For just a second, she was Lily, my lost sister now found in her daughter, baptized anew in the harsh bite of the clear, cold Maine ocean.
*
My mom was fine with Poe living with me, even if her eyes did fill with tears when I told her.
"I guess that's a good idear," she said.
"I'll still see you every day, Gran," Poe said, pulling the blanket closer around her shoulders. My mom insisted on wrapping us both up tight, and Donna was making coffee.
"Well, you don't have to come every day."
"I will. I promise."
"By the way, Gran is dating someone," I said, tilting my head at Donna. "Mrs. K and she are a couple."
Poe's eyes bugged out. "I have a lesbian grandmother? Oh, my God, I'm so cool!"
We all laughed, and I ruffled Poe's wet hair. Boomer's tail wagged, and he smiled his Dog of Dogs smile, glad that his womenfolk were all right.
Over the next few days, I made plans.
Amelia was more than happy that I'd be staying. We talked about benefits and hours, and I went back to Jim Ivansky, the real estate guy who'd found me the houseboat. Too bad I couldn't afford to buy that. Asked him to keep an eye out for a little house in town. I called my practice and gave notice and said, of course, I'd come back to visit. Roseline cried when I told her, then gave me some news of her own--she was newly pregnant, and just because I'd be living in Maine didn't mean I was getting out of godmother duty.
Sully...Sully gave me that ovary-destroyer smile when I told him I'd be staying.
"Don't get cocky," I said. "This has nothing to do with you."
"No, no, I'm just a happy side note here." He kissed me. "Very happy."
We still hadn't slept together--well, the right way, that was. But the girls were going to sleep over at my mom's this weekend, so hopefully that was about to change.
Five nights after I found Poe in the cave, I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. The area code, however, was 206.
Seattle.
"You have a call from an inmate at Washington State Women's Correctional Facility," the recorded voice said. "Press 1 to accept the call."
My hand was shaking. I pressed 1.
"Lily?" I whispered.
For a minute, there was no response.
"Tell her I'm sorry." My sister's voice, which I hadn't heard in years, cut my heart in half. "I'm so sorry. Take care of my baby, Nora. Take care of her better than I did. I had no business becoming a mother, but I love her, and I'm so, so sorry I couldn't be better."
"I will," I breathed. "I swear it, Lily. I'll take good care of her."
"I know you will," she said, her voice breaking. "I know."
Tears poured out of my eyes, and I pressed my lips together. "She loves you, too," I said. "She loves you so much."
The sound of my sister crying had always gutted me.
It still did.
I wiped my eyes on my sleeve. "Are you okay, Lily?"
There was no answer. Of course, she wasn't okay.
"Hey," I said, my voice wobbling. "Guess what I found? In the cave. Remember? Remember what you wrote?"
There was no answer.
"You wrote 'Nora and Lily, together forever.' Remember that? I'll send you a picture of it," I said.
"I never... I never showed anyone our cave. I never did."
I bit down on a sob. "I love you, Lily. I love you. I love you. I love you."
I kept saying it until she hung up so softly I didn't know the connection had been cut. And even then, I kept saying it.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
28
The morning of Go Far, Be Strong dawned clear and blue, a stiff breeze coming off the ocean.
Xiaowen and I were running together--we kind of had to, as the organizers. We'd asked the high school cross-country teams to join us and run with the littler kids in a shorter run than the 10K for us older folks. Audrey had suggested they all wear superhero T-shirts, so the town green was dotted with Avengers, Batman T-shirts and the Superman symbol. One redheaded girl was dressed like Black Widow--it would be hard to run in leather, but she sure was rocking the look.
Audrey wasn't quite up for the run just yet, though she'd already committed to next year. She was walking the 3K, though, and wore a shirt that said Healthy Comes in Every Size. Poe had opted to walk with her, holding the Go Far banner. "Gotta stick with my friend," she said.
I was ridiculously proud of both girls. In fact, I couldn't look at them without tearing up. Poe saw and rolled her eyes, but there was a smile there, too.
Mom and Donna ran the water station and gave out race numbers to last-minute registrants. A lot of the hug therapy gang was helping, too--Mr. Carver, the weepy widower, Jake, Bob Dobbins, who kept shooting confused looks my mother's way.
