by CJ Murphy
"I've gotten used to it. It's like a part of me. With the new robotics, I can stand as I need to. It helps me work with the sculptures. I created a frame to hold the piece and allow me to turn it in any direction. It makes it possible for me to work on larger pieces. Are you guys going to be able to stop by my show this evening?"
"That would be wonderful," Laurel said, clapping her hands together. "I'd love to see some of your art."
"Great! I'll put your names on the list at the door." Jo grinned as she finished her toast and filled a travel mug to take upstairs. "I've got some detail work to do on a commissioned piece. Laurel, why don't you come up with me and take a look at it."
Laurel looked at Val. "Will you be okay?"
"Yeah, I'm going to sit here and drink my coffee. I need to check my email, too. Liz, can I borrow your computer again?"
Liz finished the yogurt she’d been eating. "Sure, the one in the study would be easiest for you to get to. I'll take you to it after you finish your coffee."
Laurel started to rise but sat back down. “Val, you need to eat something with your meds.”
Val started to speak, but Liz cut her off and looked at Laurel. “I’ll get her something, how about you?”
“I’m good with this for right now. I’ll have something in a bit.” Laurel followed Jo upstairs and left Liz and Val at the table.
"Go ahead, Liz, ask." Val sipped her coffee.
Liz raised an eyebrow went to the refrigerator for another cup of yogurt. "How are you this morning?" Liz handed it to her.
"Good. Great in fact. This feels different. It feels…" She spooned a few bites of yogurt into her mouth.
"Feels like what?"
"Like coming home.” Val thought about the meaning of her words while she ate. Home meant laying your burdens down. She’d never given herself over to anyone or relinquished complete control. She put the spoon in the cup and looked at Liz. “I did something last night that I’ve never done.” She paused while she gathered her thoughts. “I gave complete control to her.”
Liz’s eyes brightened. “That’s a big step for you. I will assume then, what I was hearing last night were cries of pleasure?”
Heat crawled up Val’s neck reaching her ears. “Uh…yeah.” She sighed, lost in memory of making love with Laurel. “I don’t ever remember feeling so safe and yet so totally helpless.” Val looked past Liz to the hall where Jo and Laurel had disappeared and played with the spoon in the empty yogurt cup.
“Control is an interesting principle,” Liz mused. “Traffic lights control movement to reduce the risk of accidents. Valves control the flow air or fluid or completely stop them. In a more personal relationship, control can be both a good and bad thing. Controlling yourself while you’re angry, can keep you from saying something that will hurt. Letting go of control can allow you to see the other person’s point of view. It’s a bad thing if it’s used as a weapon. In a much more intimate setting, it can heighten pleasure. It’s not the control itself but how it’s used.”
Val knew about control as a weapon. She’d been controlled to the extreme as a child. What she’d wear, whom she’d associate with, even down to what activities she’d be involved in. The one thing they hadn’t been able to control was her sexuality and that drove her father into raging fits. She’d refused to wear dresses after the age of twelve. She rubbed her eyes with her left hand.
“Control in the hands of a self-absorbed bastard can lead a sixteen-year-old girl to run five miles to her grandmother’s after he backhanded her for not going out with his associate professor’s son. Grandmother threatened to disinherit father after she saw my bloodied lip and swollen eye.” Val’s tone grew hard, and she shuddered at the memory. She’d collapsed in her grandmother’s arms, crying uncontrollably. The woman was furious. To ensure her safety, Harriett Magnusson threatened to call social services if he ever touched her again. At the age of seventeen, Val had gone to live with her grandmother, who’d encouraged her to pursue her love of photography. After high school, she obtained her journalism degree and shortly thereafter, enlisted in the United States Marine Corp. “The good Professor Magnusson valued his chance at being a multi-millionaire from his inheritance and moved out to an off-campus studio apartment. Of course, Mother accused me of driving him away, turning the entire episode into the latest in her ‘poor me’ act. From that day on, I never let anyone control me again until I went into the service.” Val closed her eyes against the memory.
