by CJ Murphy
“I’ll talk to her. We’ll work our way through this together.” She reached out and held Laurel’s hand.
Laurel gripped the fingers tightly. “Thank you, Liz. If not for her, then for me. I’m grateful you’ll be there.” She sipped the iced tea Liz refilled for her and looked into the back yard where the mid-day sun was just reaching its highest point.
***
After supper, Val, Laurel, and Liz made their way to the study and sat down in their usual arrangement. Val handed Liz her sketchbook, and she flipped through the pages. Several were sketches of Laurel in unguarded moments. Other scenes were from her time in Iraq. Val watched as Liz stopped on one that showed a familiar scene of the child in the soldier’s arms, then turn back to an earlier version and compare the two. The earlier one showed the child and a soldier from the waist down. The more recent one showed farther up the chest, though no face had been drawn. The name Magnussen was on the clothing.
“Val, talk to me about these two sketches.”
Val furrowed her brow. “They’re the same.”
“Not exactly. More of the soldier is revealed in this one. Your name is on the identifiers.” She paused. “You still haven’t drawn in a face. We’ve confirmed it was you in those pictures and yet you still doubt.”
Val put her head back and began to search her pocket for the familiar tin of lip balm. She put layer after layer on until Laurel reached up and stopped the movement.
Laurel reached for the tin and closed it, holding Val’s hand in hers. “I’m right here. You’re safe. You’re my wife, and I love you.”
Val took several steadying breaths as a whiff of copper teased her senses. She looked at Liz, fighting to keep the black at bay. The feeling of Laurel’s warm hand connecting them centered her as the room came back into focus. She saw Liz looking at her and stretched her neck by pulling her head side to side, clearing her throat. “My heart wants to believe the person who helped Amal was me. My head still refuses to comprehend it. I don’t remember crawling over to him. I know I must have, but I can’t wrap my head around it.”
“There were only four American soldiers in that courtyard, and three died in the initial blast. You were the only survivor. It wasn’t your fault that your fellow soldiers died, Val. Amal lived as a direct result of your actions. He’s grown into a fine young man with dreams. Like you, he lost his leg that day. Like you, he’s never let it stop him. You made that possible.”
Trying to force the acceptance, Val blinked hard. She clenched her other hand into a fist and then released it. The walls of resistance her subconscious had built were slowly being dismantled, brick by brick. She pictured the fall of the Berlin wall and thought about the symbolism of combining two completely different ideologies into one belief. Squeezing her temples with her free hand, she felt the tears coming and sliding out beneath her palm.
Laurel leaned up to kiss her. “I love you, baby. It’s going to be all right.”
Val turned into Laurel’s arms, sobbing.
When she began to quiet, Liz spoke to her again. “Val, it’s time to forgive yourself for something you couldn’t have prevented. It’s time to realize you weren’t responsible for the loss of your fellow soldiers and it’s okay that you survived when they didn’t. It’s time for you to remember and celebrate that you saved a life. A young man who has so much promise and may go on to do incredible things. Those things are possible because of you.”
Val looked at Liz with puffy, red-rimmed eyes. “I don’t know that I can. I keep trying and failing. I don’t want it to affect Laurel or those around me, so I keep pushing it down in my gut.”
“Pushing it down is the equivalent of poisoning yourself. If you had a cut that was gangrene, you wouldn’t sew the wound shut. This is no different, Val. It will slowly poison you from the inside out, day by day, destroying all the good things until there isn’t anything left but guilt over something where no guilt is warranted.”
Val sat forward leaning her elbows on her knees, her hands covering her tear streaked face. Worse it will affect my relationship with my wife. She felt her Laurel’s hand rubbing small circles on her back. The warmth radiating from that small hand spread throughout her body. Her knee began to bounce with nervous energy. “How, Liz? How do I do that? I’m desperate. I don’t want it to poison me or my marriage.” She turned and looked at Laurel, managing a small smile. “It took me too damn long to find her as it was.”
