by Wolf, Bree
However…
Bracing his hands against the cold windowpane, Phineas stared out at the rising sun. His eyes, though, did not see a golden morning, but were instead drawn back to an image of Leonora. She had seemed like a ghost, merely a shell of the woman she had once been. What to him had been even more shocking had been the change in Louisa. Gone had been the defiant look in her eyes, the daggers always shooting toward him. She had not been herself, and he had seen how terrified she had been, how her heart had broken at the sight of her sister’s misery. Would she be able to help Leonora? Phineas wondered, fearing that it might not be so, at least not for a good long while.
Although Phineas itched to seek out Louisa and speak to her, he did not. He waited as the days passed without even the slightest glimpse of her. The family came and went, attended balls and picnics, but Louisa and her sister remained indoors, never once leaving the house.
Standing with his back to the door, Phineas gazed out the drawing room windows. These days, he did not know what to do with himself. Energy hummed in his veins, and yet, there was nothing to be done. If only he could speak to Louisa!
The door behind him quietly slid open, and his sister-in-law’s voice drifted to his ears. “No, it is utterly strange,” she said, stepping into the room. “I have not seen them in a fortnight. It appears the world swallowed them whole. It is indeed very strange.”
“Did you call on them?” Tobias asked his wife, closing the door behind him. “Perhaps they are simply under the weather.”
Phineas tensed, reminding himself that, of course, Anne and Tobias had taken note of the sisters’ odd behavior. How could they not?
Anne sighed. “I did,” she replied, seating herself somewhere where Phineas could not see her. “Jules told me that they were indisposed.”
Tobias scoffed, settling near his wife. “What does that mean?”
“Apparently, Leonora has gotten lost in another science project,” Anne replied with a chuckle. “Of course, that is nothing new; still, I’ve never known her to vanish so completely.”
“And Louisa?” Tobias asked.
At the mention of her name, Phineas felt a jolt go through him. His hands clenched and unclenched, and he felt a sudden need to run from the room and…
And what?
“That is even stranger,” Anne said, a hint of incredulity in her voice, “for no one quite knows. Jules said that she is in an awful mood and has been for days. She barely leaves her room, barely eats or sleeps.” A heavy sigh left her lips. “Something is wrong, Tobias. Very wrong. And I’m worried.”
As am I, thought Phineas.
“Phin,” came his brother’s voice, and Phineas flinched. “Have you heard anything?”
Willing his face not to betray the thoughts currently running through his head, Phineas slowly turned around to face his brother and sister-in-law. “Nothing,” he said with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders.
Tobias’ gaze narrowed. “Are you certain?” his brother asked, his dark brown eyes lingering, a contemplative note in them. “You must admit you’ve been rather close with Louisa as of late.”
Phineas frowned at his brother. “What makes you say that?”
The hint of a teasing smile curled up Tobias’s lips. “Am I wrong?” he asked without answering Phineas’ question.
Anne suddenly surged to her feet. “I’ll call on them right now,” she stated vehemently, the tone in her voice brooking no argument. “I’ve waited long enough, and I cannot wait a minute longer. Something is very wrong.”
Tobias nodded, then rose to his feet. “I shall accompany you, dear.”
Phineas tensed, torn about how to proceed. Of course, he, too, wanted nothing more than to see Louisa, to speak to her. But would he be able to if he accompanied his brother and sister-in-law? Was there any point in visiting them?
In the end, it did not matter. Phineas had spent the past fortnight worrying and wondering and he could take no more of it. At least, this was a chance, a chance for him to see how the sisters fared. And so, he joined Anne and Tobias on the short walk over to the Whickertons’ townhouse. They were shown into the garden, where most of the Whickertons sat on the terrace, enjoying a spot of tea. Even the dowager was present, the look in her eyes less jubilant than Phineas remembered, and he could not help but wonder whether she knew what had happened.
