Haue you not a longing desire, to know the names of the generals that are to commaund these expected armies; and from what countries they come? what forces march with them? and what warlike Stratagems they stand vpon?
I haue a little before roughly drawne the picture of one of them; the Princesse her selfe being barbarous, néedy, of great power by reason of her people, but far vnable to kéepe them in pay, or in order, they themselues (how valiant soeuer they bée) being likewise all together, vntrained and indisciplinable, yet full of courage, and desire to set vpon the Enemy.
Whose Army though it consist not of such multitudes, (number being oftentimes the confusions of battailes) yet is the Empresse, vnder whose collours they fight, full of riches (which are the sinews of Warre) of great commaund, feared and loued, yea adored as a Diety, of a Maiesticall presence of incomparable bewty. Such a one, that euen the very sight of her is a Charme strong enough to make me¯ venture their liues in the quarrell of her right.
Kings are to her beholden, for she often sends them suplies, and therefore pay they homage vnto her. Her Captaines are pollitik & fight rather vpon aduantages, then vpon equality, her soldiers braue & resolute, hardly drawne to venture into dangres, but when they are in, a thousand Stratagems vse they to saue themselues: what they get they kéepe, which is one of ye noblest points belonging to a souldier, for it is more hard to vse a victory wel after it is gotten, then it is to get it. The name of this latter Princesse, is ye renowned Empres Argurion (Mony) The name of the former, is that warlike Virago famd ouer all ye earth, for her hardines, called Pouerty. Now to the intent that ye whole world (as an indifferent Iudge may arbitrate the wrongs done by betwéene these two states, & by that meanes find out which of them both come into the field wt vniust armes: you shal vnderstand ye Pouerty being sundry waies déeply indebted to ye kingdome of Money, as hauing beene from time to time relieued by her and not being well able to maintaine herselfe in her owne dominions, but that Money hath sent her in prouision, it had béene neither policy, neither could it stand with her honour, that Pouerty should first breake the league, neither indéede hath she, but hath euer had a de•ire to be in amity rather with ye excellent Princesse, then with any other Monarch whatsoeuer. But ye golden mines of the west & east Indies, (ouer which the other Empresse is sole Soueraigne, swelling vp her bosome with pride, couetousnesse, and ambition, as they doe her coffers with treasure, made her to disdaine the miserable poore Quéene, & in that height of scorne, to hate the holding of any confederacy with her, that she on the soddaine, (most treacherously and most tyrannously) laboured by all possible courses, not onely to driue the subiects of Pouerty from hauing commerce in any of her rich & so populous Cities, but also wrought (by the cruelty of her own ministers, and those about her) to roote the name, not onely of that infortunate and deiected Princesse, from the earth, but euen to banish all her people to wander into desarts, & to perish, she cared not how or where.
Hereupon strict proclamation went thundring, vp and downe her dominions, charging her wealthy subiects, not to negotiate any longer with these beggers, that flocke dayly to her kingdome, strong guards were planted at euery gate, to barre their entrance into Cities, whipping-postes and other terrible engines, were aduaunced in euery street to send the¯ home bléeding new, if they were take¯ wandring (like shéep broken out of leane pastures into fat) out of their owne liberties, Constables were chosen of purpose that had Marble in their hearts, thornes in their tonges, and flintstones like pearles) in their eies, and none cou•d be admitted into the office of a Beadle, vnles he brought a certificate from Paris Garden, that he had béene a Beare-ward, and could play the Bandog brauely in baiting poore Christians at a stake, better then curres (there) baite the Bull, or then Butchers Mastiues, when they worry one another.
