"Sorry, I don't know what the attraction is," I muttered and shook my head. "But I'll take it." I grew an inch at how confident I sounded. Sawyer gave my hand a squeeze of approval.
"You've been good for him," Tammy said, rubbing her little daughter's back. "I never thought I'd see him smile that goofily again, the way he does when he talks about you." My heart warmed when she shared this about him.
Caitlin's suspicious eyes darted across the room and mine naturally followed. Sitting on the arm of James's chair, staring pointedly at us, was a stunning looking girl with long ash-blonde hair, perfect features, and huge blue eyes. Her glowing, golden-tanned skin shone appealingly in a red figure-hugging dress with a plunging neckline at the front.
No introductions to this girl were needed. I knew instinctively she was Sawyer's ex-girlfriend.
My heart sank because she was everything I wasn't—young, tall and elegant—like everyone else in the room. When my eyes met hers, she glared.
"All right, that's enough," Sawyer warned, drawing my eyes back to him as he rubbed the back of his neck in a rare show of embarrassment at being called out by his sister. A look of concern replaced his amusement when he read the self-doubt that had crept into my eyes after looking at Charlotte. "You've had your fun, but it's true," he told his sisters. He hugged me close to his chest. "I'm pretty sure I'm going to marry this one."
My body immediately stiffened in shock, and I glanced at his sisters in time to see Caitlin's jaw drop; she looked just as stunned as I felt. Both her and Tammy's heads whipped around to look at one another, their eyes big and round.
"Pretty sure, as in a possible timeline?" Caitlin asked tentatively, once she'd recovered her composure. She blinked in disbelief at her brother's disclosure. Meanwhile, I too stared up at him, stunned into silence and wondered how he could feel so sure about us when we'd only been dating for a couple of months.
My heart thundered in my chest as my legs began to shake with his admission, and I had no idea how he could be this confident when put on the spot.
From my point of view, I wasn't that certain I could commit to anyone in that way again. We were in love and lust for sure, but it still felt new.
Keeping perspective, I reminded myself of how I had felt when I thought I'd messed us up by allowing Logan to stay, and it settled my nerves. I knew I'd been heartbroken when I thought there was a chance I might never have seen him again.
"It's not something we're rushing into," I interjected to clarify, choosing my words carefully so as not to offend anyone or hurt Sawyer's feelings. "I only got divorced this year. We're still finding our feet as a couple, and for now, we're happy to spend as much time as we can together."
"That's my girl, always erring on the side of caution," Sawyer joked, as a thrill of excitement gripped my body. The thought of spending the rest of my life with him made my heart stutter. "It'll happen, but Billie's right, it hasn't been that long since her divorce was finalized. If you knew her ex-husband, you'd know why she needs a little space before taking a risk and marrying me instead."
"I'm with you, Sawyer. When you know, you know," Tammy agreed with a chuckle, then winced in pain when she moved too suddenly. I noticed a walking stick hooked onto the French door handle behind her. "It was only eleven weeks from our first date until Jonathan and I got married, and it only took that long because the caterers I wanted didn't have space in their schedules before," she added with a giggle.
"Wow, only eleven weeks," I repeated. I worked out we'd been dating for around seven or eight, if I included the time he'd been away. How could I begin to consider marrying him so soon? How long would I need to fully give my heart to him, to know for certain I wanted that? How could I make a lasting commitment again, when I thought I had sworn to do that to someone already?
I decided not to think ahead and to stay in the moment. I felt grateful for how his family had received me. They'd been very welcoming and weren't judgmental of me or our age difference the way I had expected them to be.
There had been a few people in my life who I had warmed to immediately and I knew from the minute Sawyer's sisters began to talk to me, and from the looks they had cast toward Charlotte, I had at least two allies by my side.
"Shall we get some food and wine?" Sawyer asked me. "We haven't eaten yet. The trip from the airport took a while due to the snow," he added for his sisters' benefit.
