by Alison Mello
No…I couldn’t have…
I lower the visor to open the mirror. I look at the red, open scratches on my cheeks. The skin is broken and the blood has crusted around the wounds. Three scratches on both cheeks.
I let out a sob, looking back at Reid. “Oh, sweetheart.” Reid carefully moves his hand to the back of my neck and brings our heads together. He nuzzles his nose against mine, sniffling. “I love you. I always will.”
Chapter 15
God’s Word
Reid
June 22, 2016
There wasn’t a chance on Earth that I was going to leave Poppy alone tonight. I heard what she said in her moment of complete torment. “I want it to stop, Reid. I want it all to end. I want it over!”
I didn’t understand exactly what had happened back at the house; I didn’t see the gift Stephanie had given Poppy. But the reaction was almost instantaneous. Poppy was out of the house with Stephanie wearing a smug look on her face. I could have slapped it off, right there. But I had to make sure Poppy was all right.
And what she did…to her beautiful, angelic face…it tears me apart.
It will scar. I’m sure the marks will be faint, but I will always see them and I will always remember. I should have put a stop to Stephanie sooner.
“I want it all to end.”
I don’t need to be a psychiatrist to know that Poppy has had thoughts of suicide running through her head.
But I am not going to let that happen. Her dying will result in the same for me. I wouldn’t kill myself, but I’d go off to war with the intention of never coming home; I’d willingly die overseas.
So no. It isn’t an option. I hate that it once was to her. I hate that she still thinks it is. But I will work to keep the thought from her head.
Poppy lies curled in a ball, her forehead and nose pressed against my chest with her knees softly digging into my stomach. I have my arm draped over her, lightly drawling circles on her back.
This is it. Right here in my arms: my heart. My life. I have been given a remarkable gift, yet I am struggling to understand God’s plan.
Why can’t she find her happiness with me? When I felt, rather than heard, God tell me that Poppy was the girl I am to protect and love, I was consumed with joy. I was naïve to think that proclaiming my love for her would scare away all her demons.
But I still don’t understand why He has allowed these thoughts to devour her. Why does He still allow Stephanie to torment her? Hasn’t she been through enough? Is there some sort of lesson, or test, at the end of all of it?
It’s times like these that I grow angry with God. I have given my life to Him and He still allows pain to the woman I love.
I dip my head down and place a kiss to the reddened cheek. Poppy lets out a soft mewling sound.
“God, please tell me what I am supposed to do.”
I brush a piece of hair off Poppy’s face and close my eyes, taking a deep breath. In the stillness, it is almost as if I can hear His response.
It lurches my stomach and squeezes at my heart. Tears well in my eyes as His presence overcomes me.
Tend my lamb.
My lamb…I open my eyes to see my sleeping beauty behind the blurry haze of tears.
“How? I’m trying, but she doesn’t understand…she won’t listen to what I say, only to what others are telling her. How do I make her understand that she is loved? How do I protect her from herself?”
Do you love me?
I tilt my head back, resting it on the pillow as I close my eyes, my arm tightening around Poppy. My heart is practically racing out of my chest, exulted by the love I am empowered with.
“Yes, Jesus,” I whisper.
I will make your paths straight. Trust in me and lean not onto your own understanding.
Trust.
A word I have begged Poppy to bestow upon me. I have been yearning for her trust, however as I’ve been doing so, I’ve taken my trust away from God.
Tend my lamb.
I pull Poppy closer, a kiss upon her forehead as I promise, “I will.”
And I will. I will tend to her day and night. I will take care of her until my last dying breath, for she is mine to take care of.
Never have I had such an intense conversation with the Lord. And the aftermath nearly leaves me exhausted as all the elation it brought has evaporated. Now, with Poppy in my arms, I am weary.
I make sure the blanket is still snug around her and she is comfortable before I dare close my eyes.
