by Ernest Olson
Chapter 5
Of course it’s okay for men to have facelifts,
I am an equal opportunity lifter.
If you don't feel old, and you really don't think old, it just seems wrong to look old. Once I asked my father how old he felt, and he responded, "As long as I don't look in the mirror I feel like I'm in my twenties." He was 83 at the time. As long as your neurons are still kicking, and your body works reasonably well, what's wrong with conveying your vitality through a relatively youthful face? I asked Kathy to tell me, point blank, if in her heart of hearts she really believed it was okay for a man to have a facelift. She said, "CB, of course it's okay! I'm an equal opportunity lifter."
Still, I am troubled by the admission I'll be making if I get a facelift. There seems something wrong with not accepting getting old. There is a natural order to things, and that includes the gradual shutting down of the metabolic functions that allow your body to crank out replacement cells and thereby keep you growing and youthful. I was reminded of this fact when my friend Gail and I took a drive out to Sutter Buttes to see if we could find wintering Canadian Snow Geese. It was an absolutely glorious day. The sky was probably the color that God intended it to be. There wasn't even the slightest hint of pollution in the sky. It was the kind of sky dinosaurs saw every day--at least up until interstellar pollution turned their skies dark. At any rate, after several hours of exploring the towns of Yuba and Sutter we drove off in search of Snow Geese. We didn't find them at the Gray Lodge Wildlife Preserve or anywhere in the immediate vicinity. No problem, it had been a pretty fine day and it was time to return to Sacramento.
It was about 4:30 in the afternoon, traveling southbound on Highway 99 when Gail said, "What's that over there?" Off in the distance we could see what appeared to be numerous birds in the sky. As we got closer we could see that the birds were flying in formations, filling the sky with long v-shaped lines. We took a side road that took us to heart of the action. Overhead were thousands of Canadian snow geese, their white bodies silhouetted brilliantly against the crystal sky, their honking drowned out the sounds of the interstate just a mile away.
We got out of the car and stared in amazement at the incredible show that was occurring overhead. But there was more. In a nearby rice field, more birds began to rise from the water. Again, there were thousands of them, and as they rose the flock briefly took the form of a gigantic mushroom that continued to grow until it seemed to fill a good quarter of the sky. The setting sun, reflecting from off the white bodies of the birds, caused the rising flock to look like a benign explosion of golden rod confetti. It was incredible.
Gail commented, "Isn't it amazing how these birds know just where to go and what to do, and when to do it. The rhythms of nature are so beautiful."
“Yes, a time for every season unto heaven," I responded.
Nature can't be fooled. It knows, and one's body knows, when certain things are to occur: a time to develop disproportionately big feet, hair in strange places, breasts, time to reproduce, time to shut down different organ systems, time to get old, time to "lay this tired body down." There is a time to get old, and part of it includes creases and wrinkles and sagging skin. It's all in the DNA, and no surgeon can make a cut small enough or large enough to change that simple fact. I'm not really keen on this kind of getting old--I'd much prefer to be more like a light bulb, stay constant until the filament burns out in one glorious poof.
So you can't fool your own DNA, but if you get a facelift, and it's really good, maybe you can fool someone else's DNA. "My you are looking good, new haircut, working out?" And, maybe, since humans have an opposable thumb and have developed a rather large cerebral cortex, it's natural to use these adaptive mechanisms to do whatever it takes to hang on to youth as long as possible. It wouldn't be natural to do otherwise, would it?
Maybe I'll become an equal opportunity lifter....but then again maybe I will just manly it out.