Liz knew Val’s childhood had been unhappy from the many hours of therapy. “Our past influences us, Val, but it doesn’t have to define us.”
Val’s mind drifted back to the control she’d given Laurel last night. “Liz, I’ve had sex. Enough of it to know that until last night, no one has ever touched me like that. I’ve always been a top. Last night, she took the dominant role.” Val paused and sighed. “And I let her, willingly.” Val was quiet for a moment, allowing her admission to sink in.
“Was Laurel ok with it?”
“She initiated it. To be honest, she figured out what I needed even though I couldn’t say it out loud. She didn’t even ask for reciprocation. All she wanted was for me to hold her. It terrified me. I want to hold her and so much more, but I’m afraid of what I feel. What if I hurt her?”
“I don’t think that’s going to happen. You’re so much more in control of your flashbacks now. You’ll always have triggers, but you have to forgive yourself for what you think you should’ve done over there. Until you come to terms with it and what happened with Tess, that day will forever be in control of your future. The fact that you allowed Laurel to take control at your most vulnerable moment, is telling. You obviously have deep trust in not only her, but in what you feel for her. Embrace it and realize that you still have the ultimate control that allows you to love and to be loved.”
Val dropped her head into her hands. Liz was right. Her fear still held power over her and as long as she gave in to it, it always would.
Her cellphone rang. She checked the display, rolled her eyes, and hit the answer key. “Hello, Mother.”
Amanda’s polished voice filled her ear. “How are you, Valkyrie? I know you were supposed to see your surgeon yesterday, and I called to see what she said.”
Val rubbed her hand across her forehead. “It could be worse, so I’m trying to be thankful. The rotator cup is shredded. She’ll be operating tomorrow. It’ll be outpatient unless there’s a complication. My new leg should be ready to go soon. Other than some general soreness, I’m fine. How are you?”
“Fine, darling. I wanted to check in with you. Try to get some rest. You’ll let me know how the surgery goes, won’t you? I’m supposed to be interviewing a visiting dignitary this afternoon or I’d fly in. The paper insists I handle this personally.”
Val listened with one ear as Amanda droned on. Placating her mother was easy. “Perfectly understandable, they want the best. I’ll have Laurel call you after the surgery and give you the update. I’ll be way too loopy.”
“How is Laurel?”
“She’s fine, Mother. Looking at Jo’s latest creation.”
“You’re staying with Liz and Jo?”
Val rubbed her eyes with her thumb and forefinger. “Yes, they offered us a place to stay while I get this done. Sometime Friday we’ll head back to West Virginia, if I can. Then I’ll start rehab at the place Laurel lined up.”
“Do you need anything?”
Val thought for a moment. “A tin of that peppermint shoe polish Grandmother used to use.”
“Peppermint shoe polish?” Amanda grew silent. “Oh, the lip salve she carried. I haven’t seen it for years. I’ll look for it. Get some rest. You sound tired.”
“I am and I will. It was a busy day yesterday, and I haven’t quite recovered from the drive over here.”
The silence between them grew. Val had long since given up the typical pleasantries most close family members used as they said goodbye. Though they had made strides during the t
ime her mother visited her in the hospital, she still couldn’t bring herself to say the things most daughters said to their mothers.
“Take care, Mother.”
“You, too, Valkyrie.”
They ended the call, and Val closed her eyes, the phone pressed to her forehead.
“That bad?”
Val opened her eyes and took a deep breath. “The call was tolerable.”
Laurel appeared and sat by Val. “What call?”
Val melted into the warm voice. “Mother. She was checking in on me. I told her you would call her after the surgery.”
Smiling, Laurel ran her hand through Val’s hair. “Of course, if that’s what you want.”
“Better than having her calling every five minutes, trust me.” Val tilted her head. “What did you think of Jo’s piece?”