"How's it going?" came a voice, and I smiled and turned.
Sullivan Fletcher.
"Heya, handsome," I said.
"Hey yourself."
We smiled stupidly at each other the way only two people who've had wall-banging sex can. Oh, yeah. Wall-banging, then nice and slow in bed...and then later on in the kitchen. Medals should've been awarded to us both, thank you very much.
He leaned in and kissed me.
"Old people kissing!" Poe said. "Look away, look away!" Audrey laughed.
The other night, he'd come over for dinner at the houseboat, Poe was still at Mom's for now, though we'd be moving to a house come the end of summer if my offer was accepted. Sully and I had been sitting on the top deck, drinking wine and watching Boomer lick the mint leaves, and I laughed at something Sully said. He leaned forward and clicked his phone. "Got it," he said.
"Got what?"
"Your laugh. It's on record now. It'll go in my best-things file."
My heart, my ovaries, my everything turned into a puddle of lust. We'd barely made it to the bedroom.
"Hello," said Amy. She was wearing a T-shirt with a race number pinned to it. Boomer got up to greet her and licked her knee.
"Hey, Amy," I said. She seemed okay with me dating the father of her child. Then again, she'd moved on long ago.
In fact, Amy wasn't so bad. She was, I'd found, just a normal person, no longer queen of the Cheetos. Just a mom with two kids, trying to do her best and earn a living. She wasn't the only one who'd judged people back in the day. Ironic, that the fat girl and the prom queen were now almost friends.
"You running the 10K, or the five?" Sully asked.
"The ten," she said. "Obviously. It's only six miles. Are you, Flabby?"
"Sorry, I missed that," he said.
"I said, 'Are you, Flabby?'" she repeated in a loud voice, overenunciating.
"Sorry. Didn't catch that."
"I said--oh, I get it. You're joking. He's joking, Nora. It hardly ever happens, so enjoy it now."
Sully smiled.
I loved him, of course.
Funny, how easy that could be. When you found the right person, there was no hiding of flaws...there was just trying to do better. There was the comfort of admitting your weaknesses and trying to get past them. The knowledge that no one needed you to be on all the time, always fun, upbeat, attentive... He only needed you to be yourself. The security in knowing someone loved simply being with you.
I'd registered for a sign language class with him and Audrey this fall in Portland. It looked like I'd be needing it.
I squeezed his hand. "I need to get up front with Xiaowen," I said.
"Good luck," Sully said.
"See you at the finish," Amy said. "But I ran in school, so...I might be home by then. Oh, snap!"
I laughed, too.
Xiaowen was the master of ceremonies, being much better with a microphone than most people on earth. She welcomed people, called a few out by name, talked about how everyone could aspire to physical strength and good health and should feel free to work out with her, and only dropped the f-bomb four times.
People loved her (of course), laughing a
nd clapping. In the crowd, I saw Richard Hemmings, the guy from Jitters. Hmm. I had a sneaking suspicion he might be here to see my friend, though she was playing dumb so far.
"Let's get it started," Xiaowen sang. "Go far! Be strong! Get your asses moving!" The starter gun went off, and a big cheer went up from the crowd. No more gray...just color everywhere, the blue of the sky and ocean, the flower boxes and planters, the brightly painted doors of Main Street, the riotous mix of T-shirts as we surged forward as one.
All of us, together.
*
We raised more than fifteen grand for a health initiative for kids in grades six through twelve. Cooking and nutrition classes, some new equipment for the gym, obesity prevention, all that good stuff. The picnic on the green afterward featured burgers and hot dogs, but also vegetarian burgers, whole-grain buns, salads and fruit. Moderation in all things, as my favorite teacher in med school used to say.
"Is it okay if I sleep over at Audrey's?" Poe asked me.
"Fine with me if it's fine with Gran," I said. My mom said it was.
"Guess I won't see you tonight," Sullivan said. "I'll be making popcorn and watching The Fault in Our Stars."
"You lucky thing. That's okay. Xiaowen's supposed to come over, anyway."
"That's right, Sully," Xiaowen said, punching his arm to get his attention. "And you know how we bitches are. We put each other first, right, Nora?"
