Dark

by Rachel Harley

  Justin and Ellen wish us goodnight and their low voices drift into nothingness as they head back up the stairs. I sigh against Carter’s white shirt and then breathe in deeply. A memory flashes into my mind and I smile up at him.

  ‘Which aftershave do you use?’

  He strokes my hair away from my face, his eyes soft. ‘Why? Do you like it?’

  ‘I love it,’ I say immediately. ‘I want to buy my own bottle – the shirt that you gave me doesn’t smell of you any longer.’

  Whoa!?

  Filter malfunction, those glibly said words held far more of a message than I should be freely giving him. If I’m honest, I’m becoming disappointed. Call me naïve but after Carter and I made love for the first time, I’ve been fully expecting to hear those three little words at almost every opportunity we’ve been together. But I haven’t. For whatever the reasons, he still doesn’t say them.

  Which means only one thing. Whatever it is he feels for you, it’s not love and he’s clearly not a man to say it’s there when it’s not.

  Fuck. I shake my head against his shirt, wrapping my arms around him wearily.

  ‘You say the sweetest things,’ he whispers, his lips dipping to my ear and I close my eyes as he breathes the next words into it. ‘I’ll buy you a bottle, you can drench yourself in it, if you want.’ He finally flashes me the first genuine smile for a while, gently releasing me and taking my hand.

  ‘Come on. Let’s go to bed,’ he says huskily, hiking a brow and I follow him without another word.

  Thirty Four

  Carter closes the door to my flat quietly and I turn to face him as he leans back against it. He rests his head, closing his eyes for a beat, as if utterly weary before pushing himself away from the wood and he throws the jacket in his hands carelessly onto my couch.

  I say nothing as I wander away from him towards the bathroom and I wonder where the constant desire to leap all over him has gone. By rights I should have had him pinned up against the door, my hungry mouth on his, our tongues intertwined, but I’m knackered and I’ve got shit in my head that I want answers to. It appears to have pushed the constant raging desire to one side for a while and for that I’m grateful.

  Carter has obviously clocked that I’ve not tried to kiss him now we’re alone and in private but he says nothing as I wander from the room without looking back. I can feel his eyes on me, though, the weight of his stare as I walk into the bathroom, tugging on the light. I lean on the sink wearily and stare at my face in the mirror. There’s a small spot of Toria’s blood on my collarbone and I grimace, snagging the cotton wool and micellar water.

  In five minutes, I’m bare faced, teeth brushed and my golden hair is in one thick plait, hanging over my left shoulder. I know I look cute like this, and I honestly wasn’t trying for that, but it needs to be tied and out of the way. Plus which, if I have a plait I have something to tug on when the conversation goes to shit in about fifteen minutes.

  Why is it going to shit? Christ, talk about approaching a situation with a positive attitude…

  Carter feels ill at ease, wherever he is. He’s not come in here in search of me, he’s evidently picked up on my slightly distracted, prickly vibe. I wonder for a moment if I’ll go back into the flat and find him gone. He’s an intelligent, perceptive man and despite Toria’s hateful words, he knows I’m the last thing but thick. I heard every exchange between him and his cousins tonight and he’s fully aware of that.

  He won’t have bailed. That’s not the Carter Jackson I know. And love, despite the growing unease that he’s a bag of secrets. I can’t help the love I feel, I can’t turn my feelings on and off like a tap. I’m beginning to wish I could.

  Taking a deep breath and squaring my shoulders I click off the light and make my way through to the bedroom. I pause in the doorway when I see him.

  I’ve removed my cat-suit and I’ve got nothing on at all under the robe I’m wearing but Carter’s perched on the edge of the bed, still fully suited and booted and looking like a cat on a hot tin roof. Nope, the man is definitely not comfortable at all and the lip he’s chewing just cements that belief.