Laurel’s eyes sparkled. “It’s incredible. She does something with heat that makes the steel change colors as the light hits it from different angles. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
Liz beamed. “Jo’s always been talented.”
“And that’s before I even leave the bedroom.” Jo wheeled by Liz who was still seated at the table, stealing a kiss.
Liz blushed and ran her hand down Jo’s arm. “There, too. So, what are you two doing today?”
Val looked at her phone as it buzzed in her hand. “I just got a text from Charley. They need us to come over to The Bodyshop so they can do a fit check on my sleeve and socket.”
“Looks like I have my marching orders. I need to catch a quick shower.” Laurel ran her hand across Val’s shoulders, leaning down to kiss her temple. “Let me take care of that and I can help you get ready if you need me.”
“I’ll need a shower, too.”
Val watched Laurel head upstairs, and Liz wheeled Val into her office so she could use the computer. Val spent the next half hour catching up on some email. After that, Laurel assisted Val into the shower and then helped her dress. They headed to The Bodyshop.
Laurel reached across the console and took Val’s hand. “You okay?”
“I’m better than I’ve been in a long time.” She lifted Laurel’s hand and kissed it.
Laurel curled her fingers tighter around Val’s. “You know, last night was special for me, too. I’ve never felt like that.”
“Last night was something I’ve never experienced.” Val bit her bottom lip. “But I want to feel that way again. And I need to touch you.” She sucked two of Laurel’s fingers in her mouth.
Laurel shivered. “Love, you’re recovering from one accident. Let’s not have another.”
Val lowered her voice and slid her fingers around Laurel’s ear. “Only if you promise me a rain check?”
Laurel shivered. “I’ll promise you anything you want. You’ve got to stop that or I’m going to lose it.”
Val’s laughter filled the Jeep. “Oh, that could be dangerous. For now, let’s get to The Bodyshop so I can get at least one part of me fixed.”
***
Twenty minutes later, Laurel helped Val onto the lift table in Charley’s work area. She walked around the room and looked at the sculptures nestled on shelves and display cases. “These are amazing.”
Val added some insight. “Charley’s multi-talented. Beyond his abilities to create one of a kind sockets, he’s quite the artist.”
Charley displayed a few sockets in glass cases with pictures attached. One was of an athlete in ski gear at the Paralympics appearing on the gold medal stand. A note indicated the socket had been given to Charley in thanks.
Val waved her hand at Charley. “Go on, tell her.”
Walking across the room, Charley pointed to a small socket standing in a place of pride in the room. “This one’s my most prized possessions. It’s the one my sister took her first steps in after they took her leg. I made it at nineteen.” His eyes grew misty. “That one made my little sister Hanna happier than I’d ever seen. Eventually, she outgrew it and I put it in a case to remind myself of why we do this.” He nodded in Val’s direction. “The last one I made her had special meaning to me. It’ll go in its own case, too.”
Laurel looked across the room at Val. “She’s pretty special.”
Charley’s lip curled in a smile. “She’s amazing, and we consider her family.
Laurel hugged her arms. “I think she feels the same about all of you.”
His voice dropped almost to a whisper. “We’ve known her a long time. I remember the first time she came to see us. She was locked inside herself, but Mom had no intention of letting her stay there.” He ran a hand down Laurel’s arm. “Now she has you. Let’s see if we can get her back up on her feet.”
“Excuse me, patient here in the room. Remember me. Don’t fill her head with lies, please.” Val sat with a hand on her hip, one eye closed, looking at them.
Charley turned and looked at Laurel. “It’s always about her. You’d think she needed her own staff to wait on her. Although I don’t think she’s minding it near as much with you playing nursemaid.” He quirked an eyebrow and rocked on the balls of his feet as he looked at Laurel. “If I had some young stud fussing over me the way you are her, I might have to break my leg.” He turned at the sound of the door opening. Anya walked in, carrying the soft rubberized sleeve that would fit over Val’s amputated leg. If the sleeve was right, they could check the fit on the socket.
