by Sarah Bailey
“You have some shit people in your life,” I said, keeping my voice low.
He snorted.
“That’s one way of putting it.”
“Have the rest of them been like that?”
“Kind of. It’s all bullshit really, but I still find it hard not to let it get in my head.”
I looked up at him.
“How does it make you feel?”
“What? When he says that shit?” He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. “Honestly, I sometimes just feel worthless. He’d constantly tell me I was a disappointment. Allowing my brother to fight my battles for me was weak. It was like nothing I did was right. I began to believe it, that I really was nothing. I hated myself for having his traits, at least the ones I associated with him. I kept those buried instead, all of them because I didn’t want to be anything like him. He’s cruel and manipulative. He’s never going to change and yet I still wanted to be better for him, be someone he could be proud of which is fucking ridiculous. That’s why I always felt so pathetic. I don’t care if he’s proud of me now. He can rot in prison.”
I shifted, wincing as I crawled into his lap and straddled his legs. Cupping his face, I stared down at him. His blue eyes were curious.
“You’re not weak or pathetic. No one who knows you could ever think that about you. You’re amazing and if you can’t see that, then I’ll tell you it every day until you believe it.”
He graced me with a smile.
“What if you tell me every day anyway?”
I rolled my good eye.
“Don’t push your luck.”
His hands disappeared under my t-shirt, stroking across my back with the gentlest of touches. I couldn’t help arching into him. He made me feel alive.
“No? Not even if getting compliments from you makes me happy?”
I leant towards him, stopping just inches from his mouth.
“I’m going to take back what I said if you’re not careful.”
He looked horrified for all of two seconds before I kissed him. One of his hands left my back to tangle in my hair. This felt so right. Being with him. Getting to touch him and kiss him whenever I wanted. Knowing he was mine.
Everything had changed so quickly between us, but I was trying not to let that scare me. Besides, it’s not like I could run or hide from the way I felt. Not now we were together and I’d finally let go of the things holding me back from being his.
His hand left my hair and landed on my thigh, slipping higher towards where I wanted his fingers. Where I wanted all of him if I was honest. He’d awakened all my senses and now I craved him. Craved the high he gave me. The desire which pulsed between us was potent. I imagined this is how it was meant to be. How attraction was supposed to play out. I hoped it was normal for me to want him as much as I did.
His fingers were about to reach in between my legs when the buzzer rang through the room. I pulled away as he cursed loudly. His blue eyes were pools of darkness, blazing with lust and need.
“Guess it’s time you met my family properly,” he said, releasing me.
I climbed off him, rubbing my side. It ached like a bitch. He frowned as he got up.
“I think it’s also time you took some more painkillers.”
I nodded before he walked off into the hallway. He came back a few minutes later with a glass of water and pills in his hand which he gave to me. I swallowed them down and set the glass on the coffee table before standing. James took my hand and I walked with him to the front door just as the bell rang.
He opened it, revealing five people waiting outside. I could see from his expression he wasn’t expecting them all. I shifted behind him a little, feeling self-conscious about my face. My eye was still swollen and my busted lip throbbed.
“Since when did this turn into a family gathering?” he asked.
His brother shrugged and walked in, his wife trailing behind him along with James’ twin sisters and another man I semi-recognised from the wedding. James shut the front door and shook his head. He looked over at me, still half hiding behind him. I wasn’t good with people. He knew that, but I couldn’t avoid this. I stepped out beside him and tried to smile, but I imagined it wasn’t very convincing.
“You okay?” he asked, his voice low.
I nodded, but the look in his eyes told me he didn’t believe me. He squeezed my hand before turning back to his family.
“I’ll make this quick, Ellie, this is Dante, Liora, Jennifer and Fiona… oh, and Brent. Um, this is Ellie…” He looked at me again. “My girlfriend.”
My heart did several backflips in my chest. Having him tell his family we were together chased away some of my lingering doubts.
Dante was the first one to step forward and shake my hand. He was roughly the same height as James and they were very similar in appearance. Their blue eyes and dark hair matched except Dante’s was shorter and he was slightly stockier than his brother.
“It’s nice to meet you,” he told me even though his neutral expression didn’t match his friendly tone.
I was then bombarded by the three women, all wanting to say hello and lastly, the man with hazel eyes shook my hand, giving me a grin.
“Don’t mind me, I’m just the help.”
I looked up at James, a little confused.
“Brent is Dante’s bodyguard and friend,” he whispered in my ear. “He lives in their basement.”
All of us piled into the living room with everyone sitting except me, James and Liora. She looked over at me.
“I’m going to start on dinner. Why don’t you come help me and we can let them talk?” she said, giving me a bright smile.
James gave my hand a squeeze. I think he felt me trembling next to him.
“Okay,” I replied, giving her a nod.
I turned to James who smiled and leant towards me, placing a chaste kiss to my lips.
“She’s nice,” he whispered. “You’ll be okay.”
