Maid Marian

by Thomas Love Peacock

  CHAPTER XII

  A single volume paramount: a code: A master spirit: a determined road. --WORDSWORTH.

  The next morning Robin Hood convened his foresters, and desired LittleJohn, for the baron's edification, to read over the laws of their forestsociety. Little John read aloud with a stentorophonic voice.

  "At a high court of foresters, held under the greenwood tree, an hourafter sun-rise, Robin Hood President, William Scarlet Vice-President,Little John Secretary: the following articles, moved by Friar Tuck inhis capacity of Peer Spiritual, and seconded by Much the Miller, wereunanimously agreed to.

  "The principles of our society are six: Legitimacy, Equity, Hospitality,Chivalry, Chastity, and Courtesy.

  "The articles of Legitimacy are four:

  "I. Our government is legitimate, and our society is founded on the onegolden rule of right, consecrated by the universal consent of mankind,and by the practice of all ages, individuals, and nations: namely, Tokeep what we have, and to catch what we can.

  "II. Our government being legitimate, all our proceedings shall belegitimate: wherefore we declare war against the whole world, and everyforester is by this legitimate declaration legitimately invested with aroving commission, to make lawful prize of every thing that comes in hisway.

  "III. All forest laws but our own we declare to be null and void.

  "IV. All such of the old laws of England as do not in any way interferewith, or militate against, the views of this honourable assembly, wewill loyally adhere to and maintain. The rest we declare null and voidas far as relates to ourselves, in all cases wherein a vigour beyond thelaw may be conducive to our own interest and preservation."

  "The articles of Equity are three:

  "I. The balance of power among the people being very much deranged, byone having too much and another nothing, we hereby resolve ourselvesinto a congress or court of equity, to restore as far as in us lies thesaid natural balance of power, by taking from all who have too muchas much of the said too much as we can lay our hands on; and givingto those who have nothing such a portion thereof as it may seem to usexpedient to part with.

  "II. In all cases a quorum of foresters shall constitute a court ofequity, and as many as may be strong enough to manage the matter in handshall constitute a quorum.

  "III. All usurers, monks, courtiers, and other drones of the greathive of society, who shall be found laden with any portion of the honeywhereof they have wrongfully despoiled the industrious bee, shall berightfully despoiled thereof in turn; and all bishops and abbots shallbe bound and beaten, [5] especially the abbot of Doncaster; as shallalso all sheriffs, especially the sheriff of Nottingham.

  "The articles of Hospitality are two:

  "I. Postmen, carriers and market-folk, peasants and mechanics, farmersand millers, shall pass through our forest dominions without let ormolestation.

  "II. All other travellers through the forest shall be graciously invitedto partake of Robin's hospitality; and if they come not willingly theyshall be compelled; and the rich man shall pay well for his fare; andthe poor man shall feast scot free, and peradventure receive bounty inproportion to his desert and necessity.

  "The article of Chivalry is one:

  "I. Every forester shall, to the extent of his power, aid and protectmaids, widows, and orphans, and all weak and distressed personswhomsoever: and no woman shall be impeded or molested in any way; norshall any company receive harm which any woman is in.

  "The article of Chastity is one:

  "I. Every forester, being Diana's forester and minion of the moon, shallcommend himself to the grace of the Virgin, and shall have the gift ofcontinency on pain of expulsion: that the article of chivalry may besecure from infringement, and maids, wives, and widows pass without fearthrough the forest.

  "The article of Courtesy is one:

  "I. No one shall miscall a forester. He who calls Robin Robert ofHuntingdon, or salutes him by any other title or designation whatsoeverexcept plain Robin Hood; or who calls Marian Matilda Fitzwater, orsalutes her by any other title or designation whatsoever except plainMaid Marian; and so of all others; shall for every such offence forfeita mark, to be paid to the friar.

  "And these articles we swear to keep as we are good men and true.Carried by acclamation. God save King Richard.

  "LITTLE JOHN, Secretary."

  "Excellent laws," said the baron: "excellent, by the holy rood. Williamof Normandy, with my great great grandfather Fierabras at his elbow,could not have made better. And now, sweet Mawd----"

  "A fine, a fine," cried the friar, "a fine, by the article of courtesy."

  "Od's life," said the baron, "shall I not call my own daughter Mawd?Methinks there should be a special exception in my favour."

  "It must not be," said Robin Hood: "our constitution admits noprivilege."

  "But I will commute," said the friar; "for twenty marks a year duly paidinto my ghostly pocket you shall call your daughter Mawd two hundredtimes a day."

  "Gramercy," said the baron, "and I agree, honest friar, when I can gettwenty marks to pay: for till Prince John be beaten from Nottingham, myrents are like to prove but scanty."

  "I will trust," said the friar, "and thus let us ratify the stipulation;so shall our laws and your infringement run together in an amicableparallel."

  "But," said Little John, "this is a bad precedent, master friar. It isturning discipline into profit, penalty into perquisite, public justiceinto private revenue. It is rank corruption, master friar."

  "Why are laws made?" said the friar. "For the profit of somebody. Ofwhom? Of him who makes them first, and of others as it may happen. Wasnot I legislator in the last article, and shall I not thrive by my ownlaw?"

  "Well then, sweet Mawd," said the baron, "I must leave you, Mawd: yourlife is very well for the young and the hearty, but it squares not withmy age or my humour. I must house, Mawd. I must find refuge: but where?That is the question."

  "Where Sir Guy of Gamwell has found it," said Robin Hood, "near theborders of Barnsdale. There you may dwell in safety with him and fairAlice, till King Richard return, and Little John shall give you safeconduct. You will have need to travel with caution, in disguise andwithout attendants, for Prince John commands all this vicinity, and willdoubtless lay the country for you and Marian. Now it is first expedientto dismiss your retainers. If there be any among them who like our life,they may stay with us in the greenwood; the rest may return to theirhomes."

