"Hey. What's the matter? Did I say something wrong?"
"Not at all," I said, pushing my thought out of the way, not wishing to spoil the day. "I can hear by the way you talk, and the caring way you are toward me, you'd be a great father."
A warm smile curved his lips. "Thanks, that means a lot."
Steering the conversation in another direction, Sawyer began to talk about his band and although I tried to appear attentive, I couldn't concentrate and missed most of what he said. My happy mood had imploded as my mind caved in. At forty-one, my body clock was ticking fast and Sawyer's young life was in cruise mode. As a man, I knew it didn't matter and he could afford to spend every day ahead at his own unhurried pace.
Rationalizing again, I told myself to stay in the moment, to not get ahead of myself and shut down. After all, we were new and this thing we had going could peter out after a month or two. Even battling my fears in this way still left me with an uneasy knot in my gut about becoming too close to Sawyer.
"You've hardly touched your food." His voice broke into my thoughts. Glancing up, I caught the concern in his eyes. As he held our gaze, a frown formed in his brow. "Everything okay?"
"Sure. I just wasn't all that hungry since we had that huge breakfast." As he stared pointedly, I knew he was checking my mood. His gorgeous eyes narrowed speculatively in on mine for a moment, and I tried my best to look worry-free. "What?" I asked, chuckling.
"Nothing." He pulled out his cell and checked the time. "Should we head back?" he asked with concern.
"Yeah, we should." I nodded, picked up the leftovers, deposited them in a nearby trash can, and followed him back across the grass.
The ride back on the bike felt shorter than the journey out to the festival. I guessed it was because after spending another day with him, I knew that despite the ridiculously short time we'd spent together, his age, and forgetting what he did for a living, I was falling for Sawyer.
As we swung into the cul-de-sac where I lived, my heart sank when I saw Logan sitting in my driveway with our son in the back of his car, over half an hour early.
At first, I thought Sawyer hadn't noticed. But when he stopped, got off, helped me off his bike. When he took off my helmet off, I could see from his expression he knew exactly what was wrong. Taking his helmet off, he leaned toward me.
"Relax. You got this. Breathe, Billie," he murmured. In a gesture of reassurance, he brushed his thumb down my cheek as he wandered to the back of his bike and stowed the spare helmet.
Sawyer's cool exterior was in stark contrast to Logan's. He had quickly gotten out of his BMW car, slammed the door so hard it had rocked the suspension, and strode over toward us with a scowling look on his face. Anger radiated off him as he approached us.
Shit! Shit! Shit. The last thing I had ever wanted to happen was for Logan and me to argue in front of our son. He'd been doing very well since the breakup, and I didn't want him to have to face any further emotional trauma from our divorce. It was hard enough that he only spent time with one parent at a time. The last thing he needed was his parents constantly at each other's throats in the short windows of time when he saw us together.
As Logan drew nearer, Sawyer stepped close by my side and slid a steadying protective arm around my waist. I hadn't known how badly I'd needed it until he did it, but I realized the knot that had formed in my stomach at seeing Logan's furious face instantly began to ease with his thoughtful action. Taking a cleansing breath, I did my best to remain calm, at least on the outside, in the face of Logan's pending interrogation.
Chapter Thirteen
"Are you out of your fucking mind?" Logan hissed under his breath and turned to check that Colby couldn't hear him. Even though he was incensed for some reason, I was glad to see he was at least considering our son's emotional welfare.
"Hi, Logan. You're early."
"Yeah, I'm glad about that or I'd have missed this little …" He paused, looking me up and down before he shook his head. "Spectacle."
When I glanced nervously up at Sawyer for support he was already looking down at me, a ghost of a smile on his lips, like Logan's irate mood had amused him. Sniffing he slid his hand from around my waist, pulled my head toward him, and kissed my forehead before he turned his attention to Logan again.
"Spectacle? The only one making a spectacle here is you. You heard the lady, you're early. Why is that? I hear your time with your son is limited. I'd have thought you'd have wanted to savor every precious minute you had with him before you had to bring him home." The way Sawyer was able to keep his tone passive but managed to metaphorically sock Logan in the jaw was impressive.