“Oh, no, Leonora is still busy as ever,” Lady Juliet, the eldest Whickerton sister, told them. Still, a hint of unease rested in her eyes. “She refuses to leave her room and mumbled something about her notebook and her notes…” She shook her head, confusion coming to her gaze. “I don’t quite recall what exactly she said.” She gave a short, slightly forced sounding laugh. “But then again, I rarely do.”
“But is it not odd,” Anne asked as she and Tobias were seated, “how the two of them retreated from everything? They have never even been out of the house, have they?”
As the conversation continued to circle around the sisters’ odd behavior, Phineas crossed the terrace and then stepped out into the garden where the two youngest Whickerton sisters, Lady Christina and Lady Harriet—as far as he recalled—were playing with a rabbit. “Good day, Lord Barrington,” the golden-haired girl greeted him with a wide smile. “Would you care to meet Sir Lancelot?”
Phineas frowned. “Sir Lancelot? Am I right to assume that you are referring to the rabbit?”
Lady Harriet nodded eagerly, her fiery-red curls dancing up and down. “He is such an adorable creature,” she beamed, her green eyes glowing in the warm afternoon sun. “Would you care to hold him?”
In fact, it seemed that Sir Lancelot would prefer to be set free as he continued to squirm in Lady Harriet’s arms. The girl, however, continued to hug him to her chest, gently stroking his long ears.
“Well, actually…” Before Phineas could decline the offer, his mind provided him with a rather unusual idea. Still, considering that he felt rather desperate now, Phineas was willing to try anything.
With a careful smile, he stepped toward the girl, then held out his hands to receive the animal. “I hope he’s friendly,” he remarked, a skeptical look directed at the squirming rabbit.
“Oh, he is very friendly. You have nothing to worry about.”
Feeling the soft weight of the rabbit settling in his arms, Phineas glanced upward at the house. Behind a window, someone moved, like a shadow falling over him for a second before disappearing once more. Was that Louisa? He wondered, knowing he could not leave this house without seeing her.
The moment Lady Harriet turned to look over her shoulder and smiled at Lady Christina, Phineas dropped Sir Lancelot. “Ouch!” he exclaimed, shaking his hand, his gaze narrowed. “He bit me.”
Sir Lancelot instantly darted away, taking this chance presented to him. He disappeared into the bushes, and Lady Harriet’s eyes grew wide as she watched him dash away. “Oh, no! Sir Lancelot!” she called, not a single thought for Phineas’ imaginary bite. “Chris, help me catch him!” Instantly, both sisters darted away—Lady Christina a bit reluctantly—their voices alternately calling for the rabbit as well as for more help from the terrace.
Phineas stepped back as the terrace slowly emptied, more and more Whickertons swarming onto the lawn until only the dowager countess remained.
Ducking behind a tree, Phineas circled back around, careful to move quietly and swiftly so as not to draw anyone’s attention as they flitted around the garden, trying their best to corner the poor little rabbit. Part of Phineas hoped that Sir Lancelot would get away!
“Her door is the second one on the right,” the dowager countess told him with knowing eyes the moment he stepped onto the terrace.
For a moment, Phineas looked at her, saw the sadness and concern in her gaze, and then nodded before hurrying into the house. He climbed the stairs two at a time, hoping that his absence would not soon be noticed. Large strides quickly ate up the distance, and in no time at all, he found himself outside the second door on the right. Fo
r a moment, he paused, wondering if he ought to knock. However, he knew that Louisa would never allow him in. No doubt, she had reverted to her old, defiant self, determined to keep him out. It was who she was, but he would not have it today.
Pushing down the handle, Phineas stepped over the threshold, then closed the door in his back. His eyes found her instantly. She stood by the window, her back to him, but slowly turned the moment the door clicked shut.
“Phineas?” Disbelief echoed in her voice as she stared at him; it lasted only for a moment though. “What are you doing here?” she demanded, her eyes narrowing. “You have no right to be here! Leave! What if someone finds you here?”
Having expected no less, Phineas merely shrugged, then stepped into the room. Still, he could not deny that hearing his given name fall from her tongue pleased him. “I came to see how you were,” he told her honestly, raking his eyes over her face, taking note of the dark circles under her eyes and the remnants of tears upon her cheeks. “How is your sister?”
