by Alison Mello
I look up at Gavin as he stands above me, a sick smirk on his face. “Oh, how I’ve missed seeing you like this.” Gavin’s hands work his buckle and button, popping his jeans open. I squirm back, looking toward my door to see it firmly closed.
Why, oh why, did I close it?
I hear vicious barks from the other side, along with scratching at the door.
Aragorn. I want to scream.
I look back at Gavin as I attempt to roll off the bed in earnest. Gavin easily grips my ankle and yanks me toward him.
“Now. I am going to finish what I started so long ago.”
Hot tears roll down my cheeks as Gavin pulls out silver handcuffs. His eyes twinkle with mischief and I let out a scream, thrashing uncontrollably.
“Please, don’t!” I yell, pushing on his chest when he hovers over me. He presses his body flat against me, his weight an anchor as he manages a wrist into a cuff. It is tugged back and is latched to the post of my bed.
After doing the same with my other limbs, I am left completely vulnerable and when he tears my clothes off, I am exposed.
I sob.
“You can thank Stephanie. She told me about your deployed fiancé, directed me to your apartment, warned me about your dog. She understood my sick fascination with you and lent a hand. How sweet is that?” Gavin says, placing a sloppy kiss to my stomach.
No. No. God, please. I know I haven’t prayed or spoken to you in so long. But please, forgive me. Don’t let him do this to me. Not now. Not again.
With the tearing of my underwear, my prayer goes unanswered.
Chapter 20
It Has to Stop
Rachel
February 16, 2017
Talen walks up behind me, placing a kiss to the side of my head. “Morning, wife,” he whispers in my ear. I giggle, maintaining my task of scrambling the eggs as Talen tries to distract me.
“Good morning, husband,” I say back. Talen pours himself a cup of milk, gulping it down, and then refills the glass. I pour our breakfast on the plates and set them on the table. We sit beside one another, my legs thrown over his lap. I am still dressed in my pajamas while Talen is wearing his workout attire.
His schedule is booked up at the gym with a variety of clients. Talen has been a physical trainer for the last three years and he loves his job…I do, as well. It ensures he maintains a great physique.
Talen subconsciously rubs my feet as he eats his eggs. “Any word from Reid?” Talen asks, flicking his eyes over to me. They are dark green today; his black shirt makes them appear darker than normal. When he wears blue or green, his eyes are vibrant.
I pull my cellphone out and check emails. There are a few from my old college and potential nursing jobs. I bypass them and click on Reid’s name. He writes, asking how I am and how he misses me.
Tears gather in my eyes. Every time I get an email from Reid, I involuntarily cry. I have yet to reply to him, because it is too hard. It feels as if half of me is across the world, and even though I know speaking will help, it will leave me empty in the end.
It will remind me of the distance.
The end of the email catches my attention, causing me to bring my eyebrows together. “Also, how is Poppy? I Skyped her twice in the last three days and she hasn’t responded…and my emails have gone unanswered as well. Is she stressed at work? Please let me know as soon as possible.”
As far as I was concerned, work was fairly easy. Her co-workers have been listening to her instructions. She hasn’t been stressed in so long. Why hasn’t she been answering him? Poppy is always so excited to speak to Reid.
I wonder if she isn’t feeling well.
I look over at Talen with a frown marring my face.
“What is it?” he asks, alarm evident in his expression. He leans to the side in an attempt to read the email. I simply hand it to him. Talen reads it quickly before he jumps to his feet and dials a number with my phone.
“Poppy? Are you all right? Reid is worried about you. Call me back as soon as you get this. Love you.” Talen shuts the phone off and looks at me, his eyes wide. I just stare up at him, shaking my head.
Talen then spins on his heel and marches toward the coat closet. He grabs both mine and his. “Rachel, let’s go!” he shouts, running toward the front door.
I admire his devotion and concern. He has viewed Poppy as a younger sister, just as I have. He cares about her well-being.
