by Amy Cecil
“Friends?”
“Nope, no friends. Well, except Skid, but we didn’t know that until a couple of weeks ago. Do you think Skid could be doing this?”
“Possibly, but I doubt it.”
“Why not Skid?” I ask. I’m sure it’s him. Who else would be pissed off about Mark’s death? To my knowledge, he was Mark’s only friend.
“Well, it’s not a biker move. We don’t play games. If we’re trying to get a point across or threaten someone, we just do it. Skid may be an asshole, but he’s all biker. This isn’t his style. His ego is too big to hide in the shadows.”
Well, damn. I didn’t think about that. Hawk’s right, that makes perfect sense. I remember when I met Skid, the night Brianne brought him over to meet Mark and me. I didn’t like him then and I don’t like him now. But as much as I want to lay blame at his feet, I agree with Hawk. He isn’t the one doing this.
But who is? I ask myself. “Should we call the police?”
Spike looks at Hawk and says, “You know, it wouldn’t hurt to let Briggs know what’s going on here. Hell, he might even be able to help.”
“Why would you even think about getting the police involved, Hawk? That’s not you … and that’s definitely not something Ice would do,” Honey chimes in. Honey hasn’t really said much since we discovered the note, but now, at the mention of the police, she seems agitated. I find it odd that she doesn’t want the police involved. What’s up with that?
“I agree,” Hawk says and I can see Honey physically relax. Then, surprising us all, he adds, “With Spike.” He’s quiet for a moment and then says, “Emma, I want you to think real hard. Is there something that we’re missing? Did someone come into the house since the last time you were upstairs?”
I try my hardest to rethink everything that happened earlier today and I come up with nothing. I look around the room, trying to see if anything jogs my memory, and I notice that Honey has left the room. Where did she go? What’s wrong with her? Then a realization hits me like a ton of bricks. Honey! Oh my God, Honey! She was upstairs earlier today cleaning. When she came down, I asked her to go out with me. She said she was going to “freshen up” and I headed out to the car. I never went back upstairs! She was the last person to be in this room.
I look around the room at the boys and debate whether I should say something. My initial instinct tells me no. Honey has been a trusted friend of this club for years. I can’t believe that she would do anything to harm the club, Ice, or me. I decide to keep this to myself. I know I will need some solid proof that Honey did this before I accuse her.
“No, Hawk, I don’t remember anything else. Nobody came into the house today that I can remember.”
Hawk nods and pulls out his phone. I decide to go and look for Honey. Something has upset her, and I need to find out what. Hopefully when I do, it will put my suspicions to rest once and for all. I assume that Hawk is calling Sgt. Briggs and I don’t need to hang around to hear the conversation.
I go downstairs. Honey isn’t in the kitchen or the great room, where I expect to find her. I look down the hall toward her bedroom and I can see that the door is closed. As I approached the door, I knock softly and call, “Honey? Are you ok?”
The door opens and her room is dark. She must be behind the door as it’s opening, because I don’t see her as I enter the room. Turning, I say, “Honey?”
“I’m right here,” she says in the darkness.
What the hell? Is she trying to scare the shit out of me? I ask, “Are you ok? You seemed a little upset when Hawk mentioned calling Briggs.”
“Emma, you have enough to worry about right now. You don’t need to add my problems to the mix.”
“Honey, you’re my friend. Hawk has my situation under control. What’s going on with you?” She’s acting very strange … perhaps she is indeed the one that put the note on my bed. I silently pray that it wasn’t her, but she isn’t doing or saying anything to make me think the contrary.
“Oh, Emma, I don’t know what to do.” She sits down on the bed and puts her face in her hands.
Ok, I wasn’t expecting that. It looks like she’s genuinely upset about something, and that something has nothing to do with turning on the club or me. I walk over to the lamp and turn the light on. Then I sit down on the bed next to her and put my arm around her shoulder. “Why don’t you tell me and maybe I can help?”
“Remember when Hawk said that he was calling Sgt. Briggs?”
