I closed my eyes. I would not think about it, would not acknowledge what I’d done. I’d face reality later. Right now, too many people were depending on me. I needed to clear my head. “Let them question me. I will tell the truth, or close enough to it. I’ll say I was with Storr last night, for a while anyway. Storr was angry, pacing his room and drinking heavily. A messenger arrived at Tor Castle late, after I left the hall. The Norsemen know a messenger arrived because they saw him come, and they saw him speak with Storr, too. The message upset Storr. It was an order, from the Norse king. Regardless of the consequences, Storr was to kill all the Highlanders, fifty of them, upon their return. Bern and the other warriors should have died in the Innse Gall battle, but they didn’t die. So the Norse king set Storr and his men an impossible task and that’s why Storr was so angry. The last thing I heard Storr say was, ‘I’ll sort this’ and rode away. Then I went back to my room and haven’t seen him since.”
Ian sat up. “That’s as good a story as I’ve heard.”
I nodded. I was almost beyond caring.
Ian must have noticed the lost look in my eyes. “When I find Bern, I’ll tell him how brave ye were this eve, Caitlin. I’ll tell him that ye saved us.”
A murderer, that’s what I was now, what I’d become. I’d killed someone, and even worse, I murdered a man who didn’t deserve to die. Of all the men I’d met in the past, Storr was one of the most decent. He was only doing what his king ordered. But he, too, was tired of his people’s endless violence. “Please tell Bern that I can’t stay here any longer. I have to leave, as soon as I can. Explain to him that, when I get home, I won’t be a murderer anymore. It will be like this never happened.”
He was fidgeting as if needing to tell me something. “Ye and I are bonded now, Caitlin, bonded for life. Ye can trust me. I would never hurt ye but I would like to know where ‘home’ is.”
I watched the sea beating itself silly against the rock wall. “When things have calmed down here, I’ll make my way to Doral Castle and then back home from there.”
He gave up, realizing he was not going to get a straight answer tonight. He stood, stretched his back, and then kicked Storr’s body along the stony ground until it stopped at the sea wall. With a grunt, he had the body up and over the wall, and flung into the mouth of the sea. I watched the hungry waves lap all around Storr’s lifeless form. The body washed back and forth for a while and then slipped away. That done, Ian came back and sat beside me again. “Ye saved my life this eve, Lady Caitlin. I’ll always be grateful.”
I tried to smile. “I did no more than you. You risked your own neck for us all. Godspeed, Ian. Stay safe.” Then I touched his arm and whispered, “Please tell Bern that I’m sorry.”
“Aye, without doubt. Ye have my word.” Then he was gone.
After that, Elspeth scooped me up, guiding me back through the gate, doing her best to leave the broken sea gate just as she’d found it that night, as it was before the hateful events of tonight happened.
Chapter 16
Caitlin
It was morning already, but of course I’d barely slept. After all, it’s not every night that you kill someone. I sat on my bed, my mind all over the place. Storr was not such a bad man really. He was far better than the rest of those drunken thugs he called friends. Storr had genuine feelings for me, and if I’d met him in my own century, we might have dated. He was no Bern, of course, but no one was. Storr was just a man doing the job he had to do, and I killed him for it. Elspeth slept in my room with me last night but left a little while ago, in search of something to eat. I doubted I’d be able to hold anything down.
I’d been waiting all morning for Storr’s men to arrive and sensed that my waiting was almost over. I was right. All too soon, my bedroom door thumped and crashed in its frame, making me jump. Of course I recognized the sound of fists pummeling the solid wood. I closed my eyes and took a calming breath. It was time.
The door burst open. Two brawly Vikings pushed their way in, their black eyes scouring the place, finding me on my mattress, huddled into a ball.
“Where’s Storr?” they barked.
“What?” I hoped they didn’t notice the frightened flush on my cheeks or the pulsing nerve in my neck.
“Storr. Where is he?”