  Some of the baron's men resolved to remain with Robin and Marian, andwere furnished accordingly with suits of green, of which Robin alwayskept good store.

  Marian now declared that as there was danger in the way to Barnsdale,she would accompany Little John and the baron, as she should not behappy unless she herself saw her father placed in security. Robin wasvery unwilling to consent to this, and assured her that there was moredanger for her than the baron: but Marian was absolute.

  "If so, then," said Robin, "I shall be your guide instead of LittleJohn, and I shall leave him and Scarlet joint-regents of Sherwood duringmy absence, and the voice of Friar Tuck shall be decisive between themif they differ in nice questions of state policy." Marian objected tothis, that there was more danger for Robin than either herself or thebaron: but Robin was absolute in his turn.

  "Talk not of my voice," said the friar; "for if Marian be a damselerrant, I will be her ghostly esquire."

  Robin insisted that this should not be, for number would only exposethem to greater risk of detection. The friar, after some debate,reluctantly acquiesced.

  While they were discussing these matters, they heard the distant soundof horses' feet.

  "Go," said Robin to Little John, "and invite yonder horseman to dinner."

  Little John bounded away, and soon came before a young man, who wasriding in a melancholy manner, with the bridle hanging loose on thehorse's neck, and his eyes drooping towards the ground.

  "Whither go you?" said Little John.

  "Whithersoever my h
orse pleases," said the young man.

  "And that shall be," said Little John, "whither I please to lead him. Iam commissioned to invite you to dine with my master."

  "Who is your master?" said the young man.

  "Robin Hood," said Little John.

  "The bold outlaw?" said the stranger. "Neither he nor you should havemade me turn an inch aside yesterday; but to-day I care not."

  "Then it is better for you," said Little John, "that you came to-daythan yesterday, if you love dining in a whole skin: for my master is thepink of courtesy: but if his guests prove stubborn, he bastes them andhis venison together, while the friar says mass before meat."

  The young man made no answer, and scarcely seemed to hear what LittleJohn was saying, who therefore took the horse's bridle and led him towhere Robin and his foresters were setting forth their dinner. Robinseated the young man next to Marian. Recovering a little from hisstupor, he looked with much amazement at her, and the baron, andRobin, and the friar; listened to their conversation, and seemed muchastonished to find himself in such holy and courtly company. Robinhelped him largely to rumble-pie and cygnet and pheasant, and the otherdainties of his table; and the friar pledged him in ale and wine, andexhorted him to make good cheer. But the young man drank little, ateless, spake nothing, and every now and then sighed heavily.

  When the repast was ended, "Now," said Robin, "you are at liberty topursue your journey: but first be pleased to pay for your dinner."

  "That would I gladly do, Robin," said the young man, "but all I haveabout me are five shillings and a ring. To the five shillings you shallbe welcome, but for the ring I will fight while there is a drop of bloodin my veins."

  "Gallantly spoken," said Robin Hood. "A love-token, without doubt: butyou must submit to our forest laws. Little John must search; and if hefind no more than you say, not a penny will I touch; but if you havespoken false, the whole is forfeit to our fraternity."

  "And with reason," said the friar; "for thereby is the truth maintainedThe abbot of Doubleflask swore there was no money in his valise, andLittle John forthwith emptied it of four hundred pounds. Thus was theabbot's perjury but of one minute's duration; for though his speechwas false in the utterance, yet was it no sooner uttered than it becametrue, and we should have been participes criminis to have suffered theholy abbot to depart in falsehood: whereas he came to us a false priest,and we sent him away a true man. Marry, we turned his cloak to furtheraccount, and thereby hangs a tale that may be either said or sung; forin truth I am minstrel here as well as chaplain; I pray for good successto our just and necessary warfare, and sing thanks-giving odes when ourforesters bring in booty:

  Bold Robin has robed him in ghostly attire, And forth he is gone like a holy friar, Singing, hey down, ho down, down, derry down: And of two grey friars he soon was aware, Regaling themselves with dainty fare, All on the fallen leaves so brown.

  "Good morrow, good brothers," said bold Robin Hood, "And what make you in the good greenwood, Singing hey down, ho down, down, derry down! Now give me, I pray you, wine and food; For none can I find in the good greenwood, All on the fallen leaves so brown."

  "Good brother," they said, "we would give you full fain, But we have no more than enough for twain, Singing, hey down, ho down, down, derry down." "Then give me some money," said bold Robin Hood, "For none can I find in the good greenwood, All on the fallen leaves so brown."

  "No money have we, good brother," said they: "Then," said he, "we three for money will pray: Singing, hey down, ho down, down, derry down: And whatever shall come at the end of our prayer, We three holy friars will piously share, All on the fallen leaves so brown."

  "We will not pray with thee, good brother, God wot: For truly, good brother, thou pleasest us not, Singing hey down, ho down, down, derry down:" Then up they both started from Robin to run, But down on their knees Robin pulled them each one, All on the fallen leaves so brown.

  The grey friars prayed with a doleful face, But bold Robin prayed with a right merry grace, Singing, hey down, ho down, down, derry down: And when they had prayed, their portmanteau he took, And from it a hundred good angels he shook, All on the fallen leaves so brown.

  "The saints," said bold Robin, "have hearkened our prayer, And here's a good angel apiece for your share: If more you would have, you must win ere you wear: Singing hey down, ho down, down, derry down:" Then he blew his good horn with a musical cheer, And fifty green bowmen came trooping full near, And away the grey friars they bounded like deer, All on the fallen leaves so brown.