by Sarah Bailey
“You don’t let anyone inside those walls of yours. An impenetrable fortress. That’s okay, Jen. One day, you’re going to let me slip through the cracks.”
What the hell does that mean?
I didn’t really have time to process it. He reached around and strummed my clit with his fingers, making me buck and moan in response. My pulse skittered and my body tightened. Dots sparked in my vision when I shattered. I shook. I trembled. I cursed. Waves of bliss radiated from my core outwards until I was a mess of jellied limbs, trying to keep myself upright.
“Shit,” I said weakly, my voice all quiet and mouse-like.
He slammed into me four more times before he let out a low grunt and shuddered above me. I could do little but gulp down oxygen. When he let me go, I collapsed on the bed, my knees giving way. He flopped down next to me, then I felt his fingers dusting over my back followed by his lips at my shoulder.
“Brent,” I whispered.
“Hmm?”
“I can’t move.”
He chuckled and continued to stroke my back. His touch felt so soothing after the brutal way he’d fucked me.
“Has the indomitable Jennifer Benson been rendered immobile for the first time in her life?”
I wanted to snap back at him for that comment, but I didn’t.
“I guess she has.”
His fingers stilled. A part of me wanted to let him in. Tell him what was going on with Max so he could help me find a way out of it. That was just wishful thinking. Brent’s loyalty was to Dante. He’d go straight to my brother and then everything would come out. Our family’s reputation would fall into ruin and our company, well, we might as well just kiss that goodbye. We had money so that wasn’t the issue. Bensons was our legacy and I didn’t want it going down the drain. Not when we’d all worked so hard in the wake of the scandal with Dad.
“You said we’re something… What exactly did you mean by that?”
I shifted a little so I could look at him properly. His gold flecked eyes were curious and his expression open. Like he really wanted to know the answer and he wasn’t going to shoot me down for it regardless of what I said.
“I guess we’re friends,” I mumbled because I didn’t have a better word for it.
“Friends?”
“Maybe. I don’t know.”
He resumed stroking my back. Leaning down towards me, his breath fluttered across my cheek.
“I don’t usually have sex with my friends, Jen,” he whispered.
“Me either. Do we have to define it beyond this?”
“I suppose not.”
He kissed down my jaw, making me shiver before his lips brushed across the corner of my mouth. I turned into his touch, claiming his mouth with my own. His hand left my back and cupped my face, stroking across my cheek. It made my heart flutter. The small, gentle touch of his fingers against my skin.
I moved, turning on my side and drawing him closer. My hand tangled in his hair, tugging at the strands. Something about Brent had me just wanting to forget about everything else when it was me and him alone. Did he realise how vulnerable he made me feel? How much I wanted to open up to him? Perhaps that’s what he meant by me being an impenetrable fortress. I didn’t let people in easily.
What if I let him in? What if I let him see me? All of me.
They were dangerous thoughts I couldn’t afford to have. I shoved them away and focused on kissing him. Focused on the way his body moulded to mine and his hand which fell from my face to clutch my waist.
“Don’t go back upstairs,” he murmured against my lips.
I didn’t have it in me to leave even if I wanted to. Sleeping without him right here would be impossible anyway. My mind would be too full. Full of thoughts of what Max expected of me. How I had no choice but to give into his demands. How I would have to act like his girlfriend when all I wanted to do was run as far away from him as possible.
Then there was the huge complication right here. Brent. What the hell would he think when it surfaced I was Maximillian Graves’ girlfriend? It might not be real but that didn’t make it any less fucked up. Would Brent feel like I’d been leading him on? That I was a cheater because I’d slept with him whilst going out with Max.
You and Brent aren’t together.
We weren’t but it didn’t make it any better. This was a mess and it would only get messier if I continued down this path with Brent. It would be better for both of us if I went back upstairs and didn’t complicate matters any further.
I didn’t though. I continued to kiss him, my hands roaming across his body, memorising his muscles. Every contour and edge.
“I don’t want to go,” I whispered.
“Stay with me.”
“I shouldn’t.”
He flipped me over on my back, dipping his head to my neck and trailing kisses down it. He took my hands, entwining our fingers together as he raised his head and stared down at me. My heart stuttered in my chest at his intense expression.
“You’re staying right here.”
My heart told me not to leave whilst my head screamed at me to go. To not let this become something it could never be. I didn’t often listen to my heart, but this time I did.
“Okay.”
His lip quirked up at the side. I couldn’t get over how attractive he looked when he smiled like that with his hair all mussed from my fingers tangling in it.
When he leant down and kissed me again, I melted into him. One of my well-constructed walls crumbled to ashes and dust. I knew then and there. I was in trouble. In huge fucking trouble. If all my walls fell away, I’d be in serious danger of wanting to hold onto Brent and never let go.
And that was just plain fucking terrifying.
Chapter Eight
Brent
I didn’t think I’d wake up to find her in my arms again after that first night. Her eyes were closed, her breath fluttering across my skin where she was curled up against my chest with her hand resting on my heart. I didn’t want to disturb her even though she should get back upstairs. Selfishly, I wanted her here so I could hold her like this forever.
