I didn’t know how long I had, but for this single moment in time, I was going to ignore my fucked up life and focus on what was right in front of me.
Or beneath me.
“Just thinking about how good you feel,” I lied.
She narrowed her eyes. “You’re a lying little liar.”
I bent down and pressed my forehead to hers, then started to make small, circular movements with my hips.
Small, miniscule little circles that had me pressing against things deep inside of her that I could tell were feeling really good.
How could I tell?
The way she was tilting her hips up just so, allowing me to dip just a small amount deeper inside of her. Or the way she was arching her neck, causing my beard and lips to rasp along the sensitive skin.
He hands were also fisting in my hair now, directing my movements to where she wanted me most, a spot right underneath her ear that seemed to drive her wild when I bit it lightly.
“You’re driving me insane,” she whispered. “I want this particular movement to keep going, because it feels so good, but I can feel my orgasm hovering just over the edge as if you know exactly what you’re doing.”
I grinned against her neck.
There was a reason I hadn’t touched her breasts. There was also a reason why I was keeping my body hovering over hers so that the only thing that she could have stimulation wise was the slight rasp of my skin against hers when I forgot to be so disciplined.
“You should keep those secrets close to your chest,” I teased. “Because now that I know what makes you come hardest and fastest, I’m going to try my damn best to keep you from going before I’m finished with you. Today, you’ll come with me.”
She scoffed. “You could try to make me come with you.”
I leaned back until her hands were forced to release from my hair, then went farther back until my ass met my calves.
My eyes took in her disheveled state. The way that she wanted to reach for her breasts, but stopped herself because she knew that I wouldn’t want her to touch herself like that.
If she had, I’d be forced to restrain her.
I could tell she was contemplating doing what she wanted anyway because she wanted to see what I would do.
I smiled and gave her the answer with my eyes, causing her to shudder.
“Not today,” she said as she reached for me. “Today, we need to hurry because your mom’s watching my kid and there’s no telling what kind of terror he’s been for her.”
I moved my hands to her hips and all but lifted her up the length of my thighs, forcing her to arch in a more seductive way.
The next few minutes consisted of me barely giving her much of my cock, just enough to cause her to squirm, but not enough to make her get anywhere but frustrated.
“Would you fuck me already, Alessio?” she yelled, digging her nails into my thighs. “God, you’re driving me insane!”
I grinned, then gave one hard thrust, giving her everything in one smooth push.
“Oh, Jesus,” she keened.
Then she was closing her eyes and riding the wave as I gave her exactly what she wanted.
Gave us both exactly what we wanted.
Within ten thrusts, I was on the verge of coming, and she was already flying over the edge.
I closed my eyes and let my own take me over, visualizing the way her pussy hugged me while I also felt it.
I groaned and spilled my seed deep inside of her, only opening my eyes long moments later when the last few pulses left me and entered her.
When my eyes finally opened, it was to be caught by the blue jean gaze of the woman that had no clue just how much she meant to me.
“You drive me insane,” she whispered.
I grinned quickly at her, forcing myself to pull out when that was the very last thing that I wanted.
Only when I was completely out did I look away from her gaze and down to where we’d once been connected.
My cock was covered in her and me, and her pussy was dripping with my seed.
God, it was the single most erotic thing I’d ever seen, and I fucking hated that I wouldn’t be able to keep it for more than just a few weeks.
Because that was all I had.
Weeks.
Soon, I wouldn’t even be able to do this.
“You’re way too somber for a man that just blew my brains apart,” she grumbled, moving until she was on her knees and crawling out of my bed.
I looked at the wet spot she’d left behind and wished that I could just make myself forget what was to come.
Yet, all I could fucking think about was leaving this world behind. Who I was leaving behind.
And what kind of state I would leave her in.
Yeah, today would be the only day that I stayed with her.
I’d give her tonight.
Then I was back to my own world.
She would not watch me die.
I wouldn’t let her.
CHAPTER 15
Welcome to my loose interpretation of clean.
-Welcome sign hanging in Mavis’s house
MAVIS
Things went downhill fast.
Exactly like the doctor said they would.
One week he was walking around without oxygen.
The next, he had his bright green oxygen bottle trailing behind him everywhere he went.
It was now six weeks after that meeting with the doctor, and I knew one thing was for sure.
I was so in love with Alessio Murphy Romano that I couldn’t see straight.
And he was really, really pissing me off right now.
One, because he kept trying to leave my house, as well as me in general. And two, he had absolutely zero regard for his own damn life.
I was trying hard to keep him alive and as well as possible, and he was doing everything in his power to be a pain in the ass around every turn.
“You’re not going!” I yelled, throwing my hands up in defeat.
Murphy looked at me with narrowed eyes. “I want to go.”
I ground my teeth together, wishing he’d change his stinking mind, but knowing he wouldn’t.
“You’re not going to be able to hide the oxygen bottle,” I pointed out.
