by Alison Mello
A firm hand on his shoulder pulled him out of his daze. He nodded to acknowledge Corey.
“Everything good?” He hopped on the bar stool beside him.
“Couldn’t be better.”
“Attending the sessions?”
Zachary shrugged. “Do I have a choice?”
“What’s eating you, man?” Corey narrowed his gaze at him, gauging his frame of mind.
With Zachary, you never knew what you were going to get. He’d been more volatile since his discharge, but lately his peers had noticed a difference in his attitude. Corey initially assumed the counseling program was working as it should but later found out it was a woman who’d helped Zachary gain a positive outlook on life. As grateful as he was for Courtney’s presence in his friend’s life, he hated the idea that he had to hold on to another person to be able to stand. He wanted Zachary to go through this journey on his own. Maybe even fix his broken marriage. The look on Zachary’s face confirmed to him that his old troubled buddy was back. The slump of his shoulders, his stiffened posture, his disheveled hair, and his tightened jaw exposed a troubled man.
He dared to ask again, “Talk to me, Zach. What is going on?”
“You were right. I should never have gotten involved with her,” Zachary said, placing his bottle on the coaster. He stared at it a moment or two, his fingers gliding over the side of the wet bottle. “She loves her husband and is working it out with him.”
Corey frowned. “Come on, man. You let her get you down like this? Your healing process shouldn’t be about anyone. That should be your primary focus. I mean, I understand you both found each other under vulnerable circumstances. It makes sense that you gravitate toward each other for companionship. It’s a survival tactic. If she wants to do the right thing by reconciling with her estranged husband, you should let her. You need to focus on doing the same with Alison and the kids, remember them?”
“What the fuck, Corey?”
“You should—”
“Stop talking.”
Corey picked up his bottle and looked away, trying not to push Zachary to the point where he might easily loose his cool. It didn’t take much to get him there. He understood that much about Zachary, but he was till determined to get through to his friend. He would have done the same if he was the one screwing up.
“Let me ask you a question,” he tried again. “Have you signed the divorce papers?”
He pinched his lips and mumbled, “No.”
“Why not?”
Zachary picked up the bottle, took a sip, and met Corey’s gaze. “I don’t know.”
“I think I know why.”
Zachary grimaced, urging him to make his point.
“Because you are not ready to let go, either. Somewhere deep down, you hope to return home. People come into our lives for different purposes. Maybe her purpose—”
“Her name is Courtney,” Zachary cut in.
“Maybe Courtney’s purpose was to guide you back home, back to your old self. The man who loved nothing but his family. If you have any doubts about this divorce, hold on to those papers until you are sure. I’m speaking to you as a friend now, not your lawyer.”
“Alison and I are over, man. There’s no going back to that, especially when Courtney has shown me how it feels to be cared for. I know her journey, what she’s been through and during her marriage. She can’t just be a temporary figure in my life. You won’t understand it because you’ve never lived the lives we have. That’s what bonded us. I haven’t signed the papers because of Adam and Amelia. They are my life. Separating from their mother is like separating from them. You know that. I hurt Alison beyond repair. I’m embarrassed. I can’t forgive myself for that, and she won’t, either. I don’t blame her. It’s a miracle she can even stand to be in the same room as me.”
Corey sighed. “So what are you going to do? You can’t keep living on the fence. It’s time to jump in and embrace your fate.”
“I need to focus on this new business I have going on. That should be my utmost concern, building something for the kids.”
“You’ve got to sign those papers and move on. Clean slate. Adam and Amelia love their papa. Nothing can pull them away from you. Signing those papers won’t do that. You’ve been separated for a while. They are used to it now. Anyway, I say this because I have some news. Alison’s lawyers reached out, and they are in the process of filing for joint custody as opposed to sole like she initially requested.”
Zachary chuckled. “What? She’s not going to wait until I change my life before permitting me to see my children?”
“This is good, Zachary. Don’t ruin this. As a sign of good faith, you must sign those papers.”
“So you dragged me to the bar to convince me to sign the papers. That’s what this is about?”
“Don’t you want to see the kids? Isn’t that what we’ve been fighting for? Don’t make this worse than it already is. You just confirmed to me that there is no reconciling with her, so let her go and focus on the new business and being a better father. Those kids were spectators to your shortcomings. They saw what you did to their mother, and they are traumatized. This is your opportunity make things right.”
Zachary stepped down from the stool. “I’ll have the papers sent to your office.”
He walked away, leaving Corey alone and muddled.
CHAPTER 17
Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.
