by Amanda Perry
After a lot of discussion, we all agreed that the sooner we completed the change the better. Levi said he wanted to do the honors and I was surprised he thought I would allow anyone else to do something like that to me and for me. I told him I don’t want to know when it’s going to happen. I want it to be a surprise so I’m not expecting it and anticipating the pain. Maybe then I won’t be as anxious about it.
The whole family sat down with me and explained that the process includes Levi almost draining my body of blood before giving me some of his. It’s a very tricky process and that part alone can kill me. If I survive the initial draining, I will feel the pain of the transformation, and that shouldn’t take more than twenty-four hours but it will feel like days. They don’t spare me on the details because I wouldn’t let them. I want to know what I’m getting myself into. So, much to Levi’s dismay, I demand to hear all the horrid details about the process of changing a human into a demon shifter.
It has been a week since the decision was made and the details worked out. Mary and Abe have seen a human being changed firsthand, so they will talk with Levi in more detail about it while I’m not around. It seems a bit awkward for them to be coaching him on such an intimate thing, but I suppose having someone who knows what they are talking about is helpful. I don’t want to end up dead after all.
I have been cleaning and baking and organizing like a mad woman, trying to keep myself busy. The linen closet upstairs looks like something from Better Homes and Gardens magazine and the kitchen pantry has been organized three times this week. I know Levi is trying to stay calm in front of me but I can see the nerves in his eyes when he’s around me.
I’m so deep in my thoughts while baking my third batch of chocolate chip berry muffins I don’t realize anyone has joined me in the kitchen until Levi’s arms wrap around my waist and his lips rest on my neck.
I gasp in surprise and tilt my head on instinct, allowing him more access to my neck. “You scared me,” I murmur, grinning uncontrollably when he starts placing soft kisses up and down the side of my neck.
“I didn’t mean to. I wasn’t quiet coming in,” he assures me, his breath ghosting over my skin and causing shivers to rack my body. “You seemed deep in thought. Anything you would like to talk about? Everyone is out of the house right now. They won’t be back for an hour or so.”
I shake my head, too focused on his touch to form a coherent thought. Levi places an open-mouthed kiss on my shoulder and sucks lightly in the same spot. Sparks of electricity shoot through my veins and I can’t stop the small whimper of pleasure that escapes my mouth.
I feel rather than see the smirk that crosses Leviathan’s lips and I have half a mind to lift my shoulder quickly and pop him in the mouth. He is such a tease. As if sensing my frustration, Levi chuckles and quickly kisses my neck once more before backing away.
“What are you making this time?” he asks, leaning his hip on the counter and crossing his perfect arms over his perfect chest.
He still has a knowing smile on his perfect, stupid face and rather than answering him I send him a glare and turn back to my baking.
Levi chuckles at me. “Don’t pout, it’s too tempting,” he insists, his smile growing wider. “You have no patience whatsoever, love. You are going to have to learn some.”
“I don’t want patience, I want... other things,” I tell him, sticking my bottom lip out in an exaggerated pout.
Shaking his head in exasperation, Levi turns away from me and heads to the kitchen island, taking a seat on one of the stools. “All good things, love.”
“Jerk,” I mumble under my breath as I throw the last of the muffins in the oven and start the timer. I know full well that Levi can hear me when I mumble, but I’m not in the mood to care about that right now.
Before I can come up with another scathing remark, Levi spins me around and holds my face carefully with both of his hands, his mouth coming down onto mine hard and fast. I kiss him back just as hard, needing him close to me, needing this connection with him. I wrap my arms around his neck and tangle my fingers in his hair, holding him close to me.
Levi runs his hands down my sides and over my hips, gripping them tightly. I gasp at the feel of him lifting me off the ground and, in an attempt to steady myself, I wrap my legs around his waist and clutch his hair tighter. The extra tug on his locks has him growling into my mouth and deepening the kiss. I can’t think about anything but him. His scent, his body, his lips. Only him.
