HIPOLITO
Agreed, so that we go not out of the compass of those things are fit for lords.
VIOLETTA
Be’t so; what’s the theme then?
FIRST LADY
Beauty; that fits us best.
CAMILLO
And of beauty what tongue would not speak the best, since it is the jewel that hangs upon the brow of heaven, the best colour that can be laid upon the cheek of earth? Beauty makes men gods immortal by making mortal men to live ever in love.
SECOND LADY
Ever? Not so; I have heard that some men have died for love.
VIOLETTA
So have I, but I could never see’t. I’d ride forty miles to follow such a fellow to church, and would make more of a sprig of rosemary at his burial than of a gilded bride-branch at mine own wedding.
CAMILLO
Take you such delight in men that die for love?
VIOLETTA
Not in the men nor in the death, but in the deed. Troth, I think he is not a sound man that will die for a woman, and yet I would never love a man soundly that would not knock at death’s door for my love.
HIPOLITO
I’d knock as long as I thought good, but have my brains knock’d out when I enter’d, if I were he.
CAMILLO
What Venetian gentleman was there that having this in his burgonet did not, to prove his head worthy of the honour, do more than defy death to the very face? Trust us, ladies, our signiory stands bound in greater sums of thanks to your beauties for victory than to our valor. My dear Violetta, one kiss to this picture of your whitest hand, when I was even faint with giving and receiving the dole of war,
Set a new edge on my sword, insomuch that
I singled out a gallant spirit of France,
And charg’d him with my lance in full career;
And after rich exchange of noble courage
The space of a good hour on either side,
At last crying, “Now for Violetta’s honour!”
I vanquish’d him, and him dismounted took
Not to myself, but prisoner to my love.
VIOLETTA
I have heard much praise of that French gallant; good my lord, bring him acquainted with our eyes.
CAMILLO
I will. Go, boy, fetch noble Fontinell.
Exit [Dandiprat].
HIPOLITO
Will your French prisoner drink well? Or else, cut his throat.
CAMILLO
Oh no, he cannot brook it.
HIPOLITO
The pox he can! ‘Slight, methinks a Frenchman should have a good courage to wine, for many of them be exceeding hot fiery whoresons, and resolute as Hector, and as valiant as Troilus; then come off and on bravely, and lie by it, and sweat for’t too, upon a good and a military advantage.
Enter Fontinell.
CAMILLO
Prithee, have done; here comes the prisoner.
VIOLETTA
My lord Camillo, is this the gentleman
Whose valour by your valour is subdu’d?
CAMILLO
It is, fair lady, and I yield him up
To be your beauty’s worthy prisoner.
Lord Fontinell, think your captivity
Happy in this; she that hath conquered me
Receives my conquest as my love’s fair fee.
VIOLETTA
Fair stranger, droop not, since the chance of wars
Brings to the soldier death, restraint, or scars.
FONTINELL
Lady, I know the fortune of the field
Is death with honour, or with shame to yield,
As I have done.
VIOLETTA
In that no scandal lies;
Who dies when he may live, he doubly dies.
FONTINELL
My reputation’s lost.
VIOLETTA
Nay, that’s not so;
You [fled] not, but were vanquish’d by your foe.
The eye of war respects not you nor him;
It is our fate will have us lose or win.
You will disdain if I you prisoner call?
FONTINELL
No, but rejoice since I am beauty’s thrall.
HIPOLITO
Enough of this; come, wenches, shake your heels.
CAMILLO
Music, advance thee on thy golden wing,
And dance division from sweet string to string.
FONTINELL
Camillo, I shall curb thy tyranny
In making me that lady’s prisoner.
She has an angel’s body, but within’t,
Her coy heart says there lies a heart of flint.
Music for a measure. Whilst Fontinell speaks, they dance a strain.
Such beauty be my jailor? A heavenly hell!
