Christie nodded with her head against my shoulder but didn’t stay anything, and she kept her eyes closed.
I said, “Christie, do you feel happy?”
I felt her shudder against my body, but she didn’t respond otherwise.
Again, choosing my words carefully I said, “I hope that you can be happy soon. Allie and I won’t hurt you.”
Christie opened her eyes and looked toward Allie, sitting on her knees beside me. Christie closed her eyes again and relaxed under my arm and whispered, “Cold.”
I held her just a little tighter and she pressed herself against me. I reached across with my other arm and put it around the girl and hugged her gently. I didn’t know if she was putting up with me because she felt that she had no choice, or because she was actually enjoying being close to me. I had to believe that it was because she wanted it. She had initiated it by telling me that she was cold. I wasn’t convinced that she really was cold. She might have said it just to get me to hold her. Last night, telling me that she was cold had resulted in being invited to lie down with Allie and I and she had seemingly enjoyed that enough that she didn’t move away when she woke up in my arms.
Allie said quietly, “Christie, do you remember me?”
Christie didn’t open her eyes but nodded and said, “Lana.”
Christie’s arm was around my chest and she pulled herself close and then, for the second time, the first being when she said that she was cold, she initiated an interaction on her own.
Christie opened her eyes and said quietly, “Do I belong?”
Choosing my words carefully, I said, “Christie, I am Florin. I’m sorry that I wasn’t here before. The cataclysm was bad. It took me a long time to get here. Allie found me and she brought me to you.”
Christie let out a long breath and rested against me.
I turned my head toward Allie and said, “Allie, that goes for you, too. I’m sorry that I wasn’t here to be your boyfriend before, when everything was so bad.”
She looked at me and said pleadingly, “Be nice to Christie.”
I said, “I will. And to you. Do you remember me today?”
She said, “I remember. You’re my boyfriend. What’s your name?”
I said, “I’m Florin. We belong.”
She said, “That’s right. You’re my boyfriend and Christie's boyfriend because I said that we could do that. And you came and got me away and made it so…” and she stopped.
I said, “That’s right. Do you remember being with me? We made love on the beach in the rain and you liked it.”
She said, “I liked it. It was nice. And I’m your girlfriend. And you said we’re married forever, didn’t you? Forever? Like a family?”
I said, “Yes I did. We’re forever.”
Christie said, “Allie?”
Allie looked suddenly at Christie and said, “Yes! Christie, it’s me, Allie!”
Christie said, “Not Lana? Why?”
Allie said, “Because They and the Others called me Lana, but Florin calls me my real name. Remember before? Before the airplane? Christie, we were friends.”
Christie said, “Before? No,” and she started to cry.
I held her and said softly, “It’s been a bad time, Sweetie. I’m sorry it hurt you. I wasn’t here then. I’m here now.”
She sobbed and said, “You smell nice.”
Allie said, “Do you want me to catch a fish?”
I said, “If you want to. You can always do what you want.”
Allie said, “But not always. I belong now. With you. I won’t leave you.”
I said, “And I won’t leave you either. And we won’t leave Christie.”
Christie said, “You told me that I could come or stay. I wanted to come. Did you get lost? Because you weren’t here? You could let me be your girlfriend, like Lana. Like Allie-Lana. Or you could tell me to do it, if I don’t know how.”
I said, “Christie, I want you to be what you want to be, if you can figure out what that is. If you want to be my girlfriend, then you can be. Most of all, I want to make sure that no one hurts you. So does Allie. We don’t have to decide anything right now.”
Christie shook her head where she lay on my chest and said, “No! I said I was cold, and you made me warm. I want to belong, like Allie-Lana. Like Allie. Others don’t call me Christie.”
Suddenly Christie sat up and put her hand on my stomach and stared first at me and then at Allie. She looked from one of us to the other a few times and then she looked down at herself. Then She looked down at me, at my naked groin.
She whispered, “You won’t hurt me?”