Jen had no idea of my feelings, my love for her. She’d never been the easiest of girls to understand. She carried wounds so deep, I wasn’t sure she’d ever heal from them. Lashing out at the world was her way of coping with what Zach did. At least since she’d had therapy, she seemed to be improving.
There was something else bothering her now. I wish I knew what it was. She might continuously tell me she didn’t need protecting but everyone needed someone. Her someone wasn’t around as much. Jen missed Fi more than she let on. My firestorm was lonely and it hurt me to see her like this. I shouldn’t think of Jen as mine, but in my heart she was. She had been since the day I’d first been introduced to the twins and James. A day I remembered vividly.
***
I hovered in the doorway of the living room whilst Dante squatted down in front of his three siblings sat on the sofa with their backs to me.
“Now, remember I said we had someone coming to live with us who’ll help keep you safe?”
The girls didn’t acknowledge him, but the youngest, James, nodded.
“Well, I’d like you all to meet Brent. It’s his job to make sure nothing happens to us.”
Dante straightened and indicated with his head I should come over. He’d reminded me the twins weren’t talking and if they say anything, it was only to him or James. I made my way over and stood next to him. James was practically the spitting image of Dante, just younger.
“Hello Brent,” he said, giving me a lopsided smile.
“You must be James. It’s nice to meet you.”
I turned to the girls.
“This is Fiona,” Dante said indicating the girl next to James, “and this is Jennifer.”
Two sets of blue eyes set into identical faces stared up at me. What struck me the most about the siblings is how they all looked like repli
cas of Zachary. Their dark hair, blue eyes and facial structure all matched their father’s. You couldn’t see much of Margo in any of them. I’d only seen pictures of her, but it wasn’t obvious they were related.
“Hello Fiona and Jennifer.”
Neither of them said anything and I hadn’t been expecting them to. Fiona looked down at her hands after a moment, but Jennifer stared hard at me. When I met her eyes, my heart stuttered in my chest. There was something so steely yet incredibly vulnerable about her gaze. Some part of me wanted to reach out and hold onto her so I could heal the void inside this beautiful but haunted girl. I had no idea where that urge came from, but it burnt in my veins. I had to clench my jaw to stop myself from acting on it.
“Can I show Brent my PlayStation?” James piped up.
I tore my attention away from Jennifer despite wanting desperately to squat down in front of her and take her hands in my own. Ask her what she needed. Get her to trust me so she’d open up to me.
“You can, what games have you got?” I replied.
James jumped up and walked over to the TV. He sat down and pulled out a box. Dante gave me a nod as if to say ‘thank you’. I shrugged. It was the least I could do. As I followed James over to the TV, I noticed Dante sit next to the girls and take Fiona’s hand. His eyes were sad and it broke my heart a little. It was clear he cared a great deal about his brother and sisters. He’d taken them from his father, who was technically my employer. I still didn’t know why exactly, but Dante would tell me when he was ready.
Jennifer was still looking at me as I sat next to James and he started talking to me about each of his games. Her gaze seared into me, making my skin prickle. I’d never had such a visceral reaction to another person before. I wanted to tear open all her walls so I could learn everything about her. What really caused the hurt behind her eyes. What she thought about me. Did she feel the same? The innate urge to be closer. To hold on and never let go. Fuck she was so beautiful.
I tore my eyes away from her again. Reality hit me hard. This was Dante’s fifteen year old sister. What the hell was I thinking? So inappropriate. I was twenty one and she was underage. I mean yes, their birthday was in a couple of days, but it didn’t make it any better. The twins had been through a traumatic sexual assault which is why they were mostly mute. Whatever she’d unwittingly unleashed, I had to quash it.
Even as I realised I could never act on any of these feelings coursing through me, I knew Jennifer had altered me on some level. The only woman I’d ever really cared about was my own sister. Now all I wanted to do was help these two girls overcome their past and make sure nothing like that ever happened to them again.
***
Jen stirred, blinking rapidly as she opened her eyes and looked up at me. She smiled which had my heart thumping against my ribcage. She’d come a long way since she was fifteen. Jen had grown into an even more beautiful woman whose fire had never died.
“Morning,” she said, her voice a little groggy. “Were you watching me sleep?”
“Maybe.”
She reached up, her fingers tangling in my hair as she pulled me closer.
“That’s a bit creepy,” she whispered before she kissed me.
It was gentle at first, but Jen pressed harder against me, her fingers running down from my hair across my shoulder and along my back. I knew what she was doing. Pulling away, I searched her face, trying to work out why she had immediately tried to turn a simple kiss into something sexual. She frowned, trying to pull me back.
“Jen, stop.”
“Don’t you want to?”
I shook my head. I definitely wanted her, but something about this didn’t feel right.
“But… am… am I not good enough anymore?”
“What? No. Why would you think that?”