***
“Reid…” I feel someone poke my cheek, causing me to slowly rouse from my sleep. A slender body is placed firmly beside me, in my arms. I open an eye to see Poppy lying there, her head on her pillow as she stares at me with bright hazel eyes. “I need to go to the bathroom…” she whispers, a blush forming on her cheeks.
I smirk, lifting my arm from her waist. Poppy rolls out of bed and jogs to her bathroom. I flip onto my stomach and try to resume my rest.
Poppy fell asleep right when we got home from her father’s, around three in the afternoon. I didn’t follow suit until it was nearing five. Peeking at the clock beside the bed, it glows with bright green numbers, ten twenty-two p.m.
As sleep begins to overcome me again, I feel a body practically slam onto my back. Groaning, I open my eyes and roll over so Poppy is half on my stomach, half on the bed. She smiles at me, her stubborn, feral hair dismantled from sleep. I immediately notice her bruised cheeks, but don’t let my eyes linger.
She’s smiling, and that’s all that matters right now.
“Why are you chipper this…evening?” I ask, reaching over to try and tame her hair by tucking a lock behind her ear. Poppy kisses the inside of my wrist before she wiggles from her position, her head resting on my chest. I take up the task of combing my fingers through the ample amount of tangles while Poppy stares up at the ceiling.
“I woke up with you beside me. For the first time in a long time I didn’t feel—” Poppy stops, biting her bottom lip to keep from smiling. “I’m starting to understand I’m no longer alone.”
Her words are the cure to cancer. The end to world hunger.
“No, sweetheart. You will never be alone again,” I promise her, looking down my chest at her profile. Her hair, fanned out and in my hands, has an auburn tint under the lighting. Her skin is sun-kissed tan from our day at the beach, and her pink lips are quirked into a smile.
I’ve never seen her more beautiful than she is now.
All roughed up from sleep, with pillow markings still on the side of her face, and her clothes wrinkled. The makeup she wore earlier has rubbed off and is even adorning the skin under her eyes. Some would say she rivals a raccoon, but I’d challenge them and say she’s near perfection.
The carefree Poppy before me is ten times more beautiful than the shy, composed Poppy.
Though, I am in love with both.
“I’m sorry about today. It was a disaster, wasn’t it? Stephanie bought me makeup when I was seventeen…claimed she was trying to help fix my face,” Poppy whispers, her smile faltering for a moment before it beams wide. “You told her off!” She turns her head so our eyes meet. I chuckle at how thankful and blissful she looks.
At least now she understands that I will stand up for her every single day for the rest of our lives. There isn’t anyone in the world who wouldn’t meet my wrath if they wrong Poppy. I’d even reprimand Rachel if she upset Poppy.
“I did. And your father. You deserve to have someone stand up for you. I refuse to stand by and let them pick on you. From now on, I’m nipping it in the bud. Are we in agreement, Poppy?” Poppy sobers, her smile falling slightly as her eyes water with tears. They hold life and gratitude. She isn’t upset. She’s feeling loved.
Poppy hasn’t had anyone fully and completely stick up for her. Rachel always helped with bullies, but was never able to stop them and put it to rest. Poppy understands that I will. I will put every one of them in their place.
I want so badly
to approach Gavin and give him a piece of my mind; however, I know that is something Poppy doesn’t want to rehash.
If I see him again and he even looks in Poppy’s direction, I am saying something. I simply do not have to the willpower to refrain.
“Thank you, Reid.”
We lie in silence for a while. I continue to stroke her hair as she simply stares at me, her expression soft. I already know her feelings for me. I know Poppy loves me. I know her heart better than anyone, and I can read her as if she were my favorite novel.
She’s scared to admit her feelings. She’s scared that when she says them, that it will magically break a spell and destroy my love for her. She is also scared of giving me her heart, in the off-chance that I will break it and leave her…as so many have.
I don’t know where her mother is, her best friend, but I am under the impression she moved to California to be with a man. And her father dumped Poppy to marry a woman who has the Devil’s spawn as a child.