I said, “No. I’ll try to never hurt you. I’ll never hurt you on purpose and I’ll never let you be hurt when I can stop it.”
She stared into my eyes and said, “It’s been three days. It seemed like a long time. Three bad days. But now you came. Do you like girls? You’re my boyfriend, and Allie too, so do you like girls? You aren’t a girl. Are we breeders? Allie told us we belong. How?”
Allie said, “Christie, not breeders. Not They and not Others. Family. Like a mom and dad. Like a boy and a girl, forever. That’s what he says.”
Christie looked shocked and said, “A mom and a dad? Married?”
Allie said, “Yes! Married.”
Christie said, “Oh,” and stood up. She looked at the water and then just walked away.
Allie looked panicked and started to go after her, but I told her to let Christie go. I got up and stood beside Allie and we watched Christie march herself straight into the ocean. The beach was very shallow here and she was at least 50 feet away before the water was deep enough to force her to swim. But she didn’t swim. She just kept walking and disappeared under the gentle waves in front of our new home. I was confident that she’d be back shortly. She just needed to swim for a minute.
A minute later I gasped, and Allie screamed and pointed as we saw Christie’s body floating face-down on the surface of the ocean. I ran forward and dove in as soon as it was deep enough and swam as fast as I could for the spot where she lay unconscious. At least I hoped that she was just unconscious.
I reached her quickly. I grabbed her and turned her face-up and started pulling her toward the beach. My quick check showed that she still had a pulse but wasn’t breathing. How could someone do that? Walk out into the ocean and drown without any sign of distress or attempt to save themselves? Was it possible to just take in a lung full of water on purpose and drown yourself?
I got her to the sand as quickly as I could, and before I put her down, I turned her upside down and emptied some of the water out of her lungs. I put her down on her back and checked her again. Still not breathing but she did have a pulse. Her heart was beating.
I started mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, immediately.
Allie stood by, at my shoulder and said, “I thought she would kill herself. It looked like she might not, but she did. She was dead. She looked like she wanted to live this morning, but she was dead. It’s OK. I’ll be sad. She was my friend.”
I ignored Allie for the moment and kept up my efforts to revive the poor blond girl who had endured too much. And somehow, she seemed to have thought that it had only been three days instead of up to 18 years since her plane crashed here. I didn’t know how long Christie had been like this, but it was more than three days, for sure.
At first, nothing happened. I forced air into Christie’s lungs and continued to check for a heartbeat. She was alive but not breathing. At least now she was getting oxygen again as I breathed for her over and over. As long as her heart kept going and I kept acting as her lungs, she’d stay alive. But sooner or later she had to start breathing on her own again. Minutes went by and Allie commented occasionally. She was kneeling beside Christie’s body, facing me. I had no idea what she was saying.
Five minutes passed. Then ten. Then 20. It didn’t matter to me. Her heart was beating, and she was breathing with my help. Blood and oxygen. Her brain wasn’t being deprived. Her muscles and org
ans were being fed. Nothing was dying.
Suddenly I knew that I loved her. I loved Allie and now I loved Christie. They were both terribly traumatized and broken but I loved them. From now on, things between me and them would be different than it had been. Before I was willing to protect them. I was willing to take care of them and provide for them. Yes, Allie and I had said that we were bonded…I didn’t know what the right word was. I guess it was ‘mated’.
We were mated. Mates. A bonded pair. Like parrots. Spouses. Married was a little different, I think. That meant that we had been through a ceremony or something. There hadn’t been an engagement or waiting period or trial of any kind. With Allie, we met, we stayed together for several days, we got to know each other, and finally she decided that she belonged with me and we consummated our relationship with sex. In a way it was kind of unromantic…but it was real…enough.
