by Sarah Bailey
I looked at my hands.
“I’ve never been more degraded or humiliated in my life and the worst part is I feel betrayed by my own body. Don’t you understand? How could I feel that way with him right there? How could I still want you when he was staring at me, making me feel like I’m some kind of animal?”
Chapter Fourteen
Dante
Having Zach here this evening made my blood boil. He’d fucked up our perfect day together. Ruined it completely. And now she was crying. Crying and telling me how humiliated she was about finding me ordering her around a turn on. How she’d hated it because he was there.
I didn’t know what the fuck to do, think or say. I thought she’d be upset about the dinner, about what I’d made her do. This was not at all what I’d been expecting to find when I came upstairs after seeing Zach out.
He’d told me in no uncertain terms before dinner if he didn’t see progress this evening, he’d take her away and I’d never see her again. The thought of that damn near fucking killed me. So I did what I had to. I never wanted to make her eat off the floor like an animal. I’d seen Zach do worse things to women, but I couldn’t subject Liora to his methods.
He’d slapped me on the back when she left the room and told me I’d become the perfect son. That made my skin crawl. His hand on me. The words which left his mouth. All of it caused my stomach to rebel against me. I’d had to bite back my disgust and need to be sick. I was thankful he left quickly rather than forcing me to be in his company any further.
And then Brent told me she’d cried on his shoulder. I literally couldn’t get up the stairs fast enough. Seeing her huddled under the covers, the awful sobs coming from the bed. That almost decimated me.
I had to say something to her. Break this silence between us. I had to acknowledge what she’d told me. I knew what I had to do. How to fix it for her. How to make her feel better. To help her understand she shouldn’t be ashamed of her desires.
I reached over and turned on the lamp. Her tear streaked face and bloodshot eyes made my heart fracture, but I had to do this. I pulled out some tissues from the box on the bedside table and took her face in my hand. I gently wiped away her tears. She stared at me, green eyes wide with self-loathing.
“I want you to come with me,” I said.
“Why? Didn’t you hear what I just said.”
“I did. Let me help you understand yourself better. Let me make it okay, Liora. You don’t need to be ashamed of how you feel. Of what you desire. I know it feels awful because he was there, but please let me give you what you need.”
“How can it ever be normal for me to want any of this?”
She looked at me like I could break her. So fragile. Christ, I really needed to help her.
“It has nothing to do with being normal. Let me help you.”
“You’re going to take me in… there, aren’t you?”
I nodded. It was the only way. I had to show her what she wanted wasn’t shameful.
“Okay,” she whispered.
I helped her off the bed and we walked out the bedroom and along the corridor to the playroom hand in hand. I could tell she was nervous by the way her fingers tightened in mine. I unlocked the door, flipped the light on and walked in with her. I shut the door firmly behind us, locking it and leaving the key on top of the drawers.
She put her arms up whilst I pulled off her t-shirt and stepped out of her underwear. I left them on top of the drawers too, neatly folded. She didn’t try to cover herself. She stood there waiting for me.
“In this room you will address me as Master. You will do exactly as I say without hesitation and you will thank me for everything I give you. If at any point you’re uncomfortable or it’s too much, then you will say the word tiger and we will stop. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Master.”
The way she said it made my cock twitch. Fuck. This was going to drive me insane. I was not going to fuck her. I couldn’t. Not like this.
I took a step towards her, cupping her face with one hand. Such a beautiful girl. I knew if this went wrong, I could seriously fuck her up. I leant down and kissed her forehead.
“I promise I’ll make this okay for you, Liora. Do you trust me?” I whispered across her skin.
“Yes, Dante, I trust you.”
I let the fact that she’d called me by name slide because this was me asking her for permission to do what was necessary.
I pulled away and walked over to the drawers. Pulling open the second from bottom one, I selected four leather cuffs. I took them out and closed the drawer.
“Go and stand in front of the cross with your back to me.”
“Yes, Master.”
She walked over and waited. I could see her hands shaking, but she didn’t voice her fears. I walked over and stood next to her. I attached each cuff to her wrists and ankles. Taking one hand, I secured it to the loop on the cross above her head, followed by the other. I knelt down and secured her ankles.
I stepped back. Fuck. She looked so damn beautiful up there. Spread wide, awaiting my command. Liora had no idea what this did to me. I went over to where the whips were hung up. I selected a riding crop and a braided leather whip. Since this was the first time, I wouldn’t be too rough with her. I set both down on the chest of drawers.
“Are you ready?” I asked.
She looked back at me. Her eyes were full of hesitation.
“Yes, Master.” Her voice quivered on the words.
I picked up the whip first. It wasn’t long, but it would hurt. I took a deep breath as I walked towards her, stopping far enough away to give me room to strike her. I uncurled the whip and it hung by my side.
It was time to show her exactly what pleasure from pain meant. To show her what she wanted from me wasn’t wrong. To help her understand her desires weren’t something to be ashamed of.
I flicked my wrist, the whip striking out across her back, just below her shoulders. It wasn’t hard, but it left a faint red line. She whimpered but didn’t cry out. She would be before the end.
