by Mark Hayden
Rick moved quickly to get Desirée’s stick and helped her up, holding open the door and waiting. He’s a smooth operator, is our Rick, but I can’t see a committed Christian like Desi falling for him.
Francesca got her things together and put them on the table. ‘I’ll be seeing you on Monday, Conrad. Vicky will explain. Have a nice weekend.’
‘And you, Keeper.’
What was all that about? When she’d gone, Hannah went to get more coffee. Vicky half turned to me with a smile, and I was expecting an explanation about Monday. Instead, she planted a vicious kick on my bad leg.
‘Are you okay, Conrad?’ said Hannah.
I was not OK. I was bent double and gripping my leg, and coughing like I was dying to stop me screaming with pain. Parade shoes pack one hell of a punch.
When I’d stopped coughing, Vicky (who didn’t look at all guilty) turned back to face the Boss. ‘I was just saying to Conrad how thrilled I was that he nominated me to be a Watch Captain.’
‘It’s what you wanted, Vic,’ I said, with rather more of a squeak in my voice than is good for my image.
‘Aye, it was, until I heard about the psychological evaluation and conditions attached. Ma’am, I don’t recall Conrad having to go through those. Or Helen Davies, come to that.’
Hannah waved a hand. ‘Health and safety. Those two had come from the services. You haven’t. Just routine.’
Vicky turned back to me. ‘I have to take Jiu-Jitsu classes, and whose idea could that be, I wonder?’
It was mine, of course. ‘You’re looking well on it, Vic.’
‘I haven’t flaming started yet, so watch out when I do.’ She softened a bit. ‘I’m not so bad. I’ve been looking after Desi, and she made me go to the gym with her. Three times. How about you?’
‘Later, children,’ said Hannah. ‘Helen will be here in a minute.’ She searched for a piece of paper. ‘This is where we are. Conrad will give a seminar on Dragons at Newton’s House on Monday afternoon. It’s open to all teaching staff from the Invisible College, all the Fellows, and especially the Candidates for Fellowship. You and I would call them final year students, Conrad.’
That was rather alarming. ‘That’s a lot of Mages. I’m not sure I can hold up the image of the Watch with an audience like that.’
‘You can and you will. You don’t need to make a speech, just a few words then take questions. After that, I’ll be making a speech to the Candidates. If you two are going to work separately, we need to recruit at least two more Watch Officers, so don’t scare them off.’
‘No, ma’am. Not that I’m scary.’
She stared at me. ‘You’re not, but I don’t want them thinking that the job is more dangerous than it actually is. Got that?’
‘Yes, ma’am.’
‘Good. After that, you’re going on a road trip. I’ve read both your emails, and it’s in everyone’s interests for you two, with Francesca and Mina, to go to Cairndale.’
That was a turn up. Before I could say anything, Tennille stuck her head in to announce Helen Davies.
‘Go and talk to her, Vicky. I need two minutes with Conrad.’
Vicky jumped up and collected her cap. Helen’s calm head in a crisis had saved Vicky’s life, and Vic was keen to say thank you again.
Hannah coughed. ‘Good to have you back, Conrad. How was Spain?’
‘Hot. Relaxing. Daniel sends his love.’
‘No he doesn’t, but thanks for pretending.’ That was a bit harsh. He hadn’t said the words, but Daniel Beckman cared deeply about his little sister. He wouldn’t have risked his life going to Madrid for her if he didn’t, but Hannah wasn’t interested in hearing that. She ploughed on. ‘Do you remember tricking me into agreeing for you to get your RAF wings back at my expense?’
My bad leg twitched. It was shattered in Afghanistan, and it got me invalided out of the RAF. As part of joining the Watch, I’d resumed my commission, kept my rank and my service record, but not my wings. I was no longer qualified to fly, and that hurt.
‘It wasn’t a trick, Hannah, I just…’
‘…Never mind that. How important is it to you?’
I blew out my cheeks. ‘Back then, very important. Not so much any more.’ And it wasn’t. I wasn’t going to say out loud that I found magick to be even more addictively satisfying than flying choppers, though. I think Hannah got the message anyway.
