by Lynn Howard
She was sure he meant the way he’d behaved, but wondered if some of it was the fact he didn’t plan on getting so ripped. She knew he was hurting. Both physically and emotionally. She hated that his heart hurt, but was kind of happy he was so freaking hung over. Served him right.
“What the hell happened, Carter? I mean, I get that you were scared you’d Shift. But…don’t you trust me? Don’t you believe me when I tell you how I feel about you?”
Carter’s eyes roamed her face and narrowed. “How do you feel about me?”
It was her turn to narrow her eyes at him. “You know how I feel.”
His head wagged side to side a couple of times. “I know we’re mates. I know you’re attracted to me. I know you like me. But you haven’t been real open with me.”
She hadn’t? She racked her brain, trying to remember their conversations. Had she never really told him how she felt deep down in her heart? And was she brave enough to let him that far in? Every time she opened herself to another man, she got hurt. But how could she expect the same open honesty from him if she couldn’t give him the same.
“You’re everything to me,” she blurted out after a few seconds of chewing on the inside of her cheek. I’m falling in love with you. I don’t deserve you. Why couldn’t she make herself say those words?
****
Carter hated life. Not true. He hated today. He hated the way his head throbbed, and his stomach roiled and he couldn’t even think about food. Probably not for a few more weeks.
But what hurt the worst was his fucking heart. He’d hurt June. He’d broken her heart. She could hide it behind anger all she wanted but he could see it all over her face.
Last night, he’d woken up as Luke was trying to drag him into his cabin. His bear began to growl at their Clan brother as he thrashed around, trying to get out of Carter’s skin. But the human side of Carter was a little too drunk. He wasn’t sure whether that was a good thing or a fucking disaster. While he was too drunk to control a Shift, he wasn’t sure if he could control his bear from Shifting. He needed to get back to June. He had to protect her. He had to make sure she was safe.
Although, Carter was pretty sure he was the only one she needed protection from. Not that he’d ever physically harm her, but he’d been the one to crush her spirit. He’d seen how she’d looked after Jackson had cut her with his words, but it’d been nothing to the way she’d looked with his behavior. And he’d never forget it.
She’d found him on her porch first thing this morning when she was leaving for work. By the time she’d stepped outside, he was mostly sober. Just miserable. Luke had slept in Carter’s truck while Carter just sat his ass on June’s porch all night. He could smell her on the breeze, or at least he thought he could. He even convinced himself he could hear her crying softly in her bedroom.
After she’d left for work, he’d taken Luke home, showered and brushed his teeth – twice – then headed back to June’s to wait for her to get off work. He wouldn’t bother her while she was trying to make a living. And he didn’t feel like he deserved to be near her, not without her invitation. He’d sat on her porch and waited for hours, willing anything that might be left in his stomach to stay there.
She’d looked pissed when she’d spotted him. And hurt. Still hurt. Because of him.
When she’d gone off, he just sat there and took it. He wouldn’t blame her if she slapped him. Or punched him. Or kicked him in the junk. Instead, her eyes had welled with tears and her cheeks flushed. He didn’t even know if she realized she was so close to crying.
And then she’d moved to go inside and lock him out. He couldn’t take it. Granted, he would’ve kept his ass right on that step if she’d continued inside, but instead, after he’d begged, she’d pushed her door open in a silent invitation for him to join her inside.
Something else he didn’t deserve. He didn’t deserve her forgiveness or kindness, but fuck…he needed it. He needed her. If nothing else came out of last night, he realized he wasn’t falling in love with her. He was head over fucking heels with June. She was life. She was air. She was everything.
“I know we’re mates. I know you’re attracted to me. I know you like me. But you haven’t been real open with me.”
She turned to him and chewed on the inside of her cheek, her pretty eyes on his face. She’d asked him to sit with her, but he kept a cushion’s space between them. He sat on the edge of the seat, his elbows on his knees, as he looked back at her.
Her full, pink lips parted. “You’re everything to me.”
His heart stopped. Then sped up. Then he was sure the fucking thing exploded inside his chest.
“I love you,” he said before he had a chance to think about it. “I love you so much. I don’t care how long it’s been. I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it to you. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it all up to you. I’m not like that. I guess…I don’t know. I guess I freaked out. It’s stupid and immature and not a good enough reason. But…yeah.”
Those bee stung lips he was addicted to pulled into a slow smile. “I love you, too,” she whispered.
She leaned toward him and Carter met her halfway, his lips crashing onto hers so hard their teeth bumped. She could feel his smile as he tried to kiss her. He wrapped his hand around the back of her neck and pulled her closer, scooting across the cushion to feel her body against him.
June moaned and shifted, throwing one leg over his lap and straddling him, her core going directly over his growing erection. His hands immediately went to her ass, urging her even closer until her full breasts were mashed against his chest.
No. They’d said they were going to take it slower. Take time to get to know each other. Take time to build something unbreakable.
Pulling back, he bit back the smile at her groan. “Hold on,” he said, pulling back when she leaned forward again. “Let’s talk about this.”