I was still sitting on top of my mattress, hugging my knees to my chest, holding myself tight.
“Where is he?” the Viking yelled louder, this time.
“How should I know? He doesn’t tell me—”
“Come.” He waved me forward.
“Where? Where are we going?”
One of them grabbed my arm. “To the hall. You can explain to the others.”
The meanest-looking one threw me forward then pushed my back, making me stumble. “Explain what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
As soon as we reached the great hall, all eyes were on me. Ada was there, serving them as usual, jugs swelled to spilling with ale and platters topped with cold meats and bread. Apart from Ada, the huge hall was empty, except for the five seated Vikings staring me down. I was dragged to the bench and pushed into a sitting position. The two thugs that had rounded me up planted themselves on either side of me in case I made a run for it. Ada hurried over and placed a mug of ale into my hands. I looked up at her and forced a timid smile onto my lips. I wasn’t thirsty of course. That was not the point. The ale was her way of reminding me that I was not alone. She was right here with me. And the goblet gave me something to clutch.
The men smelled of sweat and stale whiskey, and when I caught a whiff of my neighbor’s breath, I smelled tooth decay.
“Where is Storr?”
I raised my hands in a gesture of hopelessness. “If you do not know where he is, then how could I possibly know? I am just a small, helpless woman.”
The Viking sitting in Storr’s seat rose then and towered over me. “Do not play games with us. We know that you and Storr were . . . together last eve.”
I chose not to get what he was insinuating. “If you are asking if I saw him last night, then you already know the answer. I did. I was here, in the hall, by his side during dinner, along with all of you.”
The Viking’s voice rose to match his anger. “And later?”
I looked down as if suddenly embarrassed. “Yes. I was in his room too, in the solar. But all we did was talk because Storr was upset.”
The Viking’s heavy brow drooped. He was controlling his hostility but only just. “Upset?”
“It was the messenger, the messenger upset him. You know that a rider with a message arrived soon after I left the hall. You must have seen the man arrive. The message he brought upset Storr.”
They looked from one to another. Their ignorance seemed genuine. My head prickled, and I wanted to scratch my scalp, but I couldn’t risk looking agitated. I mustn’t seem too nervous, or they’d believe I had something to hide.
After a moment’s silence the leader taking Storr’s place asked, “What was the message? Storr spoke of it, did he?”
They didn’t know. They’d no idea. The message could be about anything, as far as they were concerned. Storr, obviously, did not confide in them. Last night, they’d drunk themselves into a stupor, as usual. That was another reason they reeked this morning: they were stale, sweaty, and hungover.
“The message was from your king. It was an order. Storr called the order a suicide mission, a mission of self-harm.”
One of the Vikings grabbed my arm and roared, “Speak plainly. Explain yourself.” But the new leader shook his head and quietened his man.
I yanked my arm away from his grip. “The message was about Laird Bern and the other fifty Highlanders from Tor Castle, the men who are away fighting in Innse Gall at the moment. Apparently, the Highlanders have been successful. They won their battle.”<
br />
“What?” They thundered jumping up, hurling their mugs and ramming their fists into the table.
“How can this be true?”
“The girl lies.”
My words felt trapped in my throat. “I don’t,” I whispered. “And there’s more to the message than that. The king ordered Storr to stay in Tor Castle and fight, fight to the end. Even though horribly outnumbered, Storr was told to give up his life and fight till the last Northman remained. Storr said that the king, as good as ordered his death. He yelled about it, saying that eight Northmen couldn’t possibly best fifty Highland warriors, full of triumph and battle lust.”
I peeked and saw concern cloud their eyes. Emblazoned now, I pushed on. “Storr was angry with the king, so very angry. He drank heavily and kept telling me that he had no wish to die just yet.”
I waited, silent, head bowed. My body was as rigid as a standing stone, too fearful to move. I heard them shuffle about.