She nodded. ‘I’m glad to hear you say that, because the news is mixed. Long story, but the RAF won’t put you through the full training programme unless you’re available for active duty, and I can’t have that.’
I can’t say that I was surprised. Any form of pilot training is long and expensive, and I’d been out for over two years, so the backlog of flying hours and theory would be huge. Hannah doesn’t need a pilot, she needs a Watch Captain. Ah well, it was only vanity.
‘Cheer up,’ she said. ‘There’s good news.’
‘Oh?’
‘I’ve called in a few favours, made a few promises and got a few rules bent. If you report to RAF Shawbury on Thursday, they’ll put you through a two week conversion course and rubber stamp your …’ She checked her notes. The rules for the licensing of pilots are a complete soup of letters, and they keep changing. ‘Aah. Here it is. They’ll rubber stamp your CPL(H). How’s that?’
‘Probably illegal, Hannah, but very generous.’
She passed me a folder. ‘I can’t say you haven’t earned it. Go and get Helen, would you, but give me a minute before you present her.
I collected my bits and went for the door. ‘Hannah, can I take a guest to Newton’s House?’
‘Mina? Of course you can. Banqueting Chamber, 1400.’
Vicky was fighting tears outside Hannah’s office. Seeing Helen Davies had brought back the day she’d died – her heart had stopped for eight minutes. She turned away when I appeared.
Helen looked nervous, and she had every right to be. In a short while, she’d be descending the back stairs to Nimue’s Well, signing her name in blood and meeting the legendary (and slightly deranged) water nymph Nimue, the oldest magickal creature of Albion.
‘Vicky says I have to salute you,’ said Helen, and she followed through. When I’d returned the salute, she came forward to give me a hug. ‘I keep thinking I’ve made a huge mistake. How can someone like me fight Dragons?’
Helen has even less magick than I do. ‘Don’t fight them,’ I said. ‘Run as fast as you can and call me. Got that?’
‘Yes sir.’
‘Good. How’s the family?’
We chatted for a minute until Hannah was ready. I presented her formally to the Boss and whispered my parting shot. ‘If she offers you a glass of Dawn’s Blessing, take it.’
When the doors closed behind them, Vicky and I walked slowly down to the Watch Room. ‘What’s with the road trip?’ I asked.
‘Doctor Somerton needs to see Theresa, and she needs an escort to Lunar Hall. That would be me, and I’ll do me damnedest to find out about Madeleine while I’m there.’
‘Excellent.’
‘Did you bring me owt from your hols, Uncle Conrad?’ said Vicky as we arrived at the Watch Room.
‘Not after you kicked me like that. I’m giving it to Annelise.’
Vicky opened the door and we got ready for lunch, during which I have a special job: keeping the Constable away from the strawberry tartlets. They’re both kosher and delicious, and have more calories than rocket fuel. So far, I haven’t let her down.
3 — Homecomings
‘Are you sure that you can get me to Heathrow by eleven o’clock?’ said Mina.
Her finger was hovering over the Enter key on her new, enhanced, magickally and digitally secure laptop. It swayed slightly because we were on the train to Cheltenham. Whether or not I said yes, Mina was going to India on Wednesday. She was booking a return ticket with the return date left open.
I nodded, and she pressed the key. ‘Done.’ She closed the lid and shuffled in her
seat. ‘Now let’s focus on more important matters. How are we getting home?’
I nearly said taxi before it hit me. ‘Is that how you see Elvenham? Home?’
She tilted her head to one side. ‘I quite liked Cell Nine in Charlotte House, but they kicked me out, so until I get a better offer, yes, Elvenham is my home.’
What was I expecting? A flowery declaration that she’d found true love and happiness? Part of me was, I suppose. I’ll learn.
‘There might be a surprise waiting for you,’ I said.
‘Is it an “Ooh, how nice” surprise, or a “You bastard” surprise?’
‘Both, probably. It’ll make packing for Bombay easier and harder.’
‘Then I shall wait patiently to find out. Also, I will not talk to you.’
She opened her computer again and kept her promise for at least five minutes. ‘Which ones are the Dwarves?’ she asked. ‘You’ve met two of them, haven’t you.’