I nodded again, allowing him to release me and walk over to where his family was already making a lot of noise. Following Liora out into the kitchen, I fidgeted nervously as she started pulling stuff out of the fridge and cupboards.
“Um… what can I do?” I asked.
She gave me another bright smile. Liora was beautiful, her short blonde hair falling to her chin and green eyes the colour of an evergreen forest.
“Oh don’t worry, you don’t have to do anything. I just wanted the company. Dante told me what happened so I’m sure you need rest, not to strain yourself further.”
I leant against the counter, unsure of what to do now she’d said that. James said she was nice, but I hadn’t really expected this.
“Your wedding dress, it was really beautiful,” I said, wanting to smack my head the moment the words fell out of my mouth.
I wasn’t lying. It had been this floaty, lacy number which clung to her in all the right places.
“Thank you. Dante appreciated it. Jen and Fi helped me pick it out since they know what he likes.”
“You picked it because it’s what he likes? Isn’t it usually the other way around?”
Her cheeks went a little red as she started chopping an onion.
Oh shit, I’ve embarrassed her. Me and my big mouth!
I knew they had a different dynamic having overheard it at their wedding, I just didn’t think she’d openly admit it.
“Dante has impeccable taste in clothes. They all do. You’re not telling me you haven’t yet experienced James in full designer mode?”
I smiled despite myself.
“Oh no, I’ve been in their offices a couple of times. He’s kind of intense with that stuff.”
She laughed. Liora had a sort of singsong lilt to her voice and a Scottish accent.
“You’re telling me. Those boys love their fashion. Dante got worse when he took over Bensons. I swear he brings me home something new at least once a week. Our wardro
bes are overflowing now. It’s ridiculous. I work at London Zoo part time so I rarely wear anything fancy.”
“The zoo?”
She nodded, smiling again.
“Yes, I’m a zookeeper. I used to just volunteer, but a part time position opened up just before the wedding. It’s been my dream since I was a kid.”
I honestly hadn’t expected her to be an animal person, but what did I know?
“You like animals.”
She’d moved on to frying up mince now. From the assembly of ingredients, I assumed she was making spaghetti bolognese with homemade garlic bread.
“Oh yes, we’re getting kittens in a few weeks. Brent isn’t happy because he’ll be on kitten duty when I’m at work.”
“What’s the deal there?”
She moved over to the sink with a pot and filled it with water before bringing it back to the stove.
“With Brent? He’s Dante’s best friend. He takes care of a lot of stuff for us.”
Her voice was hesitant so I was pretty sure there were things she didn’t want to say, so I left it at that. I felt bad not helping her with dinner, but it seemed like she had everything under control. Making conversation with other people wasn’t really my strong point. I had no trouble with James but he was different.
“How are you feeling? I mean with all the bruising?” she asked.
“Oh… I’m okay, it’s sore, but James is making sure I take my painkillers.”
She smiled.
“Dante wasn’t very good at taking his after Zach hurt him. Your injuries are similar to his, but Dante had a cracked rib.”
I shifted on my feet. It can’t have been fun for her to deal with that nor Dante having been beaten up by his dad. Sadly, I now knew what that was like all too well. It was enough having been physically abused by other men, but it being your own family made it worse.
“I’m sure you looked after him though.”
“When he let me. He hated it, being unable to do things for himself and me fussing over him. He’s always the one in control so it being the reverse didn’t sit well with him.”
Oh, I can imagine it wasn’t. Not when he’s clearly her Dom.
I wasn’t about to comment on that for fear of making her uncomfortable. Talking about your sex life with a complete stranger, let alone your brother in law’s girlfriend who you’d only just met would be so awkward.
“I’m glad James met you,” she continued. “He said you’re special and he needs the right person in his life. Don’t get me wrong, I like his friends, but it’s not the same as having a partner in crime.”
I felt my cheeks burning. He told her I was special. I shuffled my foot on the floor, looking away.
“Yeah… his friends.”
“I know it must be weird for you knowing about his past with Avery. Between you and me, I noticed there was no sad look in his eyes after he met you. I didn’t know about you at that point, but I could tell something was different. He probably didn’t know it himself until he admitted he liked you. I hope I’m not saying too much, he just talked to me about you.”
I shook my head.
“No… What did he tell you?”
She was busy preparing the garlic bread when I looked up.
“Not a huge amount. He was really cut up after you two kissed and you wouldn’t talk to him. That’s when I knew it was serious.”
I shifted on my feet again. Those two and a half weeks had been torturous for the both of us it seemed. I felt a hand on my arm and looked up. James was smiling down at me. I hadn’t noticed him come in.
“You two okay in here?” he asked.
“Uh, yeah,” I squeaked.
He raised an eyebrow at me. I simply buried my face in his chest and wrapped an arm around his waist, unable to stay away. He stroked my hair.
“Is everything okay?” I asked when I’d taken a moment to compose myself.
“Mmmhmm, don’t worry, sweetheart, none of them blame you for your father’s actions. We’ll sort it out, I promise.”
