Never your wife.
War. Canst thou be so unkind,
Considering how dearly I affect thee,
Nay, dote on thy perfections?
Sus. You are studied,
Too scholar-like, in words I understand not.
I am too coarse for such a gallant’s love
As you are.
War. By the honour of gentility, —
Sus. Good sir, no swearing; yea and nay with us
Prevail above all oaths you can invent.
War. By this white hand of thine, —
Sus. Take a false oath!
Fie, fie! flatter the wise; fools not regard it,
And one of these am I.
War. Dost thou despise me?
Car. Let ’em talk on, Master Thorney; I know Sue’s mind. The fly may buzz about the candle, he shall but singe his wings when all’s done; Frank, Frank is he has her heart.
Som. But shall I live in hope, Kate?
Kath. Better so
Than be a desperate man.
Som. Perhaps thou think’st it is thy portion
I level at: wert thou as poor in fortunes
As thou art rich in goodness, I would rather
Be suitor for the dower of thy virtues
Than twice thy father’s whole estate; and, prithee,
Be thou resolved so.
Kath. Master Somerton,
It is an easy labour to deceive
A maid that will believe men’s subtle promises;
Yet I conceive of you as worthily
As I presume you to deserve.
Som. Which is,
As worthily in loving thee sincerely
As thou art worthy to be so beloved.
Kath. I shall find time to try you.
Som. Do, Kate, do;
And when I fail, may all my joys forsake me!
Car. Warbeck and Sue are at it still. I laugh to myself, Master Thorney, to see how earnestly he beats the bush, while the bird is flown into another’s bosom. A very unthrift, Master Thorney; one of the country roaring-lads: we have such as well as the city, and as arrant rake-hells as they are, though not so nimble at their prizes of wit. Sue knows the rascal to an hair’s-breadth, and will fit him accordingly.
O. Thor. What is the other gentleman?
Car. One Somerton; the honester man of the two by five pound in every stone-weight. A civil fellow; he has a fine convenient estate of land in West Ham, by Essex: Master Ranges, that dwells by Enfield, sent him hither. He likes Kate well; I may tell you I think she likes him as well: if they agree, I’ll not hinder the match for my part. But that Warbeck is such another — I use him kindly for Master Somerton’s sake; for he came hither first as a companion of his: honest men, Master Thorney, may fall into knaves’ company now and then.
War. Three hundred a-year jointure, Sue.
Sus. Where lies it?
By sea or by land? I think by sea.
War. Do I look like a captain?
Sus. Not a whit, sir.
Should all that use the seas be reckoned captains,
There’s not a ship should have a scullion in her
To keep her clean.
War. Do you scorn me, Mistress Susan?
Am I a subject to be jeered at?
Sus. Neither
Am I a property for you to use
As stale to your fond wanton loose discourse:
Pray, sir, be civil.
War. Wilt be angry, wasp?
Car. God-a-mercy, Sue! she’ll firk him, on my life, if he fumble with her.
Enter Frank.
Master Francis Thorney, you are welcome indeed; your father expected your coming. How does the right worshipful knight, Sir Arthur Clarington, your master?
Frank. In health this morning. — Sir, my duty.
O. Thor. Now
You come as I could wish.
War. [Aside] Frank Thorney, ha!
Sus. You must excuse me.
Frank. Virtuous Mistress Susan,
Kind Mistress Katharine. [Kisses them.] — Gentlemen, to both
Good time o’ th’ day.
Som. The like to you.
War. ’Tis he.
A word, friend. [Aside to Som.] On my life, this is the man
Stands fair in crossing Susan’s love to me.
Som. [Aside to War.] I think no less; be wise, and take no notice on’t;
He that can win her best deserves her.
War. [Aside to Som.] Marry
A serving-man? mew!
Som. [Aside to War.] Prithee, friend, no more.