"Word," I said.
"Please stop trying to be cool," Poe said.
"Sorry," I said, standing up. I'd cleverly been on setup crew to avoid having to clean up. Six miles was two more than my usual four, and my muscles were starting to cramp up. "I'm heading home to shower and probably nap. See you later, gang. Great job today. I'm proud of everyone."
"Oh, God, she's crying again," Poe said.
"Just got something in my eye, that's all," I answered, smiling at her. She patted my shoulder.
As Boomer and I made my way through the crowd, I was a little surprised at how many people I knew, summer folks and locals alike. Amelia, who had donated a large chunk of what we earned, waved, looking like she was at the Derby with a big, beautiful beige hat adorned with a huge ivory bow. I waved back, then bumped right into someone.
Bobby.
"Hello," he said. Gloria stood behind him, hands on her hips.
Boomer, faithless ho that he was, began wriggling and whining to be acknowledged. "Hey, Boomer," Bobby said, his voice softening a little.
"What a surprise," I said.
"How are you?" he asked.
"I'm fine."
He looked constipated, so I knew something was up. Ah, here it was. Gloria gave him a sharp jab in the back.
"Uh, Nora," he said, "I'm very sorry for misrepresenting you to Gloria."
"As you should be." I folded my arms.
He sighed the sigh of a man forced to do something against his will.
"And why did you lie, Robert?" Gloria asked.
Another sigh. "I was trying to make myself more interesting than I actually am."
"Ooh," I said in admiration. "Gloria, wow. Well done."
"Thank you."
Bobby rolled his eyes.
Hard to believe I once felt so lucky to be with this guy, the self-centered ass. "You're dating out of your league here, Bobby. Good luck keeping her."
I started off, then felt a hand on my arm. "I'm sorry, too," Gloria said. "I have a shitty track record with men, and I thought dimwit here was gonna be different, so I was defensive and believed his bullshit."
"I'm hardly a dimwit," Bobby grumbled.
"Shut up. Anyway--" Gloria shrugged "--I hope we can... I don't know. At least work together like we did before."
"You bet," I said. "Come on, Boomer."
There was such a freedom in truly not caring.
I drove home, let Boomer out of the car and watched as he raced into the woods, nose to the ground.
The pine-salt air felt so good to breathe. The tide was high, the water calm, baby waves lapping at the edges of the cove, the wind rustling the long grass of the meadow. From somewhere in the woods, Boomer barked twice.
I'd miss the houseboat, that was for sure. But Poe had been isolated enough, and even if Collier Rhodes would let me buy this place (and if I could afford it), it was too isolated for my niece. Jim Ivansky, the nice Realtor, had found a house in town for me. Something permanent. My furniture, so carefully and joyfully chosen, was waiting, and Poe and I could buy new stuff, too. It would be our house. Our home.
God. My muscles were definitely seizing up now. I let myself into the houseboat, put my bag on the counter and found myself face-to-face with Luke Fletcher.
He was high. Pupils like pinpricks, a muscle in his face twitching. With one hand, he was scratching his arm.
In the other hand was a knife. The big knife for chopping vegetables.
For a second, all I saw was white. My mind emptied completely. I was just gone in a wave of fear so big and absolute that there was no room for anything else.
And then I was back, in my kitchen, wearing my running clothes, feeling the gentle rock of the houseboat.
With a knife-wielding junkie.
"What can I help you with, Luke?" I asked. My voice was calm.
"Where do you keep your prescription pad?" he asked.
"At the clinic. What have you taken?" My legs felt wriggly with adrenaline.
"I need something. Vicodin. You got Vicodin?"
"I don't keep drugs here. Are you okay? Do you want me to call Sully?"
Wrong thing to say. He started tapping the knife tip against the counter. "Do you want me to call Sully?" he mimicked, same as he used to. "You think you're so special, don't you? You think I'm stupid. You think you can steal my family the way you stole my scholarship?"
"Oh, Jesus, not that again."
"Fuck you." He gave a little lunge forward, knife pointed at me, and the fear flashed, lighting up all the old hurts. I might've flinched, and I was definitely trembling now.