Now I felt different. As I worked minute after minute to keep Christie alive, I felt like I had ‘an opening experience’. One of those meditative moments when you see the universe and understand it. All of it. What I saw was that Allie and Christie and I ‘belonged’. They belonged with me. I belonged with them. We were a family, not because we had been thrust together or because we had chosen it out of self-preservation or selfishness or need or desire but because we were. As if it had always been and had been waiting for the moment where we would come together and discover what the universe knew already.
It wasn’t very pragmatic. I could have asked myself a lot of questions about it. Why? Was it real? What emotions caused a chemical and hormone dump to my brain that made me feel this way? How long would it last? I could have done that. I could have decided to reject the feelings and deny them. On the other hand, the most pragmatic thing was to accept them and let them happen in me the way that they were. These were my emotions. I loved them and we belonged together. There are always alternatives and choices. I could choose to go along with what I felt, or I could choose to do what seemed more intellectually rational.
It had been maybe 30 or 40 minutes. Christie’s heart kept going, and I kept her alive. I would keep going until she was truly dead. Or until I passed out from exhaustion. I wanted her to live. No matter what she’d be like mentally and emotionally, I wanted her to live.
This was crazy. I was castaway on a tropical island, surrounded by hostile residents, living with two beautiful naked women, neither of which might ever enjoy a sexual relationship with me, despite the one encounter that Allie and I had experienced together. And yet, I now loved them and considered them my family and myself their husband. And both of my ‘brides’ were emotional wrecks.
It wasn’t a huge surprise though. Nobody was who they appeared to be, not at first. According to my grandfather, all of my grandmothers went through some kind of transformation when they came together originally. It was the same here. Allie and Christie had baggage. We all did. We’d figure out how to drop that baggage and unpack it together. I wasn’t going anywhere, that was for sure. No rescue party was coming for me.
Christie gasped and started coughing! She started breathing and I helped her to sit up and instinctively held her in my arms, trying to comfort and contain her.
Allie screamed and threw herself on us and hugged both Christie and I and tried to kiss me. The way that she tried to kiss me was new though. She tried to really kiss me, passionately. Allie was trying to force her tongue down my throat, and I was trying to help Christie cough up any water still in her lungs. It was awkward but I felt myself responding, nonetheless. We were all really happy, well, except for Christie, since I didn’t know what she was feeling yet, but I was still high on my epiphany that I loved these girls. Allie seemed like she wanted some boisterous lovemaking, and right now.
I pulled away and said breathlessly, “Allie, wait. Just a second. Hang on.”
Allie sat back on her thighs and looked around. She looked at me and at Christie, and then at the beach and the water and the house.
Suddenly she jumped to her feet and said, “Fish!” and ran into the ocean.
I was sure that she wasn’t in any danger of drowning herself and I could ignore her for the moment while I cared for Christie for a few more minutes.
Christie continued to cough, clearing her lungs of seawater, and I helped her onto her hands and knees where she could be a little more comfortable, especially if she was going to vomit. And then she did. The seawater was in her stomach as well as her lungs, and she needed to get it out. I was glad that we were at the edge of the water already. All she spit up was saltwater but still, it was nice that the tide would wash away all traces of what had happened here soon enough.
Allie ran out of the water, looked at the two of us again, dropped a fish on the sand, and ran back into the ocean.
I was beside Christie on my knees with my hand on her back as she sat there on all fours with her head down.
I said, “Christie, you’re going to be OK.”
She turned her head and looked at me and nodded weakly. I stood up and lifted the girl into my arms and carried her higher up onto the beach, toward the house. I picked a spot that would be out of the shadow of the house as the sun rose, off to the northern side where the trees were sparse. There wouldn’t actually be sunshine but the shadows from the house would block what little warmth and light there was.
I sat down beside where I had laid her, and Christie surprised me by sitting up and leaning against my side. She snuggled against me and I put my arm around her shoulders.