I struck again and again, the red lines stark across the white skin of her back. She looked so beautiful. So, so beautiful up there. And she took each one without saying the safe word. She cried out as the lashes got harder, but I never took it too far. I wouldn’t hurt her too much. Just enough to get her to let go of her fears and shame.
When I began to feel sweat beading at the back of my neck from the exertion, I stopped. She looked back at me, her green eyes wide.
“Th…thank you, Master,” she choked out.
Fuck. Fuck me.
Too damn perfect. My jeans suddenly felt far too tight. This was not about sex. It was about teaching her to let go. I chanted that to myself over and over again in my head.
I placed the whip down and unbuttoned my shirt. I was getting far too warm. I stripped it off and folded it, placing it on top of her clothes. I picked up the crop. I’d marked her back and now it was time to mark her in other places. I stepped towards her.
“Do you think you deserve to be let go yet?”
“No, Master. I’ve been a bad girl.”
“Bad girls get punished, don’t they?”
“Yes, please punish me, Master, please.”
Her forest green eyes screamed at me to hurt her. She wanted the pain. She needed it. Had she let go? Did she understand yet? I wasn’t quite sure she did.
The crop made a slapping sound across her behind. She jerked in the cuffs, crying out. I hit her again. I could see tears welling in her eyes.
Slap.
“Please, it hurts, Master.”
“I know it does. You wanted this, remember that.”
Four more strikes. Tears fell down her cheeks. She whimpered with each one. If she wanted me to stop, she knew what to say. I trusted her to tell me it was enough. She had to trust herself. To know that this wasn’t wrong.
I struck her further, noting how re
d her skin looked. How much she was suffering.
Damn it, Liora. Tell me to stop if you don’t want this.
I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hurt her without talking to her. Without her telling me it was okay. That this was what she needed. As much as I loved this aspect of our relationship, my heart was fracturing inside. She had no fucking idea how much it killed me. This whole thing. I had to be stronger for her.
“Have you had enough?”
“No,” she whimpered. “Please, please don’t stop.”
“Liora—”
“Please, Master, please. I need you to continue. Please. I need it.”
So I did. I hit her over and over until I was done. I was so fucking done. Her arse was red raw and the tops of her thighs too. As much as the sight of her almost had me abandoning all pretence that this had nothing to do with sex, I just couldn’t.
I stood there, panting. Sweat dripped off my forehead and covered my chest. Fuck.
“Thank you for my punishment, Master,” she whispered.
I threw the crop down and fumbled with the drawer, pulling out more cream to damn well rub into her skin because I couldn’t stand it. What the hell had I done to her? Why had I thought this was a good idea?
I walked towards her and undid the cuffs on her wrists then her ankles. She stepped back, a little unsteady on her feet. I led her over to the bed and made her lie down whilst I applied cream to all of the lashes across her back and everywhere her skin was red. She hissed, but didn’t complain.
I had to take her out of here. We had to talk because I had to fucking apologise for being such a dick to her. Why did I think this would help her? I said I wouldn’t take her in here until she was ready. How could she be ready? And yet she’d begged me not to stop. I didn’t know what the hell to think any more.
I helped her to her feet, grabbed our clothes off the dresser and the key. Unlocking the door, I tugged her out, not bothering to lock it behind me. No one would come up here this evening so it didn’t matter.
When we were in the bedroom, I put the clothes down and strode into the bathroom. I splashed water all over my face and around my neck, trying to calm down the raging storm of emotions inside me.
“Dante…?”
I looked up. She was standing in the doorway, still completely bare. She took a step towards me.
“Let me help you.”
“What? No. I don’t need you to do that,” I said.
“Why not? I know you don’t like being touched, but that doesn’t mean I can’t help you.”
I wasn’t ready for this. To have her be concerned about me whilst I was fucking freaking out over everything.
“Liora, go back in the bedroom. We’ll talk about it in a minute, okay?”
Her face fell.
Well shit. I’m really fucking this all up now.
I closed the distance between us before she could retreat, taking her face in both my hands.
“You shouldn’t be concerned about me, Liora. Are you okay?”
“It hurts, but I’m okay. I feel… a little better.”
My heart stopped.
“You do?”
She nodded, taking my hands away from her face and holding them in her own.
“I’m not going to lie. Having him here tonight was horrible, Dante. I hated it. You know he terrifies me. I wanted it to just be you and me and then he was there. You made me do something humiliating. It hurt me, knowing he was watching with the two sides of me warring with each other. One wanted you to tell me what to do and the other felt ashamed of it.”
She squeezed my hands, looking away.
“I didn’t know how to feel. How to react to it. I barely even recognised myself. You hurting me helped me focus. It calmed me down enough to think clearly. And I’m really not okay with this. Any of it. I don’t know if I want this with you.”
She dropped my hands, taking a step back from me. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t fucking speak. What she’d just said tore my insides to shreds.
You’ve fucked up. You’ve well and truly fucked up.