Then one screamed into my face. “Is there more?”
I nodded “Aye. Storr claimed that the Innse Gall Northmen were ferocious fighters and that he couldn’t believe that his own countrymen had lost the battle. He also said that if the Norse warriors in Innse Gall hadn’t beaten the Highlanders then how was he and seven others supposed to manage it? He believed he had no chance of winning. He said his death was imminent and that’s why he drank and drank.”
My shoulders were huddled, not daring to look up. They muttered to themselves but I didn’t understand because they were speaking Norse.
“And then what happened? Speak, girl, hurry.”
“Then Storr announced that he was leaving.”
“Leaving?” He was yelling and riotous when he asked, “You claim that Storr ran away?”
In comparison my own voice was meek and barely audible. “I didn’t suggest that. Storr told me that he had to fix something, had something to do. I suggested that he wait till morning, because he’d been drinking whiskey, lots of it. But he said that the time for waiting had passed. Storr said that he needed to leave here, tonight.”
The new leader slowly rose from his sitting position. “Are you suggesting that Storr ran away and left us here to fight alone? A proud Northman like Storr does not ran and leave his friends behind.”
I tried to match their look of outrage. “Of course not. Storr is brave. He is the smartest man I have ever met. If he does something, it is always the cleverest thing to do in that situation.”
They paced, barking and growling at each other in Norse. One of them grabbed another around his throat and I feared a fight would break out and I’d be trapped in the middle of it. But at last, they calmed. “Go back to your room, girl. Do not leave your chamber, or else.”
I stood on shaky legs. No one had mentioned an escaped prisoner so I guessed Ian had gotten away unnoticed. I walked all the way to my room on rickety legs wondering what fresh horror today would bring.
As it turned out, today was a one of the better days. It all happened in a rush. The Vikings left. I don’t know what they made of Storr’s sudden disappearance, whether they believed he ran from a battle he couldn’t win or whether they thought he’s fled, desperate to round up and bring back more fighters. They didn’t tell me. Instead, they packed up with haste, filled the last spaces in their boat with more of our grain, and then pushed off. No one was told anything. Best of all, they didn’t kill a single Highlander and nor did they take hostages. Two hours after I wobbled away from our meeting in the grand hall, the Vikings were gone.
“’Tis a wonderful day,” Nelly said, hugging me tight. The halls and baileys were filled with whooping, dancing, and laughter. Our ailing and elderly men were of course delighted to be freed unharmed. Big cauldrons of water were set to boil so that the men who’d been trussed like animals for nearly a week, could clean themselves.
The story of Storr’s demise spread over the castle. Elspeth basked in everyone’s awe and gratitude, but I didn’t share their joy. I was a murderer now, I’d killed a good man. A decent enough one, at any rate. Storr was probably less violent than most of the folk in Tor Castle. Of course I rationalized that I’d killed Storr in order to save Elspeth and Ian, and ultimately Bern too, but still, I’d killed without being attacked first. I was a teacher; I cared about people, I didn’t kill them. This was not how I saw myself.
All the folk in Tor struggled to comprehend my long face. According to them, there was much to celebrate. The Highlanders in Innse Gall had won the battle and now the Viking raiders were gone, and no one in the castle was killed. I must have been asked dozens of times, what was wrong.
Apart from my own life and the lives of my friends, I gained from Storr’s death in another way, too: I’d gotten the push I needed. I was going home. I couldn’t possibly stay here now.
Early the next morning, I stood in the upper bailey surrounded by my loyal friends. Nelly squeezed me tight and handed me a cloth bag filled with oatcakes. Ada placed a thick wool cloak over my shoulders and a shiny metal band on my wrist. It was a gift, something to help me remember the clan. Elspeth attached a cloth bag to my horse and whispered, “’Tis that Northwoman dress and cloak inside, the one ye love so much.”