The darkest dungeon which spite can devise
To throw this carcass in, her glorious eyes
Can make as lightsome as the fairest chamber
In Paris Louvre. Come, captivity,
And chain me to her looks; how am I toss’d,
Being twice in mind, as twice in body lost!
Violetta on a sudden breaks off, the rest stand talking.
CAMILLO
Not the measure out, fair mistress?
VIOLETTA
No, fair servant, not the measure out; I have on the sudden a foolish desire to be out of the measure.
CAMILLO
What breeds that desire?
VIOLETTA
Nay, I hope it is no breeding matter. Tush, tush, by my maidenhead, I will not; the music likes me not, and I have a shoe wrings me to th’ heart. Besides, I have a woman’s reason: I will not dance, because I will not dance. Prithee, dear Hero, take my prisoner there into the measure; fie, I cannot abide to see a man sad nor idle. I’ll be out once, as the music is in mine ear.
FONTINELL
Lady, bid him whose heart no sorrow feels
Tickle the rushes with his wanton heels;
I have too much lead at mine.
FIRST LADY
I’ll make it light.
FONTINELL
How?
FIRST LADY
By a nimble dance.
FONTINELL
You hit it right.
FIRST LADY
Your keeper bids you dance.
FONTINELL
Then I obey;
My heart I feel grows light, it melts away.
They dance, Violetta stands by marking Fontinell.
VIOLETTA
In troth, a very pretty Frenchman: the carriage of his body likes me well; so does his footing; so does his face; so does his eye above his face; so does himself, above all that can be above himself.
Camillo, thou hast played a foolish part;
Thy prisoner makes a slave of thy love’s heart.
Shall Camillo then sing, “Willow, willow, willow?” Not for the world. No, no, my French prisoner; I will use thee Cupid knows how, and teach thee to fall into the hands of a woman. If I do not feed thee with fair looks, ne’er let me live; if thou getst out of my fingers till I have thy very heart, ne’er let me love. Nothing but thy life shall serve my turn, and how otherwise I’ll plague thee, monsieur, you and I’ll deal; only this because I’ll be sure he shall not start, I’ll lock him in a little low room besides himself, where his wanton eye shall see neither sun nor moon. So, the dance is done, and my heart has done her worst: made me in love. Farewell, my lord, I have much haste, you have many thanks; I am angered a little, but am greatly pleas’d. If you wonder that I take this strange leave, excuse it thus, that women are strange fools and will take anything.
Exit.
HIPOLITO
Tricks, tricks, kerry merry buff! How now, lad, in a trance?
CAMILLO
Strange farewell. After, dear Hipolito.
O, what a maze is love of joy and woe!
Exeunt [Camillo and Hipolito].
FONTINELL
Strange frenzy
. After, wretched Fontinell.
Oh, what a heaven is love! Oh, what a hell!
Exit. [Then exeunt omnes.]
Act I Scene 2.
A STREET BEFORE Blurt’s house
Enter Lazarillo melancholy, and Pilcher his boy.
LAZARILLO
Boy, I am melancholy because I burn.
PILCHER
And I am melancholy because I am a-cold.
LAZARILLO
I pine away with the desire of flesh.
PILCHER
It’s neither flesh nor fish that I pine for, but for both.
LAZARILLO
Pilcher, Cupid hath got me a stomach, and I long for lac’d mutton.
PILCHER
Plain mutton without a lace would serve me.
LAZARILLO
For as your tame monkey is your only best, and most only beast to your Spanish lady, or as your tobacco is your only smoker away of rheum and all other rheumatic diseases, or as your Irish louse does bite most naturally fourteen weeks after the change of your saffron-seamed shirt, or as the commodities which are sent out of the Low Countries and put in vessels called Mother Cornelius’ dry-fats are most common in France, so it pleaseth the destinies that I should thirst to drink out of a most sweet Italian vessel, being a Spaniard.
PILCHER
What vessel is that, signior?
LAZARILLO
A woman, Pilcher, the moist-handed Madonna Imperia, a most rare and divine creature.