She looked away, her cheeks flushing slightly. This wasn’t the first time she’d questioned me about whether I enjoyed sex with her. Hell, being with her was amazing. No one else could compete or compare. I didn’t know how she could ever think I wasn’t into it.
“Not everything is about sex, you do know that, right?”
She didn’t look at me or say a word. I cupped her face, tipping her chin back up towards me.
“Have you not done this with anyone? Just been with them without it being about sex?”
Her blush deepened.
“No,” she whispered. “I don’t know how.”
I had no idea what to say. Clearly all the guys she’d been with were either arseholes or just didn’t give a shit. Jen deserved to be cherished not treated like a fucking sex object. I felt sick.
“Is this not something you’ve talked to Jensen about?”
She shook her head.
“Don’t you think you should?”
I would never presume to tell Jen what to do, but this bothered me. Far too much.
“Maybe… I thought that’s what you wanted from me though. Just… sex.”
I couldn’t believe she thought that about me, but then again, I hadn’t exactly given her any reason to think otherwise.
“No. I actually like spending time with you even when you’re going crazy at me. Don’t get me wrong, the sex is amazing, but you’re more than that. I wish you could see that.”
She met my eyes then. The vulnerability in them almost made my heart stop.
“You like me?”
“Yes.” I don’t just like you, Jen. I love you. “I thought that was obvious. You did say we’re friends, right?”
“I don’t know how to be your friend. I’ve never had a male friend. Jensen doesn’t count. He’s my therapist and I guess future brother in law since there’s no way he’s not going to marry Fi one day.”
I stroked my thumb across her cheek. Her openly admitting that to me was significant. I don’t think Jen realised just how much of herself she let me see over these past few months since the night which altered our relationship.
“This is all friendships are, Jen, talking and spending time together.”
She bit her lip.
“I can’t be just your friend. It would make things a hell of a lot simpler if I could.”
She was right though. I didn’t think we could be just friends either. I mean, fuck, we’d come a long way since she’d stopped hating me so much, but the lines we’d crossed in the process made everything complicated.
“I can’t give you more than friendship.”
My heart ached like a bitch. I wanted to give her more. I wanted to tell her I’d give her the world. But it would involve admitting how long I’d loved her. And telling her brother.
“I wasn’t asking for more.”
How the fuck had we got into this situation? I knew I couldn’t stay away from her. Not now. Even when I’d stopped her from escalating this into sex, it didn’t prevent my body reacting to her proximity and the way her soft curves moulded to me. I ached for her physically, but my heart wanted her too.
“Jen…”
She pulled away, trying to escape me entirely and I knew it was because she felt far too exposed. If I pushed her, she’d have a go at me. I couldn’t let her go though so I held on to her tighter.
“Let me go,” she whispered, her blue eyes filling with pain.
“No. Don’t run from me.”
“I’m not.”
I tugged her closer again, holding her cheek so she couldn’t hide from me.
“You are. You’re going to leave and overthink it all so next time you see me, you’ll be all worked up, we’ll fight and end up back at square one again. I’m not letting you do that.”
She pushed at my chest but there was no real fight behind her movements.
“I won’t.”
“Yes, you will. You think I don’t know what you’re like, Jen, but we’ve known each other for years. I’m not blind.”
“I have work.”
So she was trying another tactic.
“It’s Saturday.�
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She stopped struggling and just stared at me.
“What about Dante?”
“What about D?”
“He’ll know something is up if I waltz back upstairs from your flat in my pyjamas later.”
She had a point there I couldn’t deny.
“Your brother is far too worried about Liora to notice anything which happens to be going on between you and me.”
Since when had I started coming up with excuses regarding Dante? It happened to be true. If he hadn’t been so focused on Liora and the baby, he would’ve picked up on it immediately. He would’ve asked me what the hell was going on. And I would’ve had to lie to his face.
“That doesn’t matter. You don’t want him to know.”
“And you do?”
“I didn’t say that. It’s just it’s like Fi all over again except this isn’t a relationship.”
It shouldn’t have stung to hear her say it but it did. If things were different, I’d have made her mine already, but they weren’t.
“I haven’t told her, but I don’t like lying to her either.”
It surprised me. Jen and Fi told each other everything. Well they had up until Fi met Jensen and it all changed. I hoped they’d found a way to navigate the new state of their relationship. Jen had gone back to therapy. She seemed to look up to Jensen.
“I expected you to tell her.”
“You’d be okay with that?”
I almost rolled my eyes.
“She’s your twin. Why would I ever tell you to keep something from her? I know how much it upset you when she kept her relationship with Jensen secret for so long.”
Sometimes I wondered if Jen forgot how well I knew the two of them. I’d seen the way they’d sit together with their heads bowed, chatting away and giggling. So alike yet so different.
“Maybe I’ll tell her. She probably knows anyway. She knows me.”
She shifted against me, I almost groaned when her stomach brushed against my cock. Her eyebrow shot up.
“Are you quite sure you don’t want to…?”