I hadn’t been worried particularly, but the possibility they might think I was playing James had crossed my mind. James was my safety. I trusted him to make sure my father was dealt with, but I knew it wouldn’t be the end of it. Richard Kirkwood would find a way to get to me. He was just like that. A parasite who wouldn’t ever let go. Not now he needed funds. He’d stop at nothing.
I pulled away and looked up at him.
“He’s dangerous. He might be an ex-drug addict, but don’t underestimate him.”
I’d told James my dad’s name last night before I fell asleep so he could speak to his brother about it today. I couldn’t believe he thought threatening me with my mother would make me agree to his demands. My dad was crazy. He clearly had no idea how much I blamed both of them for what happened to me. If my mum had just left him and taken me, none of this would’ve happened. It was difficult for women to leave relationships where there was domestic abuse, but she was my mother. Her job was to protect me and she didn’t. So as far as I was concerned, both of them had lost all rights to be in my life.
“We won’t. Dante isn’t taking any chances.”
“Did you tell him about the letter?”
He sighed, running his hand down my back.
“Yeah, he’s pissed. In two minds about going down to the prison to tell Dad to quit it.”
“What?” Liora piped up. “Dante is not going to see Zach, is he?”
James looked over at her.
“No, I told him not to. It’s not worth it. I take it he told you about the letters.”
“Yes. If anyone is going to see Zach, it should be me. I’m not scared of him.”
I glanced at Liora, confused as to why she would offer to go.
“Dante will actually lose his shit if you do that. You do remember how mad he was last time?”
“Last time?” I asked.
James looked down at me, his eyes twinkling.
“Oh yeah, Liora went and asked Dad to plead guilty on behalf of all of us without telling anyone.”
“And Dante blew up over it,” Liora added. “I can handle him. Honestly, I’ll go if it puts a stop to all of this.”
James shook his head. It was clear none of them would agree to that. I wasn’t about to volunteer myself since I didn’t know their father.
“Well, the offer is there,” she said, shrugging. “Anyway, dinner is almost ready so perhaps we should talk about lighter topics. You two want to help me get plates and stuff?”
James grinned and let me go, moving towards the cupboards. I helped him by getting knives and forks out of the drawer. I was nervous about having dinner with his family, but I needn’t have been. When we all sat down, plates on our knees, the conversation was lively and they all tried to include me. It was the first time in my life I’d been around a real family. The love between them all was clear. This was something I’d craved deep down my whole life.
I hope they all like me. I hope everything works out between James and me. It’d be nice to be part of a family like this.
Chapter Twenty One
James
Ellie fidgeted next to me. I knew she didn’t want to come to this charity gala. She was doing it for me. She’d know people here, but she hated the reminders of her time in captivity.
We’d been together for a month now. Ellie hadn’t left my flat much, having been signed off by the doctor from work due to her injuries. She’d quit during that time. She told me she didn’t feel safe and I couldn’t blame her. Not when her father knew where she worked. She was safe with me.
Her injuries were all healed up. She looked stunning this evening. The sky blue dress I’d loved so much fit her like a glove now I’d had one made up specifically to her measurements. I squeezed her hand, leaning towards her.
“You’re beautiful, sweetheart,” I whispered in her ear.
She gave me a shy smile when I straightened and
her eyes met mine. Her nerves were getting to her. I could feel her trembling. I hated how scared she was. Normally Ellie was so strong, she’d come so far in her life.
We moved towards the entrance of the building, the cameras almost blinding. There’d be no hiding my relationship with her now. It would send a message to her father. Ellie was mine. I wasn’t letting her go. And she was never doing what he wanted. Brent was working to find out where he was and make sure he backed off. For an ex-drug addict, Richard Kirkwood was proving notoriously difficult to locate. Ellie was convinced he’d come for her sooner rather than later. This might just push him over the edge.
As soon as I got her through the doors, my hand planted firmly on her lower back, I ushered her away from all of the people. We were in a corridor and I had her in a cupboard the next minute, holding her to my chest. She gripped my tux jacket, her breathing shallow and uneven.
“Shh, I’ve got you,” I whispered.
She hadn’t had many panic attacks whilst she’d been with me, but when I told her about this evening a couple of weeks back, she hid in my wardrobe for ten minutes. I’d sat outside the door and waited patiently for her. Ellie hated crowds and she didn’t want to be in the public eye. I couldn’t do much about it since it was a part of my life.
A few minutes later, her breathing had evened out and she released my tux. Her hands ran up my chest and wrapped around my neck. I felt her breath on my face, knowing she was up on her tiptoes so she could reach me.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
I closed the distance and kissed her gently. Ellie pressed closer to me, causing all sorts of stirrings between us. Now wasn’t the time. Pulling away, I released her. She dropped back to her feet although her hands were firmly planted on my chest.
“Can I hide in here all night?”
I laughed, shaking my head even though she couldn’t see me in the dark.
“I know you’re nervous, but it’ll be okay.”
I hoped it would anyway, what with her meeting Avery and Gertie for the first time.