Breaking the kiss to draw in air, he doesn’t take his lips from me, but rather moves his mouth to my jaw then slowly down to my neck. I should be afraid. I should have the sense to stop him or worry he may bite me now, but the feel of his mouth on me is ruining all of my sensibility.
When he starts lightly sucking on my neck, my hips thrust forward into his and I throw my head back at the sensation. Levi seems to like my reaction because suddenly my back is pushed against a wall and he is grinding his length into my core as he continues working his way from my neck to the swell of my breasts. “Levi.” I breathe his name out, pushing myself into him as much as I can.
Levi follows the path from my left breast to my right and back up to my collar bone then my neck again. I don’t even realize what he is doing until I feel a sharp pain in my neck and I stiffen at the pain. I’m able to think clearly enough to bite my lip and try to hold in the cries that want to break free. I don’t want him to feel bad about doing something I have asked him to do.
The fiery pain in my neck continues to grow until I can’t handle it any longer. I’m about to open my mouth to release a scream out when Levi stops. I try to open my eyes and see him, but they won’t cooperate with me. I feel heavy and tired. Something wet and warm touches my tongue and I hear Levi telling me to take a drink.
I’m so tired I only want to sleep, but when I try to slip into slumber, something shakes me awake. I swallow the liquid in my mouth as it flows in, but soon it’s too hard to stay awake and I succumb to the darkness.
27
Leviathan’s Pov
“Okay, love,” I murmur, sinking to the floor with Julianne after I take my mouth from her neck. “I need you to drink for me.”
Using my teeth, I bite my wrist and place it up to her mouth, urging her to take my blood. When she doesn’t respond, I start to panic. Did I take too much? I did what I was told to do. What has always worked. So why isn’t she responding?
“Julianne, drink it!” I shout, pressing my wrist a bit more into her mouth. I feel her tongue touch my wrist but then she goes completely limp in my arms.
I pull my phone out and stab at the keys until it starts ringing. The second the other line picks up I start shouting. “Something went wrong, I need you!”
“Calm down, Levi,” my father insists, though his voice shakes a bit and I know he is worried. “We’re a few minutes away. What happened?”
“She isn’t responding, her heart is slowing down,” I sputter out in my panic. “Something is wrong, I did something wrong and she won’t drink.”
“Levi, I need you to listen to me, son,” my father’s voice is serious and demands attention. “Take her to your room, continue to give her your blood until we get there. Let it run into her mouth and down her throat if you have to. Just stay calm. We’re almost there.”
I hang up without another word and with a speed that would cause a panic among humans, I pick my girl up and race to my room. Laying her limp body gently on my bed, I lie next to her and put my wrist back to her mouth. I quietly beg her to be okay, to respond in some way and start taking the blood she needs.
My family races through the house and up the stairs to my room as soon as they get home. They have all come to love Julianne nearly as much as I have. I can’t lose her; we can’t lose her.
My father comes to the bed and checks her over, asking again what happened exactly. I explain to him that I bit her and how much blood I took from her. I tell him everything that happened after. He looks worried and I star
t to panic. I did something wrong. I knew it.
“Levi, there is nothing you can do now but wait for her to respond,” he tells me, trying to be reassuring.
He doesn’t appear hopeful and it knocks the breath from my lungs to see my father look so defeated. If he doesn’t have hope, then there isn’t any to have. Something wet falls from my face and hits my arm. I wipe at my face with my free hand and realize I have tears coming from my eyes.
This hasn’t happened to me in more years than I can remember. I’m going to lose my love, my life. I killed her because I’m selfish and wanted to keep her. This is my fault.
I spend the next few hours holding Julianne and silently allowing the tears to flow. I listen as her heart slows more and more before finally stopping completely. My world stops at that moment. I can’t breathe or think. I can only hold her and tell her how sorry I am for failing her.