When will Poppy understand that when she befriended the Holts, she inherited an entire family that will sooner perish than leave her?
“Hey…Reid.” Poppy pats my cheek and I shake off my hazy state of mind to focus on her. I raise my eyebrows in silent question. Poppy rolls onto her stomach and draws designs on my chest, avoiding eye contact. “So, I need to go into the bridal shop to finalize the purchase of the dress. Would you like to come with me tomorrow? If not, that’s fine. I just wanted to ask—thought perhaps you could check out suits. But if you have plans, it’s okay. No worries.” I smile at her self-doubt.
I move her hair from her face, pulling the curtain back to see her blushed cheeks. “There is nothing I’d rather do tomorrow than spend it with you.”
“Really? I mean, we spent all day today together, and then yesterday…I didn’t know if three days together was extensive…”
“Look at me, Poppy.” She tilts her head to the side to gaze up at me, embarrassment clear as day. I keep my voice soft and expression tender, as if speaking to a spooked animal. “I am planning to spend the rest of my life with you. Once we get married, we will spend every single day together. There is nothing I want more than to be with you. Every. Single. Day.”
Until I go off to war and fight to be back with her.
That’s why every moment with her is so important and not to be taken for granted. I will cherish every second that Poppy offers me.
Poppy lets out a breathless laugh, bowing her head so her forehead rests on my chest. I gently rub her neck, as if relieving her of stress. “I’m going to be devastated,” she whispers.
My heart clenches. Why would she be devastated? “What do you mean?”
“When I wake up and realize that you’re only a dream.” I grab Poppy around her waist and pull her up so she’s resting alongside of me, her head tucked under my chin. I kiss the top of her head multiple times, clinging tightly to her body.
“Sweetheart, awaken. Because I will still be here. Always.” Poppy gathers the material of my shirt into a clenched fist, her knuckles turning white. She’s still scared to lose me.
One day, God will touch her heart and open her eyes. And she will realize that no one has ever loved anyone as much as I love her.
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you too, Reid.” I close my eyes and cling to every word. They will get me through the turmoils of war. They will help me over the death of soldiers. They will become my strength when I know I will lose my own.
“And so you will.”
Chapter 16
Growth
Poppy
September 3, 2016 (Roughly 2 months later)
“Is this really happening?” I ask, clinging to Reid’s hand as he leads me forward a few steps. Using our enclosed hands, he pulls me forward and drapes an arm around my shoulders.
I watch all the people standing around us, waiting in the same line as us. It moves at a steady pace, but it also symbolizes the long lines we will soon be waiting in for every ride.
Rachel punches my arm. “It’s going to be fun, silly.” I roll my eyes, smiling as Talen has her in the same hold as Reid does to me. The engagement ring glistens on the hand that just delivered a bruise to my right bicep.
“You know, people die,” I whisper.
Talen chuckles, wrinkles forming around his eyes as he genuinely finds my fact funny. I squint over at him.
“They do,” I declare.
“Sweetheart, you promised. The opportunities to go this year are winding down…and next year—” Reid stops, pressing a kiss to the side of my head in a quick apology.
We have decided not to speak of the impending deployment. There isn’t going to be a next year. The year 2017 won’t hold hours of lounging on the couch watching The Walking Dead, or taking Aragorn to the dog park while never letting go of each other’s hand. It won’t hold dinner dates or beach volleyball matches. Next year won’t hold going to Great America together, no matter how scared I am.
I look up at Reid, quickly grabbing the back of his neck to peck his lips as dread overcomes me. Every day, we are getting closer to our goodbye.
“Shh…today is a day of fun,” he whispers in my ear, his arm around my shoulder tightening in a loving squeeze.
He’s right. I did promise to spend the day here with him. Great America is one of his favorite excursions and I wasn’t going to deny him a day doing what he wants. Reid has always put my desires on the forefront and I need to do the same for him.