“Yes.”
“I have a sketchy past with Sgt. Briggs.”
“Sketchy? What could you have possibly done that’s worse than the rest of us?”
She looks at me sadly and says, “Trust me, it’s worse.”
“It can’t be all that bad. Why don’t you give me a shot? I won’t say anything to the guys if you don’t want me to.”
“I know you won’t, and it would really help to talk about it, but I don’t want you to treat me differently because of it.”
“Really?” I say lightly. “These boys kill people, run illegal guns, and Lord knows what else. Are you a gunrunner?” She shakes her head. “You didn’t kill someone, did you?” That comment got a bit of a smile out of her, but she’s still really upset.
She gives me that look again and says, “Edinboro is my hometown. But when I was in my twenties, I left. I had a bad coke problem; really bad. I did some of the most unimaginable things to myself and other people. Things I don’t want to relive or even talk about.”
“Ok, go on,” I urge her.
“Briggs and I went to school together. We started out as really good friends, then we dated, and eventually we were engaged. Up until that time, I’d done really well at hiding my drug problem. I would only shoot up when I was alone, after ensuring that I wouldn’t be seeing anyone for a while. But after we got engaged and all the pressure started to build, the drugs began to take over my life. I lied to so many people. I stole money from my family, my friends, and even Briggs. I played so many cons just to get my next fix. And if the opportunity would have ever presented itself, I’m sure I would have killed for drug money too.”
“Honey, everyone has some problem or another that they’re dealing with. Some are just worse than others. You had an addiction; something you were unable to control. Why would you beat yourself up about this?” I say reassuringly, but I can see by the tears in her eyes that my words aren’t helping.
She continues, “The night before my wedding, I needed a fix so bad. I’d spent every last dime I had, borrowed from everyone I knew, and stole all the money I could get my hands on. On this particular night, pre-wedding jitters were getting the best of me and I had nothing. I was sitting on my bed and I looked down at my shaking hands. And there was my answer. My beautiful two-caret diamond engagement ring glistened on my left hand.”
She looks over at me and I know what’s she’s gonna say next by the shame written all over her face. I pull her into a hug. “What happened next?” I already know the answer, but she obviously needs to talk about it and get it all out. I realize that she’s been keeping this to herself and hanging on to her shame for a very long time. It’s time for her to let it all go.
“I went straight to a pawn shop and pawned my ring off for a measly $100 fix. I never showed up for my wedding. I just left Jack standing at the altar, waiting for me to walk down the aisle. When I sobered up enough to realize what I had done, I couldn’t face anyone. So I packed my shit and left town. I have not seen or spoken to him since.”
“Honey, you were young and you had an addiction. You’ve taken the first steps by admitting that you had a problem; you can’t beat yourself up about them. I’m sure Sgt. Briggs will understand, but you need to talk to him. You need to explain to him.”
“I doubt he would ever talk to me again.”
“Does he know you’ve come back to town?”
“I doubt it. I have not kept in touch with any of my friends from that time. That’s why I was always at the clubhouse. The MC
became a haven for me. When I told you that Ice took me in and saved my life, it wasn’t an exaggeration. It’s the truth.”
“Do you still have feelings for Sgt. Briggs?”
“I really don’t know. I’m not sure if my feelings for Briggs are true, or if they come from shame and guilt. Right now, it’s Hawk that I want. And when he finds out he’s not going to want to have anything to do with me,” she says through her tears.
“That’s not true. He’ll understand and so will Sgt. Briggs. You just need to talk to them both.” Just then there is a knock at the door. When I open the door, Hawk is standing at the doorway, staring at a crying Honey. The look on his face is one of total confusion. “I think I need to talk to Spike about something,” I say as I start to walk out the door. “You two need to talk.” I look over at Honey, who’s looking at me and silently pleading with me not to leave. I mouth, “Talk to him!” as I leave the room.
Poor Honey. But at least she’s not involved with whoever is sending these threatening notes.