"I could kill you, you know," he said with a mean smile. "Bash your head in and dump you in the water and everyone would think you were a big fat bitch who fell."
"I guess that's possible." Ironically, I felt a flash of pity for Luke, this golden boy turned nothing.
"You're not staying here. You're not taking my brother and Audrey and brainwashing them. You stole enough from me. Get out on the dock, you fat bitch. Time for you to go."
Something snapped inside me.
The fear was gone, and in its place was molten fury.
"I didn't steal anything. I earned that scholarship. And I did something with it. I'm a doctor, you piece of shit. I help people. You were on the road to destruction long before you lost that scholarship. And you're right. It was yours to lose, and you lost it. You could've gone to another school, but you decided to get high and crash your car, and it was Sully who paid the price. Take a hard look around, Luke. You're a pathetic junkie living off his brother's generosity. So stop whining and get off my boat."
This time, he did lunge, and I jerked away, but not fast enough for a meth-stoked addict. He looped a strong arm around my neck and held me against him, knife at my ear. His breath was foul.
Poe. Mom. Lily. Sullivan. Audrey. Xiaowen.
Luke wrangled me out the door, so he could bash my head in on the dock, I guessed. Unfortunately, I had a problem with that plan.
The second we were on the dock, I elbowed him in the stomach, bit his arm as hard as I could, turned and heel-palmed his face, feeling the crunch of cartilage as I smashed his nose. He yelped and fell back onto the dock, and I stomped on his nuts as hard as I could, getting a scream.
Guess that self-defense class had been worth every cent.
Then there was a blur of black and brown and a snarling so ferocious, for a second I thought it was a bear.
But it was Boomer, who sank his teeth into Luke's arm and shook it so hard Luke looked like a rag doll. The Dog of Dogs. I watched for a secon
d, then said, "Boomer! Off!"
He obeyed, a meaty growl in his throat, his teeth exposed. "Don't move," I said to Luke. His sleeve was wet with blood. Kinda hard to feel bad about that. "Boomer, good boy. Good boy. Stay."
Going inside, I took my phone out of my bag and dialed 911, asked for cops and an ambulance. Then I got my first-aid kit.
After all, I was a doctor.
Epilogue
A year later, Poe got her driver's license, and we threw a celebration party, since it had been her third try. Mom and Donna, Sullivan and Audrey, Xiaowen and Richard (Georgie, the hotel owner, turned out to be gay).
We'd decorated in yellow and crimson--Gryffindor colors, of course. Streamers dangled from the porch, and we had Harry Potter paper plates and napkins. Reading Harry Potter had been my one requirement for Poe to live with me, I'd said, and she grudgingly opened the book, only to fall under its spell immediately. Like the rest of the world, thank you very much.
Poe's other friends were here, too--Bella Hurley, daughter of the former Cheeto Carmella Hurley, and Henry McShane, who had a huge crush on her, as well as six or seven kids from the track team, as Poe had taken up running. So had Audrey. She'd shot up four inches this past year, now that her Cushing's disease was cured, and dropped a lot of weight. She was happy and lovely, and I adored her. I wouldn't be surprised if she was in line to win the Perez Scholarship, her grades were so good.
Even Teeny Fletcher was here. She'd finally acknowledged that Luke had crossed the line. And yeah, she'd be my mother-in-law pretty soon. We'd never be best friends, but we could get along.
I'd thought Sully might kill Luke that day. Somehow, he'd gotten there before anyone else and had started beating his brother to a pulp until I forced my way in between them. Between Sullivan and Boomer--and me--Luke had hardly been a threat at the moment.
Luke was now in jail and sober, too. Sully said if he saw his brother on the island, he'd drown him himself.
But late one night as I sat out on the deck alone, I realized something.
If Luke had killed me that day, I would've died not on a dirty street in Boston, wondering about who'd take care of my dog, but with a heart full of love for Poe, my mom and this place. I would've died full of color, not grayness--the blue sky, the deep green of the pines, the mercurial colors of the ocean, the pink-and-apricot sunsets. I would've died knowing what it was like to be loved by a truly good man.
"You're the bravest person I know," Sully had said to me that day, and he held me for a long, long time. His eyes were wet when he pulled back.
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