“Okay.” Jude smiled over at me. “But you said you liked me – right?” His blue eyes glimmered and his face lit up.
“As a friend,” I said, trying to calm myself down. That uncomfortable feeling of VA20 moving around in me made me feel jittery – on edge. That mischievous look in Jude’s eyes didn’t help. It just brought forward those feelings of suspicion. I had to speak to Ben.
“What way do you want to go then?” asked Ben, walking over so he now stood in front of me. He still looked just as pristine as he did before the massacre in the tunnel. Not a hair out of place – no blood – no creases in his suit – immaculate, like he’d just stepped off of the catwalk from a fashion show.
His smouldering stare had me feeling flustered. His presence leaning over me made me shrink back slightly. Those lips of his were crying out to be kissed. I wanted to reach up and take hold of him. No – I wanted him to take hold of me. I stepped back. I was getting sucked in by him – by Quint. Although there were no signs of him in Ben’s eyes yet, I could feel him – sense he was there somewhere deep inside of Ben.
I broke his gaze – his charm. Ben had made it perfectly clear that he felt nothing for me, so I would honour that and not pursue him. As for Quint, I would need to be strong and not let him lure me into his hypnotizing ways. Regaining my composure, I said, deliberately avoiding Ben’s eyes, “Lets follow the tracks. It’s the way we were gonna go on the train so it can’t be wrong, can it?” It was more a statement than a question. I had every intention of going that way and I glared at the others, waiting for one of them to challenge me over it. No one did.
“Let’s go then – lead the way, but stay off the tracks,” warned Ben, gesturing me forward to take the lead.
I took hold of his arm and turned my body away from the others. “I need to speak to you.” I lowered my voice and stepped in close to Ben.
“What about?” he whispered, lowering his head near to mine so he could hear me.
I risked a quick glimpse at his eyes. Still blue, yet a look of amusement swam in those crystal waters. His lips twitched up into a smile. “Something funny?” I said, trying to sound like I didn’t give a shit, but really I did. Was he laughing at me? A quick look at myself to see if there was something wrong – something out of place that had made him smile. Well, apart from the blood stains and black veins, and yes, I probably did look a right mess, there was nothing else that I could see. Was it my face? I reached up and touched my cheeks, running my fingers down to my neck. Had those ugly veins covered more of me? I wished I’d had a mirror. I quickly pulled my hair around my neck and let it hang over the sides of my face. I wanted to cover up. I felt ugly.
“Nothing funny,” whispered Ben, still smiling. “It’s just you look kinda good when you’re angry – a challenge – someone you could have a good time with in bed.”
I shot a look at him, “I know that’s you, Quint, who’s talking. Ben would never say that to me – he’s not interested. So instead of hiding in Ben why don’t you just come out?” I carried on walking.
“Keep talking angry to me,” whispered Quint. “I love it.” He reached out and pulled my hair away from my face. “You don’t ever need to cover up – you’re beautiful.”
I slapped his hand away and replaced my hair back where it had been. “I don’t feel beautiful,” I snapped. “And I’d rather not talk about it. It’s just a reminder of how I really look. I don’t want you staring at me. I don’t want that kind of attention – when you look at me – you see those ugly veins – that’s the real reason you were smiling.”
“No, it’s not,” said Quint, taking hold of my arm. “I was smiling at your strength. You’re a fighter – I like that about you. And how could I possibly ever think of those black veins as ugly? They’re a mark of what’s inside you. A part of me now lives in you. You wear the Demon’s life under your skin and you wear it well.” He took hold of my hand and gently ran his finger over one of the veins. “You’re perfect, don’t ever think that you’re not.”
I pulled my hand away and tucked them up inside the sleeves of my top. “You’re crazy,” I spat. “Do you really think I want to look like this? Do you really think I want one of your Demon Cleaners living inside me? If I’d wanted veins like this, which I don’t, then I could have just jacked-up down some side-street in Holly Tree with all the other drug users – it’s ugly – and it’s ugly inside me – it makes me feel bad!”