"Sounds good," I agreed, sensing he wanted me alone for a few minutes to catch our breaths. Placing his hand protectively on the base of my spine, Sawyer led me out of the other end of the great room and into the lavishly decorated dining area filled with delicious-looking food.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
The buffet was enormous, and the quantity far outstripped the number of people present. Two chefs worked diligently to replenish a few empty platters, among the elegantly presented luxury foods. They stopped and retreated the moment Sawyer picked up a porcelain plate. Handing it to me, he grabbed one for himself and began loading it with king prawns, caviar and some melba toast.
"Sorry you were thrust into the spotlight out there," he said playfully, a small, wicked smile on his face. "Their curiosity was suffocating, right?" he added. "I figured you needed time to catch your breath after that."
"Thanks, I did, and your family is lovely," I replied, smiling as I glanced up from loading my plate with delicious salmon.
"How do you feel now?" he asked, turning to look at me with concern in his eyes. I noticed the chefs disappear through another door, giving us privacy at the table.
"Somewhere between optimistically okay and quietly petrified," I stated with a small smile of my own.
"They love you."
"I think love may be too strong a word. They don't know me yet."
"They love me, and I love you, and that's all they need to love you. After Charlotte …" he paused like he'd changed his mind about what he wanted to say. "They want me to be happy, and I've never been … well, happier isn't the word for how you make me feel."
"Have you always been this crazy about girls?"
"Never. Only with you."
"Charlotte?" I queried. Sawyer immediately stiffened when I mentioned his ex.
"No," he replied, curtly. He realized how snippy his response had sounded and his eyes softened. Stepping closer to me, his serious eyes searched my face. "That's a sore subject, but my relationship with her was nothing like this," he confessed. He sighed and shook his head. "What we had …" He struggled to quantify his feelings, and watching him remember their time together made my heart ache.
My chest felt tight and I held my breath when I saw how deeply what happened had affected him. "What we had was different. It was a slow burn, close friends-to-lovers kind of a deal. I'd known her for most of our lives before we dated."
The long history they had together crushed me. I'd seen her, she was right there in front of us, and I'd seen the way she looked at him. I could tell for her at least, it wasn't over. "That must have been hard on you, to lose her and your brother at the same time."
"When I found them together, I was devastated." He stopped and reflected again, then shrugged. "As I said, it happened, but I should thank him. It could have been worse."
"Worse?" I asked, trying to imagine how that could be.
"Thankfully, I didn't believe in the concept of marriage then, or I could very well be relating to your experience with Logan first-hand."
"Why didn't you want to marry her?"
"It was never about her. I just never wanted to get married. I didn't believe in owning someone like that, or someone owning me in that way … until I met you."
"Perhaps you were too young when she asked."
"No, my thoughts had nothing to do with age. I didn't want that kind of commitment."
"But you lived with her for six years."
"No, five. We moved in together a year after we began dating."
"Fine. But still, that's a long time if you didn't want commitment."
"At the time?"
"He loved me at the time when I slept with his brother, "the sweet, refined Southern voice said, as it cut in on our private conversation.
Sawyer looked up, his sad eyes meeting hers before they turned stormy and he shrugged again.
"Yeah, until she fucked my brother. When I saw that, I knew my gut had been right when it kept me from marrying her," he offered. Sawyer looked away from her and focused back on me. He spoke to me as if she wasn't there. "Weirdly, I have her to thank for meeting you and falling crazily in love, and because of the way you make me feel, I know for certain I was never meant to be with her."
As quickly as she'd invaded our conversation, Charlotte spun on her heels and left. The door she'd entered and left through closed with a bang. Sawyer shook his head. "Fuck, I'm sorry about that," he said and kissed my forehead.
"What was that?" I asked, my heart torn, not sure what I'd witnessed. "Do you still love her?" Panic rose from within and I held my breath. I wasn't a fool—there had been an oppressive vibe when they looked at one another.
"Do you still love Logan?" he shot back. His response shocked me because I'd expected a no. I stood toying with the food on my plate unsure of his answer and my heart sank a little.