PILCHER
A most rascally damn’d courtesan.
LAZARILLO
Boy, hast thou foraged the country for a new lodging? For I have sworn to lay my bones in this chitty of Venice.
PILCHER
Any man that sees us will swear that we shall both lay our bones, and nothing but bones, and we stalk here longer. They tell me, signior, I must go to the constable, and he is to see you lodg’d.
LAZARILLO
Inquire for that busy member of the chitty.
Enter Doyt and Dandiprat passing over [the stage].
PILCHER
I will, and here come a leash of informers. Save you, plump youths.
DANDIPRAT
And thee, my lean stripling.
PILCHER
Which is the constable’s house?
DOYT
That at the sign of the Brown Bill.
PILCHER
Farewell.
DANDIPRAT
Why, and farewell. [To Doyt] The rogue’s made of pie crust, he’s so short.
PILCHER
The officious gentleman inherits here.
LAZARILLO
Knock, or enter, and let thy voice pull him out by the ears.
He knocks.
DOYT
‘Slid, Dandiprat, this is the Spanish curtal that in the last battle fled twenty miles ere he look’d behind him.
DANDIPRAT
Doyt, he did the wiser; but, sirrah, this block shall be a rare threshold for us to whet our wits upon. Come, let’s about our business, and if here we find him at our return, he shall find us this month in knavery.
Exeunt [Doyt and Dandiprat].
PILCHER
What ho! Nobody speaks. Where dwells the constable?
Enter Blurt and Slubber the beadle.
BLURT
Here dwells the constable. [To Slubber] Call assistance, give them my full charge, raise if you see cause. [To Pilcher] Now, sir, what are you, sir?
PILCHER
Follower to that Spanish-leather gentleman.
BLURT
And what are you, sir, that cry out upon me? [To Slubber] Look to his tools. [To Lazarillo] What are you, sir? Speak, what are you? I charge you, what are you?
LAZARILLO
Most clear mirror of magistrates, I am servitor to god Mars.
BLURT
For your serving of God I am not to meddle. Why do you raise me?
LAZARILLO
I desire to have a wide room in your favour: sweet blood, cast away your name upon me, for I neither know you by your face, nor by your voice.
BLURT
It may be so, sir. I have two voices in any company: one, as I am master constable; another, as I am Blurt; and the third, as I am Blurt, master constable.
LAZARILLO
I understand, you are a mighty pillar or post in the chitty.
BLURT
I am a poor post, but not to stand at every man’s door, without my bench of bill-men. I am, for a better, the duke’s own image, and charge you in his name to obey me.
LAZARILLO
I do so.
BLURT
I am to stand, sir, in any bawdy house, or sink of wickedness. I am the duke’s own grace, and in any fray or resurrection, am to bestir my stumps as well as he. I charge you know this staff.
SLUBBER
Turn the arms to him.
BLURT
Upon this may I lean, and no man say black’s mine eye.
LAZARILLO
Whosoever says you have a black eye is a camooche. Most great Blurt, I do unpent-house the roof of my carcass and touch the knee of thy office in Spanish compliment. I desire to sojourn in your chitty.
BLURT
Sir, sir, for fault of a better, I am to charge you not to keep a-soldiering in our city without a precept. Besides, by my office I am to search and examine you. Have you the duke’s hand to pass?
LAZARILLO
Signior, no, I have the general’s hand at large, and all his fingers.
BLURT
Except it be for the general good of the commonwealth, the general cannot lead you up and down our city.
LAZARILLO
I have the general’s hand to pass through the world at my pleasure.
BLURT
At your pleasure! That’s rare. Then, roly-poly, our wives shall lie at your command. Your general has no such authority in my precinct, and therefore I charge you pass no further.
LAZARILLO
I tell thee, I will pass through the world, thou little morsel of justice, and eat twenty such as thou art.
BLURT
Sir, sir, you shall find Venice out of the world: I’ll tickle you for that.