“The first step is to meet Amal, talk with him, and let him tell you how thankful he is that you were there that day. After that, we need to concentrate on replacing your guilt with feelings of being at peace. I think it would be a good idea if I accompany you and Laurel, just in case the meeting triggers a severe flashback.”
“I’d like that. I trust your judgment, Liz. I really do.” The relief that passed over her was like a cool breeze on a warm night. She scrubbed her face and ran her hand through her hair dispelling the feelings of dread. One step at a time, I will get past this.
Liz nodded. “Good, then let’s see what we can do about setting up a visit with Amal. They’re staying with a host family for now. The whole family is trying to immigrate. It’s a long process.”
Val’s mind raced with thoughts of how she could help support their efforts when she heard Laurel speak.
“Do they need a second sponsor family?” Laurel sat up a little straighter and leaned forward.
Val leaned over and kissed her temple. She marveled how the woman she loved could read her mind so well. This was one of the things she adored so much about Laurel, her giving spirit. Love in the purest form.
Liz handed Val back her sketchbook. “It would make it easier. Even with one, it’s still not a guarantee.”
“I want to help, however I can. I’m not sure how that all works, but I want to try.” Val reached for Laurel’s hand, and they exchanged a grin.
“Tomorrow, we’ll see what we can find out. For tonight, I think we’ve dug up enough.”
The three of them made it to the kitchen where Jo sat poring over the newspaper with a beer. Liz walked over and kissed her on the top of her head. “Any news in there that’s worth reading?”
“No. My Jets still suck,” she pointed to Val, “and as far as I’m concerned, your Seahawks do, too.”
Val laughed. “I can’t remember the last time I watched a game.”
“You’re not missing anything. Ready to go to bed, love?” Jo asked Liz.
“Yup.” Liz sat down in Jo’s lap and kissed her. Jo wheeled them back toward the elevator while Laurel and Val followed.
Val just shook her head at her friends. “You two kill me. Even a blind dog…”
Jo finished the thought. “Finds a bone, or a boner.”
Laurel slapped Jo’s shoulder. “Behave, Romeo, or I’ll bet the only bones you’ll soon find, are the ones in your chicken wings.”
Liz covered her mouth but couldn’t manage to stifle her laugh.
Val laughed, and then sighed. I need to laugh more. She relished the relationship she had with Liz and Jo. The humorous banter back and forth they frequently engaged in, had long kept her from losing her mind. The fact that Laurel could be so easily drawn into it with them, constantly reminded her of one more reason she loved her.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
THE NEXT DAY VAL, Laurel, and Liz arranged to meet with Amal and his mother at the host house. Val bought small welcome gifts. They pulled in front of the house, and Val looked out the window. It was a small brownstone with connecting units on both sides. Her body tensed. She reached for the peppermint salve in her pocket. She felt Laurel reach over and put her hand over her own shaking one, squeezing gently.
Liz spoke up and broke the silence. “Val, I want you to close your eyes and try to quiet your mind. Go back home and hear the sound of the birds greeting the morning, the sound of Ree fixing breakfast, and Laurel getting ready for her day. Remind yourself you’re home and safe, not back in Iraq.”
Val did a
s requested, concentrating on the visuals Liz described. She could feel the tension leave her body. It’s time to do this. She squeezed Laurel’s hand before climbing out of the Jeep. They stood on the front porch as Val pressed the doorbell. A few moments passed and the door opened.
A petite woman in a long pale green tunic greeted them. Her dark eyes sparkled. “I assume you’re Corporal Magnussen?”
Val shook her head and smiled. “Not for a while, ma’am. I’m no longer in the marines. You can call me Val. This is Laurel and Liz.”
“I’m pleased to meet you all. I’m Kalani. Amal and his mother Rahal are in the living room. I’ll act as your translator. They speak little English.”
“Thank you. I brought this as a gift to your family for hosting Amal and his mother. I’m grateful.”