A sudden ear-piercing scream pierces the room, coming from the girl I’m holding in my arms. The unexpectedness of it has my body jolting and my fangs elongating, ready to fight off the threat. My eyes widen in shock and it takes me a few long seconds for me to register that the scream meant she wasn’t dead.
When Julianne screams in agony again, I snap back to reality and call for Remus. He comes rushing into the room with our parents trailing behind him. They stare in shock for a second and I know they heard her heart stop as well. My mother wipes the tears from her eyes and goes about the room trying to find a way to make Julianne more comfortable.
Remus and my father check her over and assure me she was still in the throes of the change. For some reason, my bite was affecting her differently than they expected. “This is the second stage so it’s a good sign she made it this far. If all goes as planned, I will have a new daughter come morning,” my father informs me.
Just before they leave the room and allow me to be alone with Julianne, Remus places a hand on my shoulder and squeezes. “This is not going to be easy, Brother. It will be over soon one way or the other but for now all you can do is be here with her. Talk to her and hold her; she needs you.”
I simply nod my head and turn back to Julianne. I murmur in her ear as she writhes and cries and screams in pain. I can’t help her and it kills me that I have to let her go through this. I continue to hold her in my arms, smoothing her hair out of her face and whispering in her ear how much I love her and how sorry I am that I’m the cause of her agony. I tell her I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I beg her to be all right and to come back to me soon. I can only hope she doesn’t have to endure this for long and that the pain she is going through is worth it in the end.
Sometime in the middle of the night Julianne stops screaming and her body stills its tremors. Remus comes in to check on her and tells me it has been roughly ten hours since she started. He says that the worst is over for now, but the very end of the transition is the most critical. For now, she is resting against my chest and whimpering softly as she sleeps. Remus quietly removes her cast and one tiny victory is the fact her broken leg is fully healed thanks to the change. She may not have completed it yet, but it’s enough to heal her and anything that helps her rest a little easier is a win in my mind.
28
When my mind starts to float back to consciousness, the first thing I notice is the pain. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. Completely consuming and overwhelming. I feel everything; every part of my body is being licked by the fire. I try to cry out for help, but only screams escape me. My body jerks, trying to escape the hurt. I want to give in to the darkness again, but I know that if I do, I will not wake again.
I have a moment of weakness, thinking it wouldn’t be a bad thing to give into the darkness to escape the pain, but then I hear Leviathan. He’s whispering to me and telling me he loves me. He begs me to come back to him and to fight for him. I hear his apologies and pleas to forgive him for doing this to me. The desire to reach out to him and comfort him fills me, but my body is too weak and I hurt too much to even attempt moving on purpose.
I allow Levi’s voice to soothe the pain as I cling to consciousness. I do everything in my power to focus on his voice and his light touches instead of the hurt. It feels like days pass before it finally eases to a tolerable level and I can feel my body stop arching and bowing. I’m pulled into Levi’s warm side and I drift in and out of sleep to the sound of myself whimpering and Levi’s murmurs in my ear.
The next time I come to, it isn’t gradual or calming. It’s a burst of pain and it completely debilitates me. My mouth opens and a deafening scream escapes me, causing Leviathan to jolt under me.
“Remus!” he shouts, his voice shaking as he calls for his brother. “Remus, help!”
I continue to scream, having no control over my body and my reactions. I hear Remus rush into the room and start shouting orders at Leviathan. They are doing what they can to help me and I know that, but my body feels like it’s about to shut down.
My breathing starts to accelerate and my veins begin to burn as if filled with fire. I felt my heart stop beating long ago but now it feels as if it’s trying to start again, with no success. Tears pour from my still closed eyes as Leviathan tries desperately to calm me with his touch and his words.
“Levi, this is bad,” I hear Remus whisper over my screams of agony. “This isn’t a typical reaction, this is worse. I’m sorry, Levi. I don’t know what else to do to help her.”