“Talen, you have to work. I can go by myself,” I say, rising to my feet. I don’t care that I am in pajamas as I pull on black BearPaw boots and slide my arms into the sleeves of my dark green jacket. My pink pants stand out, but I don’t mind my mismatched outfit.
“Not happening. I’ll cancel the first session, tell them a family emergency came up.”
Family emergency. He considers Poppy family, as I’ve said. But hearing him say it, it warms my heart.
“Let’s go!” Talen yells, opening the door and running out of the house. I roll my eyes but grab my purse off the hook and run after him.
The drive to Poppy’s is quick, partially because she only lives five miles away, and partially because Talen was speeding.
I use my own key to let us into the building, as well as her room.
We are greeted by an on-edge Aragorn. He barks at me before he turns on Talen and bares his teeth. Talen takes a step back, his hands slightly raised in alarm. The loyal dog doesn’t back down as the hair at the back of his neck bristles.
“Whoa. Easy, boy,” Talen says softly. “We’re not going to hurt her.” Aragorn doesn’t react to my husband’s words, still keeping us firmly in the entryway and blocking us from seeing Poppy.
“Aragorn!” I hear a hoarse voice call from Poppy’s bedroom.
As if a spell is broken, all aggression leaves the dog as he spins and runs into his owner’s room. I quickly follow after, stopping when I see Poppy curled up in a ball. I can see tear tracks on her cheeks. Her hair is greasy and wild, a sign she hasn’t properly showered in days. She is pale and I can tell she has lost a few pounds.
She looks at me for a moment before she opens her arms as an invitation. Aragorn quickly curls up at her chest, allowing Poppy to fold around his large body. She clings to him, burying her face into his fur.
“Poppy?” I whisper, stepping forward. Aragorn’s eyes dart to mine, wide as he watches every step I take.
“Go away, Rachel,” she says. I frown, shaking my head.
Poppy has never denied my company. We have always found comfort with one another. If something was bothering her, she’d run straight to my house to speak to me. But now she wants me gone?
“You have Reid freaking out,” I say, scared I might upset her if I speak the wrong words.
Poppy’s fingers grip Aragorn’s fur tightly as she lets out a shaky breath. “I know. I’ll respond to an email. I’m just not feeling well. I’ll be fine.”
I look over my shoulder to see Talen standing just outside Poppy’s room. He shakes his head, telling me he doesn’t believe her. He then shrugs. What can we do?
With all the years I’ve known Poppy, it is nearly impossible to get her to confess her troubles. I can pester and probe, but that will only shut her down further. All I can do is imply that I’m here and wait for her to approach me.
“Rachel, I promise. I have been throwing up all yesterday and today. I just haven’t spoken to him because I’m not a sight to see. He’ll regret proposing…” Poppy trails off and I hear her sniffle.
My brother would have to be an idiot to regret proposing to Poppy, and my brother is brilliant. Therefore, there is no need for her to stress over that possibility.
“All right. I’m here, Poppy. If you want me to come make you soup or watch stupid Lifetime movies…” I trail off, hoping to get a bite. But Poppy simply ignores my bait.
I turn back to Talen and begin to walk out of the apartment.
I am nearly out the door when I hear a soft, “Thanks, Rach.”
***
&n
bsp; I accept the Skype call from Reid, leaning back in my couch with my computer on my lap. I wave at him, offering a smile. “Hey, bro.”
Reid looks utterly exhausted. And somehow, I know it’s not because of his duties. It’s because of the girl who is lying in her bed with a secret so heavy, that it’s isolating her from us.
“Hey, Rachel. Poppy finally emailed; I’ve never been more relieved to get a message in my entire life. She explained about being sick. Why did she have to worry me like that? I was losing my mind, Rachel!” Reid groans, dropping his head into his hands. His fingers dig into his scalp as he growls in frustration.
I shake my head, not having an answer for him. I really do wish she would have emailed him, saying she wasn’t feeling good. Even though she would be lying by omission, it would ensure that Reid is levelheaded.
