My throat constricted. My heart squeezed sharply. I hadn't changed at all. I'd done to Hawke what I'd always done to men. And I suddenly despised myself for it.
Choked, I turned away, reaching for the door as panic bloomed inside me.
You're still her. You haven't changed.
“Mercy-wait.” Hawke slammed a palm to the door to keep it shut, not letting me go. “Please, talk to me. I know you're upset and I just want to help. I promise I won't lay a hand on you.” I could tell from his tone he meant it. And it gave me enough resolve to turn around. He backed up, raising his palms to prove he wasn't a threat.
I glanced around the room, spotting a hand mirror on the table. I marched toward it, picking up a blade beside it. I tugged up my hair and lopped it off, slamming the ponytail down on the wooden table.
I took the mirror in my grip, resting the blade to my cheek, my hand trembling.
Do it. Get rid of her.
“Mercy!” Hawke was behind me in seconds, snatching the blade from my grip.
My heart gave out. I fell forward, resting my face against my arms, sobbing into them. All of the pain, the loss, the fear from the past few months swallowed me up. I'd really thought I'd gotten past it all, but there it was, ready to rip me apart again. At that moment, I wanted to be anyone else in the whole world.
Hawke rested a hand on my back, dropping to a crouch at my side. “Talk to me,” he said softly. “I know it's difficult to adjust to this lifestyle.”
“It's not that,” I said on a shuddering breath. “It's who I was before. Who I still am. I don't think I can ever shake it.”
His hand ran down my spine in soothing strokes. Part of me longed to crawl into his arms, but it felt like another way the old me would have acted. I didn't know what was right or wrong anymore. My desires clashed with my resolve.
His hand slid onto mine and I curled my fingers, tucking them away. “Please...don't. I don't trust myself right now.” The old me wanted to lose myself in his embrace, to forget everything for a while. But all I'd be left with was regret. And I didn't need any more of that in my life.
I heard him move and a moment later he dropped into the chair opposite me. I glanced up, sniffing as I reined in my tears.
“Let's talk,” he said softly, looking like an entirely different man to the beast who'd had me tied to the wall for a full day.
I didn't know that I trusted him, but I also didn't see why it mattered now. There was nothing I could say about myself that hadn't been common knowledge in my old life. Maybe he'd heard the rumours anyway if the Videns really had been watching me.
I found the strength to start talking, gazing at the dark rings in the wood on the table. I told him of my childhood, of my mother, how she'd encouraged me to entertain the men who came to watch the V Games. How I'd enjoyed it once. And how I'd started to hate myself later. How I couldn't bear to think of another man's hands on me ever again. Of how only a small piece of my soul had survived the years of what I'd done and now it was barely taking root again. And if I ever let another man touch me intimately, I feared it would die forever.
Hawke sat back in his chair. He'd responded well, asking questions when appropriate, not saying anything judgmental or harsh.
Eventually, he said, “You let me feed from you without bother.”
My mouth dried up but I managed to tell him about Varick in a surprisingly even tone. Giving blood had always felt better than sex. I dipped my head, falling quiet as I thought of him. My heart didn't hurt anymore. Perhaps I was finally over him...
“I wish you'd told me this before,” Hawke said softly, his brows pinching together. “I feel like such a fool. I would never have wanted to hurt you like I did. Please, forgive me.”
I nodded, giving him a small smile. “It's fine. Really. I know it's not normal to be this way. But I think it's the best way for me to be. To make sure I don't lose myself again.”
He rose to his feet with a sigh. “I won't feed from you anymore.”
My stomach knotted at his words. Something in me was upset about that fact. It seemed to be the only thing I could share with a man.
“No,” I said, getting to my feet too. “It's alright. I want to.”
He frowned. “You have your trial in two days anyway. I assume you will not be choosing to stay in the harem?”
“Would you have me anyway?” I asked curiously.
“Of course,” he said. “If that's what you wanted.”
“I don't,” I admitted and he gave me a keen smile.
