by Lynn Howard
“Is that such a bad thing?” Carter said, trying to make his voice light and teasing. But there was no way to hide the growl in his voice. He wanted her. He wanted her again. He wanted her as badly as he did that night at Moe’s.
June smirked at him, but it was sexy. “Seriously, though. What the hell is wrong with me? With us? I have never wanted to boink someone as badly as I want to boink you.”
Another startled laugh escaped Carter, and this time, he didn’t cover it. “Boink?”
She shrugged and those cheeks went pink again.
Boink. That was a new one to him. Not that he’d never heard it before, but he’d never had anyone describe sex with him as boinking.
Carter leaned back against the couch and dropped his head back, looking up at the ceiling. “I have a theory,” he finally admitted. He’d already told himself he wasn’t going to say anything, but maybe it would make her feel a little better if she knew she wasn’t losing her mind.
“And what’s that?” she said, pulling her feet back under her as if she were starting to relax.
“The marks are real.”
June was silent for so long Carter picked up his head to see if she was still awake. “June?”
“You’re kidding, right?” she asked, still not looking at him.
“What?”
“You’re trying to say we’re true mates, that the marks are real, and I carry it in my blood. Right?” She finally rolled her head to look at him.
“Yeah,” he said with a shrug.
A small smile tipped her lips. Then it turned into a grin. Then she threw her head back and laughed loud. Fuck, he loved her laugh. It was so open and sexy. Everything about her was sexy, dammit.
Apparently, when Carter didn’t say just kidding or laugh along with her, her hopes of this being a joke fell. As did her smile. Like, her face instantly dropped and her eyes widened.
“It’s time to go,” she said, pushing to her feet, putting space between them, and crossing her arms. “Now.”
Carter leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. Fuck. He should’ve kept his mouth shut. Now, she was pushing him out, pushing him away. He might just have ruined any chance he’d have with June Gillespie in the future.
****
Carter sat on his porch, leaning back in the lawn chair with his feet on the railing. He hadn’t been able to sleep since he got home. He had to work tomorrow. Had to be up in four hours. Yet, there he sat, staring off into the dark night.
June had felt as good as he thought she would. The weight of her tits in his hands was perfect. She was perfect. The moment was perfect. Until it wasn’t. Until he’d ruined it by opening his big fucking mouth.
She’d told him she didn’t want anything serious and he’d gone and tried to convince her they were mates. Even if they were. Maybe her animal hadn’t claimed Carter. Could that happen? Could one Shifter find their mate while not being accepted by that person? And wouldn’t that drive a man insane?
He’d only been away from her for a few hours and already he was going through withdrawals. He couldn’t stop thinking about her. Worrying about her. He wanted to keep her safe, although she was capable of protecting herself. He wanted to bring her more food and cook for her and play cards with her. He wanted to feel her wrapped around him again.
But most of all, he didn’t want her to hate him. He wanted to see that woman he’d met at Moe’s. He wanted to hear her laughter and see her smile.
Why had he opened his damn mouth? He’d probably ruined everything.
Headlights bounced up the driveway and washed over Carter. He squinted against the onslaught and shook his head as Luke parked his old, beat up truck and stepped out. Luke knew Carter was sitting there; he had to have scented him. But he didn’t look up, didn’t acknowledge him, didn’t offer any excuse as to where he’d been.
Something was up with Luke, but Carter had his own issues at the moment. How the hell could he help anyone in his Clan when his own head was so screwed up? They all looked up to him, expected him to take charge, to be responsible. If they only knew.
He was tired. Even if he had to lie in bed and stare at the ceiling, at least his body would get some rest.
Dropping the front two legs of the chair to the porch, Carter pushed to his feet and shuffled into his cabin. His body felt like it was full of lead. He didn’t even bother taking his clothes off, just toed his shoes off when he got into his room and fell face first onto the bed. He grunted on impact and barely turned his head, and that was to avoid suffocating.
Was this what happened when a Shifter couldn’t be with his mate? Was that what was happening? Or was it something else? Maybe he was just going nuts.
As he chased his thoughts in circles, he finally began to drift off. As his dreams began to take over and push consciousness away, he saw June’s face, her gray eyes, her bee stung lips. He heard her voice, felt her flesh, then saw her tears as she demanded Carter leave.
And asked him to never call or text her again.
Chapter Five
“That’s not even funny,” June said to Carol while Constance grabbed a roll of toilet paper and brought it back to the table.
Both women had heard every single noise she’d made while having sex with Carter. She refused to think of it as making love. That would infer there was anything between them. Which there wasn’t.
But according to Carol, she could smell the change to June’s blood. And that only happened if her true mate bit her.
Constance handed June the roll and took her seat beside Carol and across from June. “I think she’s right.”
“You’re supposed to be on my side, dammit,” June complained before blowing her nose. She ripped off another wad and dried her eyes and face. She’d been crying for hours. She never cried. She hated crying. It was exhausting and made her eyes burn and was a total waste of time. Crying never solved jack.
“I am,” Constance said, her brows to her hairline.
“This is your fault, you know,” June said, tossing the wad of paper in her hand onto the table.