‘Yes. Why?’
‘It’s hard to tell the Dwarves from the Gnomes in this database.’
Now that’s a sentence I never expected to hear.
Mina was (briefly) a part-qualified accountant. As one of her convictions is for money-laundering, they won’t be having her back any time soon. Whether or not she gets Cleo’s maternity cover, she’s been hired to look into an issue in the magickal economy. We’re calling it Project Midas.
The magickal economy is suffering from something close to hyperinflation. I know, I know – not riveting, is it? I’ll skip the details and focus on the main players, all of whom have given us data and trusted us – the King’s Watch – to find out what’s going on. That trust was hard won, partly by me.
Dwarves are found all over the world. Some are hairy and some have three legs, but they all live underground and make the best magickal Artefacts, usually from gold. Dwarves have an alien biology which partly involves silicon and they turn to stone if exposed to daylight. Oh yes, they’re also very, very greedy.
‘Hledjolf is the Dwarf in London,’ I said. Mina nodded. ‘He’s the one who looks like R2D2. He gives me the creeps.’
‘But he answers his emails. In fact he’s the only Dwarf with email, but never mind. Who was the other one?’
‘Niði. He lives near Dudley Zoo in the West Midlands. There’s no data for him.’
‘That’s right. He was locked in to his Hall for thirty years.’ She smiled. ‘Until my hero freed him. Yes.’
‘With help, but yes. The other two are Haugstari and Ginnar. Haugstari is the Old Man of Coniston.’
‘The Lake District.’
‘And Ginnar lives in Cornwall. For those two, the data was passed on by Gnomes.’
‘Of course. Now I understand.’
Dwarves usually look male. They’re not. In fact, as a species, they’re asexual, but looking male made it easier to do business in the past. Gnomes don’t just look male, they are very male, even though they’re aren’t fully human.
Gnomes are native to northern Europe, but like north European humans, they’re now found all over the world. They are short, hairy and are very good miners, engineers and merchants. They do make Artefacts, but they’re very much second to Dwarves in all things except steel. I have a Gnomish sword, and a beautiful thing it is. I’ve had dealings with three Gnome clans so far, and they can be tricky if you’re not on your guard.
Mina looked up again. ‘Why have only two groups of humans responded? And get me some tea before you answer.’
I was glad of the walk, to be honest. My bad leg does not like planes or trains.
‘No cake?’ said Mina when I got back.
‘Myfanwy is baking. Save yourself for the good stuff.’
‘If I must. Now, answer the question.’
‘The Invisible College has to trust the Watch. We’re both part of the magickal state. The reason we only got one other group’s data is that no one else trusts us. We only got the Daughters of the Goddess because Rick James’s ex-wife is one of their Guardians, and because they’ve suffered the most. They’re on the verge of bankruptcy because they hold so many deposits from affiliated covens.’
‘Good. Thank you.’
And that was that. She stared out of the window a lot, sent some texts and did a lot of typing, but not once did she speak to me until the taxi dropped us in the drive at Elvenham House in the village of Clerkswell, Gloucestershire.
There is a stone dragon over the door of my family home, and you have to say hello when you come back from outside the village. Mina made namaste while I was helping the taxi driver with the cases.
When I bowed to the dragon, Mina put her arm round my waist and said, ‘You have made me happier than I have been since Papaji died. Of course this is my home.’
We were enjoying a long kiss when I heard a crunch of gravel. I looked up and caught a flash of pain in Myfanwy’s eyes as she saw us.
Elvenham is her home, too, but only because she’s under a Seclusion order for her part in the Dragon conspiracy and can’t leave the parish for three years, and it looked like there was more going wrong than that. By the time Mina noticed her, the Welsh smile was back in place.
The women embraced, and Mina said, ‘How much weight have you lost? Is it magick?’
‘I dunno. Have you two had a good break?’
Mina started leading Myfanwy towards the kitchen. ‘You know we have, because I sent you pictures. Now, tell me what’s been going on. Conrad promised cake…’
I moved the cases on to the front steps. They’re a bugger to wheel over the gravel, and the front door is closer to the main staircase. I’d have taken them straight in, but the doors only open from the inside. The guy who built Elvenham (James Clarke) had four live-in servants to answer the door for him. I have Myfanwy.