“No!” Levi shouts, surprising me with his loud volume. He begins pleading with me and every word breaks my already stopped heart. “Julianne, you need to fight. I need you, love. Please don’t leave me! I can’t lose you. Baby, please!”
I do everything I can to hold on for Leviathan. I fight my body’s need to shut down and give into the pain and darkness trying to consume me. Just when I think I can’t take anymore, something changes.
Without warning everything stops. Time stops, my screams stop, Leviathan’s pleading stops, and everything goes silent. I lie there trying to figure out what is happening. Why suddenly I have no senses at all. I don’t feel pain or Leviathan touching me, I don’t hear his pleas or Remus shouting orders, and I don’t have the ability to open my eyes or my mouth to see or say anything.
I have no idea how much time passes. It could be minutes, or hours, or days. All I know is that if my heart were beating, it would be going triple speed right now. Even my lungs aren’t working I am not drawing in any air and it sends me into a further panic.
My ears start to ring and my senses return to me slowly. The first thing I feel is something wet hitting my face. It feels like rain sprinkling on my skin, but it’s warmer. As the ringing in my ears starts to subside, someone’s sobs break through. I listen harder and realize it’s Leviathan. The wet drops hitting my face are his tears.
Something about his sobs gives me my body the jolt it needs. My lungs open up and I inhale sharply simultaneously, opening my eyes wide. I see Leviathan’s grief-stricken face first. His eyes are closed in misery. I try to move my arm, but it feels heavy and I’m still so tired. I groan in frustration when I can’t comfort Levi like he has been comforting me.
My pathetic attempt at communicating somehow reaches Leviathan’s ears and his sobs stop abruptly as his eyes snap to mine. They widen in shock and he simply gapes at me for a few moments before a strangled laugh-cry escapes him and he starts kissing every inch of my face.
“I thought I lost you, Julianne,” he whispers, his voice breaking as he speaks. “Twice. I thought I lost you twice in the last twenty-four hours. Please say something, tell me this isn’t a dream.”
Opening my mouth, I attempt to reassure him I’m here. Instead, I start coughing and it shakes my whole body. I’m still sore all over and my throat is so dry, I can’t force sound out.
“Shh,” he murmurs in my ear. “I’m sorry, love. Don’t talk if it hurts, it’s all right. If I’m dreaming, I just won’t ever wake up.”
I whimper slightly as a delicious smell hits my nose.
The need for the source of the smell has me whining and my body shaking.
“Brecken, did you need to bring that in here?” Leviathan growls, his eyes narrowing and his lips tightening.
“You need it if you are going to give her anything,” Brecken reasons with his emotional brother. “We’re going out for a bit. Call us if you need us, little brother.”
Levi simply nods and takes a deep breath when Brecken leaves the room. “I’m sorry, love. That smell is blood; you need it right now.”
My nose wrinkles at the thought and Leviathan chuckles at me. “I know, that’s why I had an idea for you. I don’t think that you drinking from a blood bag will satisfy you right now. I can fill up and you can take it from me though.”
I start at the idea and stare at Leviathan with wide eyes. “I told you a while ago that it’s an intimate act between demon shifter mates.” He pauses, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m told it’s sensual for our kind. We don’t have to. I just want you comfortable and the urge to bite might be a bit much for a blood bag to satisfy.”
Thinking over his words, I realize he is right. I run my tongue along my newly sharpened canines. The need to bite something is overwhelming, and I know drinking from a bag isn’t going to make that urge go away. I refuse to bite a normal person, but if Leviathan says it won’t hurt him for me to bite him, then I will trust him.
29
I try to speak up and tell Levi what I’m thinking, but my throat is too dry and I can only cough harshly. Rather than waiting for me to regain my ability to speak, Levi starts asking me yes and no questions.
“Would you rather drink from the bag, love?” he asks, his brows drawn together with concern as he studies my face. “It’s up to you. Whatever you want, I will do it for you.”