He must be able to find time this morning, though. I decide to give him a nudge, wrapping the towel around my body and perching on the end of the bed. I pull up my texts and the keypad, looking down and chewing my lip.
What to say?
Nothing too heavy this morning, I decide. It might be the last thing he wants to read, if he’s been through the wringer with his raging father.
Good morning! Are you okay? Has your dad given you hell? X
I send the message and watch my phone, waiting for the word ‘Read’ to appear and the dots arrive to indicate that he’s replying, but nothing happens. I feel a throb of disappointment, but it is only early. Maybe he’s still sleeping. For all I know he’s been up half the night.
I dress quickly, blasting my hair with the dryer and putting it up in a fat twist at the back of my head. I gather everything I’ll need for the day and trot down the attic stairs, just in time to see Justin emerge from the gym a few doors down.
I glance at my watch, seven thirty. The man’s like clockwork, every morning, even on Christmas Day. You can see the results though and as he walks towards me, grinning his boyband smile, his sculpted upper body flushed and glistening in sweat, my heart kicks, hard. I can’t help it – the man is so gorgeous it’s almost painful to look at him.
‘You’re an early bird?’ he says, taking the small towel from around his shoulders and swiping it over his damp face and hair.
‘Off to catch the early worm!’ I say chirpily and his smile widens before dipping a little.
‘We’ve had a young girl arrive overnight, Pearl – can you go and see if she’s ready to talk? I don’t think she’s a genuine street kid, she sounds like a runaway who had no idea how harsh it actually is out there.’
I nod. ‘Absolutely. I’ll see you there,’ I say as Justin strokes my shoulder and makes his way back to the master suite. As I walk down the stairs, I wonder what this kid’s story is. If she is a runaway, what made her run? Something vile going down at home, or just a family kick off, possibly resolvable with a little counselling?
I adore my job. Helping these desperate youngsters rebuild their lives before they’re shattered forever. Seeing the success stories, these previously desperate people who’re now smart young adults, with clean clothes, good jobs and productive lives. There really is nothing like it, it’s my dream and I revel in every second of the good I’m doing.
I’m Justin’s Oppo. When Jared was born, Ellen took a back seat from the day to day running of The Guardian, an extended maternity leave, but with me there and of course, Diane, it all worked out perfectly. I’m not sure Ellen will ever come back, if I’m honest. I think another baby will be on the horizon in the next twelve months, something just tells me so.
Justin and I see the youngsters that arrive at The Guardian between us, but the girls always ask to see me, at least initially. They’re all shocked when they hear my story, although I edit it vastly, but I share enough so that they know I was once where they are now. Sitting afraid on a bed at The Guardian, tired, dirty and defeated. That if they really want to get there, they can be where I am now, today. There’s no higher feeling of euphoria when I see it work.
I don’t bother with any breakfast. I’ll grab some toast from Denise when I get to The Guardian. Sliding into my Mini, I fish my phone out of my bag and slide it into the dock, connecting the Bluetooth and I feel a wriggle of unease again when I see that there’s no reply yet from Carter. I don’t pull up the text, to see if he’s read it. If he has and he hasn’t responded, it’ll do my head in.
I drive the familiar streets to The Guardian, my mind churning. I feel uneasy and I don’t know why. Well – I do, it’s because I haven’t heard from him and when he left me last night he was walking into a potentially volatile situation. What if something’s happened to him?
Don’t be a moron. Like what? His dad’s battered him to death with a frying pan?
I grind my teeth as I pull into the car park, sliding out of the car and locking it before wandering into the vast green building. There’s no one about at this hour, apart from the security guards, the receptionists and the cleaners and Stan’s face lights up when he sees me. He’s sweeping a polishing machine over the limestone floor and he winks at me as I stride over to reception. My heart knocks when I see who’s on this morning.
Donna.
I haven’t spoken to her since Saturday night and the realisation causes my face to heat. I haven’t given any of them a single thought, all that I’ve had in my head is Carter and I feel a pang of regret as I walk over to her. Sandra, on with her, gives me a huge smile.