"Yes, I do. Despite everything he put me through, a part of me still does, but how I feel about him is different now. I don't admire him or respect him in the same way anymore." I glanced down at my plate and forced myself to eat the last of the coleslaw with my fork.
"And there's my answer to your question," he replied, his face deadpan. I temporarily froze as a mixture of fear, insecurity, and jealousy ripped through me with his admission. My thoughts flew between wondering how he could talk about marrying me if he still had feelings for someone else. I knew I wasn't in love with Logan, and since Sawyer's answer had sounded clipped I wasn't sure exactly what he meant.
"I can see I've upset you," he said, wandering over to a small table and set his plate down on it. "Come here," he demanded, gazing down at me with concern in his eyes as his strong arm slid around my shoulder. I was shocked at how quickly my heart had gone from whole to fractured in minutes, and it unsettled me. "Like you and Logan, Charlotte and I have a long history, and my ending with her was abrupt."
"Are you saying you still need closure?"
"Not really. What I'm trying to say is Charlotte and I had been friends for most of my life before we had gotten together. In addition to being hurt and furious at what they'd done, their betrayal left me with a large void in my day-to-day life. Plus, there was the complication of the man she betrayed me with. James told me he was drunk and it should never have happened, and she told everyone James had worn her down by relentlessly pursuing her. I get that she was lonely when I was away, but so was I, but I'd stayed faithful to her. The fact it was with my brother? That was the ultimate infidelity—I've never gotten over that."
"I don't know what to say."
"There's nothing to say. It's over and I'd go through that again knowing you were on the other side." His answer only made me feel marginally better because, from the way Charlotte had felt confident to challenge us, I knew she'd continue to test what we had in the future. I didn't miss the hateful look in her eyes when Tammy and Caitlin glanced over at her. Changing the subject, Sawyer placed his hand on my lower back and kissed my temple.
"Come on, forget them. There are more people I want you to meet." He led me into another smaller room where his parents and some of the older family members were gathered, and a very pretty girl a year or two older than Sawyer broke away from the small crowd. Sawyer's smile beamed with delight.
"Don't tell me. Let me guess—this is the woman you won't shut up about?" Another young woman with a face resembling Tammy's smiled up at Sawyer with curious eyes. I knew instantly by the affectionate way he looked back at her it was his youngest sister, Lorna. "Go on then, introduce us," she prompted, elbowing Sawyer in his side.
Breaking away from me, he took my empty plate and placed it on top of his on the table. "Lorna, this is Billie, the woman who's stolen my heart," he told her dramatically. I grinned at the theatrics of his introduction, shook my head, and held my hand out. Lorna ignored it and, like their mom, pulled me in for a hug instead.
"It's great to finally meet you. This boy hasn't shut up about you since the moment he met you." This time there wasn't a hint of embarrassment in Sawyer about his sister's disclosure.
"True. But now you see why, right?" Lorna stood staring almost too long before the smile on her lips widened.
"I love how happy you are," she said, at last, wrapping her arms around his neck and pecking him on the cheek. "Welcome to the family, Billie," she stated like it was the most natural thing in the world. Breaking away from Sawyer she hugged me again, stepped back and held me by my elbows. "My brother is smitten," she told me. I noted it was the same word Tammy had used to describe how Sawyer felt, and it brought home how open and accepting they were of me. "Don't hurt him. This one has a beautiful soul."
My heart overflowed with affection for Sawyer at his sister's beautiful, unguarded assessment of her brother. We settled into a conversation about Colby, their nieces, and nephew, and with every moment that passed, I felt like I finally belonged somewhere.
Lorna stayed by our side as Sawyer introduced me to more family and friends, all of whom were a different breed in terms of class and life experiences. Surprisingly, none of them were particularly stuffy.
Hearing my boyfriend's cousins sharing funny stories about them all as children were particularly endearing. From everything they told me, I knew that my man had always been the popular, thoughtful, and sensible guy I knew him to be.
