SHACKLE-SOUL
[Aside.] Not taste what all men thirst for!Old and so brave,
When money assaults, one combat more I’ll have.
Enter SCUMBROTH.
SCUMBROTH
So, ho, ho, Father Subprior!
SUBPRIOR
Who’s there?What art thou callst me?
SCUMBROTH
One that feeds the hungry, the cook, sir, Scumbroth.
SUBPRIOR
Come hither; I have for thee a golden prize.
SHACKLE-SOUL
[Aside.] Ha, ha, he’ll take it!
Villainies and fools will ha’ gold, though got from Hell,
But they will do so, as thou shalt, pay for’t well.[Exit.
SCUMBROTH
But stay, Father Subprior, before we go one step farder, what do you think I have done since I went from you?
SUBPRIOR
No hurt I hope, say hast thou?
SCUMBROTH
Hurt!If I did hurt in that, how much harm do almanac makers who lie coldly quivering at it all the year long?I did do nothing but stand staring at the man in the moon.
SUBPRIOR
And what good thoughts bred that within thee?
SCUMBROTH
This:I thought to myself, what a happy fellow that man in the moon was, to see so many fools and knaves here below, and yet never to be troubled with ’em nor meddle with ’em.
SUBPRIOR
He’s happy that meddles not with this world indeed.
SCUMBROTH
If that man in the moon should write a prognostication, oh, he shall not need to tell astronomical lies to fill his book, nor talk gibb’rish no man understands, of quartiles, aspects, stations, retrogradations, peragrations, centrical, eccentrical, cosmical, acronical, and such palquodical, solar, lunar, lunatical vaulting over the rails of Heaven, that no Christian dare look upon their tricks for fear his wit break his neck.
SUBPRIOR
Thou putst into a sea, thou canst not sound,
Ignorance still is foe to arts profound.
Come hither, man, come hither.
SCUMBROTH
Arts profound!Arts make men as very asses as women do.I have no art, and yet I know this moon that shines at night sees more than you or I do, for all your spectacles.
SUBPRIOR
True, ’tis the eye of Heaven.
SCUMBROTH
Which of the eyes?’Tis but the left eye, and the sun is the right, and yet the left sometimes sees more than the right, and the right as much as the left; there’s paxionism for you, father, globical paxionism!
SUBPRIOR
I understand thee not.
SCUMBROTH
No?Why, here’s the oyster opened; I say the sun sees much knavery in a year, and the moon more in a quarter; the moon sees men carried by a quarrelling watch to prison, and the sun sees the constable and the book-keeper share fees the next morning.
SUBPRIOR
That’s not well.
SCUMBROTH
Yes, but they swear ’tis well; the moon sees bastards come bawling into the world, and the sun sees ’em shifted and shuftled in dossers away to nurse, and that the cause we have so many dosser-heads; the moon sees old curmudgeons come reeling from taverns with sipping of half pints of sack, and the sun sees the same churls the next day soberly cutting any man’s throat for a penny.
SUBPRIOR
Enough of this.Come hither, look what here lies.
SCUMBROTH
What here lies.Marry, Father Subprior, the devil and some usurer’s money have been here at their lechery, and see what goodly children they have begot, if you will keep the bastards at burse.
SUBPRIOR
I am content that half this gold be thine,
If it be ask’d for never, for ’tis not mine,
So thou wild promise t’other half to give
To such as I appoint.
SCUMBROTH
By this gold I will lay it our bravely as you appoint me.
SUBPRIOR
Look not to prosper, if thou dealst amiss;
Good works are keys opening the gates of bliss.
That golden key thou in the heap mayst find;
If with it thou relieve the lame, sick, blind,
And hungry.
SCUMBROTH
I will do it, I protest.
SUBPRIOR
One half bestow’d so, take thyself the rest.
So fare thee well. [Exit.
SCUMBROTH
Farewell, good father.Fool!I’ll give the blind a dog to lead ’em, the lame shall to the whipping-post, the sick shall die in a cage, and the hungry leap at a crust.I feed rogues, the pox shall; the world is chang’d; a beggar yesterday, and full of gold to-day; an ass to-day, and a prow’d scab to-morrow!
Golden Head ascends.
GLITTERBACK
Stay, stand.
SCUMBROTH
Stand!Cannot a gentleman grow rich but he must keep knaves about him?
GLITTERBACK
That gold is none of thine.
SCUMBROTH
But all the craft in that great head of yours cannot get it out of my fingers.Zounds, who the devil art thou?
GLITTERBACK
A spirit sent up from Hell to make thee rich.
SCUMBROTH
Thank Hell for it; Hell makes worse fools rich in a year.
GLITTERBACK
That gold I laid there for thee.
SCUMBROTH
When do you lay again, that I may have more of these eggs?
GLITTERBACK
Spend those I charge thee first.
SCUMBROTH
Yes, Head.
GLITTERBACK
And bravely, I charge thee.
SCUMBROTH
What need you be at such charges?I’ll do’t; but shall the poor be a penny the better for me as the old fellow charg’d me, yea or no?
GLITTERBACK
No.
SHACKLE-SOUL
No.