The last thing we need is for him to get distracted and put his life in further danger.
“I’ll keep tabs on her, Reid. I promise, nothing will happen to her while you’re away,” I say. At least, I will try as best as I am capable.
“I know. It’s just hard…not knowing. I love her so much.”
“I know,” I whisper.
I love her too.
***
It has been nearly a month since the scare with Poppy. To say she has improved is an understatement. More along the lines of, “she finally made it to work today.”
No matter how much I try to provide comfort or Reid begs to understand, she doesn’t give up any piece of information.
Within the last month, Poppy has hardly been outside her apartment. If she is, her dog is firmly by her side. If she’s at work, Poppy never socializes. Her lunches are taken in the back room and when her shift is over, she nearly bolts to her car to drive home.
I can’t even begin to comprehend what had happened to make her behave in such a way.
Also, messages from Reid are thinning. I am hardly hearing from him, perhaps an email every week…sometimes, not even. He’s losing himself over there. Poppy has been his anchor. The only thing that keeps him rooted is knowing that Poppy will be waiting for him…
In his last email he wrote, “I’m not sure if she’ll be there when I return.”
A month ago, I would have slapped him…now? Now, I can’t help but feel the same way. Reid is the only person who brought the real Poppy out, but it seems she has resorted back to her old ways…this time, leaving me out as well.
It’ll only be Reid who can bring her back. It will take a lot work, perhaps more than last time. But he will do it. Reid will do anything for her.
After I make dinner for Talen and stow it in the fridge, I leave a note on the kitchen table and head over to Poppy’s. It’s still morning. Poppy doesn’t work today, so I figured we could have a girls’ day.
It has become a frequent occurrence. I check up on Poppy nearly every other day, bringing her home-cooked meals. I usually see them stashed in her fridge, barely touched. But I still bring fresh food every time.
When I enter her apartment, Aragorn isn’t anywhere to be seen. Odd…the dog is usually baring teeth right now.
I set the food on the kitchen table, along with my keys and purse. A heavy, troubling feeling comes over me as I call out Poppy’s name. No answer.
I slowly walk into Poppy’s bedroom, peeking in to see if she’s asleep on her bed, but it is neatly made with no sign of her being here.
Wait. The light is shining from her bathroom. I round the corner, hearing soft whimpering as I do so. What is Aragorn doing?
Once I am in full sight of the dog, the air is knocked out of me. The large German shepherd is standing beside the bathtub when he looks up at me, his snout wet. I watch water drip, hitting the white tile. Red. Why is the water red? Aragorn whines, looking back at the tub. I follow his eyes and let out a horrified gasp.
“NO!” I scream, running forward. I nearly shove the dog aside as I fall to my knees, grabbing Poppy’s limp body and raising her from the water. “Oh no. Poppy, no!” I frantically check for a pulse and when I find one, I dial 911.
Aragorn whimpers loudly, walking in circles before he licks Poppy’s right hand. I look down at it, tears rolling down my cheeks at the nearly three-inch razor cut.
Why? Why would she do this?
Panicking, I do the only thing I can think of.
I call my brother.
Chapter 21
Clouds
Poppy
March 23, 2017
It had to stop. It had to be over.
The words stare back at me in my sloppy handwriting. I read the message over and over before I fold the paper and set it on the bathroom counter.
I hate that Rachel will be the one to find me, all bloodied and lifeless. She doesn’t deserve it. But I can’t bear to wait another day. Another minute.
Aragorn whimpers, but I give him a firm command to sit and be quiet. He senses my distress…
I am sorry, my sweet dog. You have done everything right and yet, I still couldn’t be saved.
I stare in the mirror, listening to the running of the water behind me. Tears shamelessly roll down my cheeks as I stare at the mess of a woman before me.
You’re so ugly.
No one will ever want you.
Your mom left you. Your dad tried to give you away.
You’re mentally ill.
No more.
I will no longer be ugly or ill. I will no longer be unwanted, given away, or left behind.
