of the walkway, sitting down on a low post. Toeing the sand for a moment with my sneaker, I finally took a deep breath and gazed out over the beach.
Pinks, blues, oranges, and purples were splashed across the sky just above the endless ocean. Clouds were light and puffy, stretched over the sun. However, not one bit of it—not the water or the stunning sunset or even the splashing waves—compared to the beautiful girl who was teasing her cousin and my sister close to the shoreline. She was walking barefoot, her smooth legs deceptively long in her shorts, but it was the gorgeous yet slightly shocked smile that broke out on her face when she caught sight of me that steeled my resolve for what I knew I needed to do.
She rushed to me, leaving everyone out on the beach behind her. “Evan, baby!” she said, cupping my face. “Is everything…Are you okay? I was coming right back…” She paused, tugging my shirt. “C’mon. We’ll get you off this beach.”
Chuckling, I wrapped an arm around her, pulling her between my legs as I stayed seated on that low post. “Pretty girl, wait…” I took a deep breath, brushing my lips over hers softly, simply for courage. “R-Remember…” I frowned, toying with her fingers. “The…The day we after we met. You know, the day we worked in Wes’s office?”
“Best day ever,” she crooned, wearing a silly-sweet smile as she leaned into me, brushing my hair from my forehead. “My Library Guy was way too cute for his own good.”
I laughed, unable to not wrap my arms all the way around her. “Yeah? Well, my Library Girl wanted to go somewhere that day, but I…I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t quite ready yet. Where’d you want to go, Dani? When you grabbed my hand, where were you taking me?”
She seemed to freeze for a moment, her big brown eyes wide but warm. “Oh God, Evan, I don’t know. Maybe ice cream at O’Malley’s or…or a walk on the beach, but I didn’t know, and I was pushy…”
Cupping her face, I brushed a lock of her hair out of her face. “No, baby, not pushy. You just didn’t know.” I pressed a long, soft kiss to her forehead, gazing over the top of her head at the shoreline. “Pretty girl…I…I want…to try.”
She gasped, her hands covering her lips, but then she leaned in to kiss me again. “Evan, there’s no rush.”
My forehead fell to hers. “I’m…I don’t want water to mean bad shit anymore, Dani. There’s absolutely nothing bad in my life now.”
Dani’s smile was warm and sweet as she pushed back from me a bit. “Sweetheart…are you sure? You have to be sure, because if it’s too soon or you panic…I don’t…It hurts me when you’re hurting, baby.” Her eyes watered a bit with that statement, an
d right then, I knew I was ready, because to hurt Dani would kill me, but I needed to let go of the past, the fear.
Nodding, I reached into my pocket, fiddling with the little black box. “Yeah, I’m…I’m sure, but before we do this, I want to give you your birthday present.”
I held out the little black box, cracking it open for her. A small silver book and an even smaller key were attached to a thin silver chain.
“The book…It represents the library, and…well, us. Our love of books. The key,” I said, huffing a light, nervous laugh. “Well, the key is you, pretty girl, because you…you’re the key to…everything.” Reaching over, I flipped open the tiny silver book, where inside was written: Always. “You…you asked for always, Dani, and I swear it’s yours.”
Dani’s finger reached out to toy with the necklace, but when she looked back up at me, tears fell from those expressive eyes.
“Happy birthday, Dani,” I whispered, reaching out to wipe away a tear from beneath her eye.
“I love you,” she said back, suddenly wrapping herself around my torso, which made me chuckle. Pulling back, she cupped my face. “Thank you. And God, you make me want to kiss you stupid, Evan!”
“I love you too, baby.” Laughing, I shook my head, taking the necklace out and putting it around her neck. “I look forward to it.”
She fiddled with the book and key and then met my gaze with a shrewd expression. “Tell you what…You make it to the water, and I’ll kiss you stupid in front of the whole beach and boardwalk.”