SCUMBROTH
Who’s that?
GLITTERBACK
’Tis thine own genius cries unto thee “no.”
SCUMBROTH
My genius!I am a cook; my genius then, belike, is a scullion; but when this is spent, can my genius tell me whither I shall have more?
SHACKLE-SOUL
More.
GLITTERBACK
More. [Within, in a big voice.
FIRST DEVIL
More.
SECOND DEVIL
More.
SCUMBROTH
Because my genius keeps company with a great man, I’ll take all their words, and his bond.
GLITTERBACK
When thou hast spent all that, I charge thee come
To the back tree that stands in Naples’ grove;
Climb boldly to the top and keep fast hold,
For there I’ll rain on thee a shower of gold;
If what thou seest there thou to any tell,
Devils shall tear thee.
SHACKLE-SOUL
[Within.] Away.
GLITTERBACK
Away.
SCUMBROTH
Farewell. [Exit.
Enter SHACKLE-SOUL laughing.
SHACKLE-SOUL
Ha, ha!Down, down, bright spirit; thou would be miss’d anon;
Hell mint stands idle.
GLITTERBACK
Loose not that fool.
SHACKLE-SOUL
Be gone!
GLITTERBACK
Have care to meet at next infernal court.
The day draws nigh. [Goes down.
SHACKLE-SOUL
I thank thee for this, spirit. [Exit.
Act Three, Scene Three
Enter KING, RUFFMAN, NARCISSO, SPENDOLA, BRISCO, JOVINELLI,
BARTERVILE, LURCHALL, the two Gentlemen, and FARNEZE.
KING
You that complain ‘gainst Bartervile, receiver
Of all our tribute-moneys, speak you
r wrongs.
Nay, you have deaf’d our ears too much already.
He does confess your crowns, pay’d and receiv’d;
But to give back your writings there’s no clause;
If them you’ll win, fight it out by our laws.
BARTERVILE
I humbly thank your highness.A gracious doom.
FIRST GENTLEMAN
One day to try this plea, to Hell thoult come. [Exeunt Gentlemen.
KING
To’th’next!We ha’ business of our own; to’th’next!
O, Bartervile, for these two hundred crowns.
BARTERVILE
I paid ’em to that man.
FARNEZE
Now, afore the king,
And his lords here, thou liest; th’ast paid me none!
KING
You cholar’s, sirrah, too high.
FARNEZE
Though my collar stand
So high, it scarce bears up this falling band.
Thou sayst thoult swear th’ast paid it; Ud’s nails!Swear so,
And the foul fiend go with’t.Two hundred crowns!
I ha’ lost as much at loggets.Swear but to revel
And spend’t in Hell; gallop thee and that to’th’ devil!
LURCHALL
Man, wherefore dost not swear?
KING
Reach me a book.
BARTERVILE
Let me before I swear, on my notes look.
I’ll tell you the very day; pray, hold my staff
Till I draw out my false eyes.
FARNEZE
Draw thy heart out an’t would.Thou mayst well say thy false eyes.
BARTERVILE
The day:August 14.
FARNEZE
That’s now. Be damn’d and so away!
BARTERVILE
On this day, August 14, I swear I pay’d
Into these hands, two hundred crowns in gold.
FARNEZE
Zounds, nor in silver!By this book, I had none!
KING
One of you two is perjuriously forsworn.
FARNEZE
He, he, as I am a true Christian man!
JOVINELLI
He swears
To your own hands he paid them.
BARTERVILE
Else let that eye
Which sees me play false scourge my perjury
With fearful stripes.
FARNEZE
O, justice!Fal’n down dead! [LURCHALL and RUFFMAN about him.
Would I had lost all, though I had been cozen’d
Rather than thou my soul.
OMNES
He bleeds at mouth.
FARNEZE
See his staff, beating the earth, for heaven loves truth,
Is burst into shivers, and that gold he swore
Was pay’d to me lies scatter’d on the floor.
RUFFMAN
He comes again; the devil will not receive him.
KING
Take him away; we’ll punish him for this crime.
RUFFMAN
Beg his office.You a courtier?
SPENDOLA
I have a suit to your Highness.
KING
What is’t, Count Spendola?
LURCHALL
Master, look up, man!
[Aside.]In this black trance had thy soul flown away
I had wrought hard and made a holiday.
RUFFMAN
Lose not a minute, pew-fellow, leave him not yet.
I have whales here too lie playing in the net.[Exit LURCHALL with BARTERVILE.
FARNEZE
I’ll take this gold at venture, sweet young king,
For all this hell-hound owes me.
KING
Do, and be gone.
FARNEZE
I am pay’d; the devil’s turn’d puritan, I fear;
He hates, methinks, to hear his own child swear![Exit.
KING
The office of this perjur’d Bartervile
I frankly give away, dividing it
To the Count Spendola and our worthy friend,
Brave Bohor here.Farm it to whom you please.
BOTH
We thank your Highness.
SPENDOLA
Who bids most, he buys it.
KING
If to his life, the devil gives longer lease
To build more work for Hell, go see; and from him
Exact a strict account of what he owes us.