Something in which he’d tried and failed to do on multiple occasions now.
He continued to try to work, and he got to the point where he couldn’t interact with customers because he couldn’t go long without oxygen. Something in which he wanted his customers to not know seeing as he was a stubborn ass.
Murphy sighed. “I know.”
I tilted my head. “You’re ready for everybody to know?”
Murphy looked at his hands. The hands that were now fairly clean seeing as he was too exhausted to even work more than half a day.
Something he really wasn’t happy about.
Because he was bored.
He hated not working.
And today, I’d done what I should’ve done a week ago when he’d started going to half days at work.
I’d left Vlad with him.
Vlad who could now very much entertain himself.
Though, he absolutely adored having his best friend, Murphy, there to keep him entertained.
I would’ve thought that it would’ve upset me, seeing how in tune Murphy was with Vlad.
But it didn’t upset me.
In fact, it made me happy.
Because all any parent wanted was to see their children happy.
Though it galled to admit that I couldn’t give him that uninhibited happiness that Murphy could give him, it did make me happy to know that someone could.
“It’s time,” Murphy said softly.
I knew after the doctor’s appointment he had today that things were about to change.
Why?
Because, today, Dr. Battle had informed Murphy that he needed to start getting his affairs in order.
He’d seen the rate of decline in Murphy over the last six weeks just
like I had, and things weren’t nearly as hopeful as they’d been when I’d first learned of what was going on with him.
I’d thought that we’d have time. That I could wait for the heart that I just knew would come his way one day.
Only, now I wasn’t nearly as optimistic.
I was, in fact, really, really upset.
Because I was now starting to see that I’d fallen for a man that had a death sentence hanging over his head. That one day, I’d wake up, and Murphy would no longer be here.
He wouldn’t be here to give me shit.
He wouldn’t be able to talk me through a problem.
He wouldn’t be here to make my kid smile.
He wouldn’t be here to put his hands on me.
He wouldn’t fucking be here.
And I would be…lost.
“What are you thinking about that has you so sad?”
I looked up into those beautiful eyes that I loved so much and said, “Are you going to be an organ donor?”
I don’t know why that particular thought had been hanging around in my head lately, but I couldn’t seem to dismiss it.
He frowned as he tugged the nasal cannula off of his face and dropped it to the bed.
I watched as he pulled a tight black t-shirt on over his bare upper body—an upper body that I still found insanely pleasing despite the seriousness of his illness—and then pause as he contemplated my question. “Actually, I didn’t really give it thought. I thought since I was dying of an illness that I couldn’t.”
“You can be dying of cancer and still donate your organs,” I told him, feeling my heart skip a beat.
He sat down on the bed, his breathing already labored and frowned. “Then, if I’m allowed, hell yes, I want to donate.”
That’s what I thought he’d say.
I didn’t like it.
The thought of him floating around out there in multiple people really made my heart ache.
But, though hypocritical, I couldn’t make myself stop the thoughts.
Him donating his organs meant that he was dead. And that wasn’t something that I could handle.
“What about your shop?” I asked. “What are you going to do with that?”
He pursed his lips as he reached for the oxygen he’d set aside, then fit it back into place.
“I hadn’t really thought about it, to be honest,” he admitted. “I mean…”
His eyes went distant. “I need to talk to the bakery guy next door and ask him if he can take over caring for the dogs.”
I felt sick to my stomach.
“Do you even know the ‘bakery guy’s’ name?” I teased, trying not to let on how hard this conversation was for me to have.
Vlad came crawling up to the bed and used Murphy’s pants leg to pull up on.
Murphy was momentarily distracted by my other guy, so I chose to go to the bathroom and compose myself.
Today when Guilia was here, she’d asked me to cover these things with Murphy. She’d tried to broach the questions herself, but she’d been too choked up to accomplish it.
After making sure that I wasn’t going to burst into tears, and that most of the knot in my stomach was sufficiently controlled, I made my way back out to the bedroom to see Vlad and Murphy sitting on the bed waiting for me.
“I’m telling my sister today,” I told him. “Before. Is that okay?”
I didn’t want to blindside her.
She knew that I had something going with Murphy, but she’d been so caught up in her own shit that she didn’t really have time to think about mine.
But I didn’t want to bombard her with the news of Murphy and me, and Murphy’s impending death, while out to eat with a bunch of people from the gym.
Which meant we needed to leave early so I could broach that subject with her beforehand.
Which also meant we’d need to head over to Taos’ house to do it.
“Sure,” Murphy stood up, taking my kid with him.
I immediately went to him and pulled Vlad into my arm.
A week ago, Murphy would’ve complained.
This week, he knew just as well as I did that he couldn’t carry Vlad any longer.
Vlad, always as non-understanding as possible, hollered his anger at being taken away from his best friend.
Murphy smiled at me tiredly, his eyes filled with sorrow.