“How the hell is this my fault?”
“You’re the one who told me to…how did you put it…get my freak on,” June said. Oh, she remembered exactly how Constance had said it. She just wanted to twist the knife she’d just dug into Constance’s chest.
“Hey. Not once did I ever tell you to let him mark you. All I said was to get back on the horse. Or get your freak on. Which is the same thing. We were tired of you moping around after Jackson.”
“Speak for yourself,” Carol muttered, grabbing beers out of the fridge and passing them out. “Have you talked to him about all this?”
“Hell no. I didn’t want to accept it to begin with.” But he’d brought it up. And she’d thrown him out. She’d told him to stay away from her, to never contact her again. And now she felt like death warmed up.
“Sounded like they did a lot more than talking,” Constance said into her beer bottle before taking a swig.
“You’re a perv,” June said with an eyeroll. For some reason, Constance’s comment eased a little of the anger and sorrow she’d been holding onto since Carter pulled away.
Like a sappy chick flick character, she’d stood at the window, tears rolling down her cheeks, as Carter had trudged down her stairs and climbed into his truck. His shoulders were hunched and he looked exhausted. When he’d glanced up at the window like he could feel her watching him, she’d stepped back enough to hide in the shadows of her dark room. Her heart had felt like it was shattering as he backed his truck up and left her territory.
She refused to acknowledge the pain, though. That would mean he was right. Which he wasn’t. Even if Carol and Constance thought they could smell a change to her blood. Nope. Not real. Not true.
But really, would it be all that bad to have someone like Carter as a mate? He didn’t mind she was way taller than other females or wasn’t thin. In fact, he seemed to love the way she looked. He was so sweet and gentle but
passionate at the same time.
“This is such a freaking mess,” June said, dropping her head onto her forearms. “It was supposed to be a one night stand. A booty call. Not a freaking mating ritual.”
Constance huffed a laugh then sucked her lips into her mouth to hide the smile when June lifted her head to scowl at her. “Sorry. I was picturing animals going at it while drums were beating in the background.”
June just kept scowling at her.
Constance lifted her hands in surrender and leaned back in her chair. “So? What are you going to do? You know there’s no way you can stay away from him.”
“Why not? I’m a strong, independent woman. I don’t need anyone.”
“It has nothing to do with being strong or independent. It’d probably have been fine if you two had never slept together. And especially if you hadn’t marked each other –”
“That wasn’t my fault,” June interjected.
“But you’re officially official now,” Carol said. “I told you it was a bad idea. But neither of you ever listen to me.”
Carol was one year older than June and four years older than Constance. Yet she’d taken on the role as the den mother from day one.
June dropped her head back onto her forearms with a groan. It’d been so much better if she’d had to work today. Then she’d have something to keep her mind occupied. Instead, she was dwelling on every single aspect of not just Carter and the whole mating bond, but how she needed to break the bond and steer clear of Carter.
Jackson had turned her off to the idea of a serious relationship. After two years, he’d dumped her, telling her how he was tired of looking at her, that she obviously had no desire to grow as a person since she hadn’t bothered to lose a single pound in the time they’d been together. He’d called her trailer trash, thrown in her face about how she’d never finished high school. Just because Shifters were able to have schools for their kids didn’t mean there was any less bullying than there was in human schools. She’d gotten tired of being teased for being a giant. She’d gotten tired of the rumors the girls would start about her sleeping with all the boys just because she’d not only developed early, but had been cursed with double D boobs. She’d gladly get a breast reduction if she didn’t have to worry about a doctor finding out she wasn’t human.
Carter liked her boobs. She didn’t know if he was a boob man by nature or if it was hers he liked so much. If she got a reduction, would he still be obsessed with them? Would he still be attracted to her?
She knew the answer: Yes. A resounding yes. Because as much as she hated to admit it, they really were mates. Maybe she’d known when they’d met at the bar. No. Impossible. She knew if she’d had even an inkling of how the whole thing would go down she would run the other way screaming.
“I think you need to talk to him. Just talk,” Carol said, widening her eyes for emphasis.
Another groan. That was the problem. She couldn’t seem to be in the same room with Carter without her body catching on fire. It was like she forgot all the reasons they were supposed to stay away from each other and got busy ripping her clothes off.
“You should probably do it in public,” Constance said, humor in her tone.
June lifted her head just enough to side eye Constance.
“I’m just saying, that was pretty loud last night. I doubt you two will stay chaste if you’re alone.” Constance’s smile was mischievous as she winked at June. “Although if I had someone like Carter, I might not be able to resist seeing him naked, either.” June frowned. “What? He’s hot. You can’t deny that. Is he big everywhere?” Constance said, leaning closer and lowering her voice as if anyone else would hear. It was just the three women who lived in that territory. There was literally no one else to eavesdrop.
“I’m not answering that,” June said, but was sure the heat in her cheeks had made her blush and totally given her away. June sat up and plopped her face into her hands with her elbows on the table. “But every time I’m around him…I don’t know. I feel like a cat in heat or something.”
“Could it be because you’re denying him?” Constance asked.