Car. Gentlemen all, there’s within a slight dinner ready, if you please to taste of it; Master Thorney, Master Francis, Master Somerton. — Why, girls! what huswives! will you spend all your forenoon in tittle-tattles? away! it’s well, i’faith. — Will you go in, gentlemen?
O. Thor. We’ll follow presently; my son and I
Have a few words of business.
Car. At your pleasure. [Exeunt all but O. Thor. and Frank.
O. Thor. I think you guess the reason, Frank, for which
I sent for you.
Frank. Yes, sir.
O. Thor. I need not tell you
With what a labyrinth of dangers daily
The best part of my whole estate’s encumbered;
Nor have I any clue to wind it out
But what occasion proffers me; wherein
If you should falter, I shall have the shame,
And you the loss. On these two points rely
Our happiness or ruin. If you marry
With wealthy Carter’s daughter, there’s a portion
Will free my land; all which I will instate,
Upon the marriage, to you: otherwise
I must be of necessity enforced
To make a present sale of all; and yet,
For aught I know, live in as poor distress,
Or worse, than now I do. You hear the sum?
I told you thus before; have you considered on’t?
Frank. I have, sir; and however I could wish
To enjoy the benefit of single freedom, —
For that I find no disposition in me
To undergo the burthen of that care
That marriage brings with it, — yet, to secure
And settle the continuance of your credit,
I humbly yield to be directed by you
In all commands.
O. Thor. You have already used
Such thriving protestations to the maid
That she is wholly yours; and — speak the truth —
You love her, do you not?
Frank. ‘Twere pity, sir,
I should deceive her.
O. Thor. Better you’d been unborn.
But is your love so steady that you mean,
Nay, more, desire, to make her your wife?
Frank. Else, sir,
It were a wrong not to be righted.
O. Thor. True,
It were: and you will marry her?
Frank. Heaven prosper it,
I do intend it.
O. Thor. O, thou art a villain!
A devil like a man! Wherein have I
Offended all the powers so much, to be
Father to such a graceless, godless son?
Frank. To me, sir, this! O, my cleft heart!
O. Thor. To thee,
Son of my curse. Speak truth and blush, thou monster!
Hast thou not married Winnifred, a maid
Was fellow-servant with thee?
Frank [Aside]. Some swift spirit
Has blown this news abroad; I must outface it.
O. Thor. D’ you study for excuse? why, all the country
Is full on’t.
Frank. With your licence, ’tis not charitable,
I’m sure it is not fatherly, so much
To be o’erswayed with credulous conceit
Of mere impossibilities; but fathers
Are privileged to think and talk
at pleasure.
O. Thor. Why, canst thou yet deny thou hast no wife?
Frank. What do you take me for? an atheist?
One that nor hopes the blessedness of life
Hereafter, neither fears the vengeance due
To such as make the marriage-bed an inn,
Which travellers, day and night,
After a toilsome lodging, leave at pleasure?
Am I become so insensible of losing
The glory of creation’s work, my soul?
O, I have lived too long!
O. Thor. Thou hast, dissembler.
Dar’st thou perséver yet, and pull down wrath
As hot as flames of hell to strike thee quick
Into the grave of horror? I believe thee not;
Get from my sight!
Frank. Sir, though mine innocence
Needs not a stronger witness than the clearness
Of an unperished conscience, yet for that
I was informed how mainly you had been
Possessed of this untruth, — to quit all scruple,
Please you peruse this letter; ’tis to you.
O. Thor. From whom?
Frank. Sir Arthur Clarington, my master.
O. Thor. Well, sir. [Reads.
Frank [Aside]. On every side I am distracted;
Am waded deeper into mischief
Than virtue can avoid; but on I must:
Fate leads me; I will follow. — There you read
What may confirm you.
O. Thor. Yes, and wonder at it.
Forgive me, Frank; credulity abused me.
My tears express my joy; and I am sorry
I injured innocence.
Frank. Alas! I knew
Your rage and grief proceeded from your love
To me; so I conceived it.
O. Thor. My good son,
I’ll bear with many faults in thee hereafter;
Bear thou with mine.