These peales of small shot, thus terribly going off, the poore Hungarians (with their pennilesse Princesse) did not onely not shew a fowle paire of héeles, to flye to saue themselues (as it was to be feared they would haue done, like cowardly peasants) but rather they grew desperate, and sticking closly, (like Prentises vpon Shrouetwuesday one to another, they vowed (come death), come diuels) to stand against whole bands of browne rusty bille-men, though for their labours they were sure to be knockt downe like Oxen for the slaughter; but a number of •ack-strawes being amongst them, and opening whole Cades of councell in a cause so dangerous, they were all turned to dry powder, took fire of resolution, and so went off with this thundring noise, that they would dy like men, though they were but poore knaues, and counted the stinkards and scum of the world: and yet as rash as they were they would not run headlong vpon the mouth of the Canon No, but like snailes pulling in the hornes of their fury, they hid their heades for a time, either (like spies to watch for aduantages, or to try if this rotten whéele of Fortune would turne, and that the broken world could mend, but all the waters of chastity and goodnesse being poisoned, of which they both thirsted, & hoped to drinke: and all the wayes to come to the presence of Money, at whose féete they would haue fallen, and complained of their wrongs, being likewise cut off, & none of their thréed-bare company, vpon paine of death, daring to stand within ten miles of her Court gates, for feare they should either lift them off the hinges and steale them quite away, (being all of beaten gold) or else cunningly in the night time, should file off handfuls (like pin-dust, thereby to enrich themselues, she being their vowed enemie. It was therefore by a generall voice concluded, that they would all put themselues into armes, and for that purpose went in swarmes to the Court of Pouerty, (their good Lady and mistresse) and neuer gaue ouer balling in their eares, till shee had sworne by her crowne, though she had scarce two shillings in her purse, that open warre should presently be proclaimed against that arrogant haughty, ambitious Tyrant Money. Hereupon pouerty summoned her councel for war, together they came, and being set, shée at large laide open what wrongs and dishonors her enemy had done to her & her subiects, withal declaring how willing her poore people were to venture their liues in her quarrell, and that their very fingers itched to be doing with the rich chuffes, and Usurers, and others that were seruants, or rather slaues to Money, adding moreouer, that a number of her enemies subiects too wel known by the name of Banck-rupts (being a great and auncient family in her greatest City) haue of late gotten other mens goods into their hands, spending them basely and villanously in prisons, colouring this their politicke theft, by giuing out, that they are subiects to Pouerty, albeit they were neuer suffered to harbour in her dominions. To cleare herselfe of these, and such like imputations and dishonorable scandals, as also to let Money know, that she hath more right to those townes & Cities to which she pretendeth sole claime then Money hath her selfe, and that like a Prince, though her coffers be not so full, nor he• forces so able, she purposeth to defend her owne title, & not to loose one foote of that which was left to herby her Ancestors, all of them comming out of old & ancient houses, it is therefore her resolution, to send defiance to her insolent enemy, and to that end (for their aide and Aduice, hath she thos called them before her.
Her councellors applauded ye courage of their Princesse, and (being first brought on their knées) g•ue her reasons to goe forward in so iust a warre. All of them for the most part being glad, that the Golden age should now come amongst them, and proudly reioycing that they should bid battaile to so rich an enemy as Money and her to haue about with whom, they haue for a long time had both a desire, and waited for aduantage to picke a quarrell.
Those that were at this time of Pouerties counsel, were then well beaten to the world all of them great , such as had seene many countries: As hardy as they were wise, i• shall not be amisse in this place, to draw the liuelie pictures of them, because if any of their owne countrimen happen to behold them their report may co¯•irme the trueth of all that is h•re related. Their names are these:
COUNCELLORS TO POUERTY.
Discontent.
Hunger.
Sloth.
Industry.
; Despaire.
Carelesnesse.
Repining.
Beggery.
Miserie.
DISCONTENT had a graue coun•enance, somewhat inclining to melancholie, temperate of spéech, and sparing in diet, not caring either for pleasures, or gréedy of honours: but (as a man that is wearie of the world for the impieties in it) wishing rather to die then to liue. One thing was noted in him more then in any other Courtier, that in all his life time, hee had neuer béene a teuellor, nor euer courted Lady, he séem’d indifferent whether the warres went forward or not: yet inwardly more gréeued at the wrongs of his Prince, then at any iniuries that could be done to himselfe.
Despaire and Carelesnesse were brothers, & in great fauour with Pouety (their Princess•) she neuer was well but when one of them was in her company, yet the wiser sort thought that they did much mischéefe to the State. Despaire was not bel•ued by reason of his crueltie: for if hee got any man into his hands, hee hung him vp presentlie.