“How can I ever reconcile the fact that you act one way when we’re alone together and another when he’s here? I don’t like that version of you. I hate it. You were so cold to me. I felt so alone at that table. You weren’t on my side, Dante. You were on his and it hurt me. It really, really hurt me. Do you know what that was like for me? To see you look at me without any hint of the feelings I know we have for each other. Do you understand how much it broke something inside me? I can’t deal with it.”
She put a hand to her chest.
“It physically hurts. Right here.”
My hands trembled at my sides. If her heart hurt, mine did too. What was she really trying to tell me? Was this the fucking end? Had we really come this far only to fall this hard at the first hurdle? If she thought this was the worst of it with my father, she was wrong. So very wrong. If she couldn’t handle this, then how would she ever handle the truth of why she was given to me? The thought of it filled me with unending dread.
“What are you saying?” I asked.
I almost winced at the fear I heard in my own voice.
“I’m saying I think I should sleep in my own room tonight. I’m sorry, Dante, but I just can’t. I need to be alone.”
My stomach dropped out from me. The world fucking crashed down. I almost stumbled backwards. My heart burnt. My whole body burnt. Everything felt wrong. So, so wrong.
“Please, please don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like I’m hurting you. Please, Dante, please understand. Please let me have this. If I don’t… I’m going to break and I can’t. Not when there are so many things I still have to face.”
“Then go.”
Her face fell. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t fucking breathe. She stepped towards me again. I wanted to back away, but I couldn’t. She went up on her tiptoes before pulling my face towards her because she couldn’t quite reach. She kissed my cheek, lingering there. Her mouth hovered over mine. I daren’t move a muscle.
Her lips brushed against mine and she kissed me. My body went haywire. The knowledge she wanted to spend the night apart yet she was kissing me confusing me on every single level. She wrapped her arms around my neck, pressing her naked body against my bare chest. I almost lost it.
“Dante,” she whispered against my lips. “Please kiss me back, please.”
“I can’t.”
She pulled away, looking into my eyes.
“Why?”
“I won’t be able to stop at just kissing. Do you realise how difficult it was for me to whip you without wanting more? I know this has been tough for you, but it’s hard for me too. I don’t want to put you through all this shit with Zach. I never have. For fuck’s sake, Liora, all I care about is you. Can’t you see that?”
Her small frame pressed against me trembled. I wanted so desperately to touch her. To hold her, but that would make it almost impossible for me to hold back.
“I’ve been so selfish. It’s my fault you’re here.”
She shook her head.
“No, don’t say that.”
“But it is, Liora. I asked my father for you. He wouldn’t have called in your father’s debt if I hadn’t wanted you.”
Her eyes got watery. I felt like the world’s biggest fucking arsehole. I’d done this to her. I’d made her feel like this. I saw it so clearly now. I’d sunk so damn low in my own estimation.
“Please, please, no. You’re making it sound like you regret ever having me here.”
“What? No, of course I don’t regret being with you. Christ, you’re the best fucking thing to happen to me, but that doesn’t make any of this okay.”
“Then what?”
What was I even saying? I hated the fact that I’d hurt her. Made her feel alone because I had to act like a complete prick to her in front of my father.
<
br /> “I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry I did.”
It wasn’t about the pain I’d dished out physically, but the emotional pain I’d caused her. The kind I couldn’t take back or fix. Her body would heal. The marks I’d made on her back would fade, but the hurt she felt inside? That wouldn’t go away. It wouldn’t disappear so easily.
“Dante…”
“Just stop, Liora. Let go of me and go to bed before one of us says something we don’t mean.”
She dropped her arms from around my neck and stepped back. Her eyes shone with unshed tears. It ripped my already shattered heart into smaller pieces. She turned away and walked out of the room. I heard the bedroom door close quietly behind her when she left.
I backed away until my legs met the edge of the bath. Sitting down heavily, I put my head in my hands. I felt broken, battered and bruised on the inside. This was worse than the physical abuse I’d received at the hands of my father. Those scars healed, but the memories remained. Emotional scars running deep in my soul.
And Liora had just successfully torn my heart out and stamped all over it. I thought she was my perfect match. The girl who’d accept me for who I am. I’d hoped she’d understand when I told her the truth. Now I was worried she’d never get it if I did.
Zach would fucking kill me if he knew I’d even considered telling her the truth of what he’d done. How he’d completely torn our family apart and ruined my relationship with my siblings irrevocably. How he’d beaten me to within an inch of my life on several occasions and made me hate the touch of others. How he’d forced me to watch him hurt them over and over again. Forced me to watch him hurt her. Her. My heart burnt. I squashed the memories down.
Would Liora understand? Would she accept the broken man I was inside because of it? If I told her the truth, would she stay with me?
I was fucking terrified of losing her. If she left, Zach would find her and take her. And there was no way in hell I was ever letting that happen. Not when I knew what he’d do to her. The ways he’d hurt her far worse than I ever could.
I’d done this. I’d fucking done this. Zach would’ve left her alone if it hadn’t been for my idiotic need to have her. One look at Liora and I knew. She was it. No other girl would do.