I wasn’t sure what chance he was giving, but this was a…compromise. It was also a definite improvement. “Okay. Then I will meet you in the middle.”
“You should since you’re practically getting what you wanted,” he remarked with a grin.
I kind of was, but I wasn’t confident that many would be able to convince him.
Casteel was quiet for a long moment. “And I am serious about giving people a second chance. To allow them to prove that they will not be a concern to us. But if they act upon their feelings, or I suspect they will, I cannot promise I won’t intercede in a non-violent manner.”
“As long as your suspicion is rooted in evidence and not emotion, I can agree with that.”
His lips twisted into a half-smile. “Look at us, agreeing on who to kill and who not to.”
I shook my head. “Which is a conversation I truly never expected to take part in.”
“But you’re so good at it,” Casteel murmured.
I snorted as I toyed with the stem of my glass. “Well, hopefully, it won’t come to that.”
“I hope the same.”
“What about Alastir’s or Jansen’s family?”
“Jansen didn’t have any family still alive, and Alastir’s living members have been contacted or are in the process of being notified of his involvement,” he said. “I don’t believe we will have any problems with them, especially when they learn what happened to Beckett.”
A sharp slice in my chest accompanied the mention of the young wolven’s name. Then I thought of Alastir’s great-niece. “What about Gianna? Since he hoped you’d marry her, do you think she could also be involved in this?”
“To be honest, I can’t answer that for sure. I haven’t seen Gianna in years. When I knew her, she was strong-willed and kind of did her own thing. But she would be a virtual stranger to me now,” he explained. “She isn’t here, by the way.”
“Hmm?” I murmured, attempting to appear disinterested in that little piece of knowledge.
Casteel smiled at me, and the dimple winked into existence. Apparently, I hadn’t been that convincing. “I asked Kirha when I saw her this morning. Gianna’s in Evaemon.”
I was a little relieved, but also strangely disappointed. I wanted to see her. I didn’t even know why.
“There’s something else we need to talk about before we inevitably meet with my parents.” Casteel finished off his glass, and having a feeling of where this was going, I tensed. “We need to discuss your claim to the throne.”
It felt like the floor rolled under my chair as I swallowed. A ball of uncertainty rested heavily in my stomach.
Casteel set his empty glass down and leaned back in his chair as he studied me. “You have the blood of the gods in you, Poppy. How much and what that truly means is unknown, but what is clear is that the kingdom is yours. Alastir knew it. My mother recognized it. And despite what my father said about her reacting with emotion, he realizes what it means. The bonds with the wolven breaking and shifting to you is further confirmation. The Atlantians you saw on the street when we entered Saion’s Cove? Many who saw what the wolven did were confused, but word of what you are has already begun to spread. It will reach the capital before too long, especially if the Elders have been contacted.”
“Do you…do you know what has been said about the trees of Aios? I’m sure it was noticed.”
“It was. From what my father said, the people see it as a sign of great change.”
“Not something bad?”
“No. Most do not see it as such.” His eyes never left mine. “But some aren’t as positive. As I’m sure you already realize, some Atlantians will be resistant to what this signals, only because they do not know you,” he quickly added. “Only because they fear change and differences. They will see you as an outsider.”
“And the Maiden,” I pointed out.
The line of his jaw hardened. “If so, that is a misconception I will quickly rectify.”
I lifted my chin. “As will I.”
Casteel’s smile brimmed with approval. “We will both rectify that quickly,” he amended. “But most will see you for who you are. Which is the next Queen of Atlantia.”
The breath I took went nowhere.
His steady gaze met and held mine. “Just like I see you for who you are. My Queen.”
Shock flooded my senses. That was only the second time he’d called me that, and I realized then that since his mother had taken off her crown, he’d only called me Princess a handful of times. “But you don’t want to be King,” I exclaimed.
“This isn’t about what I want.”
“How can it not be? If I’m the Queen, you are the King—something you don’t want to be,” I reminded him.
“It was something I never believed I would need to be,” he said, and so quietly, every part of my being focused on him. “It was something I needed to believe because it always felt like if I accepted my future, I was also accepting Malik’s fate. That he was lost to us.” He drew his fingers over the curve of his jaw as his gaze shifted to his empty glass. “But at some point, I began to realize the truth. I just didn’t want to accept it.”
My heart skipped a beat. “You…you don’t believe he still lives?”
“No, I believe he does. I still believe we will free him,” he stated, his brows lowering. “But I know—gods, I’ve known for longer than I care to admit to myself, that he won’t be in the…right frame of mind to take the throne. The gods know I wasn’t exactly all there when I was freed.”
An ache pierced me once more. Kieran had already accepted that, too, and a part of me was relieved to know that Casteel understood the reality of what he’d face upon freeing his brother. It would still hurt, but not nearly as fiercely. “But you found yourself.”
“Unfortunately, Atlantia doesn’t have the luxury of waiting for him to do the same. My parents have already sat on the throne for too long,” he told me. A King and Queen could only rule for four hundred years. And as he said, his parents were far past that. “There has been pushback, Poppy. It’s a combination of fear of what the future holds if we can’t sustain our population, and the general unease that comes with any two people ruling for too long.”