Hunger was one of the best commanders for warre, that was in all the Land: a man of almost an inuincible stomack, hée had euerthrowne many armies, & sped most fortunately at the besieging of a Towne or Cittie, where continually he vseth to behaue himselfe so valiantly that no stone w•ll (of what height or strength whatsoeuer) is able to hold him out: yet is hee not accounted so •ound a common wealths man as some of the rest, for that it is imagined, hee loues the enemy better then his owne country, & if occasion were offered, would rather fly to Money then serue Pouerty (his Soueraigne.) A great transporter of corne he hath beene from time to time: for which cause the people hate him in their hearts, and dee now and then openly cry out against him with such clamor•, that he hath béene glad to stop their mouthes. The onely good that he doth, and indéede the only cause for which the kingdome loues him, is that when hee leads men on in any hot piece of seruice, they get such stomacks by séeing ho•• brauely he laies about him, that they neuer come off stil they be satisfied, béeing as good to them as meate and •rinke.
Sloth, by reason that he is troubled with the gout, bu•ies himselfe little with State matters, he hath lyen bed-•id for many yéeres, and gréeues that any stir should be made in the common wealth he was neuer either •ilter or trauellor, his body being weake and subiect to diseases, which made him vnapt for both.
Repining w•s the onely man, that whetted on both his Prince and her subiects to go forward in these warres: for he could by no means abide either Money or her followers, it fretted him more to sée any of them prosper, then if himselfe had fallen into the lowest misfortune. He dealt altogether in Monopolies: for which the people gaue him many bitter curses, and those (I thinke) kéepe his body so leane.
Industry, was a goodly personage, a faithfull friend to his Prince, and a father to his country, a great Lawyer, & a déepe scholler, stout in warre, and prouident in peace. Pouerty (whom he serued) did often say, that two such councellors (as Industry) were able vpon their shoulders onely to support any State in the world. In deare yeeres, when the Land had beene ready to sterue, hath he reléeued it, and turned dearth into plenty: his head is euer full of cares, not for himselfe so much as for the people, whom hee loues and tenders as déerely as if they were his kindred: yet stand they not so well affected to him, because he compelles them to take paines, when tis their naturall inclination (like Drones) to liue basely, and to féede upon the bread that the sweat of other mens browes doe earne. A good States man he is, and a louer of peace, séeking rather to draw Money to be stil in league with Pouerty, then to haue them thus at defiance one against another.
Beggery, and Miserie, are so well knowne to vs, I shall not néede to draw their faces.
These councellors, after many arguments, weighed out to prooue the necessity either of warre or peace at the last concluded vpon the former. The drumme was therefore struck vp, to •ry what voluntaries would offer themselues: but few uoluntaries (or none at all) came in. Then went forth a uery streight command, to presse not onely all masterlesse men, but all others of what condition or profession soeuer, that liued vnder the subiection of Pouerty.
The Captaines Lieftenants, Corporals, Serieants, and the companies that were casheard and cast, vpon concluding of the late league in the low Countries, hearing of these new wa•res, threw vp their old weather-beaten hattes wt torne fethers in them, fetcht capers aboue ground, danced, swere, drunke tobacko, and Dutch béere, and after they had fallen on their knées cursing for halfe an howre together, all truces, leagues, confederacies, & combinations of peace, they bitterly cryed out vpon the proud and tyranous gouernement of Money: some of them damning themselues to the pit of hell, if euer they could but finger her, they would see an vtter confusion and end of her: because for her sake, and vpon her golden promises they had ventured their liues, spent their blood, lost legs and armes, had béene pinched wt cold parched with heate fed vpon cabbage, vpon rootes, & vpon Christmas day (in stead of minched pyes) had no better chéere then prouant (mouldy Holland chéfe, and course browne bread) not a rag to their backes, yes, rags more the¯ they cared for: but not thrée sti•ers among fiue of them. They therefore uowed to serue Pouerty, to liue and dye wt her, and with all their forces to set vpon Money, who had made them slaues to the world, not rewarding the¯ to their merit: and thereupon striking vp their drum, and spreading their tottered cullors which hung full of honour, because it was full of holes, and was indéede no bigger, nay scarce so big, as the flagge of a Play-house, away they came (troopewise) with bag and baggage marching, and were receiued (as old soldiers should be) at the hands of Pouerty, she sweating by her birth, and the fame of her Ancestors (who were well knowne farre and néere) that she would neuer forsake their company, but sticke to them euen to the death.