“No thanks needed, Val. I truly appreciate the thought.” Kalani accepted the small wooden box with intricate carving on all sides.
“It’s not much, but I hope your family will enjoy it.”
Kalani ran her fingers over the carvings. “It is very beautiful. Thank you.”
Val nodded and followed her through the small hallway to a spacious living room where Amal and Rahal were seated. They were both in traditional garb in shades of tan and light gray. Rahal wore a traditional head covering. When they entered the room, Rahal stood. Amal looked at Val, a wide smile breaking over his face. He struggled to stand, and his mother offered her hand to help him. He shook his head and grabbed the arms of the chair to pull himself up instead. Amal stumbled a bit and his mother reached for him. He held up his hand to stop her. With a beaming smile, he found his footing and looked at Val. He pulled up his pants leg and showed off his new prosthesis. It was ornately decorated with a soccer ball theme.
A broad grin crossed her own face as she pulled up her own pant leg to reveal her own prosthesis. She looked at the young man before her and saw the small child she’d held so many years ago. Images of that day slowly filtered through, filling in the missing frames in her memory. His dark hair, skin, and hands filled her mind with new photos to replace the ones that haunted her. He’s alive and thriving. They stood staring at each other for a few long minutes. Amal took four tenuous steps toward her, reaching out his hand. Val joined him and took his hand in hers. The handshake turned into an embrace.
Rahal covered her mouth. Amal looked at his mother and spoke in Arabic. Kalani translated, “I consider her family. She, like you, gave me life.” He turned to Val and spoke while Kalani translated. “It isn’t customary for a young man to embrace a woman who isn’t family. You, my new friend, will always be family to me.”
Val couldn’t stop smiling at Amal. They used pantomime to convey things beyond words. They’d both survived. They hadn’t let their loss take their will to live or their will to persevere. They had a lifetime to experience everything that lay ahead of them. She had so much she wanted to tell him. Now, she’d have the time to do that. Val turned to look at Laurel and saw her most treasured reason to live. A reason that a few years ago, she wouldn’t have dared to imagine. Now she couldn’t imagine a life without Laurel.
For the next hour, Amal and Val conversed with the use of the translator. Liz and Laurel sat next to Val, making her feel connected, but she kept her focus on Amal. She learned through Kalani’s translation that he’d graduated with honors and was applying for a student visa. He’d taken entrance exams to nearby universities. Amal’s dreams were to help others who’d been hurt by war and he wanted to work with Doctors Without Borders. Val made a promise to herself that she would help make that happen.
Val reached out and squeezed Liz’s arm. She looked at Laurel sitting beside her with her hair tucked behind her ear, smiling at Amal and his mother. She turned to Val. The love Val saw in her eyes warmed her entire body. She’d captured thousands of photos in her lifetime but couldn’t remember a single image she wanted to remember more. The miracle was that Laurel was much more than a photograph. She was flesh and blood in living color. She was her present and her future. And in love with me. Her time in Iraq would fade into the background and her future lay in front of her waiting to be lived to the fullest. She had survived and now…she could thrive.
Epilogue
One year later
IT WAS EARLY IN the morning and Val lay on their bed with Laurel. Her head was propped up on one arm. She was looking at her beautiful wife, her right hand caressing Laurel’s protruding belly. She couldn’t help but smile. They would be expanding their family soon by two. Anastasia Marie and Johann Valkyrie Magnussen-Stemple would be coming into world.
Laurel had been ordered to bed rest. Her pregnancy had been unremarkable until a month ago, when she developed some bleeding that concerned her doctor. She’d promptly been sent to bed and watched like a hawk by Val, Ree, and Beth.
Laurel scowled. “I want to get up.”
Val sighed trying to placate her. “I know.”
Laurel raised an eyebrow. “I’m not kidding.”
Val tried to hide her smirk. “I know.”
Laurel shifted and scowled. “You’re not going to let me, are you?”