“Let’s see how this goes, Val.” Anya walked over to her and together they slid the flesh colored sleeve onto her leg and checked it to see if it was snug enough.
Laurel thought the sleeve looked soft and pliable. She was fascinated with all the pieces. Never having been around anyone who had lost a limb, she watched Val’s face for any signs of distress. She didn’t see anything but anticipation.
“Fits like a glove. How about the socket?” Val looked at Charley expectantly.
Charley opened the small case he retrieved from his workbench. The socket gleamed glossy black. The painting on it showed the view over the front of a motorcycle. Off in the distance was a mountain ridge, a sunrise coming up over the peaks. The tank displayed the Indian Motorcycle logo. A small photograph stood out on the top of the tank, and Val’s Nikon camera rested on a jean clad leg.
Val held it in her hand and looked at her friends. “Charley, I don’t know what to say.”
“That spread the magazine did of you a few years ago was the inspiration,” Charley said proudly. “I wanted to give you something special.”
Laurel watched Val turn it in her hands.
“Laurel, can you help me? I don’t know that I can get it on by myself.”
Laurel knelt before her and took the socket in her hands. She guided Val’s leg into it and gently shoved. There was slight vacuum noise as Val hit a button on the side. Only then did Laurel notice the delicate pattern of mountain laurel etched under the painting. She smiled.
“Pull on it,” Val told her.
Laurel did, but the socket didn’t come off. She rose, stood in front of Val. She rubbed Val’s neck before leaning down. “Won’t be long now and I’ll have to look up at you again.”
Charley rubbed his hands together. “Now to bring in the boy genius. Daren will be right in.”
***
Val looked at Laurel, wanting to kiss her. She always seemed to know what to say to make her feel like they were moving forward. A noise pulled her attention to the door as a sandy haired Daren Cavender came in with something under his arm. She lit up. “Hey, Daren, how are you?”
Daren walked over to her and stuck out his hand. “The better question is, how are you?”
Val clasped the outstretched palm. “I’ve been better. I’ve also been a hell of a lot worse. Daren, this is Laurel Stemple.”
“Nice to meet you, Laurel. Val, you know you’re supposed to keep the shiny side up. That one has pissed and moaned for the last twenty-four hours how you destroyed his artwork.” He pointed to his brother who looked as if he was about to protest. “It appears it’
s given the artistic one a chance to create another masterpiece.”
Laughing, Val ran her hand along the socket. “It does resemble a piece of art. Now that we know this part works, how long before I get the working end?”
“Funny you should ask.” Daren stepped forward and presented her with his latest creation, a high tech prosthesis. “It’s the most advanced leg we’ve ever done. I stayed up all night getting this thing tuned up. Let’s try it out, shall we?”
Val’s eyes widened. “Please.”
Daren attached the working end and lowered the table. Val carefully stood, Laurel at her side. The first steps were awkward and timid. Within seconds, she found her balance. They stepped into an adjoining room with parallel bars used for patients to try their new prostheses. Daren sat on a rolling stool beside the bars to make changes as needed. In one hand, he was holding a small Allen wrench for precision adjustments, while using a laptop on a rolling table beside him with his other.
Val took a few more tentative steps. “Laurel, can you stand in front of me so I don’t pitch forward? It feels like it’s jumping ahead.”
Laurel moved in front of her and walked backward between the bars.
Daren touched a few keys on his laptop connecting the Bluetooth feature of the microcomputer within the prosthesis. A few keystrokes later, and he told her to try again. After another ten feet and one more adjustment, Val walked the length of the bars without noticeable issues. They moved into another section of the room designed to practice stairs and different style ground cover. Val didn’t stumble and grew more confident with every step. God, it feels good to walk again. She looked at Laurel’s face. Just the ability to look Laurel in the eye means everything. Her heart lurched as she saw tears slide down that same face.
Val drew her in and kissed her. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I’m happy for you.”
“I wouldn’t be here without you. Thank you.” Val kissed her temple and held her tighter.