by Kris Buendía
Very funny, bur it is not what I meant.
Although his face about babies is the funniest.
“You are a very big baby.” I tease.
I hear footsteps towards us and my breath starts to run out.
Upon entering the lobby I am surprised that it is a work of art. It is ridiculously luxurious.
Almost like a five star hotel, although I have never been to one actually. On the walls there are angels hanging from it, they must also been bathed in gold. It is almost like a church, but with the classic touch of a home.
There are many men wearing a certain uniform different from Hope. I have only seen them in classic British royalty movies, I guess it is something cultural.
A woman who wears a bun in her completely white hair, comes smiling towards us. I recognise her from the photo that Gideon has at home. She must be his mother, in the company of a woman who could be his sister, she looks older than me, but she is not older than Gideon. Both dress with almost casual dresses, very elegant and smile at us. His sister has the same eye colour as him, but she's blonde, also she is quite tall, just like Gideon, thin and refined. His mother has darker eyes and looks shy as him.
“Gideon.” His mother kisses both cheeks and then his sister.
“Mother.” He addresses them. “Ariel.”
When they separate, their mother hugs me as if she knew me.
“You must be Cinder Ella.” She kisses both of my cheeks. “I am Jasmine, Gideon's mother.
It is nice to meet you, finally.”
Finally?
She notices my surprised face when she knows more about me than the opposite, I look at Gideon and he is not able to hide a smile.
“Are you smiling?” His sister says surprised. “I think the world will end soon.”
“Ariel!” Jasmine rebukes her.
“I am Ariel.” she hugs me. “Gideon's older sister as far as I know.”
“Nice to meet you both.”
“She is so pretty, Gideon.” Says his mother looking at him and I blush. “I was already worrying you would not bring any girls home.”
His sister, Ariel laughs in a loud laugh.
“Mother.” My serious man rebukes her and takes my hand.
Ariel approaches me while her mother takes Gideon by the arm and we head to the main hall. I was surprised that it is larger than any room I have seen, even on television.
Gideon is crazy if he thinks there is a better place than this, it is a cozy home and his mother and sister are nice.
“How do you stand a Lord like him?” She questions and before I can respond, she continues. “It is incredible that he would rather go to America than serve his people. Please, convince him to visit us more often.”
“His people? Lord?”
Ariel approaches me with an expression of amazement. It is as if I has said something forbidden or secret. Rather, something exclusive and important.
“Didn't he tell you?”
Out of the corner of my eyes, Gideon keeps talking to his mother while Ariel stil wants to whisper Gideon's best kept secret.
By the expression of my face, she understands that it is a No.
“Gideon, is a Duke.”
Holy shit.
One day was not enough for Gideon to show me the entire palace. The fucking P was for that, a palace. Or rather, His palace.
The Graysson palace.
The word "Duque" revolved in my head and after eating the famous Sunday roast, a dish usual y made with beef, lamb or chicken, served with assorted vegetables, Yorkshire pudding and gravy. Gideon's favourite dish. I kept looking at him, neither fit every piece.
Sure Mona knew, but if I was already worried about not fitting in with a multimil ionaire businessman, it would have been worse if I had known from the beginning that I was fucking a fucking Duke.
A duke of Welsh!
“What are you thinking about?” His question makes me nervous and he notices.
“What did Ariel tell you?”
“Nothing.”
Gideon lifts me off the ground and carries me in his arms, I quickly sink my nose into his chest and smell it, it is what I like most.
“My sweet girl dares to lie to my face?”
I hide my face in his chest.
“You are blushing. What’s happening?”
I play with the back of his hair and my fingers play with the buttons of his shirt and Gideon keeps walking through the palace garden. Everything here is beautiful and I swear that he also mentioned something about a waterfal .
“Ella.” Now he looks serious because I am evading his question.
“When were you going to tell me you were a Duke?”
He is not surprised that I know. He is nor ashamed either.
“You did not tel me you worked for me either.” Strikes back.
I look at him badly.
“Sorry, Lord for lying about my important identity, compared to yours. It makes me want to kick you pretty ass.”
Again, it is a pleasure to hear his laugh. I like to hear him laugh.
“I was going to tell you.” Sounds sincere.
“Actual y, this is the other part I was going to talk to you about.”
“Seriously?” He nods.
“It is something I am proud of but, at the same time, I like to leave it here. When I am in America, I am just Gideon Graysson, a businessman and that is fine.”
“You do not seem convinced. I think you can be Gideon Graysson here and also a Lord wherever you go. You're still you and something as important as that, should not be hidden. As far as I know, your sister says you love helping Welsh people.”
He stops and his eyes rest in my lips.
“Do you know what I would like best?”
I know what he is trying to do.
“What?” I purr looking for his lips.
“Fuck you like a Lord does.”
Oh, Lord. I am sure I will like it too.