“About what?” she said, her eyes glazed over with lust as she panted. When her breasts heaved like that it made him almost lose his shit. Fuck, he wanted her. He always wanted her. But they’d talked about it. And at that moment, they were both out of their minds with everything that had happened. And June’s leopard was in heat. This wasn’t June. This was her animal.
“Baby,” he said, chuckling when her lips puckered and she moved in again. He took her hands into his, holding them both against his chest. “I want nothing more than to strip you naked, carry you to the bedroom, and make love to you for the next few hours.”
“Sounds good to me,” she said. Her lust was making her forget her anger. Which, or course, was good for him. But he didn’t deserve it. Not yet.
“Baby, hold on.” He was chuckling again. She was so cute. Hot. Sexy. But at that moment, mainly cute. He lifted her hands and kissed the knuckles on both. Her eyes followed the movement then raised to his face. Some of the heat left those pretty grey depths and she inhaled deeply and blew a breath out between pursed lips.
“You’re right.” She threw her leg off him and climbed over to her seat. “I’m still mad at you. That won’t go away with an orgasm.”
Oh. He had no intention of stopping with one orgasm. Wait. No. They weren’t having sex. He was groveling for forgiveness.
“Move in with me,” he said without giving it any thought.
She rolled her eyes. “Be serious, Carter. I’m not moving in with you. We’re not twenty year olds jumping into this.”
“I could move in here,” he offered. Why was he pushing this? They were taking it slow. Moving in wasn’t taking it slow.
“Right. Because you’d fit in this little place.”
He looked around. The place wasn’t that small, but neither was he. And his mate wasn’t some petite slip of a woman, either. They needed space. Space where he could explore her body on every surface of the house.
When June looked up at him, he shrugged with a smirk.
“Be serious.” She was fighting a smile, her lips pulled into her mouth. This was way
better than her anger.
He wanted to lay her down, but he still felt like death warmed up. And by the crescents under those gorgeous eyes, he knew she hadn’t slept much, either. They needed rest. And holding her while she slept sounded like heaven.
Carter turned, resting one knee onto the couch, and threw an arm across the back cushions.
“Ugh,” June said, flopping back against the couch. “I’m so tired.”
“I know.”
“And it’s your fault,” she said, but shot him a look from the corner of her eye, her lips quirking the slightest bit at the corners.
“Were you crying last night?” Carter asked, taking the chance to play with her long hair as her head rested against his arm.
She barely looked over at him and shrugged.
“I think I heard you.”
She turned away and looked across the room. She wasn’t going to answer him.
“I’m so, so sorry, June. I never want to be the cause of your tears.” She nodded. “Please say you forgive me.” He kept his voice soft, scared to ruin the moment.
The moment had gone from terrifying, to heartwarming, to heated, and now…
“I forgive you,” she said, closing her eyes.
He didn’t say anything else. He didn’t want to ruin the moment. He didn’t want to end up shoving his foot in his mouth. He just sat there and stared at her so long he watched as she drifted to sleep.
Carter leaned his head against the cushion and continued watching June. After about an hour, his own eyes grew heavy. The couch wasn’t bad, but he didn’t want his mate to fall asleep sitting up and end up sore when she woke up.
Moving slowly and carefully, Carter stood, scooped June into his arms, and carried her into her bedroom. He laid her on top of the unmade bed, pulled her shoes off, and pulled the blanket over her. He then laid on top of the bedspread and folded his arms under his head and drifted to sleep to the sound of June’s steady, slow breathing.
Chapter Ten
June had rolled over at some point and thrown her arm across Carter’s chest. He needed more sleep, but her restless sleep kept waking him up. It was fine. As long as she got enough sleep. Half lie. He really wished he could’ve gotten more, too.
His brain hadn’t shut down from the second his eyes had opened. June loved him. He’d finally said the words out loud and she felt the same. He was the luckiest bastard on the face of the planet. He’d been prepared to crawl on his knees and grovel for as long as it took. But she’d forgiven him. Didn’t mean he’d ever stop trying to earn any amount of her trust he’d lost during his stupidity.
Carter rolled his head on the pillow to look at June. Her full lips were parted and that soft snore was pouring from them. She looked so sweet and innocent like this. So vulnerable. If it weren’t for the tiny crease between her brows, he’d even say relaxed and carefree.
Sliding out from under June’s arm, he sat up and dropped his legs over the side of the bed. His body popped and cracked with every movement, reminding him just how very tired he really was. And how old. Maybe he wasn’t as old as his parents, but every day wore his body out just that much more. It probably had nothing to do with age and everything to do with the way he’d been pushing himself the last five years. He worked his ass off on his job, then stressed and worried about his Clan and the rest of his friends. A vacation was beyond wanted. It was quickly becoming a necessity.
June sighed and rolled onto her back, her hand resting on her belly. They were past the age of really considering children, but how beautiful would she look with a belly rounded with his cub? He didn’t even care if the child came out leopard or bear, as long as they made the baby together. But that wasn’t in their future and there was no reason to even entertain the idea.