LAZARILLO
I will pass through the world, as Alexander Magnus did, to conquer.
BLURT
As Alexander of Saint Magnus did? That’s another matter: you might have informed this at the first, and you never needed to have come to your answer. Let me see your pass; if it be not the duke’s hand, I’ll tickle you for all this. Quickly, I pray; this staff is to walk in other places.
LAZARILLO
There it is.
BLURT
Slubber, read it over.
LAZARILLO
Read it yourself; what besonian is that?
BLURT
This is my clerk, sir; he has been clerk to a good many bonds and bills of mine. I keep him only to read, for I cannot; my office will not let me.
PILCHER
Why do you put on your spectacles then?
BLURT
To see that he read right. How now, Slubber, is’t the duke’s hand? I’ll tickle him else.
SLUBBER
Mass, ’tis not like his hand.
BLURT
Look well; the duke has a wart on the back of his hand.
SLUBBER
Here’s none, on my word, master constable, but a little blot.
BLURT
Blot? Let’s see, let’s see. Ho, that stands for the wart; do you not see the trick of that? Stay, stay; is there not a little prick in the hand? for the duke’s hand had a prick in’t when I was with him, with opening oysters.
SLUBBER
Yes, mass, here’s one; besides, ’tis a goodly great long hand.
BLURT
So has the duke a goodly huge hand; I have shook him by it (God forgive me) ten thousand times. He must pass like Alexander of Saint Magnus. Well, sir,— ’tis your duty to stand bare — the duke has sent his fist to me, and I were
a Jew if I should shrink for it. I obey; you must pass, but pray take heed with what dice you pass, I mean what company, for Satan is most busy where he finds one like himself. Your name, sir?
LAZARILLO
Lazarillo de Tormes in Castille, cousin-german to the adolantado of Spain.
BLURT
Are you so, sir? God’s blessing on your heart. Your name again, sir, if it be not too tedious for you?
LAZARILLO
Lazarillo de Tormes in Castille, cousin-german to the Spanish adolantado.
SLUBBER
I warrant he’s a great man in his own country.
BLURT
H’as a good name; Slubber, set it down: write, Lazarus in torment at the castle, and a cozening German at the sign of the Falantido diddle in Spain. So, sir, you are engross’d. You must give my officer a groat; it’s nothing to me, signior.
LAZARILLO
I will cancel when it comes to a sum.
BLURT
Well, sir, well; he shall give you an item for’t. [To Slubber] Make a bill and he’ll tear it, he says.
LAZARILLO
Most admirable Blurt, I am a man of war and profess fighting.
BLURT
I charge you, in the duke’s name, keep the peace.
LAZARILLO
By your sweet favour, most dear Blurt, you charge too fast; I am a hanger-on upon Mars, and have a few crowns.
PILCHER
Two, his own and mine.
LAZARILLO
And desire you to point out a fair lodging for me and my train.
BLURT
’Tis my office, signior, to take men up a-nights; but if you will, my maids shall take you up a-mornings, since you profess fighting. I will commit you, signior, to mine own house; but will you pitch and pay, or will your worship run —
LAZARILLO
I scorn to run from the face of Thamer Cham.
BLURT
Then, sir, you mean not to run?
LAZARILLO
Signior, no.
BLURT
Bear witness, Slubber, that his answer is, Signior No: so now if he runs upon the score, I have him straight upon Signior No. This is my house, signior; enter.
LAZARILLO
March, excellent Blurt. Attend, Pilcher.
Exeunt [Lazarillo, Blurt, and Slubber]. Enter Doyt and Dandiprat.
PILCHER
Upon your trencher, signior, most hungerly.
DOYT
Now, sirrah, where’s thy master?
PILCHER
The constable has press’d him.
DOYT
What, for a soldier?
PILCHER
Ay, for a soldier; but ere he’ll go, I think, indeed, he and I shall press the constable.
Complete Dramatic Works of Thomas Dekker Page 103