RUFFMAN
That strict account I’ll take. [Exit.
KING
Show him no favour.
Enter OCTAVIO with petitions, and SUBPRIOR.
OCTAVIO
If now thou art a just king, keep thy word
With thy poor subjects.
KING
How, noble uncle, why?
OCTAVIO
This is the day to hear the poor man’s cry;
And yonder’s cryingenough, at thy court gates;
Five hundred white heads and scarce ten good hats
Crying out they are undone.
OMNES
Undone!By whom?
OCTAVIO
Marry, look:by such as you are, who go gay,
Wear’t out, book down more, set to their hands but never pay,
Of poor starv’d servants, or, when plagues are reigning,
Mourn orphans so and widows, as those do
That owe these sorrowful papers.
KING
Pray, how can I
To their complainings add a remedy?
OCTAVIO
I’ll tell thee how:are any here in debt
To merchants, mercers, tailors?Let ’em jet
In their own satins, pay for what they ha’ ta’en,
And these will go less brave, t’other less complain.
OMNES
Ha, ha!
OCTAVIO
The mighty wrongs the weak, the rich the poor;
This man should have his own could he grease more
His too fat lawyer; that wretch foe’s coat does sue,
But his coat’s gone and his skin flayed off too,
If his purse be o’re-matched; these gross impure
And rank diseases longunto thy cure,
The world’s in pawn for’t, these are the poor’s cries.
How wilt thou stop their throats?
KING
With halters.
OMNES
Hang ’em!
OCTAVIO
Hang ’em!Any halters here!Is’t so set down?
This law-book speaks not so, yet ’tis thine own.
KING
Still braving me with this?Burn it.
OCTAVIO
Yes, do.
If you burn all the week, burn Saturday too;
Do one good day’s deed first:read poor men’s plaints.
KING
Hell’s plague confound ’em!In their heads and thine.
Vex me no more!
OCTAVIO
I warrant thee I’ll save mine. [Sees the SUBPRIOR.
Holy saint, pardon me!‘Las, good father, my brain
So wild is I forgot thee, but I’ll to him again;
’Tis but an old man’s head off.King, take it.I’ll speak
Whilst this stands on my shoulders.
KING
But that you are —
OCTAVIO
An honest man, thou’dst have this.O, I beseek
Thy attention to this reverend subprior
Who plains against disorders of this house;[Gives paper.
Where once devotion dwelt and charity,
There’s drunkenness now, gluttony, and lechery.
Tell thou the tale.
SUBPRIOR
Bad story soon is told
Because ’tis foul, that leaf does all enfold.
Their sins grow high and fearful and strike at Heaven.
Punish them, thou, whose power from thence is given.<
br />
KING
Your friar’s so lusty!
JOVINELLI
All the barbers in Naples tell news of that priory.
BRISCO
I would your Grace would let me purge this house of her infection; bestow the livings of it on me; I’ll sweeten it in one month.
JOVINELLI
He’ll lay it in lavender.
KING
The covent, the demesnes, immunities,
Rents, customs, charters; what to the house of Baal
Soever is belonging, Brisco, ’tis thine.
OCTAVIO
Wut rob the church too!Now, th’ast nothing left
Scarce for thy self?
SUBPRIOR
O, Heaven, forfend such theft!
KING
Bestow it at thy pleasure.
OCTAVIO
Woe to these days
When to raise upstarts the poor church decays!
SUBPRIOR
Call back thy gift, oh King, and ere these eyes
Behold unhallowed hands to tyrannize
Where many a good man his orisons said,
And many a requiem been sung out for the dead,
Till I am thrust out by death, oh let me have
My dwelling there; there let me dig my grave
With mine own nails, shut up from worldly light
Between two walls, and die an anchorite!
KING
I refer you to your parson there.
BRISCO
That’s I;
Show me first where your abbey gold sleeps, then go die.
SUBPRIOR
I fear religion’s fall; alack, I see
This world’s a city built by the most high,
But kept by man, God’s greatest enemy. [Exit.
OCTAVIO
Let ill news fly together, thou art full of tears,
But I more full of woes, of cares, of fears.[Exit.
Enter ASTOLFO.
KING
‘Sdeath, shall we have yet fair weather?
JOVINELLI
Here’s one storm more.
ASTOLFO
Calabria’s Duke demands of you a daughter.
KING
Let me but lie with’s wife, I’ll give him a son.
ASTOLFO
He sends for Erminghild.
KING
Deliver her.
ASTOLFO
She’s not to be found.
KING
Y’are and old fool
To ask for that which is not.
ASTOLFO
Thus he says,
Deny her and look for wars.
KING
So; go your ways.
ASTOLFO
I’m quickly gone. [Exit.
Enter RUFFMAN and BARTERVILE.
KING
With sack, I’ll swear you are.
This was short and sweet.Seems then we shall ha’ wars,
Bohor; the drum must scold, the cannon thunder;
Fighting about a wench.
OMNES
Tush, that’s no wonder.
KING
Who bail’d him out of Hell?Damn’d perjur’d caitiff!
Complete Dramatic Works of Thomas Dekker Page 54