The next day, I give a tour on my own. The night was a bit long, with the change of schedule it took me a lot to fall asleep and not only me, my Lord too, but we knew how to get tired until the dream final y defeated us.
He was right.
A Lord makes love better, although it was still him and not matter what title he has. I love Gideon.
I really love him.
I stop to look qt the familiar photographs of the main hall. There are many and all seem to have story behind.
Gideon as a young man wearing something weird in his royalty outfit. Gideon with his niece, baby Camill, which I have not had the opportunity to meet, but at least I met her while she slept in her crib. She is a real y beautiful, blond baby like Ariel and I know why Gideon protects them so much. Ariel’s ex-husband is a complete idiot, I suppose he is the heritage of the Bagott family.
I stop when I see a especial photo. It is the only one there and it is as if it was the most important, since a black ribbon adorns the silver frame.
Those eyes.
That hair.
“Ella?” I know it is Gideon talking to me.
But I can not move or talk. “What is wrong?”
This… this is bigger than me, than us, than life itself. I thought it was all over, but I am so far from it. Now I am counting wounds and trying to anaesthetise them all.
«Do you care, do you care?»
«Why don't you care?»
I gave you al of me, my blood, my sweat, my heart and my tears. I have questions that torment me. And all the answers are enclosed in one. This time everything turns black without having to close my eyes. I fall into Gideon’s arms, but I feel that I collapse to the cold ground where I belong.
And I break.
The fairy tale is finally over.
19
I invented the worst excuse to return to America and now Gideon is in front of me looking for the answer that my mouth can not give him, but I need him to look me in the eye. Although it is a lie.
Although it is going to hurt him.
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“I need time.”
Gideon is serious. Angry. Confused and worried . I can see it in his eyes, I can see it in the drop of sweat that runs from his forehead.
“Don't you dare, El a. Is that why you wanted to return? What happened in England? What did you see?”
It hurts.
“We have nothing in common, Gideon.”
“I told you we did not need to have anything in common for you to be mine, I told you from the moment I met you.”
“That was before you knew whose daughter, sister and what my real job was.”
We are on the street. Outside my house, where my words are colder than the night.
“Work for me then.” I wish it was that simple.
“You are a designer, you are intel igent, beautiful and needles that you are my girlfriend. Be a designer, you have talent, El a. I could give you everything, everything you ask me to makes dreams come true.”
“I already work for you.”
“Stop punishing yourself by working that way, El a. Tel me, why you do it?”
“Because I have to make a living and help my family, Gideon.”
He is about to go crazy. Al the fairy tale we lived in England during the short time were there, there was a connection like never before and that it is why I must leave him.
«Besides what I discovered.»
“I wish I could explain it to you.”
“Do it!” He says desperate. “Do it or I wil go crazy.”
That scares me. Thats he wil commit a madness. The AA therapists have gone wel and the last time I was able accompany him along with Mona. He is the best version of himself and that makes me love him even more.
“Gideon…”
“I wil not let you do it.” He takes a step back. “I wil give you two days. Two days and no more, El a.
Do not ask me any more because being away from you right now wil already kil me. I do not know what made you change your mind, but we won't fight, not again and before you run away, I wil give you the time that want.”
He does not let me talk. He turns on his own axis and Arsen opens the door for him. A big cloud of smoke remains in the air. With my dreams, with my il usions and the love vanishes in the air. I let myself fal on the ground crying, watching him leave and the rain begins to fal in the damn moment when a car parks in front of my house.
Red heels are the first thing I see. i know who she is and for the first time, she has won.
“You are so pathetic.”
Paris is in front of me.
“Always on the floor, where you belong. It is funny, don't you think?”
“What do you want?”
In addition to unemployed, rejected and crazy.
I do not think that I want my Cinderella overal s too.
“I came to make a deal with you.”
“There are no deals with you, Paris. Yours are threats.”
She laughs out loud. I look at her, she is holding a black umbrel a and her acid elegance does not intimidate me this time.
“I thought you were an idiot who did not understand. But now I see it, you are in the rain, on the ground…and crying.”
“Leave, Paris.”
“I am not done with you, Cinder. Let me guess.
Your trip to England was revealing.”
No wonder she knows about our trip.
“What do you want, Paris?”
“I want you to leave Gideon, if you do not do it I wil …”
“You are late.” I interrupt her. “i just broke up with him a few seconds ago.”
Her face lights up.
“I am surprised, you are not that stupid after al . But look the good side of it, at least you wil not go to jail.”
She turns over and walks to her car again.
Meanwhile, I would like to die right here.
I have not answered any calls from Gideon or Mona. My mother has seen me cry without asking questions, but I know she is suffering because of me.
“Has he broke your heart?” I feel my mother's caresses in my hair and I open my eyes shaking my head.
“It is worse, I think I broke his.”
My mother says nothing more. She kisses my forehead and leaves my room. I put my headphones on start playing my music.