Frank. The peace is soon concluded.
Re-enter Carter and Susan.
Car. Why, Master Thorney, d’ye mean to talk out your dinner? the company attends your coming. What must it be, Master Frank? or son Frank? I am plain Dunstable.
O. Thor. Son, brother, if your daughter like to have it so.
Frank. I dare be confident she is not altered
From what I left her at our parting last: —
Are you, fair maid?
Sus. You took too sure possession
Of an engagèd heart.
Frank. Which now I challenge.
Car. Marry, and much good may it do thee, son.
Take her to thee; get me a brace of boys at a burthen,
Frank; the nursing shall not stand thee in a pennyworth
of milk; reach her home and spare not: when’s
the day?
O. Thor. To-morrow, if you please. To use ceremony
Of charge and custom were to little purpose;
Their loves are married fast enough already.
Car. A good motion. We’ll e’en have an household dinner, and let the fiddlers go scrape: let the bride and bridegroom dance at night together; no matter for the guests: — to-morrow, Sue, to-morrow. — Shall’s to dinner now?
O. Thor. We are on all sides pleased, I hope.
Sus. Pray Heaven I may deserve the blessing sent me:
Now my heart is settled.
Frank. So is mine.
Car. Your marriage-money shall be received before your wedding-shoes can be pulled on. Blessing on you both!
Frank [Aside]. No man can hide his shame from Heaven that views him;
In vain he flees whose destiny pursues him. [Exeunt.
ACT THE SECOND.
SCENE I. — The Fields near Edmonton.
ENTER MOTHER SAWYER gathering sticks.
Mother Sawyer. And why on me? why should the envious world
Throw all their scandalous malice upon me?
‘Cause I am poor, deformed, and ignorant,
And like a bow buckled and bent together
By some more strong in mischiefs than myself,
Must I for that be made a common sink
For all the filth and rubbish of men’s tongues
To fall and run into? Some call me witch,
And being ignorant of myself, they go
About to teach me how to be one; urging
That my bad tongue — by their bad usage made so —
Forspeaks their cattle, doth bewitch their corn,
Themselves, their servants, and their babes at nurse.
This they enforce upon me, and in part
Make me to credit it; and here comes one
Of my chief adversaries.
Enter Old Banks.
O. Banks. Out, out upon thee, witch!
M. Saw. Dost call me witch?
O. Banks. I do, witch, I do; and worse I would, knew I a name more hateful. What makest thou upon my ground?
M. Saw. Gather a few rotten sticks to warm me.
O. Banks. Down with them when I bid thee quickly; I’ll make thy bones rattle in thy skin else.
M. Saw. You won’t, churl, cut-throat, miser! — there they be [Throws them down]: would they stuck cross thy throat, thy bowels, thy maw, thy midriff!
O. Banks. Sayest thou me so, hag? Out of my ground! [Beats her.
M. Saw. Dost strike me, slave, curmudgeon! Now, thy bones ache, thy joints cramp, and convulsions stretch and crack thy sinews!
O. Banks. Cursing, thou hag! take that and that. [Beats her and exit.
M. Saw. Strike, do! — and withered may that hand and arm
Whose blows have lamed me drop from the rotten trunk.
Abuse me! beat me! call me hag and witch!
What is the name, where and by what art learned,
What spells, what charms, or invocations,
May the thing called Familiar be purchased?
Enter Cuddy Banks and several other Clowns.
Cud. A new head for the tabor, and silver tipping for the pipe; remember that: and forget not five leash of new bells.
1st Cl. Double bells; — Crooked Lane — ye shall have ’em straight in Crooked Lane: — double bells all, if it be possible.
Cud. Double bells? double coxcombs! trebles, buy me trebles, all trebles; for our purpose is to be in the altitudes.
2nd Cl. All trebles? not a mean?
Cud. Not one. The morris is so cast, we’ll have neither mean nor base in our company, fellow Rowland.
