by Alison Mello
He quirked his eyebrow. “Seems complicated.”
“Not really. We should change the seating. Move yours beside me,” she suggested.
He complied, and once seated, he rolled his sleeves up to his elbows and mimicked the way she arranged her brushes. Feeling his warmth beside her, Courtney couldn’t control the blush creeping over her skin. It was a good feeling, and she was reluctantly enjoying every moment of it. She had given up hope of ever feeling that way, and not once had she thought it would happen to her again. She was on a date with another man. Daunting thoughts of William gradually diminished, and she tried to relax and enjoy the evening.
“I need you to pay close attention and do exactly as you see me do. Follow each stroke of my paintbrush,” she said, trying hard to avoid eye contact. The heatwaves his body released were distracting to her. His masculine cologne was becoming her new obsession, like a drug she might need help detoxing from. It had an expensive undertone that could draw tons of women to him.
Oblivious to how much he affected her, Zachary picked up his brush and trailed her in-depth guidelines. He recognized the pleasure and harmony in her demeanor as she eased gradually into her element. Her fingers held the paintbrush lightly, expertly guiding its bristles on the canvas with familiarity and skill. Pace by pace, stroke by stroke, she expressed herself in her art. He didn’t know anything about her, but that sight captured his heart. For a long time, he’d yearned to see that spark in Alison, that he could bring her this much joy, but all he saw was resentment and guilt. He missed her, her laugh, her touch, her cute silly habits, and the promises they made to one another. Courtney brought him a sense of hope. Perhaps a silver lining in his dark cloud. Consumed in his thoughts and bliss, he missed a couple of steps that left him stranded, but he didn’t care; he simply sat back and enjoyed the view beside him.
Courtney took a deep breath and dropped the brush on the palette. She resembled a gratified music conductor who’d just dropped his baton in total contentment of the outcome. As her high wore off, she grew mindful to her surroundings. She’d utterly ignored her duty to him.
She laughed. “I am so sorry, Zachary.”
“Don’t be. I enjoyed every moment of it. You are beautiful.”
His words made her recoil and brought her down to reality. Her expression changed to a frown.
“I’m sorry, did I upset you?” he asked, noting her discomfort.
“No, it’s fine,” she said flatly.
“Wine?” He attempted to ease the discomfort.
“Yeah.”
They moved across the room and sat at a table by the window that was set with plates, glasses, and cutlery. A table behind them contained an ice bucket with a bottle of chardonnay, grilled beef, and blue cheese bites. He pulled out her chair, seated her, and served her a glass of wine.
“Tell me about yourself, Zachary,” she asked when he seated himself. “I’m quite curious.”
His infectious smile began to shrink her anxieties. He stroked the stem of the glass with his fingers while gathering his thoughts, not certain which portion of his life he was prepared to share with her. Baring his soul to a complete stranger wasn’t on his to-do list.
“There’s nothing much…” he replied. “I’m an ex-Marine. I completed my tours and returned a little under a year ago. I attend the group meetings to help me cope with the excruciating experiences I faced.”
Sensing his hesitation, she decided to tuck away her questions for another night. If there would be another.
Zachary stared at her, observing as her concentration increasingly drifted away. Her body was present, but her mind wasn’t. He took advantage of her pensive mood to study the beauty before him. She wore little to no makeup, which he appreciated. Her skin was flawless, yet a few lines around her eyes portrayed a burden. Her beautiful hazel eyes were so flooded with pain and distrust it wasn’t hard to miss. Her untold story intrigued him. She had one, and he was ready to learn what it was.
“Anything on your mind?” he asked tenderly.
She sighed. “I apologize. I must be a lousy date.”
“Not at all.” He shoved his glass of wine to the side and gently took her hands in his, a gesture that drove a slight panic through her. “Listen, I know we just met, and under odd circumstances. We all have secrets, and if these sessions have taught me anything, sharing them with someone helped to ease the load. I hope that with time you’ll share yours with me. I won’t beat around the bush, I am absolutely fascinated by you. I can’t explain it, I don’t understand it myself, but you’ve been on my mind since I laid eyes on you. I can’t ignore it, and honestly, I don’t want to. And if it’s okay with you, I’d like to get to know you.”
Her eyes widened at his honest proposal. She could feel the warmth of her blush creeping up her neck. She bravely met his gaze, which she’d been avoiding all night. She feared what she might see, and her fears were now definite when she felt the natural chemistry between them. Why did he feel so familiar? It baffled her.
She nodded shyly. “I’d like that too.”
CHAPTER 9
Sow a seed and the earth will yield you a flower. Dream your dream to the sky and it will bring you your beloved.
~Khalil Gibran
Everyone around her seemed defeated and pathetic, filled with loss and uncertainty, doubts and excruciating memories. Certainly not Courtney; it was a new dawn for her, filled with unceasing possibilities. She woke up before the alarm and got to work early.
The grumpy customers didn’t seem so bad. The skies were bluer and the grass greener. She even whistled along with the morning birds as they chirped joyously behind the window.