Louisa flinched as though he had slapped her, her body jerking and her arms flying up to wrap around herself, her fingers all but digging into her flesh. “That is none of your concern,” she hissed, shaking like a leaf. “Get out!”
Holding her gaze, Phineas slowly shook his head, his feet carrying him ever closer. “Not until you talk to me.”
Louisa looked as though she wished to shrink back, the look in her eyes painful. “There’s nothing to say.”
Two more steps and Phineas stood before her, inhaling a slow breath as his eyes lingered. A thousand questions raced through his head, all he wished to ask, all he wished to know. In the end, he asked the one question that had been on his mind for days. “What were you doing at the masquerade in the first place? Alone, with only your sister to accompany you? How could you not have known this was madness?”
The moment the words left his lips, Phineas knew them to be a mistake. In truth, he had not meant to say them, had not meant to lay blame at her feet. They sprang from a deep desire, a deep wish to undo what had happened, knowing that it was impossible.
Hope often was irrational, though, was it not?
Chapter Twenty
Desperate Words
Staring at Phineas, Louisa felt new tears forming in her eyes, slowly gathering substance, growing larger and larger until they finally spilled over and slowly snaked their way down her face. And still she stared, unable to speak, his words, their meaning echoing within her.
Of course, he was right, she knew him to be. It was her fault. If she had not…
“How is your sister?” Phineas asked gently, a hint of regret in his eyes now. No doubt, he saw how his words had shaken her. For a reason she could not name, he knew her well. Was her face so easy to read? She wondered. Or was it something else?
I’d know you anywhere. Was that not what he had said to her at the masquerade? I’d know you anywhere.
The words washed over her like a caress, and her skin began to tingle. The thought that he would recognize her no matter how much she disguised herself was oddly…appealing? Heartwarming? It was, was it not? As much as Louisa wished it weren’t so, it was. Why he affected her thus she could not say, but she knew it to be true.
“I don’t know,” Louisa finally said, knowing that he would not leave if she did not answer him. “She remains locked in her room, pretending to work on something or other—I don’t know. I never know.” Another tear spilled over, and she felt it slowly run down her cheek. “She refuses to speak to me. Of course, she does.” A large lump settled in her throat, cutting off words she needed to say, but didn’t even dare think.
Heaving a deep sigh, Phineas ran a hand over his face, his thumb and forefinger drawing down to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Perhaps we should speak to your father or your mother…” His voice trailed off as he looked at her.
Louisa shook her head. “I cannot do that,” she told him, her fingers beginning to ache from digging them into the flesh of her arms. “She asked me not to say anything, and I will not betray her.” A heavy sob escaped the tightness of her throat, startling Louisa as much as Phineas. Overwhelmed, she shrank back, lifting a hand to keep him away.
His gaze softened, grew anguished, as he stepped toward her, nonetheless. “You cannot continue like this,” he told her. “It is destroying you.”
Through a curtain of tears, Louisa looked up at him. “And what if it is?” she demanded as misery flooded her heart, threatening to crush it. “Do I not deserve it? Is all this not my fault? It was my decision. I wanted to go, and I would not let her dissuade me.” She threw her arms in the air as rivers of tears ran down her face. “It is my fault. I did this to her. Me.”
For a long moment, they simply stared at one another as though frozen in time, unblinking, unmoving. And then, Phineas was suddenly right in front of her, his hands on her arms, drawing her against him. How her head ended up on his shoulder Louisa did not know, but neither did she care. He gathered her in his arms and held her as she cried. Her fingers curled into the lapels of his jacket, holding on, wishing he would never let her go. Somehow, she felt safe with him. Somehow, his presence soothed her aching heart. Somehow, it was he who knew exactly what to say.
For he said nothing.
Nothing at all.
Phineas simply stood there, his arms wrapped around her, one hand gently brushing a curl behind her ear, the tips of his fingers grazing her skin. She felt his heartbeat beneath her ear, his chest rising and falling with each breath, strangely attuned to her own.