I will go to where I am loved.
I grasp the razor and walk toward the bathtub, placing one foot in at a time as I sink into the water. My clothes quickly soak up the warm liquid and I shut the faucet off. Lying back against the tub, I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
I press the tip of the razor against my wrist. Feeling the cool metal against my moist skin, I let out a sigh.
You’re so ugly.
I pierce the skin.
No one will ever want you.
I drag the blade up my arm. One inch.
Your mom left you.
Two inches.
Your dad tried to give you away.
Other wrist. One inch. Two.
You’re mentally ill.
Pulling the razor back, I watch as the dark red seeps from my wrists. The pain is numb, not as fire hot as I had expected. I am calm as I lay my head back and close my eyes, taking a deep breath.
I will never be harmed again.
Gavin will never touch me.
I will be beautiful and I will be loved.
And then, all that is left are clouds that lift me from the tub and away from all the ugly in the world. To a place where I am welcomed and cherished.
I will be free.
***
Reid
I sit down behind my computer, the thought of Skyping Poppy crossing my mind. However, as I do the calculations, I know she must be tucked warm into her bed. She will wake in a few hours.
Oh, how I miss watching her sleep. She is so peaceful; nothing can touch her.
I decide to write her an email that apologizes for my absence. It has been nearly two weeks since I’ve made contact with Poppy.
It has been crazy over here. I am completely drained, and every time I go out, I regret not having sent Poppy an email and telling her I love her. But being in enemy territory and watching people around you getting shot or blown up…it has made me weary. I do not wish to bring this into Poppy’s life. When I speak to her, I want nothing more than to dedicate my whole heart and soul to her. I refuse to give her a clouded mind. She deserves my undivided attention.
As I begin writing out my letter, my computer starts chiming. I look to see a Skype call from Rachel. Why is she up right now? It must be eight in the morning, and knowing Rachel, she sleeps in until eleven every day.
I accept the call, running a hand down my face as I suppress a yawn. “Hey, Rach—” My greeting is cut off by full-blown sobs. All weariness has left my body; I’m on full alert as I straighte
n my back and look in the screen. My sister is holding her phone to her face, which is red and wet from tears. She tries speaking but nothing comes out. Just stutters.
The camera shakes as she moves, and I squint, noticing the drapes in the background.
Why is she at Poppy’s house?
Oh, no…
“Rachel, what’s going on?” I call, begging for her to shed some light.
“T-They’re coming, Reid…they’ll save her.” My heart drops to my stomach as I shake my head. Rachel steps into a bright room: Poppy’s bathroom. The camera jostles before it flips so it’s focused on Rachel’s surroundings instead of her face.
I immediately see blood on the tile of Poppy’s floor, my throat closing. “No…no…” I whisper. I shake my head and let out a grunt in pain when I see Poppy lying in the bathtub, with blood-tainted water engulfing her.
“I-I don’t know what to do, Reid. I-I can’t j-just wait. W-What do I do?” Rachel blubbers from behind the camera.
I stare at my beautiful fiancée, all pale and strangely peaceful. How could she do this? What would lead her to do this? Why would she want to leave? Why would she want to leave me?
“Wrap her wrists.” I feel a tear roll down my cheek as I stare helplessly into the computer. I have never hated myself more than I do now. I am sitting halfway across the world, unable to help the love of my life. She’s dying, and I am sitting here.
Rachel sets the phone on the counter, angling it toward the tub. I watch as she gingerly grabs Poppy’s delicate wrists and wraps them in towels. Bloody water drips from Poppy’s arms and onto the white tile. It’s so red.
Aragorn steps into the camera and gently licks Poppy’s fingers. Rachel swats him away.
“Reid…Reid, I can’t…I can’t say goodbye to her, Reid. I can’t lose her,” Rachel whispers, clinging to Poppy’s hand, sobbing as she rocks herself in an attempt to bring comfort. I close my eyes and listen to the cries of my sister.