by Becca Barnes
I snatched his mouth into a kiss to keep him from finishing that sentence. I wasn’t a fan of the word “we.” It had too much potential baggage. Too much possibility of getting tangled in those strings I avoided.
Jake hung back for a second, and I could tell he was still debating.
Good grief.
I grabbed both his hands and cupped them around my bare breasts, laughing.
“Am I going to have to do everything?” I asked. “Because in about five minutes, that’s going to make it a little more complicated and a lot more weird.”
Jake started laughing, too.
He let out one more groan, but it turned into a growl.
“You’re going to be the death of me, you know.” He lifted me up, my legs still wrapped around his torso, and carried me to my bedroom.
“I can think of a few worse ways to go.” And none better.
Five
Jake
Bam, bam, bam.
Bark, bark, bark.
Light filtered through my eyelids. I burrowed my head down into something ridiculously soft and sweet-smelling. It was several moments before I realized that something was Tori’s neck.
She stirred within my arms and turned to face me, nuzzling into my chest. I brushed her hair back from her face. With the beams of sunlight streaming through the window, she looked like an angel.
Sunlight.
Shit.
We’d fallen asleep. Granted, if anyone had earned a lie-in, it was us. Last night was…
Oh, shit.
Last night had been something else. Something new. Something more.
I’d never woken up with her before. But it was everything I’d imagined. And more. The way her hair fell across the pillow. The flutter of her eyelashes against her cheeks. Not a stitch of makeup.
It was mesmerizing.
I felt like I had a monster hangover, even though I’d only drunk the one beer.
It was Tori. I was intoxicated by her scent. Her presence. Just...her.
This was baaaaad.
Bam, bam, bam.
And getting worse.
“Tori, I think someone’s at the door,” I whispered.
“Hmm?” She twisted back around the other way, shoving her rump into my morning wood.
Not. Helping.
“Tor.” I moved away, even though a huge part of me wanted to grip her to me even tighter. “The door.”
Bam, bam, bam.
“Mmm. Probably Jen,” she said.
“Did you say Jen?” I flipped over so fast I tumbled off the edge of the bed. “As in your sister-in-law?”
“Mmm hmm. We usually grab coffee on Wednesdays.”
“You said they were in West Virginia.”
“Yeah. Last night.” She sat up and yawned. “I’m sure they flew back first thing this morning, though.”
“She can’t see me here.” I scrambled around searching for my clothes. “If Nate finds out--”
“Calm down. Nate isn’t going to find out. She has no reason to suspect anything. Just go hide in my closet.”
“Good thinking.” I walked through the bathroom and opened the closet door. In my mind, I pictured hunching over in a normal-sized closet, but Tori’s closet warranted its own zip code. It was more of a dressing room fit for a queen.
Plunking down on a plush chair in the corner by the shoe wall, I listened to Tori greet Jen and make excuses for why she’d slept so late. Pretty soon, they were both cooing over the puppy, and Jen was giving her pet advice.
“All right,” called Tori, moving toward the bathroom, “I’ll grab my shower and change real quick. Can you take Binky out?”
“Sure,” Jen yelled, and I heard the front door open and shut.
“Binky?” I said when Tori opened the closet.
“Or Snuggles? I’ll know when his name feels right.”
It was only then that I realized she had thrown on my tee shirt to greet Jen. Thankfully, just a nondescript grey shirt. Nothing identifying about it.
But seeing her standing there in my shirt--her hair pulled back into a quick, messy bun--ushered in a slew of emotions.
I gulped when she caught me staring at her.
“Oh, sorry,” she said, lifting the shirt off.
Nothing underneath but a pair of skimpy boy shorts.
Focus, man.
“Look, about last night,” I said.
“Nope.” She tossed the shirt at me and hopped in the shower.
“What?”
”No, ‘about last night.’ No, ‘let’s talk.’ Nothing happened.”
“I’m in your closet hiding from your family, Tori,” I called over the sound of rushing water as she lathered up. “Something happened.”
At first I wondered if she heard me as she rinsed away the soap. There was a pause and the water turned off.
“Jake, the whole point of hooking up is that it’s fun and easy and I don’t have to talk about it.” She hadn’t been kidding about the quick shower. She toweled off in no time and walked into the closet stark naked.
I’d seen her without clothes on plenty of times, but usually in a heated rush of hormones.
Never like this—able to stand there, studying her beauty in the full morning light like I was taking in a piece of fine art. Her skin was dewy and pink from her fast scrub down.
She was breathtaking.
“Tori. That wasn’t hooking up. That was—” That was the best damn night of my life. When I came in her, it was like we’d melted together into one fused being. I couldn’t tell where I ended and she began.
After she’d fallen asleep, I lay there watching her for an hour.
“Look, Jake, don’t try to make this into something that it isn’t. Just get dressed,” she said. “You can wait five minutes after Jen and I leave. The door locks automatically behind you.”
“But what if—?”