"What business is this of yours?" Logan asked, directing his question to Sawyer but had continued to glare at me. "And who the fuck are you, anyway?" he barked louder.
Sawyer didn't respond until Logan eventually tore his angry eyes away from me and looked at him properly for the first time.
"Don't you remember me? We've met before." Sawyer glanced down at me and flashed me an unhurried sexy smile, his eyes twinkled mischievously like he was enjoying himself. "Sawyer Wild? Last year at the wine bar in the city?" he prompted, and my heartbeat thudded crazily in my chest as I waited for the fallout from Logan once he'd made the connection.
"You?" His eyebrows rose to his hairline and he turned back to look at me, those dark brown eyes I used to love bugging out of his head. "But I thought—"
"What did you think? That we weren't the real deal? Then you were wrong," Sawyer gibed in a low menacing tone. I could have kissed him for having my back.
Logan ran his hand through his hair and held the back of his neck. "I … I'm so fucking disappointed in you. This," he raked his gaze up and down Sawyer's body, "is how you spend the weekends when I'm taking care of your son?"
"Our son," I corrected. "And not that it's any business of yours, but yes, Sawyer and I share our time."
"Fabulous sharing time too, if I may say," Sawyer added, and hugged me into his chest. "I guess you've forgotten why you're seeing this particular picture in front of you. I hope Poppy was worth it, because having seen her, I'd bet my money that I got the better deal."
The breath Logan sucked in was so long I thought for a moment he'd implode, until he snapped, "Stay away from my son—"
"Now, wait a minute," I interjected, finding my voice when a sudden burst of adrenaline coursed through my veins. "You've got some nerve—" Sawyer's hand left my waist and opened the balled fist by my side. Sliding his hand into it, he squeezed it gently, immediately halting my rant. His subtle touch centered me and my temper immediately began to de-escalate.
"Billie hasn't allowed me to meet Colby yet, although I feel from the affectionate way she talks about your child, I know him already. You should know your ex-wife well enough to understand she has her son's needs pegged way above her own. I don't believe you can say the same. How long did you say it was before Colby met Poppy?" Sawyer probed, looking down at me.
I knew he wasn't expecting an answer, but Logan didn't wait for a response, but saw shame dim the fire in Logan's eyes. "Get rid of him, and come do your duty to your son."
This was the comment from Logan I vowed would change how I regarded him from that day on.
"That was our intention," I said, without thought, as my heart climbed out from behind my mind. "Since you spent the weekend at the beach, we thought we'd grab a bite to eat and take Colby to the movies." Sawyer squeezed my hand and the look that passed between us asked me if I was sure I wanted this. The subtle nod I gave him back told him I'd made up my mind.
"On a Sunday evening? He has school tomorrow," he barked again, glancing from Sawyer to me like he couldn't believe I was taking Colby out of his routine.
"And I'll parent my child the way I see fit when he's with me, thank you. Sharing custody means both parents have a say in bringing up their child. Besides, he's had time to adjust and he hasn't yet learned the joy of doing things spur-of-the-moment with all the rigidity our custody
issues have brought to his routine."
"Who the fuck are you, and what have you done with my wife?" he asked me in a low voice through gritted teeth.
"Whoa, dude, you may want to step back and take a breath." Sawyer's tone was undoubtedly protective.
"And if I don't?" Logan challenged. My heart almost stopped, because I had no idea how Sawyer would respond.
"Colby learns what an ass his father is. Now, here's what's going to happen. We're all going to walk over to your car, paste smiles on our faces, and make that kid feel like we're all friends. His needs come first, and no matter what you think of Billie and me, you keep those opinions to yourself."
"I don't want you staying at our house with my son."
"First, it's not your house anymore. Second, that's up to Billie, not you. You gave up all claims on her when you cheated. I'd say you're hardly in any position to make demands of how she lives her life. Don't you take your son to stay at your new home? The one you and your new partner share? The least you could do, since you left Billie and Colby to fend for themselves, is feel happy your ex has found somebody else."