Honey
Hawk stares at me intently while Emma slowly closes the door behind her.
“So, do you want to fill me in on what’s going on with you?” he asks as he sits down on the bed next to me.
I know he needs to be told about my past and I have every intention of doing so, I just don’t want to have this conversation now. But really, at this point, what choice do I have?
“Do you remember when I first came to the club?” I ask.
“Yeah, of course I do. You were a mess. You had just gotten out of rehab and were still coping with your addiction.”
“I was. You and the rest of the club knew about my addiction and the steps I had taken to overcome it. This club supported me and stood by me during some of my worst days.”
“Yeah, we did. You’re telling me stuff that I already know, babe. What you aren’t telling me is why you are crying now.”
I grab a tissue off the nightstand and wipe my eyes and blow my nose. It’s not one of my more attractive moments, but this is Hawk. He’s the man who has seen me at my worst and still wants to be with me. I pray that when I tell him the rest of this story he will still feel that way.
“Yes, I know. But you don’t know everything from my past. There are things that I purposely left out because I didn’t want your opinion of me to change. But you, more than anyone else, need to know these things. And since my past is about to come back and bite me in the ass, I need to tell you before that happens.”
I proceed to tell him everything that I told Emma about Jack, my addiction, stealing, my ring, and not showing up for my own wedding. I explain to him that I disappeared that night and never turned back until I ended up at Kandi’s looking for a job.
When I was finished talking, I wait for Hawk to say something. He’s silent for what seems like an eternity, but it’s probably only a couple of seconds. “Holy shit, babe, what in the hell made you think that I would think differently about you?”
“Um, I don’t know, maybe because I did some pretty shitty things to my friends, my family, and my fiancé. Not to mention the fact that I was engaged to another man and almost married him—a man that has been a long-standing friend of this club. I don’t know, maybe I’m overreacting, but that seems like a lot of shit to overlook.”
He puts his arm around me and pulls me in close. “Honey, sweetheart, we all know how drugs can take over a person. Many of the things you did were because of the drugs. The important thing for all of us to remember is that you did the right thing by taking responsibility and getting help. You put your life back together. Nobody expects anything more from you, especially me.”
“Really?”
“Babe, of course. What kind of guy would I be if I didn’t understand what you went through? What kind of guy would I be if I blamed you for those actions?”
“Thank you!” I say as the tears start to fall again.
“Everything is going to be alright.” He’s quiet for a minute and then adds, “But I do have to know one thing.”
“Sure, anything.”
“Do you still have feelings for Briggs?”
I smile. “No, I don’t. I think leaving him at the altar was a blessing in disguise.”
He nods. “That’s good. I really didn’t want to have to shoot our number one ally on the force.”
I chuckle, hug him, and give him a big kiss on the cheek. “You know, you really are something special.”
“Of course I know that. It’s about damn time you realized it. Now let’s go back out and get this threat shit settled.”
“Yes, sir!”
About an hour later, Hawk and Honey emerge from her room. It’s obvious that she’s done more crying. When I make eye contact with her, she nods. I mouth, “Everything good?” She nods again, smiling. Good. It would’ve really sucked if her past mistakes wrecked her future. And I truly believe Hawk is her future.
When Sgt. Briggs arrives at the house, he immediately begins asking a lot of questions about what happened. When he asks me if I know what the note is referring to when it states, “I know what you did,” I play dumb and say no.
What worries me most is how Briggs reacts when he sees Honey. When he says her name, I can hear the surprise and shock in his voice. It’s hard to tell if he still harbors feelings for her, but it’s clear to see that he’s genuinely happy to see her again. He keeps calling her Amanda, even though nobody around here calls her that. But I guess that’s how he knew her. If I remember correctly, Ice gave her the nickname of Honey.
Hawk, being the possessive biker that he is, makes it perfectly clear to Briggs that Honey is his now and that the past is the past. He’s constantly touching Honey, either with his hand on her arm while they’re sitting, or his hand at the small of her back while they’re standing. It’s perfectly clear by his actions that he has definitely staked his claim on his girl. The whole time Briggs is at the house, nothing is said about anything that happened between him and Honey. I believe that the past has been laid to rest.