“Trust me when I say I’m not denying him,” June said, uncovering her face and side eying the curly haired blonde beside her. Constance hadn’t bothered doing anything with her hair today so it was frizzing into a big ball of cotton candy.
“Not like that, perv,” Constance said with a wink.
“Pot calling kettle black, much?” Carol said with a roll of her eyes.
“I mean, maybe if you two stopped fighting the bond it’ll ease up a little. You know you’re miserable.”
She was. She really, really was. But she wasn’t sure how much was the bond being ignored and how much was just her emotions over what she’d done with Carter. Again. Could what she was feeling be guilt? She wasn’t like Constance; she didn’t have sex with someone unless she cared about them. Not that there was anything wrong with casual sex. She’d just never been able to bring herself to do it. Maybe it was guilt over her wanton behavior. Or maybe there was a touch of guilt because she and Jackson had only been apart for a couple of weeks before she was jumping into the arms of another man.
Why the hell should she feel guilty about either, though? Jackson was the one who dumped her, and cruelly, too. And she was a grown woman with a healthy libido. Why shouldn’t she sate her needs from time to time? And why the hell couldn’t she sate her needs with someone as giving and caring - not to mention hot as hell - as Carter Simpson?
June threw her hands in the air as her mind and heart warred with each other, going back and forth, round and round until she was dizzy.
“This is ridiculous. Why am I even considering it?”
“Because you don’t have much choice?” Carol said with a shrug of her narrow shoulders. Carol was the complete opposite of June. She barely hit five foot four, was thin, had small boobs and a pixie haircut. Almost like Carol was June’s evil twin, just without the evil side.
“And you don’t think that’s screwed up? Why the hell should our animals get to choose who we spend our lives with? Why the hell can’t we?”
“Pretty sure you’re the one who chose Jackson, not your leopard,” Carol said in that motherly tone of hers.
June glared at Carol, but she never looked away. She just held June’s gaze with a raised brow.
Giving up on her attempt to intimidate Carol, June shook her head as she flopped against the back of the chair. At least the tears had dried up. Even if her heart still ached just as badly as it had an hour ago. Just as badly as it had last night when she’d watched Carter drive away.
Carol was right; June had been the one to choose Jackson. And Rick. And Andy. And so on and so on. And they’d all turned out the same, although none of them were as cruel as Jackson had been that last day.
Was it time to give in to her animal side? She’d always prided herself on being so in control over that side of herself. She’d had zero problems working alongside humans because she refused to let anything cause her eyes to glow or her animal to burst through her skin. But maybe she should just give in and let her animal dictate her love life.
“This is stupid,” June said, pushing to her feet and pacing the small living room. “Why should I let my leopard rule my life? Shouldn’t I have some kind of feelings for Carter?”
Carol looked pointedly at the pile of tissue on the table. “I don’t generally cry over someone I have zero feelings for,” she said, her brows up as she pursed her lips.
June plopped down on the couch and dropped her head back, studying the dingy white ceiling. “What do I do?”
“You know what you should do,” Carol said.
“If I were you, I wouldn’t let him go. You’ll end up regretting it. If you don’t go insane first,” Constance said, rising to sit beside June. She leaned over and put her head in June’s lap, turning her head to bat her lashes up at June. “I could always help ease his misery if you don’t want him.”
When a dark green fog slithered through June’s belly along with the instant desire to Shift her claws and scratch Constance’s eyes out, June knew this was a lost cause. She wanted Carter. She wanted him. Not just her leopard. She hated the idea of having her life dictated by anything other than her own heart, but maybe Carol had been right. When June had chosen, the men had been a total waste of time. She was pushing forty. She’d probably never have cubs, which was fine since she wasn’t keen on starting from scratch so late in life, but she could still have a mate. She could still build a family. She already had her tiny, makeshift Pride, but if she went for it and stayed with Carter, kept him in her life, she’d end up family with his Clan, as well.
Pushing Constance off her lap, June jumped to her feet, grabbed her keys, and ran through her front door, leaving her friends to gape after her. She’d brushed her teeth and her hair, but that was about it. Her long, brunette hair was twisted up in a fat bun at the back of her head, she was wearing a pair of lounge pants with hearts all over them, and a tank top with a hoodie over it. No bra. Which could end up biting her in the ass, but she’d take the chance.
Unsure of what she’d say to Carter when she saw him, she aimed her car for Blackwater territory. She’d taken upon herself to learn where all the Shifter territories were before she’d moved into the area. She knew exactly where Carter and the rest of his bear Clan lived. She also knew the territories to avoid, which was exactly why she’d learned all that in the first place.
The closer she got to his area, the more nervous she grew. What if he didn’t want to see her? What if she’d successfully chased him off? What if they, once again, couldn’t keep their clothes on long enough to have the conversation that needed to be had?
June turned her car onto a gravel road and bounced along, rolling her windows up as a cloud of dust filled the space. She waved the dust away from her face and guided her car around a turn. Oh. It wasn’t a street. That was their driveway. Four cabins sat in a semi-circle. They didn’t have a front yard, just a lot of gravel until the tree line. The woods were so thick she could barely see into them even though the sun was at least an hour from setting.