‘Happy Birthday for a couple of days ago, Pearl!’ she says and I thank her, beaming now.
‘Cheers Sand, legal at last, eh!’ I laugh lightly. ‘Do you mind if I just have five minutes with Donna?’
‘Not at all,’ she says, as Donna comes out from behind reception, following me over to the bank of low sofas underneath a towering banana plant. She sinks into the leather next to me and grins.
‘Okay, so Gemma was gabbling something on Saturday night about this guy you were snogging, anything you want to tell me?’
I grin, suddenly wishing that I had a picture of him. I should have taken one yesterday, when he was lying, flushed, naked and undone in his bed. I make a mental note to get one next time.
‘He’s a Grad student, finishing a Masters, his name’s Carter Jackson and he’s twenty four.’
‘Hmm. Gemma said that he’s a tad pretty. Care to elaborate on that?’ She gives a delighted smile when she sees my eyes almost roll at the thought of his looks. I describe him and watch her own widen as she imagines what he looks like. No matter – she’ll get to meet him soon.
You hope. That’s if he ever replies to your damned text.
‘Well well,’ she says, looking pleased and almost proud. ‘I wish you every happiness with him, Pearl. You deserve it, more than anyone I know.’
My eyes mist at her words and I lean forward, giving her a quick hug. We break apart when I hear the roar of a superbike. Justin has landed.
Shit.
I should be counselling the young runaway that arrived a few hours ago, not gabbling starry eyed devotion to one of my best friends and I stand quickly.
‘Fancy a drink after work one night this week,’ I ask as we walk back to reception together and she nods.
‘Great idea, I’ll text Gemma and Aaron,’ she says. Sandra tells me which room my young person is hiding in and I wave at them both as I head towards the stairs and the first floor.
Thirteen
It’s after lunchtime when I shut the conference room door behind me, balancing a tray of empty mugs in one hand. I smile.
Alice Matthews. Fiery, flame haired and furious as fuck. With her mum, the world and life in general. Being grounded for staying out all night at a party six days ago, she’d steamed out of the house with a bag full of clothes, but a week on the streets had punched the stuffing out of her. With the assistance of Chloe, the Police Family Liaison officer, I counselled her, before calling her mum in thrashing it all out together. They’ve just gone off in a taxi, Clare Matthews giving me a damp hug before she left. Job done.
I make my way back to the admin office with the tray of mugs. Ellen’s here today – she said that she wanted to do some filing to help Diane out, but I think that secretly she hankers after adult company. She loves being at home with Jared and not missing a minute of his development, but she misses Diane’s banter. Jared is with her mum and dad today.
As I push the door open, all I can hear are helpless gales of laughter and I see Justin, hands on his knees, howling at something Diane’s said. Ellen’s perched on the edge of my desk and she rolls her eyes at me as she takes the tray from my hands. Diane is pointing a triumphant finger at Justin, her voice gleeful.
‘You, my friend are going down and you are going down hard!’ she crows and I smile at them both, Justin standing up now, raising an eyebrow and a smirk at Diane.
‘Last chance to bail, Di. You taking this bet?’
‘Abso-fucking-lutely, Walker. I will delightedly take your fifty quid next Saturday. I need a new pair of shoes,’ she says glibly and I shake my head, glancing between them now.
‘What’s going on?’
Justin grins at me. ‘Well, as you know, it’s Ellen’s birthday next week, so we were thinking of paying a trip to the indoor skiing place in Manchester, a meal at Dan’s in the evening?’
I know I look delighted. I’ve never been skiing in my life!
‘But why is that so hilarious?’ I ask.
Diane snorts. ‘I’ve just bet meladdo here that I’ll wipe the floor with him. I’m a great skier, been to Scotland a few times,’ she says and I grin at Justin as I make my way into the kitchen. Ellen is stacking the dirty cups into the dishwasher and she gives me a rueful smile as she fishes a soap tablet out of the packet under the sink.
‘Diane all over,’ she says quietly. ‘Opens gob without engaging brain. She thinks that because Jus was homeless for six years, he can’t ski.’ She slams the dishwasher shut. ‘What she’s failed to think about is the childhood that he had for the first seventeen years before becoming homeless and the fact that he went to Andorra with his family for two weeks every year from the age of seven. She’s fucked.’
