Maid Marian

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by Thomas Love Peacock


  CHAPTER IX

  Who set my man i' the stocks?---- I set him there, Sir but his own disorders Deserved much less advancement.--Lear.

  The baron was inflexible in his resolution not to let Matilda leave thecastle. The letter, which announced to her the approaching fate ofyoung Gamwell, filled her with grief, and increased the irksomeness of aprivation which already preyed sufficiently on her spirits, and began toundermine her health. She had no longer the consolation of the societyof her old friend father Michael: the little fat friar of Rubygill wassubstituted as the castle confessor, not without some misgivings in hisghostly bosom; but he was more allured by the sweet savour of the goodthings of this world at Arlingford Castle, than deterred by his aweof the lady Matilda, which nevertheless was so excessive, from hisrecollection of the twang of the bow-string, that he never ventured tofind her in the wrong, much less to enjoin any thing in the shape ofpenance, as was the occasional practice of holy confessors, with orwithout cause, for the sake of pious discipline, and what was in thosedays called social order, namely, the preservation of the privilegesof the few who happened to have any, at the expense of the swinishmultitude who happened to have none, except that of working and beingshot at for the benefit of their betters, which is obviously not themeaning of social order in our more enlightened times: let us thereforebe grateful to Providence, and sing Te Deum laudamus in chorus with theHoly Alliance.

  The little friar, however, though he found the lady spotless, found thebutler a great sinner: at least so it was conjectured, from the lengthof time he always took to confess him in the buttery.

  Matilda became every day more pale and dejected: her spirit, which couldhave contended against any strenuous affliction, pined in the monotonousinaction to which she was condemned. While she could freely range theforest with her lover in the morning, she had been content to returnto her father's castle in the evening, thus preserving underanged thebalance of her duties, habits, and affections; not without a hope thatthe repeal of her lover's outlawry might be eventually obtained, bya judicious distribution of some of his forest spoils among theholy fathers and saints that-were-to-be,--pious proficients in theecclesiastic art equestrian, who rode the conscience of King Henry withdouble-curb bridles, and kept it well in hand when it showed mettleand seemed inclined to rear and plunge. But the affair at Gamwell feastthrew many additional difficulties in the way of the accomplishment ofthis hope; and very shortly afterwards King Henry the Second went tomake up in the next world his quarrel with Thomas-a-Becket; and RichardCoeur de Lion made all England resound with preparations for thecrusade, to the great delight of many zealous adventurers, who eagerlyflocked under his banner in the hope of enriching themselves withSaracen spoil, which they called fighting the battles of God. Richard,who was not remarkably scrupulous in his financial operations, wasnot likely to overlook the lands and castle of Locksley, which heappropriated immediately to his own purposes, and sold to the highestbidder. Now, as the repeal of the outlawry would involve the restitutionof the estates to the rightful owner, it was obvious that it could neverbe expected from that most legitimate and most Christian king,Richard the First of England, the arch-crusader and anti-jacobin byexcellence,--the very type, flower, cream, pink, symbol, and mirror ofall the Holy Alliances that have ever existed on earth, exceptingthat he seasoned his superstition and love of conquest with a certaincondiment of romantic generosity and chivalrous self-devotion, withwhich his imitators in all other points have found it convenient todispense. To give freely to one man what he had taken forcibly fromanother, was generosity of which he was very capable; but to restorewhat he had taken to the man from whom he had taken it, was somethingthat wore too much of the cool physiognomy of justice to be easilyreconcileable to his kingly feelings. He had, besides, not only sentall King Henry's saints about their business, or rather about theirno-business--their faineantise--but he had laid them under rigorouscontribution for the purposes of his holy war; and having made themrefund to the piety of the successor what they had extracted from thepiety of the precursor, he compelled them, in addition, to givehim their blessing for nothing. Matilda, therefore, from all thesecircumstances, felt little hope that her lover would be any thing but anoutlaw for life.

  The departure of King Richard from England was succeeded by theepiscopal regency of the bishops of Ely and Durham. Longchamp, bishopof Ely, proceeded to show his sense of Christian fellowship by arrestinghis brother bishop, and despoiling him of his share in the government;and to set forth his humility and loving-kindness in a retinue of noblesand knights who consumed in one night's entertainment some five years'revenue of their entertainer, and in a guard of fifteen hundred foreignsoldiers, whom he considered indispensable to the exercise of a vigourbeyond the law in maintaining wholesome discipline over the refractoryEnglish. The ignorant impatience of the swinish multitude with thesefruits of good living, brought forth by one of the meek who hadinherited the earth, displayed itself in a general ferment, of whichPrince John took advantage to make the experiment of getting possessionof his brother's crown in his absence. He began by calling at Readinga council of barons, whose aspect induced the holy bishop to disguisehimself (some say as an old woman, which, in the twelfth century,perhaps might have been a disguise for a bishop), and make hisescape beyond sea. Prince John followed up his advantage by obtainingpossession of several strong posts, and among others of the castle ofNottingham.

  While John was conducting his operations at Nottingham, he rode at timespast the castle of Arlingford. He stopped on one occasion to claim LordFitzwater's hospitality, and made most princely havoc among his venisonand brawn. Now it is a matter of record among divers great historiansand learned clerks, that he was then and there grievously smitten by thecharms of the lovely Matilda, and that a few days after he despatchedhis travelling minstrel, or laureate, Harpiton, [3] (whom he retained atmoderate wages, to keep a journal of his proceedings, and prove them alljust and legitimate), to the castle of Arlingford, to make proposals tothe lady. This Harpiton was a very useful person. He was always ready,not only to maintain the cause of his master with his pen, and to singhis eulogies to his harp, but to undertake at a moment's notice anykind of courtly employment, called dirty work by the profane, which theblessings of civil government, namely, his master's pleasure, and theinterests of social order, namely, his own emolument, might require. Inshort,

  Il eut l'emploi qui certes n'est pas mince, Et qu'a la cour, ou tout se peint en beau, On appelloit etre l'ami du prince; Mais qu'a la ville, et surtout en province, Les gens grossiers ont nomme maquereau.

  Prince John was of opinion that the love of a prince actual and kingexpectant, was in itself a sufficient honour to the daughter of a simplebaron, and that the right divine or royalty would make it sufficientlyholy without the rite divine of the church. He was, therefore,graciously pleased to fall into an exceeding passion, when hisconfidential messenger returned from his embassy in piteous plight,having been, by the baron's order, first tossed in a blanket and set inthe stocks to cool, and afterwards ducked in the moat and set again inthe stocks to dry. John swore to revenge horribly this flagrant outrageon royal prerogative, and to obtain possession of the lady by forceof arms; and accordingly collected a body of troops, and marched uponArlingford castle. A letter, conveyed as before on the point of a bluntarrow, announced his approach to Matilda: and lord Fitzwater had justtime to assemble his retainers, collect a hasty supply of provision,raise the draw-bridge, and drop the portcullis, when the castle wassurrounded by the enemy. The little fat friar, who during the confusionwas asleep in the buttery, found himself, on awaking, inclosed in thebesieged castle, and dolefully bewailed his evil chance.

 

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