I was in the hall and unbolting the doors when Mina appeared from the kitchen. ‘There you are. Myvvy has fallen out with Ben. You must do something.’
Mina has given up trying to pronounce Myfanwy and calls her Myvvy. Ben Thewlis is an old friend and captain of the cricket team.
‘What happened? And why me?’
‘Ben won’t believe her story about why she can’t leave the village. Typical man. He thinks it’s all about him.’
‘Why? What did she say?’
Myfanwy’s cover story for being in the village and for being my housekeeper is a biodiversity study.
‘She said that not leaving the village is a condition of her research grant.’
‘No wonder he didn’t believe her. That’s lame.’
Mina glanced at me. ‘She’s even talking of giving up the cricket. She’s only going tonight because I said that I needed moral support.’
Ben had suggested a women’s cricket team, and Myfanwy has been the prime mover in getting it off the ground. In the absence of a female coach, Ben and I have been doing our best to get them good enough to arrange matches. They may not have a coach, but they do have a chair – Juliet Bloxham from the Big House, and it was Juliet who discovered Mina’s criminal record before broadcasting it round the village. The Bloxhams and the Clarkes do not get on.
‘I’ll see what I can do,’ I said. I pulled open the doors and light flooded in.
‘What are these?’ said Mina, pointing to half a dozen packing cases in the corner.
‘The surprise I promised. Your stuff from London. Plus an extra case from the police. I got it all delivered here.’
When Mina was arrested, she spent a long time on bail before going to prison, time she used to get major surgery on her jaw. She also used the time to empty the house she’d shared with Miles. What little that was left had gone into storage.
She was rooted to the spot. ‘Oh. I don’t know what to say.’ She stared at the boxes, not going close enough to read the labels. ‘Later. Tea, cake and cricket practice first. You know, this is the first day I’ve been here that it’s been warm enough to go outside. First of many, I hope.’
She walked off, giving the boxes a wide berth.<
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The home of cricket in our village is named after another of my ancestors (the whole village is called Clerkswell because of the Clerk’s Well), and rejoices in the title of Mrs Clarke’s Folly. It’s a short walk from Elvenham, even with kit bags.
We walked through the gates and saw a whole host of women. Five or six times more than at any previous practice. Ben was being assailed, and jogged over as soon as he saw me. Myvvy and Mina went to get ready.
‘Where have this lot come from?’ I said.
‘All over, and I’m very glad you’re back. Most of the village mums are away on half term, and this lot is a mixture of students come home from university and cast-offs from other villages who’d heard that we were recruiting. I’ve already heard mutterings.’
This was not the time to sort out Myfanwy’s love-life.
‘Any wicket keepers?’ I said.
‘Yes. Two. Your Mina’s going to have to prove herself.’
‘And the Bloxhams?’
‘At their apartment in Tenerife, thank God, so you’re playing for the boys tomorrow. Let’s get this show on the road.’
It was chaos at first. One group of women left as soon as they realised that we hadn’t registered the team with County yet. Another group said I wasn’t I qualified coach. I’m not, and I told them they were welcome to take over if they could do any better. One mother asked if Ben and I had been vetted and what our child protection policies were. ‘No children allowed,’ said Ben. ‘That’s our child protection policy.’
Eventually, we got a semblance of order after two of the men’s team had been dragged from the pub to take names and keep notes. Sadly, one of the men was Stephen Bloxham’s lawyer, so a report of tonight’s shambles would be heading to Tenerife later. Oh well.
A couple of hours later, Ben emerged from the Inkwell pub carrying two pints of bitter and gripping a folder under his arm.
‘Cheers, Conrad, I reckon we’ve earned this.’
We were sitting outside so that I could smoke and because we had things to talk about, starting with a progress report on the Clerkswell Ladies.
At the end of our pint, we’d decided that the team desperately needed to formalise things and become official. For one thing, they wouldn’t get insurance if their only legal status was as a Facebook Group.