I hugged her tight. “This isn’t goodbye, because one day, I plan to come back.” They nodded and tried to smile, but their eyes said more than their voices ever could. Then William, one of Tor’s injured fighters, pulled me up onto the huge stallion and nestled me behind him. We trotted away, my eyes watering. Two other men on horses followed behind and we trailed down both baileys and out of the castle, waving at everyone and accepting good wishes for safe travels. Because of the part I’d played, it seemed I had no end of well-wishers or offers of help. So sad that I had to leave because I don’t believe I’ve ever felt as accepted as I did there, right then.
Chapter 17
Bern
Ian reached our makeshift camp as we settled to rest after a hard day’s riding. What a thrill it was to see him, and the men celebrated of course, with ale aplenty. The news from home was more disturbing though. Northmen in my castle!
Of course I feared for Caitlin, but when I heard that she’d killed the leader, well, I could hardly credit my ears. Then, once the night was done, and with the arrival of morn, we prepared our horses to leave. Just before we saddled up, another rider from home arrived. He had different news: the Northmen were gone. But he was here to warn me about Caitlin’s departure. She’d taken it into her head to leave, despite the promises she made to stay. Anger was brewing in my chest. I didn’t need to be told where she was headed. The lassie had the strangest ideas. She held onto this crazed belief that her way home was through Doral Castle. I’d teased her about a giant tunnel under the castle, a tunnel leading to a tiny unknown land. It was the stuff of childhood stories. But when I came up with the ridiculous idea in jest, she reacted as if I’d spoken the truth, as if I’d discovered her secret. I will not let her run from me so easily. I put Arthur, my second-in-command, in charge of the men and ordered the lot of them straight home.
I turned my horse and headed for Doral. If Caitlin was to arrive there soon, then best I smooth the way. I’d fought alongside the Campbell men at Innse Gall and was thankful for their help. Both our clans were on a better footing now, thanks to the success of the battle. I knew I would be welcomed into Doral today, especially if I arrived alone. One lone Mackenzie was not much of a threat to any castle.
When I arrived at Doral, I told them all of the woman soon to follow me here, my love who was fleeing from my home. I got the ribbing I was expecting. They all drank and cheered the woman that had captured my heart, saying she’d good sense to run while she could. I accepted their jibes and joined in. But my underlying meaning was laid out before them and Clan Campbell had not gotten to where they were today by being fools—when she arrived, the woman was mine and she must be b
rought straight to me and otherwise, left alone.
Laird Campbell had scouts posted on the edges of his land. It would no’ be hard to spot an approaching party, especially not when there was a girl in their midst. With Caitlin’s looks, she was no’ a lassie easy to miss.
~ ~ ~
I was in the great hall drinking with a few of the lads when a messenger rushed in.
“Laird Bern.”
“Aye?” I rose, filled with anticipation.
“Laird, she’s here.”
“Where?” I barked, barely containing my excitement.
“We’ve put her in a room in the keep, under guard. She’ll no’ be able to flee from ye now.” He was grinning and strutting around like a silly chook.
The men cheered and rose their mugs and then stomped their feet.
“Right then,” I said, draining my ale, “I’ll go find the wee thing.”
I knew, even before I saw her face that she’d be hissing and spitting, the lass hating to be kept under lock and key. But, aye, I was angry, too. She’d made me a promise, and broken it. Truth be told, there was much more than anger and hostility coursing under my skin, there was longing, too. I loved the lass. My heart was filled to brimming with my ardor.
I pounded on the door. “Caitlin, ’tis me.”
She ignored my knocks so I went on in, uninvited. There she was, sitting on her bed, looking like a crippled bird with a broken wing.
I held open my arms, “Caitlin, my treasure. I have missed ye, my love. Come to me. I wish to squeeze the life from your tiny bones.” It was a jest, of course because I could not hurt the lass nor stay angry. She’d no reason to look quite so cross. I was merry with anticipation. Surely she could see that I’d already forgiven her?
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