Sgt. Briggs leaves with a full incident report and says that he’ll get his men on it right away. I think he suspects I know more than I’m saying, but there’s no way I was going to tell him that Cade murdered someone. Nobody has to tell me that in our world, that is a big no-no.
Chapter 13
Caden
“You cool with this?” I ask Rebel. We’re standing outside of the house while he has a smoke. I know that his brothers and that slut Ciara have got him rattled. I need him at 100%, so it’s my job right now to set him straight. Nothing can fuck this up.
“I told you, I’m fine,” he says irritably.
“Then answer me this: why the fuck are you smoking? I thought you quit ages ago.”
“I still smoke once in a while. It’s been a long day, seeing my brothers after all this time … it’s a lot of things. But I can tell you one thing, it’s definitely not Ciara!”
“Ok, man. I’m not gonna press you. If you say she doesn’t affect you, then I believe you. But I’m also gonna remind you that I can’t have your head in your ass while we’re here. You got me?”
“I know. Fuck, Ice, you are harping on me like you’re one of my older brothers. Enough already. I get enough crap from them, I don’t need to get it from you too.” His words cut me like a fucking knife. What the hell was that all about?
I grab him by his collar and push him against the side of the house. I get in his face and say, “You listen and you listen good! I am one of your older brothers and in this world, I am the only older brother you need to fucking worry about. Your number one loyalty is to this club and my fucking sister! So what if your big brothers in there push you around? You gonna let ‘em? You gonna let ‘em walk all over you like they did when you were a kid? Fuck no! You’re a big, badass biker and my sergeant at arms! And if you still feel inferior to those two dickheads in there, you remember one thing—you and your club are the ones they called to fix this mess!”
He just stares at me intently, and I realize I am still holding on to his collar. “Are we clear?” I ask. He nods. He still hasn’t spoken and I’m beginning to worry about him. “What the fuck, Rebel? You ok?” I ask as I release my hold on him.
“Yeah, man … holy shit. I get it! Ok! Don’t release that famous ice-cold rage on me now.” He pauses and then adds, “I’m good, really. No need to lose control.”
“Well, what have you learned from my lack of control?”
“Learned?”
“Yeah, fucking learned.”
“Don’t piss you off.”
“Damn straight. And what else?” I prod.
“Get my head outta my ass,” he answers dutifully.
“And what else?”
“I’m a badass biker!” he says proudly.
“And don’t forget it!” I pause briefly and then say, “Now that we got that out of the way, I’m gonna ask you again: are you sure this shit with Ciara isn’t gonna fuck with your head?”
“I’m sure, Ice. You were right to set my head straight about my brothers. They’ve fucked with me all my life, but I see now I don’t have any reason to feel inferior to them. Like you said, I’m a badass biker.” He laughs. “But where Ciara is concerned, I meant what I said. She means nothing to me and I’m thrilled that she is now Damon’s headache. Ari means the world to me and I won’t do anything to fuck that up.”
I nod, convinced. “So, where do we start tomorrow?”
“I know a few people we can talk to, we can start with them.”
“Ok. I’m letting you take the lead on this. You know the people we need to find and where to look. Doc, Ryder, and I are your backup.”
“Thanks, Ice. We’re gonna find them,” he says with determination, but it sounds like he’s trying to convince himself more than he’s trying to convince me.
Rebel
I’m home. I never thought I’d be back in my old room again. And I can’t fucking sleep. I’m just laying here in my bed thinking about everything that’s happened since we left the States—and everything that happened before we left the States. In the midst of all this chaos in my head, I realize that Ice is right about everything. And the more I think about his words, I come to another realization: he’s more a brother to me than both Damon and Patrick combined. I’d give my life for Ice. He’s my brother and my prez. But I’m not sure I feel the same loyalty to my biological brothers.