3rd Cl. What! nor a counter?
Cud. By no means, no hunting counter; leave that to Enfield Chase men: all trebles, all in the altitudes. Now for the disposing of parts in the morris, little or no labour will serve.
2nd Cl. If you that be minded to follow your leader know me — an ancient honour belonging to our house — for a fore-horse i’ th’ team and fore-gallant in a morris, my father’s stable is not unfurnished.
3rd Cl. So much for the fore-horse; but how for a good hobby-horse?
Cud. For a hobby-horse? let me see an almanac. Midsummer-moon, let me see ye. “When the moon’s in the full, then’s wit in the wane.” No more. Use your best skill; your morris will suffer an eclipse.
1st Cl. An eclipse?
Cud. A strange one.
2nd Cl. Strange?
Cud. Yes, and most sudden. Remember the fore-gallant, and forget the hobby-horse! The whole body of your morris will be darkened. — There be of us — but ’tis no matter: — forget the hobby-horse!
1st Cl. Cuddy Banks! — have you forgot since he paced it from Enfield Chase to Edmonton? — Cuddy, honest Cuddy, cast thy stuff.
Cud. Suffer may ye all! it shall be known, I can take mine ease as well as another man. Seek your hobby-horse where you can get him.
1st Cl. Cuddy, honest Cuddy, we confess, and are sorry for our neglect.
2nd Cl. The old horse shall have a new bridle.
3rd Cl. The caparisons new painted.
4th Cl. The tail repaired. Th
e snaffle and the bosses new saffroned o’er.
1st Cl. Kind, —
2nd Cl. Honest, —
3rd Cl. Loving, ingenious, —
4th Cl. Affable Cuddy.
Cud. To show I am not flint, but affable, as you say, very well stuffed, a kind of warm dough or puff-paste, I relent, I connive, most affable Jack. Let the hobby-horse provide a strong back, he shall not want a belly when I am in him — but [Seeing Sawyer]— ‘uds me, Mother Sawyer!
1st Cl. The old Witch of Edmonton! — if our mirth be not crossed —
2nd Cl. Bless us, Cuddy, and let her curse her t’other eye out. — What dost now?
Cud. “Ungirt, unblest,” says the proverb; but my girdle shall serve for a riding knot; and a fig for all the witches in Christendom! — What wouldst thou?
1st Cl. The devil cannot abide to be crossed.
2nd Cl. And scorns to come at any man’s whistle.
3rd Cl. Away —
4th Cl. With the witch!
All. Away with the Witch of Edmonton! [Exeunt in strange postures.
M. Saw. Still vexed! still tortured! that curmudgeon Banks
Is ground of all my scandal; I am shunned
And hated like a sickness; made a scorn
To all degrees and sexes. I have heard old beldams
Talk of familiars in the shape of mice,
Rats, ferrets, weasels, and I wot not what,
That have appeared, and sucked, some say, their blood;
But by what means they came acquainted with them
I am now ignorant. Would some power, good or bad,
Instruct me which way I might be revenged
Upon this churl, I’d go out of myself,
And give this fury leave to dwell within
This ruined cottage ready to fall with age,
Abjure all goodness, be at hate with prayer,
And study curses, imprecations,
Blasphemous speeches, oaths, detested oaths,
Or anything that’s ill: so I might work
Revenge upon this miser, this black cur,
That barks and bites, and sucks the very blood
Of me and of my credit. ’Tis all one
To be a witch as to be counted one:
Vengeance, shame, ruin light upon that canker!
Enter a Black Dog.
Dog. Ho! have I found thee cursing? now thou art
Mine own.
M. Saw. Thine! what art thou?
Dog. He thou hast so often
Importuned to appear to thee, the devil.
M. Saw. Bless me! the devil?
Dog. Come, do not fear; I love thee much too well
To hurt or fright thee; if I seem terrible,
It is to such as hate me. I have found
Complete Dramatic Works of Thomas Dekker Page 173