  I need to get him undressed. Yes, we have to talk, but I don’t want him dressed and ready to run out and leave me if the conversation becomes heated. I don’t want it to, and I’m going to try very hard to keep things calm. Whether I manage that or not is another matter, but despite everything suddenly, I want him in bed, lying long and naked next to me, his head propped up on his arm. One of my favourite positions, his body looks incredible when he lies like that and I need it in my mind, beneath my fingers. Talking or no talking.

  I shut the door behind me and approach him slowly. He still says nothing. I can’t work out whether he genuinely doesn’t know what to say or he knows and he still can’t choke it out. I reach his knees and he gazes up at me, his teeth finally releasing his poor tortured lip and I dip to kiss it tenderly, running my tongue over the length of it and back again. He’s got such a beautiful mouth, full, perfectly shaped lips that would look almost feminine if the rest of his face wasn’t so utterly masculine, but on him, it works and only heightens his chiselled beauty.

  He groans immediately, his hands sliding up my neck and he takes hold of my head gently as he starts to kiss me. I revel in it for a few moments, allowing myself the luxury of Carter’s delicious mouth, but when he tries to pull me onto his lap, his breathing deepening and his kisses becoming hotter and more urgent, I place my hands on his shoulders, resisting him. I never resist him, this is the first time I’ve stopped him from taking things further and he looks up at me, a shocked and agonised expression on his face.

  ‘Take your clothes off and get into bed,’ I say quietly, stroking his face as I step away from him, sliding my robe off and chucking it onto the chair. I stand in front of him naked, locked coolly with his eyes and he gets up, his fingers on his shirt buttons as we stare at each other. As his suit pants rapidly follow his shirt onto the floor, I slide into the bed and shuffle over to wait for him. He shoves his undies down his thighs and then he’s beside me. I turn to him, my body telling him that I want him to mirror me and he does, gazing down at me. I feel a faint throb from my nether regions at the sight of his bunched bicep as it supports his head, his curls tumbling over his eyes for a moment before he pushes them away.

  ‘I…’ he starts and I try not to roll my eyes. Fuck’s sake – here we go again! Why can’t the man just spit out what’s on his mind? Not giving him chance to think of something more acceptable to say to me, I pin him with look.

  ‘Why are you playing with fire, Carter?’

  I watch his eyes, but he was evidently waiting for this question. There’s no throb of shock in those green orbs, no panicked widening and I suddenly wish that I’d heaved all this out back at Heebies. Waiting this long to talk to him has given him ample opportunity to come up with some alternative bullshit, he’s had well over an hour now.

  I don’t know why I’m thinking these treacherous thoughts, expecting the worst, but since hearing the exchanges between Carter and his cousins tonight, a dark seed of doubt has begun to germinate in my mind. I don’t want it there, but it’s not budging and he shuffles his body a little closer before he starts to speak. I don’t know whether to be thankful or fearful. It will depend on what he has to tell me.

  ‘My father and his brother are wealthy men,’ he starts, his voice quiet, but his eyes never leave mine. ‘They have very successful businesses and they collaborate, spend a lot of time together in their personal lives too. As such, Toria’s unrequited feelings for me will start to drive a wedge between them.

  ‘Toria is the apple of Jimmy’s eye, she and her mother, my aunt Kirsten,’ he says, dropping a warm hand onto my body and skating it lightly down to my hip-bone where it stays. I try not to focus too hard on the heat of his fingers as they stroke me in random swirls. ‘Toria only has to tell Jimmy that she wants something, and he gives it to her. This time, however, she’s shit out of luck.�
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  I’m beginning to understand and some of the dark angst dissolves. Carter’s eyes are searching mine briefly now, as if seeking some confirmation that I’m buying all of this. He’s in luck, at the moment, I have my purse in my hand. He gives me a soft kiss before continuing.

  ‘Baby, this is hard for me to admit, because you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong – it’s all been my fault, but my father isn’t very fond of you,’ he says. ‘The fact that you broke Toria’s nose is just going to make the situation worse and, when he realises that we’re still together, despite what happened tonight, then he’s going to try and make my life difficult.’

  Shit. As if his life wasn’t difficult enough and I drop my eyes. I can’t look at him anymore. This is my fault. If he’d never met me, then none of this shit would be happening to him and I tell him so.