~Steve Maraboli
A loud thud and shattering glass jolted Courtney from her sleep at four in the morning. She sat up on the bed, confused and terrified. Trembling, she switched on the bedside lamp, illuminating the studio apartment. She sighed in relief to find the room empty then spotted the pieces of shattered glass spread across her floor. She’d always cautioned herself about that mirror, knowing it wasn’t anchored well enough to the wall, but never made it a priority. She rested her head on the headboard and took in a deep breath. Perhaps this was a sign of bad luck. Things hadn’t been going well for her lately. She had received nothing from William or his camp since the last time they spoke nearly two weeks ago. Zachary had stopped taking her calls after she confessed her intentions to him.
How cruel of him, she thought.
She had given him more than she should have. He was a breath of fresh air for her after being in a loveless marriage for so long. He was tender, attentive, kind, and sympathetic. She’d thought he was her future. What had she done so wrong? Who could fault one for wanting to repair their marriage? Wasn’t that the right thing to do?
His detachment affected her deeply. She hadn’t kept up with the last two appointments she had with Mavis for fear of being ridiculed, being told I told you so. She’d been locked up in this attic of depression for the past two weeks, plagued by questions.
Why did I give another man so much control over me?
Why do I care so much?
Why did he leave me when all I tried to do was the right thing?
Should I make an effort and reach out to him?
Do I let go?
For the next hour, Courtney sat in bed, guilt and loneliness sliding through her veins, ruffling her newly constructed self-confidence. She stared at the pieces of glass she had to clean up, and the thought hauled her back into hopelessness. She slid into the bed, pulled the duvet over her head, and whispered, “It’s bad luck. It’s going to be a bad day. I know it, I know it.”
At approximately ten a.m., the alarm went off. She remained in the same position, ignoring it. It buzzed again and again. After several attempts, it ceased. She crept out of bed close to mid-day, feeling as gloomy as she did at dawn. She picked up the biggest chunk of broken glass then swept the tiny bits into a dust pan. She sighed, mourning the mirror she had purchased at the flea market to celebrate her growth when she signed the lease to the apartment.
After a quick shower, she cleaned her paint brushes and deposited them on a tray by the window. She gazed out, temp
ted to take a walk to clear her mind. It was time to leave the dark and step out for some fresh air. She rejected the idea as fast it crossed her mind.
She dropped into the chair behind an empty canvas and stared at it. Since Zachary left, she had not been inspired to create any new pieces. The line between her source of inspiration and her soul was pretty thin. Usually, her frame of mind inspired her to bare her soul on paper, but that hadn’t happened lately. Each day she sat behind an empty canvas, but nothing materialized. She sighed in frustration and stared out the window instead. It was sunny out, with bright blue skies and no sign of gray as it had been for the last couple of days.
Courtney jumped off the stool, slipped her feet into her most comfortable loafers, and headed for the door.
Standing at the main entrance of the apartment building, she took in a deep breath and let it out, excitement slithering through her. This was all she needed. Fresh air! She walked two blocks then trailed a group of pedestrians through a busy alley. No one appeared interested in her discomposure or emotional issues. They went about their lives. The world didn’t stop because she couldn’t cope with her failures. She thought how stupid she’d been. Zachary was out there, probably living his life, and so was William. Courtney was certain his family was thrilled he’d left her. She was a germ, a mischance, and devil’s own luck. Everyone’s life thrived when they left her. She was tainted with tragedy. They were better off without her. She needed to find a way to move on with her life.
After a few minutes of aimless walking, she returned to the apartment. She planned on calling Mavis for a session and, this time, listen to what she had to say rather than telling her what she’s going to do. Her instincts clearly failed her about Zachary.
As she headed toward the entrance of her apartment building, a young man called from behind her.
“Courtney Peterson?” It was more of a question than a statement.
She turned, hesitated for a second, before responding, “Yes?”
He hopped off his bicycle and inched closer to her, a black satchel strapped around his neck and shoulder. He pulled out a brown envelope and passed it to her. She took it without question. “You’ve been served!” he said and hopped back on his bicycle.
***
Holding the envelope securely to her chest, Courtney paced in front of Mavis’s office. She was well aware of the contents before she opened it. The contents did not surprise her since she had been expecting it for days now. It was the delivery that stunned her. After everything she’d been through with William, she thought she deserved the courtesy of a face-to-face chat. Was he that angry with her to leave her out in the cold in this manner? They might have been separated for a while, but technically they were married. William never cheated on her, but she’d cheated on him. The thought destroyed her. The Petersons were right about her, after all; she lacked class and dignity.
“Courtney?”
She whirled around and walked past Mavis into her office, settling into the seat across from her desk without an invitation. Muddled, the older lady closed the door and studied Courtney as she walked back to her seat.
“What is going on?” she asked guardedly.
“He’s divorcing me.”
Mavis scarcely glanced at the brown envelope Courtney held tightly to her chest and then back to her eyes. “I’m sorry to hear that, but I thought that was our goal, so you can move on?”
“I thought that was what I wanted. As you can see, I am not doing too well.”
“What do you have there?” Mavis nodded to the envelope.