On her first break after the breakfast rush, she checked her phone in anticipation of a missed call or message from Zachary. The thought of it aroused a sense of blissful happiness within her. Just as she’d hoped, there was a text message waiting for her, and he sounded as exultant as she was. A second date was requested, which she accepted. Zachary was becoming more than she expected. She had the urge to bare it all before him, the skeletons locked up in her closet, but fear of being thought of as damaged fueled her reservations.
An email from William confirmed her dread as she stood at the crossroads between happiness and past afflictions. She put aside pursuing a divorce from him, not yet prepared to face him. He terrified her. He had his manipulative ways of getting back at people who’d wronged him, and she was about to experience the terrifying William many feared. She needed money to hire a lawyer but had no idea how to go about it. Her only focus now was securing decent accommodations.
The weight of her problems stole the joy she relished all morning. It was too good to be true. No one could be this happy. She took in a deep breath before opening the email.
William J. Peterson
11:18 am-Subject: We should talk
My lawyer has not heard from you. I take it you do not want a separation as threatened. Your absence is destroying me. Come home, Courtney. I am sorry, truly I am. I know you are safe because your phone is active and my emails haven’t been rejected so I know you’ve received all my previous correspondence. Let’s talk and figure a way out. If I do not hear from you in the next couple of days, I’ll come searching and you know I am a capable man.
William.
Courtney balled both hands into fists and leaned against wall, staring solemnly at the ceiling. Tears welled up in her eyes as she mourned the high that left her as fast as it came.
***
“How is group counseling going?” Mavis asked a visible troubled Courtney.
She kept up her weekly sessions with Mavis, who was more like a mother to her than her counselor, granting her comfort and a sense of belonging. The email from William took more from her emotionally. She desired to open up to someone before she made a dreadful decision.
“It was going well until William sent another threatening email,” Courtney replied.
“Have you contacted the lawyer I recommended?”
She shook her head. “Believe me, Ms. Mavis, that lawyer wouldn’t stand a chance against William and his team of savages.”
“What are you expecting out of this divorce? Do you want out, or you are expecting some sort of compensation?” Mavis was confused by Courtney’s hesitance. “I was under the impression that you wanted to leave this man.”
“I do.”
“So what is the problem?”
“I gave him five years, Ms. Mavis. That should account for something. I know I signed a prenuptial agreement, but I won’t survive out there without a penny. Trust me, I have tried. I haven’t had a job since I met him. No college degree, either. I dropped out of high school. Who is going to hire me? All I have is my talent to paint, but that is not an easy market to penetrate. I need money to do that. I need a good lawyer, Ms. Mavis, one I can afford. William knew exactly what he was doing. He made sure I was solely dependent on him, and now I can’t survive without him. I thought I could, but I can’t.”
Mavis shifted closer to the edge of her seat to gain a clearer view of her eyes. “Listen to me, Courtney; no one can break those chains but you. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Nothing good comes easy, and if anyone should know that, it’s you. God blessed you with a talent. Who cares if that market is hard to penetrate? Your destiny is unique from others, and your life can change in a second. Do not return to him. You are setting yourself up for failure.”
The silence that filled the room after Mavis spoke was absolute.
“I met someone,” Courtney said after a long moment.
Mavis’ eyes widened. “What do you mean?”
Courtney nervously added, “I met a man. He is different, simple, and he sees me. It just…” She paused, savoring the thrilling electricity nibbling at her core at the thought of Zachary. “…it feels good to be wanted, you know? To be desired and not seen as a project. I am not saying it will go beyond a couple of dates, but he revives every hope I lost.”
Mavis’ brows shot up. “Courtney, I’m pretty certain you know how I feel about this. It could seem like a good thing, but I’d advise that you establish stability in your life before jumping into anything.”
Courtney nodded. “I know that.”
Mavis studied her. She wasn’t certain if the young woman had learned anything from her unfortunate past. She decided to take another approach. “Where did you meet him?”
Courtney hesitated, clearly thinking about her answer before delivering it. She wasn’t a fan of Mavis’s hypercritical eyes. “He was a customer at the diner,” she lied.
“I see. Well, look at it this way: if you want to be happy and move on with this man, you have to fix your life in order to live freely. You understand what I’m saying?”
“I’m not saying we are in a relationship or planning to be in one,” said Courtney. “I just appreciate the optimism the idea presents.”
“Be that as it may, you need to heed my advice.”
“I’ll work on that lawyer.”
“Good!”
***
“These are some good pieces. Each painting tells a story, a dark story, if you ask me, yet in a noble way.” Monsieur Rousseau picked up one of Courtney’s paintings of a nude woman in her thirties. She sat on her bed, her back hunched and hands resting by her sides. Her breast were exposed, her long black hair draped over her slim shoulders. The rest of her body was covered with a white sheet. Her posture suggested sorrow and no confidence about the future. The painting held a profound meaning, one that grasped his attention and respect. It was obvious it reflected a storm within the artist.
“I’d go with this one.” He brought the painting closer to his eyes, appreciating each measured stroke. “These strokes are tiny and controlled. It depicts liberation on the surface yet internal restriction.” He glanced at her expression and back at the piece. “A painting reveals a lot about the artist. I have been doing this for years. Don’t be alarmed. Your private life is none of my business, but your talent is. Once again, Miss Courtney, you do not belong in my class. I have a friend who owns a gallery downtown. He respects my opinion and would showcase these pieces in his up and coming new artist showcase.”