“You don’t have to have a cleaner inside you,” whispered Quint. “I don’t want that to happen to you, either. I will keep you safe. We can be together forever. Just you and me, Etta, we can…”
I stopped him mid-sentence. “I’m not Etta, I’m Kassidy,” I spat. “Go find this Etta and fuck off! It’s because of you and these ugly veins that Ben doesn’t like me! Can’t you see just how messed up this all is? I’ve fallen for your charm before, thinking it was Ben – only to be pushed away when Ben manages to overpower you. It’s like being on the end of a fucking fishing rod – one minute reeled in – the next cast aside!” I spun around and faced the others, my hands clasped tight against the sides of my face. “Someone, please tell me that I’ve taken fucking acid and none of this shit is real – please?” I stared at Raven, then Jude, and lastly Max. “Am I on some fucking trip? Did someone spike my drink? Right now, I’d kiss the person who can tell me that’s what has happened!” Silence. Just the gentle sound of wind rustling through the trees. I turned back to Quint. “You’ve fucked my life up good and proper – thank you!” I stormed off along the track completely forgetting that I’d wanted to ask about Jude.
Hands gripped my arms. “I’d like to fuck you up in more ways than one,” hissed Quint. “You don’t get to walk away from me – ever!”
“Hey, get off her!” shouted Max, shoving Quint hard in the back.
Quint stumbled forward but still held me tight. A struggle of arms waved around. Jude jumped in and joined Max, both trying to release me from Quint.
“Let go of me!” I shouted, twisting and turning from left to right. “I don’t want you!”
Quint glared down at me. I could see the anger in his eyes – feel the rage that seemed to swarm about him. It was like a shadowy menace – a dark mass that surged around him. “Without me – you’ll be blind. No one will hear you cry out when you sleep – when they come to get you! You’re not safe without me.” He yanked me forward – the tips of our noses just touching. I could feel his power – a force so strong within him, it scared me. The shadow reared up like black tentacles, swishing and flicking. They whipped about, scattering Jude and Max away like skittles. They yelled out as they hit the ground a few feet away.
“Stop,” I breathed. “You’re hurting me.” I felt crushed from his hold. I struggled to take in air. “Please.” I could feel myself weaken. “Let me go.”
“Why don’t you love me anymore?” Quint softened a little. “I’ve lost you once before and I don’t want to lose you again. We’re together now – stay with me, Etta.”
“I’m not Etta.” I stared up into his eyes. “I don’t know who Etta is but it’s not me. You’ve got the wrong person.” I cautiously reached up and touched the side of his face. “I’m sorry – you’re mistaken.” Quint looked at me quietly. He shook his head sadly.
“What did that Demon do to you? All those years ago – what did it do to make you forget who you are?”
It was my turn to shake my head. What did I have to say or do to make him realise that I was Kassidy Bell, not Etta. I pulled away from him slowly, frightened that he might make another grab for me. My eyes caught sight of Raven. She stood behind Quint shaking her head and pulling a dumb face behind his back. Her lips mouthed the word – crazy. Ignoring her, I glanced back at Quint, taking another few steps away, out of his reach. I didn’t know what to say. So instead I stayed silent, fearing that any denial about me not being Etta might cause Quint to really lose it.
“I’ll go anywhere with you – just you and me,” whispere
d Quint. He held out his hand.
“I… I can’t,” I looked down at the ground, afraid to see his reaction. When nothing was said and the only sound I could hear was the rustling of the trees, I looked up. Quint had retreated, back within Ben. I fell to my knees – relieved that Quint had disappeared for now at least.
“Are you all right?” asked Ben, crouching down beside me. “What happened?”
I stared out across the train tracks. Max and Jude seemed to be okay after being flung away by Quint. They both walked together, stopping beside Raven. “I’m too exhausted… too confused to explain,” I answered Ben. “That Demon in you – Quint, he thinks I’m someone else.”
“Who?”
“Etta,” I whispered.