“Nope.” Val leaned over and kissed her pregnant wife. “Whatever you need, I’ll get for you.” Laurel had been uncomfortable for months, struggling to do many things that Val adored doing for her. In the last few weeks, everything she did got on Laurel’s nerves, but she didn’t care.
Laurel huffed and smacked the bed. “What I need is to get out of bed.”
Val tilted her head, trying to be supportive. “It’s just for a little while.”
“I’m tired of lying around.”
Val reached up and brushed the hair back from Laurel’s face. “I know, love. Our wee ones in there aren’t quite ready to come out and play. Right now, they’re hanging out in a heated swimming pool.” She leaned down and kissed Laurel’s belly. “Isn’t that right, guys?” At that exact moment one of them chose to kick their mother in the ribs, directly under Val’s hand that rested there.
“I think I’m carrying at least one soccer player, unless they were making the turn for the next lap. Laurel’s smile broke over her aggravated face. “It felt like they were doing the backstroke all night.”
Laurel stroked Val’s shoulders as she lay with her head by Laurel’s belly. “You’re going to make a great momma.”
Val looked up at Laurel. “You’re the one who’s going to make a great mom. You’ve had a great teacher. I, on the other hand, did not.”
Laurel pulled Val up to her. “We’ll learn together.
Val watched her run her own hand over her swollen abdomen. She put her hand on Laurel’s cheek, letting her lean into the touch and sigh. She’s more beautiful than ever before.
Laurel shifted again. “These little ones are going to be the two most loved babies ever born.”
Val placed her head very close to the babies. “If we have anything to do with it, that’ll be the truth.” She dropped her voice and spoke directly to her children. “Gram, Beth, and Wunder are bursting to meet you.”
“And their other grandmother, Amanda,” Laurel added, poking Val’s shoulder.
Val shook her head, smiling. It was such a strange thing to watch her mother now. Soon after they’d become pregnant, she’d left her home and job in Seattle, settling in Morgantown, West Virginia. She visited frequently and was as excited as Val and Laurel were. She’d taken a teaching job at West Virginia University, while still doing some freelance writing. She’d finally divorced Val’s father and enjoyed life for the first time in many years. “Yes, and my mother.”
Laurel fidgeted again, holding her side. “My back is killing me.”
Val sat up. “Want me to rub it?”
Laurel grimaced. “Not sure how you’re going to get to it.”
Val kissed her. “Just roll on your side as best you can, and I’ll do the rest.”
Laurel started rolling over, stopping short and going wide-eyed with alarm. “Val.”
“What, l
ove? Are you okay?”
“My water broke.”
Val returned the wide-eyed look, nervous energy prickling through her. “Your what? Your water broke? But it’s not time yet.”
Laurel hugged her belly. “Honey, whether it’s time or not makes no difference. My water broke and that means these babies are coming.”
Val jumped off the bed and fell on the floor, forgetting she didn’t have two legs. Laurel covered her smile as Val looked up at her sitting on the floor, pulling on her leg and then her jeans.
“Where’s the bag we packed? Are you in pain? How far apart are the contractions?”
Laurel burst out laughing. “You’re adorable. The bag is in the closet, I’m not in pain, and I have yet to time them.”
Val fumbled to button her shirt, missing several of the buttons and misaligning those she did manage to bring together. “Shit. Ok, I’ll go get the bag. You time the contractions.” She held up both hand palms out to Laurel. “Don’t move. I’ll be right back.”
Laurel laughed again. “Val?”
“Yes?” Val turned to her, a hand driven deeply into her own hair, fingers curled tightly in anxiety.
“Take a deep breath and calm down.”
Val stared at her, the heart in her chest threatening to burst out. “Calm down! How can I calm down? My babies are coming!”
“Yes, and I don’t need you having a stroke beforehand. Call for Gram. She can help me while you go get what we need.”
Val put her hands to the side of her head. It was swimming, and she felt slightly sick. “Gram, good God, I forgot. I’ll be right back. You stay still.”