“I'm glad. I think you will make a fine warrior here, Mercy. You have no idea how rare it is for a newbie to get their blade on me in training.”
“Well I'm technically designed for hunting Vs,” I teased.
“Clearly,” he growled, his eyes sweeping over me. Something about the way he looked at me was so penetrating, like he could see right through my skin. “And your family's blood is the strongest of any Hunter. They might not have been good people, but don't shun everything they stood for. Embrace their strength. Your strength.”
I nodded, thinking on that as I headed toward the door.
He called after me, “Training isn't over by the way. This is your break.”
I released a breath of frustration, heading out the door and his laughter followed me. I walked back down to the cavern, my legs shaky from the lack of food. I was exhausted physically and now emotionally too. But I was glad to have off-loaded on Hawke. I'd needed to set boundaries with him. And he'd deserved a reason why.
As I headed into the cavern, the clan members eyed my cut hair. I lifted my chin, marching through the crowd toward Tykera and Harlen.
“You look different,” Tykera remarked.
Harlen took hold of a lock of my hair. It was jaggedly cut and half of it hung longer down one side of my cheek. I had no idea what it looked like, but from the expression on Harlen's face, he approved. It hadn't exactly been the reaction I was going for...
“Did Hawke do this?” Harlen asked, looking confused.
“No, I did.” I tugged my hair free from his grip, pushing my hand into it.
Tykera smiled. “You ready for round two?” She nodded, glancing over my shoulder and I turned, finding Hawke walking toward me again. The other harem girls had arrived and swiftly grouped around him like a pack of wolves. Meredith gazed at me with a glint in her eye and Felicia looked like she was going to go full-Vampire on me. They were dressed in armour and had war paint smeared across their cheeks. Elise had her dark hair swept up into a bun and gave me an encouraging smile as she spotted me.
Hawke approached, folding his thick arms. He reached out, loosening the red sash from my neck and turning me firmly around. I released a squeak of surprise as he tucked it into the back of my waistband. Shifting forward, he growled in my ear, “You get a ten second head start. Don't waste it. If you evade the harem for an hour, you'll win. If they get the sash, you will go again until you escape them.”
My breathing quickened as I nodded and he stepped back.
“You may exit the cavern, but do not enter the other clans' homesteads,” Hawke said. “Ready?”
I nodded, preparing to run, my heart thumping hard.
“Go!” he bellowed and I fled from the cavern, running as hard and as fast as I could.
Ten seconds wasn't much, especially against four girls who must have known these tunnels better than me. But I didn't let that slow me down. I took the passages I'd taken the night before, charging into the darkness, using my heightened vision to guide my feet.
I heard the harem girls shouting war cries behind me, the sound echoing around the prison. My footsteps were too loud and as I turned sharply into another dark tunnel, I bent down and dragged my boots off. Lacing them together, I slung them around my neck and kept running, grinning to myself. I was silent as I moved, pushing myself to my absolute limit. I'd never known I could run so fast. The world became a blur as I moved, pushing my muscles as hard as I could.
I
ran so far that the sound of the girls was lost behind me. When I had to take a break, I slowed to a fast walk, arriving in a large cavern that circled up around me toward a high ceiling.
On the walls were hundreds of words. At the top, running around the edge, were the largest ones of all.
Nox. Vita. Tenebris. Lux.
Some of the writing was etched into the walls and other seemed painted in blood. Beneath each of the clan names were rules. A hundred hands had written them, some worn away with age. At the very bottom were the words.
To create a new clan worthy to be written on these walls, challenge the four leaders and beat them in a fight.
I padded across the room toward another dark passage, slipping into it and quickening my pace again. I'd made so many twists and turns, I wasn't sure how I was ever going to find my way back.
Fighting away the image of me being lost forever, I pushed myself into a run, taking a few more left turns until a clamour of noise reached to me from up ahead.