Ben fell silent for a few moments. “I don’t remember Etta – yet there’s something in me that makes me feel like I should know her – something nice – something – I don’t know. It’s all fucked up in here.” He tapped the side of his head.
“So she’s real – she really exists?” I asked, clambering back onto my feet.
“I have a strong sense that she’s been gone a long time… someone’s keeping quiet,” he pointed to himself, meaning Quint. “I won’t get anything from him unless he decides to let me in.”
I glanced over at the others. My eyes fell upon Jude. “Okay, never mind Etta,” I whispered, grabbing hold of Ben’s arm and pulling him away enough from the others so we couldn’t be heard. “I need you to think carefully. I know your head is all mixed up with you and Quint but try to remember.” I took a deep breath. “You’re a Demon – well, you have one in you. Why would a Demon ever use a placebo? Would Doctor Middleton ever use one… did you ever inject any of the volunteers with a placebo?”
“A placebo?”
“Yes, shhh,” I looked back over my shoulder at Jude. “Don’t speak so loud. Well… did you… I know proper doctors use them in drug trials but your lot aren’t exactly real doctors.”
“We were once,” glared Ben. “I still am – when I’m myself.”
“Just answer the question… please… it’s important.” I pulled on his arm, a feeling of urgency swept over me. I was praying the answer would be yes. I didn’t want to be faced with the realisation that we had been tricked – deceived – lied to by someone who I had trusted. Someone who I had opened up to about my dad.
“There would be no reason for any of the Demons to use something so pointless. They weren’t or aren’t conducting an experiment for the good of the human race. They don’t care about such things. VA20 would have been used on all volunteers. Why are you asking this?”
“Are you sure?” I felt my heart sink only to be replaced with fear. My eyes nervously peered round in Jude’s direction. I looked away quickly. Jude was watching us. He stood in between Max and Raven, not listening to them but staring at me and Ben.
“Yes. I’m mixed up about a lot of things, and my memory is hazy, but I know that there were no placebos used.”
“You warned me a couple of times not to trust someone in my group but you never told me who or why. Were you talking about Jude?”
“Did I?” Ben narrowed his eyes, “I don’t remember.”
“Please try,” I whispered. “I need to know. Don’t you see how important it is? That could be Doshia over there. Inside Jude.”
“Hey, what are you two talking about?”
I could feel myself tense at the sound of Jude’s voice. I turned around to find him standing just behind me. “Nothing much,” I smiled, trying to keep my face natural and not with a look of fear across it.
“Kassidy was just saying that we need to hurry up. The Cleaners will still be following and what, with the police probably on their way…” Ben trailed off.
An awkward silence fell among us. I felt sick, my stomach a jumble of nerves. Had Jude heard what Ben and I had been saying? I chewed on my lower lip. Should I say something? Should I just come out with it and accuse Jude? No, that would be bad. If Doshia was really inside Jude then the game would be up and I had no idea what Doshia would do to me, Max, and Raven. Would he try and kill Ben off once and for all – leaving Quint weak without a body?
“Are you okay?” asked Jude, reaching out and squeezing my arm. “You look really pale. Like you’ve seen a ghost or had some bad news.”
I tried to laugh it off. “Bad news? What could be worse than what we’ve already been through? I’m fine, I just think we should get going… that’s all.” I turned my back on him and started to walk alongside the train track.
When I thought there was a safe enough distance between me and Jude – out of earshot – I glanced up at Ben.
“Can you really not remember anything about Jude? Anything about him that maybe Quint let you in on?”
“If there was then Quint is not letting me remember… don’t forget, he’s one of them. He’s not going to give up anything if it means preventing him from doing what it is he’s trying to do.”
“Why would Quint not tell me? He said he would keep me safe – he wanted me to stay with him. Why not tell me that Jude is Doshia? It makes no sense.”