Even as sick as he was, he hated that Vlad didn’t show me the same love as he got shown.
I crowded Murphy and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I’m okay.”
He brought his big hand up and curled it around my jaw, running that big, callused thumb over my bottom lip before saying, “I need to go home today.”
I rolled my eyes and pulled away, hating the loss of his heat against my skin, but tired as hell of the same ol’ argument.
“You’re not leaving. Ever,” I ordered. “We have to stay at my house because yours is a death trap for Vlad. All those unfinished projects.” I paused. “You’re here for the duration.”
The duration meaning, upon his death.
Words that neither one of us said, but we were both thinking.
He shook his head sadly. “Baby, I have to go home.”
I was already shaking my head before he’d even finished his sentence. “Your mom agreed. She and I both think it’s best for you to be here. That old house of yours is too drafty. Plus, with her working now, one of us will always be able to get to my place, and you, better if you’re here and not there.”
That was kind of a stupid argument on our part. His place was about five minutes past mine. In the grand scheme of things, he really wasn’t all that much farther away. But five minutes, in my head, meant the difference between life and death. And his mother agreed.
“Come on,” he urged as he gestured for the door. “Let’s go.”
I didn’t want to go.
In fact, I was honestly kind of upset that I was having to share him for the evening.
It sucked bad enough to have to share Murphy’s time with his mother. I know, that was absolutely horrible for me to admit, but it still sucked, and I totally begrudged her the time.
Why?
Because she’d gotten more time with him than I had.
It was stupid and petty and I couldn’t stop myself from thinking it.
“Come on,” he repeated, catching my hand and giving me a small tug. “Let’s go, please.”
I reluctantly followed him out, listening as Vlad had a conversation with Murphy on the way outside.
The moment the front door was opened, I was practically slapped in the face with the cold.
I winced, thinking that I would rather stay in bed curled around Murphy with Vlad sleeping between us than go out.
But it was time.
We couldn’t keep hiding this.
Me, I couldn’t keep hiding how much I was in love with Murphy. And Murphy couldn’t hide that he was dying.
People at the gym loved Murphy. Hell, my sister loved Murphy.
People would want to know.
Vlad screamed at the cold, and I cursed and turned around, but Murphy stopped me. “I got his bag and his jacket.”
I sighed.
Sometimes, Murphy proved to be a better parent even though he wasn’t the actual parent.
I was such a loser.
“Thanks,” I sighed.
He winked at me as he opened the door to my already running van.
I hadn’t realized that he’d started it, but again, Murphy was two steps ahead of me.
Once we got Vlad in his car seat, and Murphy settled in the passenger seat with his oxygen mask and the bottle between his legs, we headed to Taos’ place.
“I’ve never actually been to his place,” Murphy admitted, breathing slightly labored.
I felt my heart pang hard before I said, “Why? I thought y’all were good friends?”
“Everyone is friendly up there,” Murphy admitted. “But it’s kind of like us doing something at the gym d
oesn’t really correlate with our outside-gym life. You know what I mean?”
“I do,” I confirmed. “There are a few ladies up there that I speak with only up there. I mean, we’re friends on social media, but that’s about all the interaction we have outside of the gym.”
“I have beers—or had before this got worse—” he pressed his hand against his heart. “With Taos, Madden and Jasper. Sometimes with Soren and Johan if they can manage to get the time off. But that’s only once in a blue moon. We’re already fuckin’ busy.”
That made a lot of sense, too.
Where Murphy was a mechanic, he was also practically working a second job to get his old house fixed up.
Then there was Jasper, who was an officer with Paris Police Department.
Taos owned half the gym with Madden. Taos was also a prolific horror novelist and a retired PPD detective. Whereas Madden still worked in the SWAT division for PPD.
Soren was an emergency room doctor, and Johan, Soren’s brother, was a child psychologist.
They were all really damn busy.
Murphy less so now that he just wasn’t physically capable of doing more.
The drive to my sister’s new place with Taos was quiet. Vlad, likely sensing the tenseness in the air, remained blissfully silent.
Murphy quietly hummed to the radio while his oxygen whirred in the overly quiet car.
When we arrived it was to find Taos on the front lawn with the hood of his car up, staring at it in confusion.
I felt a pang in my heart at knowing that soon, Murphy wouldn’t be here to fix it if things went wrong.
I closed my eyes after I put it in park and steeled my heart before getting out.
I got Vlad, much to Vlad’s dismay, and headed directly past Taos without saying a word to him.
But it didn’t matter. His eyes weren’t on me. They were on Murphy, slowly making his way to Taos with the oxygen bottle firmly in his hands.
I made it to the front door without breaking down, and then to the living room where I carefully sat Vlad on his behind in front of the already playing television.
Then went in search of my sister.
The moment I found her in front of the mirror putting mousse in her hair, I broke down, cried, and told her everything.
• • •
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