  ‘Stop.’ His voice has taken on an edge, he’s evidently not having it. ‘How can it possibly be your fault? I made the decision to swerve going home on the night of your birthday, I made the decision to fuck off his fundraising ball so that I could make love to you for the first time. And as far as tonight goes, well… Toria is lucky that I didn’t hit her myself. I have never come near hitting a woman in my life, nor thought I ever would, but I was so close tonight. I’m actually glad you got in there first!’

  I can’t help but bark a laugh now and he gives me a lovely, rueful smile. He gazes at me for long moment, his finger coming up to trace the contours of my lips softly and they part immediately at the feel of him. Just one touch, that’s all it takes.

  ‘My father wanted me to follow him into accountancy, but there was no way,’ he continues. I’m almost starting to enjoy this now, he seems keen to talk tonight and I’m lapping it up. Despite dreading it, I haven’t heard anything from him yet that has me worried and I snuggle a little closer, wrapping an arm around him and kissing the copper hair on his chest for a moment. He sighs.

  ‘When I reached my early teens and realised I had a talent for tech, I made sure that I got top grades in all the sciences and maths and then sat my A levels eighteen months early. By that time, he’d stopped badgering me to go into finance, but only because he thought that by backing me, he could use my tech skills further down the line.’

  I open my mouth to say something but the words die on my lips when I see a sudden look of real hate fleet into Carter’s eyes, his pupils blowing out widely.

  ‘The man is a complete prick,’ he says coldly. ‘Far from helping him stick his fat fingers into more of his nefarious pies, what he’s failed to realise is that as soon as I graduate, he won’t ever see me again. I’ll get a job, and as soon as I can earn some real money, I’ll appoint legal representation to deal with him in relationship to the Directorships. If he ever tries to make personal contact with me again, I’ll take out an Injunction against him.’

  My mouth falls open in shock. I’ve gleaned that Carter and his father weren’t close, the atmosphere between them on the telephone always strained and cold, but this…? This is real hate and Carter’s eyes are suddenly miles away, looking through me as he tries to deal with the thoughts that are tumbling through his mind. He blinks and then smiles down at me again.

  ‘My psychotic cousin only makes me more determined to get as far away from the whole family as I can,’ he says, brushing his lips over mine gently. ‘Jesus, I can’t believe I went out with her in the first place, I knew she was a shallow, cold-hearted bitch. I felt sorry for her and she caught me when I was vulnerable,’ he mutters, a sudden flush creeping up his high cheekbones.

  I stroke his hair. ‘What’s she been doing to you, Carter? You mentioned going to the Police?’

  ‘Yeah. I’ve got literally hundreds of texts, emails and voicemails, they’re all saved on a pen-drive in case I need them for evidence, but one day about a month ago, she sent me nearly fifty texts in twenty four hours. The final straw was when I came home from Uni one afternoon to find that she’d broken in and was waiting for me, naked, in my bed.’

  I actually don’t know whether I pity the woman or hate her even more. I hate the thought of her in Carter’s bed, lying naked underneath his thick duvet, her head on the pillow where his had been, waiting for him to come home. She must have either been very certain of herself, which clearly backfired, or completely deluded. It’s a bold move, well – bold or desperate and I plump for desperation. I wonder vaguely if that would be me if he binned me off – going to the lengths of breaking into his house and climbing naked into his bed.

  I shake my head. No. The likelihood of humiliation would be sky high – humiliation that would ruin me.

  ‘What did you say to her?’

  ‘I told her to get out of my bed, put her clothes on and leave. That she had to stop doing this, it wasn’t welcome and it was starting to freak me out,’ he says quietly, his eyes closing wearily again and he leans his forehead against mine.

  ‘And, did she?’