I was at a loss to know how we were going to proceed from here. These two were accustomed to being told what to do by tyrants and abusers. They were also used to doing what they were told, and nothing more. Well, maybe Allie wasn’t as much that way as Christie, but it was a tricky situation anyway. If I left them to decide for themselves, Christie might just sit and stare at the ocean until she was given directions. Allie could act on her own if she had a goal. The only goal that she seemed to have was to hide and stay by herself. But if I asked them what we should do next, I expected that neither of them would know what to do. Right now, Allie didn’t know what to do, so she was catching fish, probably to distract herself and to feel useful. Or loved.
I was used to taking charge and leading. Pops and my dad were leaders and they had put me in plenty of situations to lead as well. If these girls had been emotionally healthy, it would have been a breeze to organize things for the next few days. As it was, I could accidentally step into a role that looked like one of the “tribal coaches” and cause them not to trust me and possibly to feel afraid of me. On the other hand, maybe I should take on the role but be benevolent in a way that they weren’t used to.
I sat with Christie, who seemed content to just rest against my side, coughing occasionally, until Allie came back. She had three good sized fish with her when she came.
I said, “Girls, I guess we’re going to live here. What do you think of that?”
Allie looked at the house and said, “It’s a good house. We can sleep indoors. Out of the rain. We can stay. No one will bother us. Christie and I can clean it. Christie, are you OK?”
I motioned with my eyes and Allie sat down in front of Christie and I on the sand.
Christie said quietly, “I think I am. Am I alive? I thought I was dead.”
I said, “You’re alive. And safe.”
Allie said, “We’re safe now. He fought for us. It was horrible…and wonderful. They won’t hurt us now.”
Christie turned and buried her face against my neck and cried.
Eventually, Allie took Christie's hand and lifted her to her feet and said, “We can start getting the house ready. Christie, come on, we can get the house ready. It’s a nice house. Florin let me do it with Christie. You don’t have to come.”
I said, “Allie, I love you both now. Please don’t be afraid of me.”
Allie said, “Florin, it’s different now. We have our own tribe. Christie is hurt. We won’t be afraid. I know that I was strange
. I thought that you were strange when you came but it was me. I feel different than I did when you came. Florin, if they do come bother us, can you fight them again?”
I said, “They won’t come but if they do, I will do what I did before.”
Allie said, “Good. I don’t think that they’ll come either. You saved Christie. From drowning at least but I think from more. We’ll go work and figure out what we are now.”
I said, “Allie, can I ask a question? Do you remember why no one has any clothes?”
Allie said, “Oh, um, well, after we landed here, there were a lot of fights. After a while, the clothes were all rags. Then the coaches started making everyone strip naked. They used the cloth for other things. Then it all got rotten or burned or lost. I think it was mostly that they made us not wear clothes anymore. I don’t remember. If you had clothes, you were important.”
I said, “Do you miss it? We could try to find some.”
She said, “Actually, I’m used to it now. And, you look nice. If you don’t need to wear clothes, I would like it if you don’t. That was what it used to be, right? That you were naked with your boyfriend if you liked him a lot? Because it was just you and you liked how each other looked?”
I said, “I suppose so. Do you want us to stay naked? You are very beautiful, and I kind of like it too.”
Allie smiled and said, “Good. Pretty soon you have to make love to us. I liked that.”
The girl went off with Christie, who had been standing silently beside us as we talked, and I watched them go. I’d only had that one brief encounter with Allie but making love with these girls seemed like a better idea every minute.
CHAPTER Ten - Time Travel for Beginners
I walked the few short steps to the edge of the water and then kept going. I went until the water was waist high, and then I just stood there, looking west in the general direction of home. I thought about my dad and Pops and my grandmothers and the Norgs. They were a long way away.
I was here though. This was actually my home more than the other people here. My family owned it. These people were castaways, not me. I might not have a way to leave but in a way, I belonged here, not them. Of course, if they had been in trouble and needed my help, I’d help them but as I thought about the things that they had done, the societies they had built, and the culture of abuse that they had adopted, I started to feel like they were unwelcome interlopers.
The Dark Atoll Page 9