Beware of self-pity they say, it can be your enemy, in this case it is the only one that understands me.
My tears remember
fill your seat again
I try to erase but I can not erase you You have become my everything
You, I can not see you, I can not heat you But I am fine
Goodbyes are sad, my heart hurts
But if you are happy, if you can smile, then I will miss you more if I delete you I am going to shed more tears than today As fate, I wil never have someone like you
Only you, only you As much as my tears, I hope you are happy Goodbye, My love
My heart already knew, a feeling of loneliness about to explode
I try to hide it, but I can not hide it You have became my heart
You, I can not have you, I can not touch you But I am fine
Endless pain, tears that fall again But if you are happy, if you can smile, then I Will miss you more if I delete you I am going to shed more tears than today As fate, I wil never have someone like you Only you, only you
As much as my tears, I hope you are happy You wil think of me at least once That is all I need
Until the day we meet again
Until then, until then.
I will wait, it is just a momentary goodbye Goodbye, My love.
I could not stay forever in my bed. So the next day I went to work, it would be the last. I planned to quit and flee forever where Paris could not find me or Gideon. Now the thought of going to jail did not matter to me, it was more important that Gideon did not know the truth.
When I finished regretting, I went up to the terrace where I met Gideon for the first time.
Although the first time I was wearing this damn overal s and I was completely dirty. I see trees in the distance and the wind has brought some leaves here, no matter how high, nature runs by itself and does almost the impossible.
The leaves fal on the ground, my heart beats. I wonder if one day that beauty when fal ing wil remain. I am more than a human. Maybe a smal break of God. But everything is beautiful.
I can not look at the past, my heart beats.
A second leave fal s to the ground, I take a deep breath.
I try not to block myself in the past.
I think of the vivid colours of the world.
Is this beauty eternal? The same that captivated him to the point of forgetting his own rules of just wanting to try me to get to love me.
My heart is ephemeral, I take a deep break.
A third leaf fal s to the ground.
Life is beautiful in a sad way.
Life is always something that breaks halfway.
A sigh from God, the butterfly effect attacks me.
My bones are broken.
A fourth leaf on the ground, my heart beats.
A fifth leaf on the ground, life is stil beautiful.
“What are you doing here, Cinder?”
It scares me to hear Paris’s voice behind me.
We are alone, the wind blows too strong that my hair is ruffled. A hair that Paris always hated.
“I have finished my turn.” I do not know why I give her explanations. “I have only gone up here to...”
“To remember old times?”
I get goosebumps. Paris’s looks seems lost, if I did not know her better I would say she is drugged, but that is the case of Pippa. Who is behind her, watching everything.
“It is not necessary to go up here to remember something that even if I tried, I would never forget.”
If I a, going to disappear, at least I wil do it with my head up, I wil tel her what I could never tel her and what I half achieved so that in the end, I would always end up hitting myself. Now I do not care if she does,
I am not an idiot who can not be defended, at least I wil do it with words.
“What was the use of hurting me al these years, Paris?” My boldness takes her by surprise.
“In the end, you were alone. Where is your mother?” She does not reply. “She left as soon as she knew what you have been doing, she is cruel like you, but she does not waste time with me.
Where is your sister? She prefers her white friend than you. Do you realise that you have no one?”
Her eyes become water, but the words do not come out of her mouth yet.
“Where is Gideon?” She trembles with rage.
“She is suffering because of me, but the real culprit is you.”
She strides toward me and takes me by the neck.
I al ow it, but Gideon's scream makes me react. It can not happen again, Paris can not take this from me again.
Not again.
“Paris, no!”
She laughs in my face and approaches to whisper in my hear:
“Say goodbye to him too.”
I fought with her and Gideon took her arm, everything happened in slow motion and I pushed Gideon far from her. I won't let her hurt him too.
“El a, no!” Gideon's warning comes too late, Paris pushes me to the terrace rail, the fal is deadly, but I do not care, I am going to protect him.
But when I think it wil al end here, Pippa's scream distracts Paris and before I can escape, she pushes me away and I hit my head in the thick and hard metal. I fal to the ground and barely manage to glimpse a rumble and the bodies of two woman fal ing into the void.
Everything becomes dark and the pain is unbearable, I am aware that I am laying on my own blood and, suddenly, I do not feel anything.
I let go.
A sixth leaf on the floor. I no longer breathe.
Life is beautiful.
But it is a painful day.
GIDEON
FEW HOURS AGO
She said she wanted time, nut I can not get the confusion of her words out of my head the confusion of his words. After seeing the picture of my dead little brother, Thomas, she fell into my arms as if it affected her i some way.
Did she know Thomas? Right now he would be the same age as her and it is my torment every day. I wished Thomas death for being my father's bastard son. But when his mother died, my mother welcomed him as her own. I do not know why she did it, but I still remember her words:
“We all deserve love, Gideon. He is your brother.”