We invited Rachel and Talen at the last second, deciding it’d be a great idea to spend time with them as well.
They will be married soon and off doing what married couples do.
The past two months have been blissful. Ever since the incident on my birthday, I haven’t heard a word from Stephanie. And almost as if a spell were broken, confidence seemed to sprout from within me. It’s from Reid’s words, no doubt. He never lets me forget how much he loves me.
I still haven’t shared the same words with him. I know my feelings are similar to his, I know that I love him. But I also know that telling him will leave me vulnerable.
I trust Reid completely, but I know there is a possibility that when I see him off to war, I might never see him again.
And to bare my heart to a man I might not have a future with—it scares me.
He knows how I feel. I show him with my actions; we are always in contact, as if a comfort.
After we make it through security, Rachel demands a picture in front of the carousel. She asks a young couple and the four of us stand with us two girls in the middle. Rachel holds my hand while the two men have their arms slung over our shoulders. The fingers of my free hand cling to the belt loop of Reid’s jeans.
After a series of pictures, we finally set off toward our first ride, Superman.
Couldn’t they have started me off with a child’s ride? Like the Tea Cups? But no…we’re going on the ride where I lie on my stomach and risk the chance of falling to my death.
“Might as well get the worst one out of the way!” Rachel declares, her voice rising an octave as she claps her hands excitedly. I meet Reid’s eyes in desperation.
“Do you trust me, Poppy?” Reid asks, dipping his head so I have no option but to stare into his blue orbs.
“More than anyone,” I whisper, watching as his lips twitch into a small smile at my admission.
“Would I make you do something if I had the slightest doubt of your safety?” He arches an eyebrow, testing me. I let out a sigh but shake my head. No, of course he wouldn’t.
Nodding his head, he leads me toward the forty-five-minute line. As we wait for the line to move forward, the four of us keep up easy conversation. I have been interacting with Talen more openly than ever. My confidence has increased a considerable amount and I know it’s because of the man holding my hand.
I glance at Reid from the corner of my eye when he lets out a tremendous laugh that warms my insides. He is so handsome. He’s always smiling, his eyes w
rinkle with laughter. The single dimple on his cheek is an odd feature that makes him approachable. Reid’s personality is welcoming and warm…as if one would walk into a house with a candle lit. I can just snuggle into his embrace, just as I would curl into the couch of a Christmas-scented house.
I don’t know what I have done to deserve such a man. The way he looks at me, with all the love he can muster, makes me feel as if I am the most important person in the world…at least to him.
Talen and Rachel speak about the wedding briefly, telling us what is to be expected. It will be a cold wedding, and most of the pictures will be outside. Rachel suggests a simple shawl to wear over my arms, so they are not bare to the blistering air. I’m eager to see them on their wedding day. The love they share is what everyone strives for.
As we get closer to the ride, my nerves seem to multiply. I get jittery, shuffling on my feet. Reid holds me close, trying to calm me, but I can’t contain myself. I am ready to book it and flee the line.
I watch as the people boarding the ride kick off their shoes. Is it really that intense, that they fear the loss of their shoes?
I bite the inside of my cheek, watching as the floor drops and the seats lift, so the riders are on their stomachs.
“I don’t think I can do this…” I whisper.
Reid turns to me, concern etching his features. “I know you can, Poppy. But if you don’t want to, we can leave. I never want you to do something you’re not ready to do.” I squeeze Reid’s hands tightly, trying to calm my shaking as I stare into his comforting eyes. He scrutinizes me, trying to come to his own conclusion without awaiting my answer. “Rach, we’re going to skip this one.”
Rachel nods, a small frown on her face as Reid begins to lead me away. As the next ride appears and I see all passengers have made it back safe, I take a deep breath and stop Reid’s pursuit. “No. It’s okay, I can do this,” I say, forcing confidence to ooze off my tongue.