I crept toward it, curiosity drawing my legs forward. A wide cave appeared ahead of me similar to Nox Clan's. On the far wall was the word Tenebris and below it was a row of heads on spikes. Some fresh, some reduced to skulls.
My heart stuttered.
The entire space was filled with people in black clothes and dark armour. Fights broke out amongst them intermittently. Most of the women were sat against one wall, dark expressions on their faces. When one of the men won a fight, they strode toward a girl, took her arm and dragged her away toward the pods. My throat grew dry at the sight.
A throne made of pure, white bone sat at the back of the hall. Empty. But eleven women stood around it with black sashes around their necks as dark as the bruises on their bare arms.
I searched for Bain, but couldn't spot him. My stomach knotted and I backed up, not wanting to be anywhere near this place.
Thank God Hawke offered me a place in Nox. I could be one of those battered women.
I moved quickly away, darting back down the passage I'd come from. Heavy footsteps sounded up ahead and fear pounded through me. I had nowhere to go. The nearest turning point was fifty feet away. And it was already too late.
Bain stepped out of the shadows, a large blade in his hand. I tried to shrink away and will my body to disappear, but his eyes fell on me and a sneer pulled at his features.
“Little bird,” he whispered, striding toward me. “What are you doing so far from home?”
I swallowed hard, fighting for my resolve, willing it to come. “I'm training,” I said, gesturing to the sash stuck in the back of my trousers.
“Ah, of course.” He moved closer and the scent of death rolled over me. “You may hide here if you like?” His eyes glimmered keenly and I shook my head.
“It's against the rules.”
He closed the distance between us, snatching my arm in a vice-like grip. “Rules are more enjoyable when they are broken.” He tugged me toward Tenebris and I dug my heels in, trying to shake him off.
“No, really. I have to go back,” I tried, but he ignored me, marching me into his clan.
The room fell silent and many clan members bowed their heads as Bain dragged me through the cavern toward his throne.
“We have a visitor!” he called to the cave and his clan responded with a booming, “Ooh-Sa!”
Bain dropped on his throne, releasing my arm at last. He settled into his chair, adjusting his dark cloak around him. Lifting a hand, he took the bone mask from his face and I was hit in the chest with his Siren power, not ready for it.
His face was cruel and grimacing, but I couldn't help but be drawn to him. His harem cooed and whispered about how beautiful he was, shifting closer.
I loved him in a way I couldn't explain and I despised myself for it, knowing he had completely control over me now. That I could be manipulated by his power.
“Come closer,” Bain demanded and I did, stepping forward, my fingers tingling with the urge to reach out to him.
Remember who he is!
My legs trembled as I found the strength to stop moving, but my knees brushed his as I stood before him.
He turned to his harem, regarding them. “What shall Mercy give me as thanks for us hiding her here?”
My stomach lurched. I was going to throw up. Or if I could find the will-power, perhaps I'd run. But nothing happened. I just stood, waiting for the girls to answer.
“A kiss perhaps?” one of them suggested and I wanted to rip off her head for it.
“A kiss?” Bain echoed. “Oh but that is against clan rules. She is of Hawke's harem.”
Relief swept through me. Perhaps he had some integrity.
Bain leant closer to me. “But of course...this shall be our little secret, won't it?”
I found myself nodding, still under his influence. Reaching out, he drew me into his lap and his muscles moulded around my body. I was a bird trapped in a cage, horribly vulnerable. He gripped my chin, turning me toward him, my mouth an inch from his.
My skin screamed from his touch. I despised him so viscerally it hurt.
“Please,” I managed to say. “It's the rules.”
“I make the rules,” he growled, his breath rolling over me in a heated wave.
I ground my teeth, but his face was too alluring. His Siren power was absolute and I felt myself moving toward him, my lips brushing his.
His grip on my waist tightened until his fingers dug bruises into my hips.
He slid his tongue into my mouth and I wanted to bite it off, if only my body would let me. I stiffened in his hold, but my hands slid around his neck as if I actually wanted this.