"You have too much to say."
"Indeed, I do," Sawyer agreed without a note of sarcasm. "And there's plenty more I could say, but out of respect for my girl and your son, I'll keep those thoughts to myself." Sliding his hand possessively around my waist again, Sawyer stepped us to the side and strolled with me toward Logan's car in the driveway. Fear built up in my throat, and I thought for a moment Logan would lose it and come after Sawyer and throw a punch—or worse. But he didn't move.
"Keep walking and just breathe, darlin'. He's gotta learn he's not in control anymore. If I've read him right, he's all smoke and no fire. Look at me," he chuckled. "Would you take me on?" My worried eyes darted toward his and he winked, letting me know he was confident in the situation, but not overly so, and that his comment was more in jest and meant to relax me than any cocky bravado.
Reaching for the back door, he opened it, but turned and walked away as he did this, leaving my son staring out at me from his booster seat and himself a good ten feet from the car. "Hi, Mom. I missed you," Colby said, his huge round eyes flitting from me to his dad behind me. I didn't look around and my heart squeezed when he unbuckled his belt, climbed out of the car, and hugged me tightly.
"Did you have a great time this weekend?"
"Not great, but okay. Poppy and Daddy fought, so we didn't go to the beach." Concerned, I looked over my shoulder and shot a worried glare to his dad. Logan still stood by Sawyer's motorcycle and it was clear he was reluctant to join me.
"Sometimes adults disagree," I informed our son, as I tried to take the sting out of whatever happened between them.
"Yeah, but they disagree a lot. I don't have to go next weekend, do I?" This was news to me. My mind quickly reflected how subdued Colby had been after spending previous weekends with them. I had previously chalked this up to him missing me, but I made a mental note to watch how he behaved when he came home the next time.
"No, baby, next weekend's your time with me, but try not to worry. I'll speak to your dad about this and it'll be better during your next visit." Colby glanced toward Logan and a guilty look flashed in his eyes. "You did the right thing telling me." When he let out a breath, I knew it had worried him to disclose his true feelings, and he quickly waved at Logan as if to cover up the fact he had said something.
At Colby's cue, Logan came over toward his car and I turned to Sawyer and handed him my house key. After Logan had hugged our son, I asked Sawyer to take Colby inside. "Six one seven four," I said, knowing when he heard the alarm he would know what the numbers were for. It was the same code we'd always had because Colby knew the code, and I'd felt it pointless trying to hide it from Logan.
After Colby was out of earshot, I folded my arms—partly in defense—and partly to stop me from swiping at Logan for distressing our son.
"You fought with Poppy in front of our son? You only have him every other weekend. I won't have it. If you can't behave amicably while he's with you, then he's not going to want to go back. I'm warning you, Logan, if Colby ever tells me he doesn't want to go, for this reason, I'll take you back to court. Now, can you plan to have your next fight during the week when he's safely home here with me?"
"Since when did you get to be brave? Do you think your hippy boy-toy will hang around? He's using you, Billie, just wait and see. He'll be off as soon as something better or someone with a bigger house and no kids hits his scene."
"Is that a fact? For starters, he's a rocker not a hippy," I said, knowing that his words would have torn me to shreds had I not known Sawyer's true feelings. "Also, your opinion of my boy-toy is way off. If that is how you think, perhaps you should be worried about your own circumstances. After all, I know how much you're worth after our divorce. Maybe you should focus on your plaything, in case she finds herself a richer sugar daddy."
"I'm going. No point in talking to you when I'm worried what that guy is doing with my kid in our house while we're out here in the driveway."
"It's my house. And whatever they're doing, I bet Colby's having way more fun than he had at your place this weekend. I mean it, Logan. Deal with her and curb the arguments, or your contact with Colby will only be somewhere you see him alone."
"This isn't done," he warned me again, jabbing his index finger toward the ground. He turned, forced the driver's door open, and climbed inside his car. I didn't stay to watch him pull out the drive and instead made my way into my house.