He needed to get home at some point. Talk to his brothers. Maybe even his two new sisters. He was so far outside of his comfort zone. Not only did he need to apologize for his behavior Friday night, but he needed their advice. He didn’t even care if one of them was close to fifteen years younger. Colton had been the first of the Clan to pair up with a female. A female who ended up being his true mate. He knew how lucky the three of them had been to find their soul mates. They knew it, too. That didn’t stop him from doubting his every thought and move.
Moving as quietly as someone his size could, Carter hurried into the bathroom and showered, then used his finger to brush his teeth again. He’d do a better job when he got back to his own cabin. He pulled his dirty clothes back on and wondered if she’d be receptive to him leaving a few changes at her house. Maybe she could leave a few at his cabin, as well. She’d been right about moving in so soon, but that didn’t stop him from wanting to leave his mark on her home and wanting to see her stuff lying around his place.
Did she have to work today? Would she be open to joining him in his territory? Yeah, he needed some answers, but he’d much rather be with his mate all day. Actually, he’d rather have her naked body under his hands all day, but…fuuuck. This whole going slow thing seemed like a good idea at first. Now, it felt like fucking torture.
When Carter rounded the corner into her room, June was sitting up against the headboard, the sheet pulled up over her chest even though she was fully clothed. He hadn’t removed her clothes or attempted to put on her PJs for her. It felt too much like an invasion of privacy.
“You’re up,” she said after a few moments. She looked dazed. “Did you make coffee?”
“No. You want some?”
She groaned and wiggled until she was back under the blankets. “It’s too cold to get out of bed without a cup of coffee.”
He smiled and shook his head, even though she was currently burying her face in her pillow and trying to get comfortable again. Either she was getting ready to go back to sleep or was serious about refusing to get up until she smelled coffee. He’d be more than happy to make her as many cups of coffee as she wanted. He’d be willing to do just about anything after the way he’d behaved. And no matter how many times he reminded himself she’d forgiven him, he’d continue to do everything he could to make it up to her and earn one hundred percent of her trust back.
Carter located her can of coffee and filters, then stood with his hands resting on the counter, leaning forward to watch the steady stream of black gold pouring into the carafe. The rest of her place was a mishmash of furniture, as if she’d inherited it from various family members, but her coffee maker looked sleek, and new, and top of the line.
Once the carafe was full, he found two mugs, filled them to the brim, then realized he didn’t know how she took her coffee. “Did you want sugar or cream?” he said, raising his voice just a tad.
“Black,” she said from just behind him and to the left.
Carter actually jumped and spun around. No one ever snuck up on him. And he wasn’t distracted enough to blame anything else. His woman was just super light on her feet. Must be the feline in her.
Carter handed her one of the mugs and watched as she shuffled across the small space of the kitchen and sat on one of the chairs. She sipped at the coffee, then sat it on the table and wrapped both hands around it. His mate was not a morning person. Where she was usually friendly and even flirty, she was silent, her eyes a little puffy with sleep, and had barely looked at him since she’d woken up.
“So, hey,” he said, taking the chair beside her. “I need to head home for a while, but I was wondering if you’d maybe want to come with me. Hang out with the Clan. Unless you have to work, of course.”
“I’m off today,” she said, her voice still hoarse with sleep. “When do we have to leave?” She lifted her mug and took another sip.
“I can wait if you wanted to wake up a little and take a shower.”
She gave him a side eye. “Are you one of those people who are super chipper and bounce off the walls the second you wake up? ‘Cause this might not work if you are.”
His grin was wide as he shook his head. Nope. June was definitely not a morning person
. “No. It takes me a minute and a shower. But I’ve been getting up early for work for so long I’m used to it.”
“I hate early mornings. If I had my choice, I’d stay up late and sleep in every day. All the fun stuff happens at night, anyway,” she said, her eyes on her coffee. But if he wasn’t mistaken, a hint of pink washed over her cheeks. She must be thinking about the fun things they’d done at night. To be fair, they’d also done those fun things in the middle of the day, too. Just not lately. And fuck if he wasn’t having a hard time keeping his mind off her body and what he’d like to do to it.
It took June a full hour to wake up, shower, and get ready to head into Blackwater territory. Carter had fought his own body from jumping in that shower with her. He wanted to run his hands all over her soapy body and then carry her into the bedroom so his tongue could finish what his hands had started.
Instead, he’d sat on the couch, stared at the opposite wall, and thought about every other person he knew. There was no way he could get a boner while thinking about Reed Peterson or Gray Harvey. And he sure as fuck would never tell them he’d used their faces to keep his dick at half-mast.
June emerged from her bedroom in a pair of tight jeans, knee high boots, and a sweater that hung off one shoulder.
“You look beautiful,” he said, moving to kiss her and then looking at her shiny lips. Would he smear her makeup?
She closed the space and pecked his lips quickly before pulling away. “I feel overdressed. I was going to throw on a hoodie, but kind of feel like I need to make a good impression on your people or something.”
“Shoot. You could’ve shown up in your PJs and they still would’ve loved you. Every single person you’ve met so far has liked you.”