More than once I stared at him when he wasn't looking, and with every story, they shared, little pieces of the puzzle of what had shaped my boyfriend to be the awesome guy he was fell into place, and what I learned made me fall for him just a little bit more.
Excusing myself, Lorna led me to a restroom, leaving me at the door before going to her car to collect something from her trunk.
The downstairs bathroom was immaculately designed with twin vanity units and mirrors at all angles of the room, I guessed for checking attire.
Catching sight of myself in the mirror, I noticed how happy and bright my blue eyes appeared and noted my glowing completion. I chalked both up to Sawyer's attention and how happy he made me feel. Next, I ran my fingers through my long, dark, silky hair and for the first time in a long time I liked what I saw. I knew I looked the way I did because I was in love.
Pulling open the door, I was about to step back into the hallway when Charlotte rushed me from nowhere, placed a firm hand on my shoulder, and pushed me back into the restroom.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she demanded.
Shaken at being caught off guard, my body stiffened. "I beg your pardon?" My tone sounded assertive, not aggressive like she'd been toward me.
"You think you can show up here and …" She struggled for the verb she wanted to use. "Inject yourself into the family?"
I scoffed and tried to appear calm. "Is that what I'm doing? Injecting myself? Your suggestion would imply force. In case you missed the meme, Sawyer and his family invited me here."
"You think? You see, I know these people. We go waaay back. They invited you?" she scoffed. "The Wilds are doing what they do best, being polite in front of everyone. Do you think they'd all readily accept someone like you? Do you believe Ronald and Harriett are happy their youngest son has taken up with a woman of your age?"
"I do," I snapped without hesitation, but the weight of her snarky comment still managed to seep into my confidence. For a moment, I let the silence stretch between
us as I fought to stay in control and tried my best to ignore the negative slant she had placed on Sawyer's introduction of me to his family.
"Then you're more of an old fool than even I gave you credit for," she spat, venomously.
"Why are you doing this, Charlotte? How come you're jealous of me? Aren't you supposed to be with James?"
"I'm supposed to be with Sawyer," she ground out. "What happened was as much Sawyer's fault as it was mine. He left me for months at a time while he went to be with those stupid halfwits he plays in that band with." I had to agree with her band comment, if with nothing else.
"And as his partner, you were supposed to support him in doing what he loved while he was away. Weren't there two of you in the relationship? I'm sure, knowing the kind of man Sawyer is, he would have missed you too, but playing in a band is his job, and having seen them play, I'd never interfered with that side of Sawyer's life. He loves what he does."
"I did support him." I decided frustration wasn't a good look on Charlotte as her lip curled in an angry sneer and she leaned in toward me.
"I need you to step back. You're crowding me," I stated and placed my hands up in front of her. Oddly, she obeyed my command and took a step back. "Funny, I heard you supported him by fucking his brother. That was very mature of you," I responded, deadpan with a puzzled look on my face.
"You'd know all about being mature, right?" she snapped back. "I mean look at us," she said, throwing her hand out at both of our side by side reflections in the mirror. "What do you see? Don't answer that," she said, holding her hand up at me.
I hadn't thought to respond because I didn't like what I saw. She was perfectly presented, tall and sophisticated and stylishly graceful. I thought I looked like an attractive secretary. Then I remembered the adoring look on Sawyer's face when he gazed into my eyes, and the words he'd said to me came back: "When we get there remember, you're all that matters to me."
"I do, and though I agree we look very different, I guess you are what Sawyer used to go for. Now he prefers me," I responded and tried to keep my voice even. "You asked me to look and I'm looking, and to be perfectly frank with you, Charlotte, I'm not thrilled with being compared. Don't get me wrong, you're a pretty girl … on the outside. But the fact you've felt it necessary to corner me on my way from this restroom speaks volumes about the kind of person you are."
DARE You, Dare Duet, Part One: Billie and Sawyer: Unchained Attraction Series Page 24