  His eyes flicker open. ‘Well, she got up from the bed and stood in front of me naked. I’ve told you before, she’s extremely arrogant, but I just threw my robe at her and told her to get dressed. She followed me to the door, still naked and tried to kiss me. I had to hold her away from me and I threatened that if she didn’t stop it, I was ringing Jimmy. That worried her.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘He bankrolls her completely, Pearl. She’s playing at doing a degree, she’s been studying Law now for nearly four years and she’s nowhere near yet ready to graduate. Jimmy gives her a bottomless bank account, she spends half her time flitting around Liverpool Uni trying to make people fancy her, or she’s back at Jimmy’s place in Sandbanks, fucking about with her mates, going clubbing and riding.’

  Wow. This is more information than Carter has ever imparted in one go but it’s not just the quantity I’m revelling in. I can hear the disgust in his words for Toria, and I know that even if I weren’t in the picture, getting back with her is the last thing he’d do. I’ve got nothing to worry about on that score, something deep down just tells me so. He wouldn’t touch her if she was the last woman on earth, he’d probably rather shag Justin.

  ‘That was the last time I saw her, up until earlier this week when I saw her briefly at Jimmy’s. Although she’d not been back to my house, and I’d avoided her at Uni, she was still emailing and texting. I blocked her number for ten days and then felt guilty. Don’t ask me why,’ he mumbles but I understand. I’ve a similar issue, although not so full-on, with Aaron. Christ. I wonder what the hell I’d do if I came up to my attic and found him naked in my bed? Beat the living crap out of him if tonight’s anything to go by!

  ‘What about…?’ I break off, chewing my lip and his green eyes glow down at me.

  ‘What, baby?’ His lips are so close to mine, his breath warm on my face and my eyes close slowly at the feel of him. I grope for the rest of the sentence, before I kiss him and all the talking stops.

  ‘She said that you belong to a lot of things and that none of them were me,’ I mutter, my eyes dropping to his chest. I hear him sigh.

  ‘Love, everything that comes out of her mouth is bullshit. She also said that I’d go back to her like I always do, but we’ve never broken up and then got back together. We broke up – end of – and I breathed the biggest sigh of relief when we did. Trust me on this, okay?’

  I consider what he’s told me, chew it over in my mind, saying nothing. Carter waits for a few seconds, then tips my chin up and I see the clear, guileless look in his beautiful eyes. He shakes his head slowly.

  ‘Pearl, trust me – it was said to hurt you,’ he says.

  ‘Carter, I thought you’d be furious with me,’ I whisper. ‘I behaved really badly tonight, and I’ve caused you so much shit this week…’

  ‘Jesus, baby… please don’t do this again?’ he implores, threading his long fingers into my hair now. ‘How could I be furious with you? I’ll say it again – you’ve done nothing wrong. I can’t believe you offered to shake her hand, you’re in
credible,’ he breathes and now, his mouth lingers on mine, his tongue appearing almost tentatively, hesitating before touching my own, as if to make sure he’s welcome.

  He is, of course he is and I believe what he’s told me tonight. The whole tale has a ring of truth. Carter is so close to the finish line now, arming himself with the final weapons he’ll need to break away from his toxic family forever and I don’t blame him for being mercenary. Some would say that he was morally wrong for milking his father financially prior to walking away from him forever, but I don’t believe that.

  There’s a reason Carter Jackson hates his father so much, and one day, I’m going to ask him why that is. He is not a man to hate lightly, whatever the reasons for his dark negative emotions, I’m sure the man who sired him deserves it. I think again briefly of his tattoo and get the strangest notion that the two are linked.

  His kiss deepens when he feels the eagerness in my own lips and I’m unable to stop the soft moan that breathes from me as our tongues mate languidly.

  I grope for my mental list of questions as he begins to derail me with his mouth. There was something else that I wanted to talk to him about tonight, I’m sure there was, but my cognition is dissolving with every sweep of Carter’s lips. I adore the small sounds of pleasure he makes when he breaks away, the soft sighs and groans as he re-joins his mouth with mine.

  He finally pulls back and although he’s not a panting mess of desire, his chest is rising and falling more quickly. He looks deeply into my eyes and gives me a gentle smile.