For how long they stood like this, Louisa did not know. But slowly her sobs eased. Her breathing calmed. Her mind cleared, and suddenly, finding herself in his arms startled her, as though she had not noticed his presence until this very moment.
Drawing in a sharp breath, Louisa jerked out of his embrace, her eyes wide, unable to meet his. “You need to go.” Her feet retreated until her back was up against the cold windowpane.
“I will not,” Phineas said stubbornly. His dark gaze lingered upon her. She could feel it as though he had reached out and touched her. “Talk to me.”
Balling her hands into fists, Louisa felt her fingernails digging into her palms. Her gaze rose slowly, moving off the floor and climbing higher until she found his almost black eyes looking into hers. A shiver went through her. It was a most intimate moment, for she felt as though he could see deep within her, see how selfish she had been, how she had only thought of herself. “There is nothing to say,” she told him with a shrug. She tried her best to remain calm, but deep inside despair still lingered. Never would she forget the pain and anguish in her sister’s eyes, knowing that she was the one who had put it there. “Nothing I say will change anything so there’s no reason to speak at all. Leave. I assure you I am fine or as fine as I’ll ever be.”
Again, he simply stood there, his gaze not veering from hers. “You look like a mere shadow of yourself,” Phineas said suddenly, a hint of reproach in his voice. “You’re not yourself, and neither is your sister.”
At the hint of condescension in his tone, Louisa felt anger flare to life. A part of her was well aware that he had not meant what he had said as criticism; however, she felt herself reach out and hold on to the burning flame of outrage, slowly growing bigger within her heart, for the simple fact was that anger was much easier to bear than despair. “How would you know that?” she snapped at him. “You don’t know me. You know nothing about me. We are not friends. We are…nothing to each other.”
His jaw hardened, and something menacing came to his dark gaze. He inhaled a slow breath as though trying to calm himself before moving a step closer. “Whether you want to admit it or not,” he whispered with a deadly calm, “I know you. I can see perfectly well how the night of the masquerade destroyed you, and I’m telling you now that I will not allow you to retreat from the world and simply sulk in your misery.” He shook his head, emphasizing his determination. “The Louisa I know would not cower. She would stand tall
and find a way to deal with what happened. Always have you been strong. Always have you done the impossible. And never did you allow anyone or anything to intimidate you. That is who you need to be right now. That is who your sister needs to help her through this.”
Shocked by his words, Louisa stared at him, the words he had said to her the night of the masquerade once more echoed in her mind. I’d know you anywhere. Was it true? Did he truly know her so well? How was this possible? Never had they spent more than a few fleeting moments with each other, except of course when he had been teasing her, when she had lashed out at him, when they had been fighting.
Fatigue suddenly settled in Louisa’s bones. All these thoughts and feelings were weighing heavily upon her. She had not had a good night’s sleep in a long time, and suddenly, the lack of sleep seemed to catch up with her. Her arms and legs felt heavy as lead, and she began to sway on her feet. “Please, simply leave. There is nothing you can do.” She swallowed hard as fresh tears began to prick the backs of her eyes. “There’s nothing I can do.”
For a moment, Phineas’ lips thinned as he watched her. Then he shot forward, his hands grasping her upper arms, pulling her against him. “Tell me why!” he all but snarled into her face. “Tell me why! Why did you go to the masquerade? Why was it so incredibly important to you? You knew the dangers. You are an intelligent woman. You knew what could happen. What was so important that you disregarded everything? Tell me!” His hands on her shoulders tightened, and he gave her a quick shake. “Tell me or I swear I shall march downstairs and tell your parents everything!”
Chapter Twenty-One
A Revelation
Phineas watched the blood drain from Louisa’s face. His words had shocked her, rocked her to her bones, as he knew they would, as he had hoped they would. The way she had hung in his arms had frightened him more than anything he had ever known. She had not been herself anymore, and he did not know how to wake her up, how to reawaken the old Louisa, the woman he knew and respected and admired…and cared for.