“You told me there had been no challenges to the throne.”
“And you also know I didn’t want to tell you the truth because I didn’t want to freak you out,” he reminded me. “And you appear to be seconds away from—”
“Throwing a plate of cheese at you? Yes, I am seconds away from doing just that.”
“Don’t do that.” Amusement crept into his expression, irritating me further. “You’ll be upset when you don’t have any more cheese to eat.”
“It will be your fault,” I snapped, and a dimple appeared in his right cheek. “Stop smiling. You should’ve told me. Just like you should’ve told me about the damage that was done to the crops and the vandalism.”
“I only learned of the worst of it when I spoke with my father last night.” His amusement faded. “I wanted to hear it from him before I shared.” He tilted his head. “There haven’t been any official challenges, Poppy, but pushback will eventually become that, with or without your arrival.”
“My arrival has nothing—”
“Do not continue denying what you are. You’re smarter and stronger than that,” he interrupted, and I snapped my mouth shut. “You do not have the luxury of doing so. Neither do I, and neither does the kingdom. Your arrival changes everything.”
I sat back, weighed down by the truth of his words. After I left the shower, I’d told myself that I was ready to discuss all of this—to face it all. Right now, I was proving that to be a lie. I was also proving childish. My unexpected heritage, what Casteel had done to save me, and its implications, wouldn’t go away simply because I had a hard time acknowledging them. I had to face this.
A kernel of panic took root in my chest where that strange energy hummed quietly. I stared at the fruit and cheese. “When we free you
r brother, he won’t need the extra pressure of being expected to take the throne. It wouldn’t be right to thrust that upon him.”
“No,” Casteel agreed solemnly. “It would not.”
But what if Malik did want what he’d grown up believing was his birthright once he did find himself? I wasn’t sure the question even mattered at the moment. The bridge hadn’t even been built to cross yet. I swallowed the heavy feeling in my throat. It made sense why Casteel had refused the throne. I could see what that signified to him. “So you want to be King now?”
He didn’t answer for a long moment. “This would have happened eventually, even if you weren’t a descendant of the gods. Malik wouldn’t be ready to lead, and we would have had to make a choice. At the end of the day, I want what is best for Atlantia,” he said, and I remembered then how Kieran had described him as a young boy. How many would’ve mistaken him for the heir and not his brother. I heard it then, the seriousness in his tone. I’d heard it moments earlier when he’d called me out on my denials. “But I also want what is best for you.”
My gaze lifted to him.
“We know what we both need to do. I need to free my brother. You need to see Ian. The Queen and King of Solis must be stopped,” he told me. “But after that? If you want to claim the Crown, I will support you. I will be right beside you. Together, we will learn to rule Atlantia,” he said, and my stomach dipped. “If not, just tell me what you want to do, where you want to go. I will be right beside you.”
“Where I want to go?” I asked, confused.
“If you decide you do not want to take the throne, we cannot stay here.”
Chapter 22
“Why not?” I pitched forward again.
“Because you usurp the throne, Poppy. No other Queen could rule with you in Atlantia. The wolven will treat you as the Queen even if you do not sit on that throne. Some Atlantians will treat you the same. Others would follow who wears the crown, whether that is my mother or someone else. It would create a division, one we haven’t seen since the deities themselves ruled. I can’t do that to Atlantia,” he said.
“I don’t want that to happen.” My heart started thumping heavily as I gripped the edge of the table. “But this is your home.”
“You told me that I was your home. That works both ways,” he reminded me. “You are mine. What matters is that we’re together and happy.”
His words warmed me, but he would be leaving because I chose not to take the Crown. I pressed against the back of the chair, suddenly understanding what he was saying. “If I wasn’t a descendant of a god, and Malik wasn’t ready to rule, what would you have done if I said I didn’t want to rule?”
“Then we wouldn’t,” he answered. There had been no hesitation.
“But then what happens to the Crown? Do your parents continue to rule?”
“They would until the Crown was challenged.”
“And what happens if the Crown is challenged?”
“Several things, Poppy. None that you need to worry about—”
“Actually, I think I do.” I sensed his concern then, heavy and thick. “You’re holding back because you don’t want me to worry.”
“You shouldn’t read my emotions,” he countered. “It’s rude.”
“Casteel,” I growled. “We are talking about the potential of you and me becoming King and Queen, and I cannot be Queen when my husband hides things from me because he’s afraid I’ll be overwhelmed.
“I wouldn’t say I was hiding things—” He closed his mouth when he saw the look on my face.
“You know what that says to me? That you don’t think I can handle being Queen,” I told him.
“That’s not at all what I’m saying.” He leaned forward, placing his hands on the table. “It’s not my intention to keep you in the dark. Some of what I didn’t share was because I didn’t have all the information, and I—” He shoved a hand through his hair. “I’m not used to sharing these kinds of things with anyone but Kieran. And I know that’s not an excuse. I’m not saying that it is. To be honest, you’ve handled everything thrown your way better than most people would. It’s not that I truly fear you’ll freak out. It’s just that I don’t want you to be overwhelmed. But you’re right. If taking the Crown is something you choose, I can’t hold things back.