“Divorce papers.”
“I see.”
Courtney’s body adopted a rhythmic motion, rocking back and forth in a struggle to calm her wrecked nerves.
“Divorce is a bad and difficult thing, I know. The Bible frowns upon it; I know that too. It’s difficult to walk away from a life you’ve grown into regardless of how bad that life was. It’s human nature. The fear of the unknown. It’s understandable. Even so, the unknown could be a good thing. You won’t know until you try. Go into a new chapter in your life with a positive attitude that it happened for a reason. It was meant to happen the way it did. I wish I could promise you the future would be brighter, but I’m not God. However, one thing I can assure you is taking this major leap to a new life is the right thing to do. You understand what I am saying, Courtney?”
When she didn’t respond, Mavis heaved a sigh and leaned forward. “You are not a bad person, Courtney. Neither is he, but he did things that were wrong. He doesn’t deserve you, and now he’s doing the right thing: letting you go, so you can find your way.”
Courtney stopped fidgeting and released her grip on the envelope. She looked up at Mavis. “He didn’t leave me out in the cold, Miss Mavis. He didn’t abide by the prenuptial agreement. He’s giving me an insane amount of money to last me for years.”
“That’s good.” Mavis nodded. “Very generous of him.”
“Why would he do that? I don’t deserve this. I’m broken, used, and a peasant, just like his family said.”
“Yes, you do deserve it. Look at me, Courtney.”
Courtney barely glanced at Mavis.
“You were with this man for five years. Not just as his wife but managing his home and affairs. He had home-cooked meals, clean sheets, and a warm body to comfort him when he came home. For five years, you placed your life on hold to please him. You deserve more than whatever amount is written in those documents. Don’t ridicule yourself. You are worthy and more. The sooner you get that into your head, the better it will be for you in this new chapter you are about to embark on. Have a whole new optimistic attitude, I plead with you.” Her voice croaked from the sight of a broken Courtney.
The young woman was so blessed yet blinded by perceptual setback. Mavis had worked with women with far worse circumstances. Women left with children to care for and not a dime to their name, no idea where the next meal would come from, but who had to remain strong for the sake of their children. And here sat a talented woman with possibly millions in her bank account and no hungry or fatherless children, who simply refused to see past her self-pity.
Courtney sat up straight. “You are right. It’s time. I mourn today and move on tomorrow.”
Mavis stood. “That’s all I ask.”
CHAPTER 18
There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.
~Bryant H. McGill
Slouched in the seat across from Chris and Scot, Zachary carefully read through their first proposal from a small security company looking to train their newly employed personnel. Vision Security Services had been registered, offices leased, and mandatory licenses acquired by all partners. They had worked day and night for the past month to ensure a smooth start, and so far, it had been good. The new contract was achieved by Scot through his many connections during his time as a Marine. Networking was one of the many talents he brought to the group. Chris was the organizer. Researching, planning, and analyzing contracts was his forte. Then there was Zachary, a man of action who liked to get his hands dirty.
Though all three men would be involved in the day-to-day training practices and private security process, Zachary was naturally picked to head that group. They had employed a few men they’d served with, reputable characters. This was dear to Zachary. It pleased him that he had the opportunity to make a difference in someone else’s life, that his money had been put to good use. The contract had been vetted thoroughly by both Chris and Scot and was now in Zachary’s hands for his approval and go ahead. He would always have the final say since he held sixty percent of the shares, the rest split between his two partners. Although Chris was the mastermind behind the company, he and Scot lacked the capital to push the project forward, hence their partnership with Zachary.
Zachary didn’t take offense to the fact that his two former mates approached him because of what he had to offer. He was grateful to be doing something other than living in a cage.
Closing the file, he peered at his partners. “It looks good. I see all the bases are covered. Knowing Chris, I’m sure we haven’t overlooked anything.” Zachary was in no hurry to accept big contracts. He had earlier declined the first two proposals they’d presented to him. Both men heaved a sigh of relief.
“That’s great, man. I’ll dispatch the signed documents to them. Have you had the chance to evaluate the PI resumes?”
Zachary nodded. “Yeah, a couple. I should have an answer for you tonight.”
Scot’s teenage cousin, Elena, who was on summer break, knocked on the door and popped her head in with a cheeky grin.
“Zach, you have a guest,” she announced.
Zachary looked confused. “I’m not expecting anyone.”
“She does not have an appointment. I figured I’d ask. I can send her away if you are busy.”
“Did you get a name?” Scot asked.
“Courtney Peterson.”
Zachary froze for an instant, playing it off with indifference. “Give me a minute and you can send her in.”
“Will do,” Elena said and disappeared.
“We can continue this evening, guys,” Zachary said. “I’ll get back to you tonight on the resumes.”
“Sounds good.”
His partners stood and headed out of his office.