"Sorry," Sawyer said, gesturing with his hands up to his chest. "I know this is not what you wanted."
"It's fine. Right now, I trust you far more to think about Colby's emotional state than his father." Looking concerned, Sawyer stepped forward and came toe to toe with me. He held me by my upper arms and placed his forehead on mine.
"I know what you said was all for Logan's benefit. I'm gonna go home and give you some time with your son. For the record, Colby didn't ask who I was, but I offered that I was your friend and had given you a ride home."
Taking a step back, his hands slid down my arms until they reached my hands and he held them in front of us, his serious hazel eyes regarding me with concern. "I'm sorry I got in the middle of that out there. I couldn't stand by and watch him rip into you like that."
For a minute my throat felt thick and I took a deep breath, willing myself not to cry. Sawyer sighed, his eyes softening their gaze like he empathized with me. "Don't worry, I get it. This thing between us is going too fast, and you've got bigger responsibilities to take care of. Take a couple of days off and breathe, Billie. I'll be in touch."
Cupping the back of my head, he pulled me toward him and kissed my forehead. The parting between us felt off. An instant knot formed in the pit of my stomach when he walked out the door and tightened with each step he took toward his motorcycle.
Panic I tried not to acknowledge rose from my chest to my mouth as I bit back the words, "No, wait!" as he started his ride, looked sideways at me, and quickly rode away. The voice inside my head screamed, "Come back," as the disappointment toward him for leaving overwhelmed me.
Two days, two dates, and I knew Sawyer was a deep-thinking, considerate, and passionate man. He had given me hope for my future and threatened my newly formed stance as an independent woman at the same time. I felt unsettled at how he had been able to penetrate my layers of hurt so quickly and start to mean so much to me.
It petrified me to know I could easily come to depend on him for emotional support. Alarm bells had rung before I agreed to step into that diner with him, yet I had. Red flags had flown when he’d taken me home to his place, yet lust and exploration silenced them, and yet another barrier had surfaced at the blues festival when he'd confessed to wanting kids.
However, I couldn't deny Sawyer's instinctive need to protect me when he'd challenged Logan and put himself in my way. At that moment, I had accepted his help without hesitation because I'd trusted him to defend m
e.
"Mom, Grandma said I'm going on a cruise for Thanksgiving." Colby's small voice broke into my thoughts, and I wiped the single tear I had shed and turned away from the window. Turning to face my son, I flashed him an affectionate smile.
"Oh, you got to talk to her this weekend? Yes, that's right, baby, isn't that exciting? You're going to have so much fun."
"Why aren't you coming?" My heart ached because this was Colby's new normal. Not to have everyone in one place. It was heartbreaking when I thought he'd have to get used to this.
"Not this time, sweetheart. I have to work, but Grandma, Grandpa, Daddy and Poppy will be there." The frown that formed on his face almost wrecked me and reminded me how hard this must be for him.
Chapter Fourteen
"Really? It's been over a week and not a word?" Immediately I rubbed my breastbone as I tried to ease the ache that had formed in my chest. "What the hell? I can't believe it. I saw the way he looked at you, the way he behaved toward you." Tricia huffed down the line in disbelief when she had no other words of support to offer me about Sawyer's disappearance. A heavy silence made the air thick between us.
Shrugging helplessly, I held my cell phone away from my face and swallowed roughly, fighting back tears that threatened, determined not to cry.
When Sawyer had left he had warned me he was giving me space. At the time I thought if he did this, it would have been for a day or two, but it had been twelve days since he'd walked out my door, and I felt ready to admit he'd done what he'd sworn he'd never do and I felt I'd been played.
"It's my fault for getting sucked in. You saw him, right? Six foot something, lean, ripped, voice like a young George Clooney, and a face that would melt the panties of the most devout of nuns. I'm angry at myself more than him. I should have known better."
DARE You, Dare Duet, Part One: Billie and Sawyer: Unchained Attraction Series Page 13