She reached over and patted my cheek. “Stop worrying. It’s not like it’s going to happen again.”
“I thought you said it never happened in the first place.”
“Exactly.” Tori reached around me to grab a pair of red high-heeled shoes and a simple, form-fitting black dress. Both of which probably cost more than I had paid for all the furniture in my house. She shimmied into the dress then turned around. “Mind zipping me up?”
It took all my willpower not to trace my finger up her spine as I pulled the zipper taut.
“Thanks.” She rushed over to her vanity as I pulled my tee shirt over my head.
I watched as she ran a brush through her hair and twisted it into a slightly less messy bun.
God, she was beautiful.
She met my eyes in the mirror, and I glanced away.
“So do you want to meet up later?” I asked.
She made a noncommittal noise.
Probably for the best.
Even if last night had been as good for her as it had been for me, it didn’t change the fact that we had no real future together. No matter what, there was still an insurmountable, Nate-sized obstacle that stood between us.
We should have stopped whatever this is ages ago.
She rummaged around in one of her drawers and took out a toothbrush and toothpaste. She held them up before squirting some paste out.
“There’s an extra set in the guest bath if you want to freshen up.”
“It’s fine. I’m heading straight home.”
“Okay,” she said as she rummaged through the drawer to put the toothpaste back. “Well, if you change your mind, feel free to—”
Her voice faded away, and a breath hitched in her chest.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Nothing,” she said and smiled brightly. “I remembered an appointment later this week that I need to reschedule. Umm, dentist.”
Already mentally running over her errands for the day. Last night really hadn’t meant anything special to her.
“Look, Ma. No cavities,” I mumbled, but she ignored me.
&nb
sp; She was already in her own little world.
A world filled with shopping sprees and spa visits and…
“I’ll, umm, I’ll see you around,” she said, grabbing her bag, not meeting my eyes.
“Sounds good.” I turned to reply, but she was already gone.
Six
Tori
“All right. Where are you?”
“Huh?” I looked over the rim of my latte at my sister-in-law. “I’m right here.”
At the same coffee shop where Jen and I always got together. Every Wednesday morning.
Wednesday.
How could it be Wednesday?
Friday. I really needed it to be Friday, specifically last Friday. Because that was the day that my birth control pack thought it was.
How had I gotten off track by nearly a week?
Then I remembered the sinus infection I’d battled two weeks ago. My brain had been mush. I’d been swimming in antibiotics and antihistamines. All that extra medication, it was no surprise that I’d forgotten a few birth control pills.
“You’re clearly off in la-la land,” said Jen.
“I’ve got a lot of stuff on my mind.” And a lot of Jake’s sperm in my lady parts.
Holy ever-lovin’ crap. Of all the times to throw caution to the wind. What had I been thinking?
That was the problem. I hadn’t been thinking. At least not with my brain. Those same parts that were still swimming in his junk juice had been calling all the shots.
“Come on.” Jen cocked her head to the side. “Spill it.”
“There’s really nothing to spill.” Especially to Jen. I loved her, but I couldn’t put her in the position of keeping a secret from my brother.
It was probably fine anyway. The chances of the birth control failing at the same time of this being the day I ovulated were miniscule.
“Is it the puppy?” asked Jen. “Are you regretting it? I know dogs are a lot of responsibility. If you need Nate and I to take him—”
“No,” I practically shouted. I cradled my hands around the lump of fur in my lap who was quietly snoozing. “I know you guys don’t think I can take care of myself much less another living being, but Toodles and I will be just fine.”
“Toodles?”
“Or Patches? I don’t know.”
“Okay, first of all, that is one-hundred percent untrue, what you just said. Nate and I both know that you are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself.”
I rolled my eyes at her. Maybe she could speak for herself, but my brother still treated me like I was twelve years old.
Or, more accurately, seventeen years old. When I’d made the worst mistake of my life.
“Second of all,” said Jen, “you’re a terrible liar. Something is bothering you. I wish you’d tell me what it is.”
“I...it’s complicated.” At least I wasn’t lying about that.
When Jake and I first started hooking up, it had truly been casual. He didn’t even realize who I was for a few weeks. We’d met each other in the sidewalk cafe outside Crainfield’s main headquarters. The little restaurant was packed, and he offered to split his table with me.
When he said that I looked familiar, I thought it was a sad excuse for a pickup line. He asked for my number at the end of lunch, and I let him know in no uncertain terms that I wasn’t looking to date anyone. I only wanted something super casual. He was still nursing wounds from his train wreck of a break-up, and he was in the same boat.
The rest was history.
If history books were filled with blazing hot hook-ups and secret trysts.
And when I had put two and two together that he was Nate’s best friend, I’ll admit that the forbidden factor made things all the more exciting. There was nothing like sneaking around under your big brother’s watchful eye to keep things interesting.
“Complicated?” Jen reached across the table and put her hand over mine. “Is it a guy? Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.” I jerked away. Even if there were a way to keep Jake’s identity under wraps, I still didn’t want to talk about it. Mostly because I didn’t know how or when it had gotten complicated.