I can’t help my own laugh now. This is going to be hilarious. God, I love Diane. She’s entertainment on two legs in so many forms and being in her company is always a blast. Ellen puts her finger to her lips theatrically.
‘Shhh. Don’t say a word! Justin’s bought skis and salopettes online this morning… she’s going to shit herself when she sees how good he is!’ Her eyes dance.
‘Can I bring Carter?’ I ask and she nods immediately.
‘Of course, Justin suggested that.’ A long look at me now. ‘How is he – are things alright with his dad?’
I realise that I haven’t got the first clue and I haven’t checked my phone since going into Alice’s counselling meeting. He’s no doubt replied by now and I hold a finger up to Ellen, a gesture to wait, and hurry over to my bag, hauling out my phone and waking it up as I return to the kitchen. Worry swells when I look at the screen.
Nothing.
Really?
I swallow, I’m on the verge of becoming upset and I try and pull myself together. Why hasn’t he replied? Ellen’s looking at me as I gaze blankly at my phone, as if by willing a text to appear, the damn thing will. I look up at her now and she can see the anguish in my eyes.
‘I don’t know. I haven’t heard from him. I text him this morning but he hasn’t replied,’ I mutter. Ellen touches my arm reassuringly.
‘He will, Pearl. You don’t know what’s going on with him and his family at the moment. It might be a really bad time.’
I consider this. Bad enough that he can’t find thirty seconds to read and reply to a text? No. I’m not buying that. Wherever he is and whatever he’s doing, I’m evidently the furthest thing from his mind.
Justin appears in the doorway. ‘We put a Deli order in, Pearl, but we didn’t know how long you’d be,’ he says. ‘Unless you want something hot from Denise?’
I shake my head. I don’t want anything, hot or otherwise. My appetite has vanished again, my stomach a ball of cold knots. I can’t get Carter’s sudden silence out of my head and I need a walk, try to clear my mind. I give both of them a strong smile.
‘That’s fine – I need some fresh air anyway. I’ll have a wander down and pick up a panini.’ I grab my bag, shoving my useless mute phone into it and stride out of the building. Donna gives me a look as I go, as if she’s going to call me over, but I will her not to. I don’t want a conversation with anyone and I certainly don’t want to talk about Carter. All I’ve got in my head is why the hell he hasn’t been in touch with me.
This is stupid. I shouldn’t be this agitated, just because I haven’t heard from him since last night. We’re in a brand new relationship, crowding him and expecting him to be texting and ringing me every minute he’s not with me is unrealistic. It’s way too clingy and I need to rein it in, otherwise I’m going to scare the shit out of him. I need to man up and stop being so pathetically needy.
But I do need him. I can’t help it. When he’s away from me, I ache. I ache when he’s with me, but the away ache is different. It’s unpleasant and constant, like an arthritic knee or a grumbling tooth. I feel off kilter and unbalanced and I pang for his body, his smell, his touch. His deep voice, the way that my name rolls from his perfect lips, how I feel inside when he brushes them against my own.
I wander to the Deli and stand in line, ordering a chicken salad sandwich and an orange juice to go. As I head slowly back to The Guardian, the insecurities and doubts in my mind creep and grow, my spiteful subconscious not helping at all.
What if he got back to the flat last night and they gave him a high five for getting into the virgin’s knickers? You might be in the top three on some stupid shag chart that they have in the kitchen and Jase has probably won a bet.
My heart’s sinks further with every step. How could I have been so stupid, so gullible? At least I didn’t have sex with him, I didn’t give him my precious virginity. I try to push away the things he made me feel, the look on his face just as he was about to come at my touch, the way he groaned my name.
It’s probably just what all men do during sex. They’re hardwired to be after it all the time, aren’t they?
But he called me his girlfriend. Was that bullshit too?