“You are kidding, right?”
“I do not kid, Miss Courtney. Believe in yourself and embrace your passion. Be prepared to be exposed and success will be yours. You must trust someone, and I am here if you want to take that leap. I can mentor you. Think about it and let me know, but not for too long, Miss Courtney, not for long.” Monsieur Rousseau placed the canvas back on the table and sauntered over to the next painter, leaving Courtney speechless.
This was her fifth class, and she was progressively regaining the courage she’d lost along with her liberty. She sat and gloated over his positive response, taking his request under consideration. Her second date with Zachary was this evening, and she could hardly wait. The excitement thrilled her. For just tonight, she decided to eradicate any thoughts of William and allow herself to completely be wooed by the fine-looking bloke she couldn’t seem to stop gushing over.
***
With his ankle resting over his knee and his back leaning comfortably in his chair, he was incredibly worth the risk. The sight of him caused her to subconsciously bite her lower lip. Courtney stood outside the restaurant, gazing through the window at him. He was well composed and didn’t appear to be bothered by her tardiness. His calm demeanor captivated her. William would have been throwing insults at the restaurant staff and blowing up her phone if she’d pulled that stunt with him.
She stepped inside and hurried over to him. “I’m so sorry to have kept you waiting,” she said contritely.
He stood until she was in her seat. “It’s no problem.”
She took a quick glance around the room, admiring the French brasserie. She had insisted he choose the restaurant, and he impressed her with his refined taste. She couldn’t tell what his financial situation was, but he seemed to be doing well for himself. Not quite as well as William, but enough to impress her. The atmosphere was unruffled. The décor had an eclectic feel to it. The tables had decent spaces between them, giving them enough privacy to talk freely. On their table were three lit candles, creating a rather romantic atmosphere. His proposal crossed her mind again when she met his intense gaze fully, this time without shying away. She wondered if he’d remain captivated by her when he heard her story. A multiple rape victim, broke, uneducated, and running away from an abusive husband. The thought of it horrified her, but she was willing to embrace the idea of transparency. She studied him closely, admiring his confidence. Every movement he made seemed as though he had planned ahead. So effortless. The way he communicated with the servers, the drinks and food he ordered, and his total demeanor was striking. She’d permitted him to order for her, a habit she was accustomed to. William always took the initiative, preventing her from thinking for herself. He had total control over her. She didn’t realize how bad she had it until she broke loose. Although she feared giving Zachary this much control might give him a bad perception of her, she kept reverting to her old habits. She let him choose the restaurant, her drink, and her food. As they interacted, she studied him meticulously to ensure he wasn’t judging her.
“Am I ever going to get a chance to pick you up? You know, have a traditional date?” His request startled her.
“Soon, Zachary. I need to get more comfortable with you before I give you full access to my private life.”
He scowled. “You’re not married, are you?” His tone had a sarcastic touch to it, yet it caused Courtney to reveal her uneasiness. She shifted nervously in her seat, considering dropping some crumbs about her real story.
“Separated.” Truth be told she didn’t know what they were. While it felt like a well-deserved break from a toxic situation, a time would come when this fantasy she lived would come to an end.
“Oh? I didn’t expect to hear that, I suppose. Kids?”
Courtney shook her head, saddened and r
elieved at the same time. “No.”
“You want to talk about it? I’d like to know you, Courtney. You seem guarded, and I want you to know you can tell me whatever you feel comfortable with.”
“Tell me about you,” she said, shifting the focus off her.
“I’m going through a divorce as well.”
Stunned by his revelation, she gawked at him. What had she expected from him? They were both going through life’s cruel trials, and that was what brought them together.
“I was a Marine, and basically, events that occurred on my watch while on the field translated to my relationships at home, hence the counseling sessions I attend. And of course, it affected my marriage. I was withdrawn, dealing with my demons. I failed terribly as a husband and father.”
“How many kids?”
“Two, a boy and a girl.” Zachary took a mouthful of his water, set the glass on the table, and gazed at it. “We had a good marriage, head over heels, but it wasn’t strong enough to survive the hardship, I suppose.”
He shifted his gaze to meet hers. Her eyes were filled with sympathy.
“It turned violent,” he muttered and saw the compassion in her eyes briskly dissipate, swapped with anger.
“You hit her?” she asked, with a hint of hope that he hadn’t.
“Yeah. I am not making any excuses. I was wrong, but I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t conscious most of the time. I suffered from blackouts. My head was always in the clouds, couldn’t differentiate between the past and present.”
“Are you currently experiencing blackouts?”
“Not since I started therapy and moved out of our home.”
They lapsed into silence for several minutes. Courtney was thinking he was too good to be true and patting herself on the back for not expecting much from him, but inside, it broke her. Why she attracted broken and violent men was a mystery to her. She’d run from an abusive relationship and found herself sliding into another. What if Zachary’s blackouts returned and she became his next victim? Was this a risk she was willing to take?