Please stop. Stop it!
His kiss deepened and he slid a hand into my hair, gripping it so tight it hurt.
Eventually, it was over and I wanted to cry. My heart was ripping in two.
He pushed me from his lap and I stumbled to gain my feet. He licked his lips and I managed a grimace. Pulling his mask back on, I was finally released from his hold.
My shoulders sagged and emotion welled inside me.
He gave me a satisfied look. “Run then, little bird. Your time here is over. For now.”
I turned on my heel, pushing through the men standing in my way, speeding from the cavern as fast as I could.
Nothing mattered then as I made my way back to Nox, not caring one bit if the harem girls caught me. I needed to be as far away from Bain as possible. All I could feel was his vile mouth on mine.
I rubbed my hand over my lips, trying to wipe away the sour taste, but I didn't think I'd ever truly get rid of it.
Eventually, I found my way back to the clan and what I discovered there made my heart stall.
I staggered to a halt, gazing at Hawke, a bloody girl in his arms. Felicia. The other girls stood around him, sobbing loudly.
“What happened?” he demanded of them.
“We split up,” Elise said, a tear sliding down her cheek. “I turned down a passage and found her this way.”
Hawke spotted me and his eyes flared. He passed Felicia's body to one of his men and strode toward me.
“Did you see anything?” he asked and I shook my head, my encounter with Bain drowning all the words in my throat.
But I had seen him returning to his clan. He'd had a blade. But saying that would have led to what happened after and I couldn't bear for Hawke to know.
“She did it!” Meredith cried. “She's a Hunter. She hated Felicia because she was a V.”
Anger spilled through me, but Hawke spoke before I could.
“Don't be ridiculous,” he snapped at her and she bowed her head, starting to cry again.
“Did you hear a scream? Anything Mercy?” Hawke gripped my shoulders and I shook my head again as tears escaped my eyes. I suddenly leant into him, needing the comfort after what I'd been through. His muscles folded around me, tugging me tight to him.
The longer I stood there, the more I knew I had to tell him the truth. But voicing it seemed impossible.
I started to tremble and he pressed me back, gazing down at me. “What is it?”
“Bain,” I managed to say, the word a snarl.
His eyes widened. “Did you see him do this?”
“No,” I replied. “But I saw him in the caves. He had a blade...it could have been him.”
Hawke nodded stiffly, taking my wrist. “And what else?”
My mouth was desert dry. I couldn't say what he'd done. It was too shameful. “Nothing,” I breathed, but another tear dropped from my eye.
Hawke clenched his jaw. “If he touched you-”
“Please, don't,” I breathed.
“Just nod,” he growled, his eyes deadly. “Did he touch you, Mercy?”
I managed a small nod and his gaze turned to hellfire. He rounded on his heel, barking to three men. “Harlen, Fawkes, Godric, come with me. Bring your weapons.” He snapped his fingers at some of the other clan members and in moments they'd gathered his armour, helping him into it. I stepped back, watching as someone passed Hawke a large sword. He sheathed it at his hip, tugging on an iron helmet.
Without another glance at me, he strode from the cavern with the three men, all clad in armour and carrying heavy weapons.
Fear pounded through me as I watched him go and in moments, Tykera was at my side, gripping my arm.
“Are you alright?” she breathed.
My eyes were drawn to Felicia as she was carried toward Hawke's quarters. I hadn't liked the girl much, but I'd never have wished that fate on her. What kind of person would do that to her?
I knew the answer to that...
I shook my head, my vision blurred by tears. “No. And I don't think I will be until Bain is dead.”
My father hadn't yet replied to my message. I didn't know what that meant, but dwelling on it wasn't doing me any good. So I busied myself in the clan, helping with chores, fetching water, cleaning the pods and training my arse off for the trial at the end of the week.
“Colt!” Arabella called to me. I was mid-fight at the centre of the cave and as I turned to look for her, my opponent clocked me on the chin.
Hunter Trials Page 11