“Kassidy, I’ve told you before to not trust the Demon in me. Of course none of this makes sense. We know what each Demon is after but we don’t know how they’re playing it. They manipulate, they get you to trust them, and they make you think you’re special and then… they get you to kill for them… and your case… they take your body.” Ben peered over his shoulder. “If Jude is Doshia then you need to get away from him… and I need to go…”
“What? Go where?”
“I shouldn’t be anywhere near you or your friends. I know I said I would get you in to see Doctor Langstone but… if Quint is asking you to stay with him then that’s no good… it’s dangerous. He’s probably just playing you – doing what Demons do best.”
“I don’t want you to go… I need your help… I need you, Ben. I know I can trust you – not Quint – you!”
“I told you before – I’m trouble. If I stay well away from you then Quint can’t have you.” Ben glanced at me. “It’s the right thing to do… I know it is… I don’t get to do many good things these days but if I can do this, then I will.”
“No! You can’t just walk away…” I snatched hold of his hand. “There’s good in you – in you, Ben – I trust you… I promise I won’t ever let Quint fool me… I won’t believe him. If I do that, then you can help me and I’ll stay safe.”
“I don’t want to be the one who opens my eyes to see you lying on a floor bleeding out… I don’t want to be the one who takes you back to Cruor Pharma, and I don’t want to be the one who holds you down while a cleaner enters you and fucks up your head. I can’t see that… I‘ve seen too much torment… felt too much pain. You must be fucking crazy to want to stick around me. I’m using my head – not Quint’s – and I’m gonna leave you.”
“What about Jude… you’re just gonna leave me here with him – with Doshia?” I could feel myself shaking. My insides seemed to tremble. I didn’t want to lose Ben. I looked over my shoulder. Jude walked slowly behind Max and Raven. His eyes stayed peeled to the spot – me. “Don’t go… please.”
“Enough!” Ben shook my hand free from his. He brushed down his waistcoat and straightened up his jacket like he was preparing to go into an important meeting.
“Quint won’t let you leave,” I blurted out, a last attempt at getting Ben to stay. “Even if you do leave me now, he’ll bring you back… I know he will.”
“And I’ll do everything I can to stop him,” glared Ben. “It’s the only way – we have to stay apart.”
“At least tell me what to do about Jude?” I whispered.
“You’ll know when the time is right.” Ben looked down at me. “You don’t really think I’m gonna walk away and leave you with Doshia, do you? If it’s the last thing I can do to help, then I’ll do it. There’s a train coming, and if you listen very carefully, you’ll hear the sound of sirens.” He reached up and str
oked the side of my face. “Maybe a long time ago, we could have been together.” He dropped his hand away and smiled at me. “Stay safe, Kassidy. Run away when the time is right.”
“When what time is right… what are you going to do?”
Ben didn’t answer. He stopped walking and waited for the others to catch up.
“What’s going on?” asked Jude, his eyes looking at Ben and then me.
“The police are here, look.” Ben pointed back towards the bridge that ran over the top of the tunnel. A car had stopped at the centre of it. Its sirens were off but the blue lights flashed brightly.
“Shit, we’re in trouble!” shouted Max, panic in his voice. He spun around, his eyes searching our surroundings. “Where can we hide?”
“There is nowhere to hide,” Raven said. “We have to run!”
The sirens suddenly cut through the quiet countryside morning, making me jump. The police had seen us.
“Run where?” yelled Jude, pushing Raven aside. “Which way?”
Another sound cut over the sirens – a train blasting its horn. I looked along the tracks and could see a thunderous lump of metal bearing down the rails. I stood rooted to the spot. A mixture of fear and panic flowed through me, leaving me flustered and unable to make a decision. Which way should we run? And what about Jude? I looked at Ben. He winked and smiled at me. He knew what to do. That look he gave me said everything. This was it. This is where we said a silent goodbye and whatever he had planned for Jude would also be a goodbye to him. I just had to figure out when to make my move without alerting Jude that we were separating.
The train sounded its horn again. The police car made its way over the bridge towards us.
Demon (Kassidy Bell Series Book 3) Page 8