Sensing his contrition, I nodded.
He shifted back in his seat. “If we didn’t take the throne, my parents could concede, but they would only do that if they felt the one who’d issued the challenge was fit to rule—and they could only do that if one challenged the throne at a time. If there’s more than one, then the Elders weigh in. There could be trials where the challengers would have to prove themselves.”
“Like the heartmate trials?” I asked.
“I imagine. I don’t know for sure. It has never…gotten to that point before.”
Another wave of disbelief swept through me. “And you’d be willing to walk away? To possibly let what has never happened before occur?”
“Yes,” he said, again without even a moment of hesitation. “I do not want to be party to forcing you into yet another role you did not ask for nor desire. I will not replace the veil you loathed with a crown you hate. If you do not want to take the Crown, I will support you,” he swore, and the intensity in his words captured me. The irrevocable oath he was making. “And if you decide you want to take what is yours, claim the throne, I will set this entire kingdom on fire and watch it burn if that ensures that the crown sits on your head.”
I jolted. “You love your people—”
“But I love you more.” Flecks of gold burned brightly in his eyes, churning restlessly. “Do not underestimate what I would or would not do to ensure your happiness. I think you know this by now. There is nothing that I wouldn’t do, Poppy. Nothing.”
I did. Gods, he’d already done the unthinkable by Ascending me, but he’d been prepared for me to become a vampry. He would’ve fought anyone and everyone who came near him to keep me alive, even if I became a monster. I didn’t doubt him now.
“This is about you, about what you’re comfortable with and what you want,” he continued. “No one is going to force this choice on you. It will be your call, and then we will deal with whatever may or may not happen. Together.”
A soft tremble worked its way through me. I didn’t doubt what he said. I didn’t underestimate him. I was at a loss for what to say as I stared at him in silence, utterly overwhelmed. That kind of devotion? His promise? It was…it was life-altering.
And maybe the truth was that I wasn’t worthy of him.
I rose and walked around the table to where he sat without really understanding what I was doing. He tilted his head back, watching me silently. I didn’t let myself think about what I was doing or if it was normal or acceptable. I just did what I wanted, what felt right to me. My senses were open to him, and I felt a rush of warmth and sweetness as I sat in his lap. His arms immediately wound around me, and he held me tightly as I wiggled as close to him as I could get, tucking my head under his chin.
I closed my eyes. “I hope this chair doesn’t collapse on us.”
Casteel chuckled as he dragged a hand over my hair. “I’ll break your fall if it does.”
“Stop being sweet.”
“I was just pointing out that I would, indeed, break your fall if the chair broke as it would be me who hit the floor first,” he said, brushing my hair back from the side of my face. “And you’re the one being sweet right now.” His arms tightened around me and then relaxed only slightly. “I like it.”
“I like you,” I murmured, pressing my fingers into his chest. “You know what it means to me, having that choice. That freedom.” Emotion swelled in my chest and burned its way up my throat. “It means everything to me.”
He slid his hand around to my cheek, tilting my head back. Dipping his head, he kissed me softly. “I know.”
“You are worthy of me, Cas. I need you to know that.”
“With you
in my arms, I feel worthy,” he said, pressing his lips against mine once more. “I do.”
“I want you to feel worthy of me when I’m not in your arms.” I placed my fingers against his cheeks. “Why would you think you’re not? After all you’ve done for me?”
He was quiet, and I could feel the sourness of shame as thick lashes lifted. “What about all I’ve done to you? I know you’ve accepted these things, but that doesn’t change that I lied to you. That because of those lies, you were hurt. Because of what I did, people died—people you loved.”
My heart ached. “Neither of us can change the past, Cas, but because you lied, I saw the truth of the Ascended. People were hurt—Loren, Dafina.” I drew in a shaky breath. “Vikter. But how many lives have you saved? Countless, I’m sure. You saved mine in more ways than we probably even know.”
A small smile appeared and then faded, and I sensed it was about more than just what had happened to me. His shame and guilt ran so much deeper than that.
“Talk to me,” I whispered.
“I am.”
“I mean, really talk to me.” I smoothed my fingers along his cheeks. “What makes you think you’re unworthy of me?”
His throat worked on a swallow. “Are you reading my emotions?”
“No.” I sighed when he arched a brow. “Kind of.”
He chuckled, the sound hoarse. “I don’t know, Princess. There are things that…come into my head sometimes. Things that lived in my head when I was caged by the Ascended. I don’t know how to put them into words, but even if I did, neither of us need to deal with that right now.”
“I disagree,” I said empathetically. “We do.”
One side of his lips tipped up. “We have a lot on our plates. You have a lot on yours. I’m not going to add to that. I don’t need to,” he added when I opened my mouth. “I’m okay, Poppy. Trust me when I say that.”
“Cas—”
He kissed me, capturing my lips in a deep, drugging sort of kiss. “I’m okay, Princess. I swear.”
The Crown of Gilded Bones (Blood And Ash Series Book 3) Page 29