I cross the road miserably, looking at my feet as I walk and as I get to the pavement outside The Guardian, and not looking where the hell I’m going, I slam into someone blindly, staggering back before losing my grip on the polystyrene cup of orange. It hits the ground, splattering stickily over my own feet and those of the person I’ve just crashed into.
Oh for fuck’s sake… not again?
I look up, but my breath has gone as soon as I lock with his perfect face. His green eyes twinkle down at me.
‘That’s twice.’ A blinding smile, which makes my stomach curl sweetly. ‘What’s coming next, coffee?’
I open and shut my mouth stupidly, the hand clutching the paper bag with my sandwich in starting to sweat. What the hell does it matter where he’s been, he’s here and all my painful insecurities flee.
He places his hands on my shoulders and dips his head, as if keeping away from my lips any longer is beyond him. I try not to moan as his mouth meets mine and he kisses me in the middle of the street, deeply and intimately and oblivious to the people that thread their way around us.
I finally pull back, gasping. ‘Carter, are you okay?’ I ask, plaintively. ‘I text you this morning, but you didn’t reply. What happened with your dad?’
He rubs his forehead. ‘I smashed my phone,’ he says. ‘I had no way of getting hold of you, I hadn’t backed your number up, so I came here.’ He looks at me sadly. ‘Things didn’t go well with Philip, but he’s always pissed off, I’m used to it.’ Another gentle kiss now before he releases me and cocks his head to the tall green glass doors in front of us.
‘Can I have a look around?’
He’s genuinely interested and I beam at him, snagging the empty cup, throwing it into a nearby bin and taking his hand. As I walk into the cavernous foyer and past Donna I clench with delight inside as her mouth drops open, her head tracking us as we walk past and she nudges Sandra, whose eyes widen when Carter turns his head and smiles at them both.
He’s so unarrogant about his looks, he reminds me of Justin in that respect. He must know how good looking he is, but he doesn’t use it to his advantage.
Sure about that, are you? Don’t forget you hardly know the man yet.
No, that’s true. But my gut is very rarely wrong and I’m going to trust it, as I always have. It was my gut that told me to run to Justin and it was the best thing I ever did in my life.
As we approach the door to the admin office, I pause, my hand on the
knob and I turn to Carter.
‘I need to give you a word of warning about Diane,’ I say. ‘She’s Ellen’s best friend, and she tends to be a bit of a sucker for a pretty face. She’s also got no brain to mouth filter.’
He grins. ‘She sounds a lot of fun.’
‘She is, she’s just completely bonkers,’ I say, finally pushing the door open and leading Carter inside. Diane is still going on about indoor skiing but the words die suddenly on her lips mid-sentence when she sees the man holding my hand.
Ellen sees the look fall over Diane’s face, the heat suddenly in her flinty eyes as she takes a step forward.
‘Di, this is Carter, Pearl’s boyfriend.’
Carter steps forward, holding out his hand and Diane gets up, sits down and then gets up again. It’s hilarious. She stumbles around her desk, holding out her own hand now.
‘Hello - very pleased to meet you,’ she says politely, but her gaze rakes up and down his body hungrily. ‘God – you’re easy on the eye, aren’t you?’
‘DIANE!’ Justin bellows from his office through the open door. ‘Behave yourself, woman!’ His grinning blond head appears. ‘Good to see you Carter, please accept my apologies in advance on behalf of my staff member, she’s a bit of an acquired taste.’
Carter and Di have shaken hands and now they’re grinning at each other.
‘Seriously, don’t worry about it,’ Carter says easily. ‘It’s hardly an insult.’ Good point and he steps back, taking my hand again. Diane tips her head to one side.
‘Do you ski, Carter?’ she asks. Oh my God, is she still going on about this? Sometimes I wonder what it must be like to be inside Diane’s head. Completely mental I reckon, a very nice but madcap place to be.
‘I do, yeah,’ Carter says, but he doesn’t elaborate and I suddenly remember the trip. I turn to him eagerly.
‘We’re off to the Chill Factore, I think it is, in Manchester on Saturday – it’s Ellen’s birthday. There’s a meal at Justin’s dad’s in the evening.’ His eyes are locked with mine, so warm, full of affection. ‘Can you make it?’
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