The businesse thus successefully thriuing at the first, gaue encouragement to all to haue it set forward, so that precepts were forthwith directed to the Hals of euery Company, who albeit they had furnished the Queene of siluer and gold (Mony) with certaine voluntary hands of sound approued souldiers: Yet (because they themselues, that were old growne okes, cared not how many paltry low bushes that nestled vnder their shadowes were cut downe) they prest ten times more of euery trade, to fight vnder the banner of Pouerty, than those were that went to serue her enemy. Yet was it a long time ere the Handicrafts men could be mustred together: for Carelessenes (one of the former councellours) whose ambition consisted in popular greatnesse, and had stolne the hearts of the common people, gaue them a pr•uy inck••ng of the presse before it ca•••orth, and wished them to shut for themselues, by being dispersed, •or a time abroad, whose counsel they following, threw by their tooles, neglected their trades fled from their shops, and spent both their gettings and their goods in common bowlingallies, dicing houses and alehouses. But proclamation being made, That vpon paine of death they should all (by such an howre) be ready to come into the field, and fight for Pouerty (their soueraigne Lady and mistres.) It is incredible to be spoken, what infinite multitudes of all occupations, (some yong, some old, were in a short time assembled together.
Schollers hearing of this, fled from the Uniuersities, and made such hast to be in pay with Pouerty (whom they had knowne a long time) that some of them had scarce put shoes to their seete: The Queene bestowed very good words vppon them, because Schollers had alwayes béene fauored by her progenitors, and (vpon her bare command) they tooke such place vnder her in the Army, as was sutable to their professions.
Young Gentlemen, that neither durst walke vp and downe the Citty, for feare of Rauens and Rites, that houered to catch them in their tallons, and could get no entertainement in the court of Money, because they were yonger brothers, and condemned by the verduict of Silkemen and Mercers to be most Desperate fellowes: yet were they all wellcome to Pouerty.
These yonger Brothers were appointed to stand Insans perdus (or the Forlorne hope) because though they had little to loose but their liues: yet they should wi•ne honour, nay perhaps knighthood, which in these dayes are better then
lands: is fat widdewes can be but drawne to nibble at that worshipfull ba•te. And for that purpose did a goodly troupe of knights put them selues (as knights errant) into Armes, in defence of ye innocent wronged Lady, (Pouerty) which Cheualiers, though they durst not (as some ill-tongd people gaue out) shew their heads in the Cittie: yet were they appointed Masters of the field, and had the charge of the most resolute troopes that were to scale the Cittie (If the enemie should cowardly happen to fly thether) and to ransacke all the Mercers and Gold-smiths shops, not so much to set frée the silkes, veluets, plate and iewels imprisond most cruelly in them, as to vndoe the old Cittizens, & then to marry their yong wiues, and so to raise them vp to honour in their most knightly posteritie.
A regiment of old seruingmen were sworne the guard to Pouerties person, of whom there was great hope, that they would both stand stifly to her in any danger, and if ye maine battailes did euer ioyne, would be the onely Canonéeres to breake their ranckes, because they had such excellent skill in charging and discharging of the great Bombard.
There came in some seuen thousand Banckrouts, offering their seruice to the distressed and wronged Princesse, who gaue them thankes for their loue: yet was she fearefull to trust them, because a number in her owne army exclaimed vpon them, as the ranckest villaines in a common wealth, and that they had vndone them, their wiues and children: But the dangers wherein they now all stoode, requiring rather hands to punish the wrongs done by an enemie, then to rip vp old wounds of their owne. Those seuen thousand had the ordering of all fire-workes, Mines, and countermines, as béeing the onely rare fellowes for damnable and spéedy blowing vp of men in any assault.
The vanguard béeing filled vp thus with their troopes before named, a stoute company of honest Housholders, (whose seruants like Acteons dogs, had with whoring, dicing and drinking eaten vp their Masters) came brauely vp in the Reare: their wings consisted of schoolemasters, husbandmen, fencers, Knights of the Poste, and such like, who had all vowed by the crosse of their swords, and by the honour of a souldier to die at Pouerties féete.
Complete Dramatic Works of Thomas Dekker Page 216