Last night had been a huge mistake for obvious contraception-related reasons.
But that wasn’t the reason it was so complicated.
That wasn’t why I couldn’t keep my hands from shaking under the table.
The biggest complication was the fact that waking up in Jake’s arms hadn’t felt like a mistake. At all.
Seven
Jake
“Thanks for finally making it to a meeting.” Nate tapped the end of his pen on the boardroom table and glared at his sister.
It had been more than three weeks since I’d stayed over at her house. Three weeks without a single reply to my texts or even to any work emails. Three weeks without showing up to work one time. And now, here Tori was, traipsing into the room like nothing had transpired between us.
Nate turned to me as she took a seat. “You’ve gotta make her come, man.”
“What?” I shot my head up.
“She needs to come to these things. I’m counting on you, Jake. We’ve got a press conference tomorrow afternoon, and I need Tori to be up to speed on all things solar and wind-related. Not to mention biogas and--”
“I’m right here,” she said. “I can hear you, you know.”
“Well, then, you should—”
“Did you know that the sun provides enough energy in one hour to power the entire earth’s needs for a full year?” she said, her voice artificially bright and cheery. “Wind has been used to power human work for over two-thousand years. Crainfield is committed to using the most current technology to harness that unlimited power for our investors. And in the process, we’ll help slow and even reverse the effects of climate change to protect future generations. It’s a win-win for everyone.”
She gave her brother a withering look.
“Happy?” she asked.
“Maybe take the snark down a level or two, but otherwise, yes.” He turned back to me. “Where are we on the surveys and permits?”
“Waiting for the final approval from the county, which we should have by this afternoon. Otherwise, good to go.”
“Great.” Nate pushed himself up from the table. “Well, I’ll leave it in your capable hands.”
Tori pushed her chair away from the table as well.
“Nunh unh,” said Nate. “You’re not leaving this room until Jake says you’re completely prepared.”
“But—”
“Get through the presser tomorrow, and then you can focus on whatever else you want. But until then, I don’t want you to leave Jake’s side.”
She plopped back down and pursed her lips, but she didn’t argue with him.
“Sorry, man.” He clapped my shoulder as he walked past. “Just get her through tomorrow, okay?”
Easier said than done. She wouldn’t make eye contact with me.
Three weeks.
Over three weeks.
I’d spent those weeks retracing my steps, wondering what I’d done that had pissed her off. She was the one who had wanted me to stay that night.
Three weeks, and I could still taste her. Still remembered how every square inch of her felt. Still sighed every time I thought about the sound she made and the way she moved as I came inside her.
After her reaction that morning, I’d played it cool. I could tell she’d gotten a little freaked out. But seriously. Not a single text or phone call. Not a word.
And now I wanted answers.
When we were alone in the room, I walked over to the blinds and lowered them to give us privacy.
“Umm, hi?” I said.
“Hi.”
I waited for her to say something else, but she slipped back into a stony silence.
“Can we talk?” I asked.
“About what?”
“What do you mean, ‘about what?’ It’s been over three weeks since you...since we...”
“When you were in vacation in Bali for a month. And I’m not talking about hooking up.”
“Then what are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about this, Tori. About us.”
“Yeah, well, I decided that it’s just not working for me.”
“What’s not working for you?”
“This. I’m bored with it.” She looked away and pressed her lips back together.
“Bored with—?”
“You. Me. Us. Sneaking around behind my brother’s back. It’s getting old. Not as much thrill. Admit it. That was the only draw.”
No. That was the only drawback. For me, at least.
“Tori, I don’t understand what you’re getting at.”
“Boy, and they think I’m the dense one.” She picked at her nails. “Our extracurricular activities are over. Besides, you’re probably ready for something more substantial. A real relationship. And I’m never going to be that girl.”
I was ready for something more substantial. But she was wrong. She was that girl. She was the only girl.
“You don’t know what you’re saying,” I said.
“Yes, I do. I know my own mind.”
“You haven’t even decided on your dog’s name, have you?”
“It’s Puck.” She paused. “Or maybe Wolverine. But that just proves my point. I’m flighty and unpredictable.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“And I’m bored,” she said. “I’m done with this...with you.”
She might as well have slammed her tiny fist into my gut. It would have hurt a hell of a lot less.
Here I thought that we’d become something real, and I was nothing but her play thing. The toy she’d grown bored with.
“Tori--”
“So I actually have all the talking points memorized.” She handed over a stack of index cards. “If you think of anything else, e-mail me.”
She stood up and grabbed her purse.
“Don’t worry,” she said. “I’ll tell Nate that you were a super-harsh taskmaster, and you stayed on me.” She let out a snort. “Sorry. Couldn’t help myself.”
She wasn’t telling me something. I knew it.
But I also knew that the more I pressed, the farther she’d flee. So I sat back and did exactly what she wanted me to do. Nothing.