1 When Horse-coursers trauaile to country faires, they are called Iynglers.
2 When they haue the leading of the Horse, and serue in Smithfield, they are Drouers.
3 They that stand by and cony-catch the Chapman, either with Out-bidding, false-praises, &c. are called Goades.
4 The hoyes, striplings, &c. that haue the ryding of the Iades vy and downe, are called Skip-iackes.
IACKE IN A BOXE: OR A NEW KINDE OF CHEATING, TEACHING HOW TO CHANGE GOLDE INTO SILUER: VNTO WHICH IS ADDED A MAP, BY WHICH A MAN MAY LEARNE HOW TO TRAUELL ALL OUER ENGLAND, AND HAUE HIS CHARGES BORNE. CHAP. XI.
HOW many Trees of Euill are growing in this countrie, how tall they are, how Mellow is their fruit, and how gréedily gathered, so much ground doe they take vp, and so thickly doe they stand together, that it séemeth a kingdom can bring forth no more of their nature, yes, yes, there are not halfe so many Riuers in Hell, in which a soule may saile to damnation, as there are BlackeStreames of Mischiefe and Villany (besides all those which in our Now-two Voyages wée haue ventured so many leagues vp, for discouerie) in which thousandes of people are continually swimming, and euerie minute in danger vtterly to be cast away.
The Horse-Courser of hell, after hée had durtyed him-selfe with ryding vp and downe Smithfield, and hauing his beast vnder him, gallopped away amaine to beholde a race of fiue myles by a couple of Running-Horses, vpon whose swiftnesse great summes of money were laide in wagers. In which Schoole of Horse-manship (wherein for the most part none but Gallants are the Studients) hée construed but strange Lectures of Abuses: hée could make large Comments vpon those that are the Runners of those Races, and could teach others how to loose fortie or fiftie pound pollitickely in the fore-noone, and in the after-noone (with the selfe-same Gelding) to winne a thousand markes in fiue or sixe myles riding. Hée could tell how Gentlemen are fetched in and made younger brothers, and how your new Knight comes to be a Couzen of this Race. Hée could draw the true pictures of some fellowes, that dyet these Running-Horses, who for a bribe of forty shillings can by a false Dye, make their owne Maisters loose a hundred pound a race. Hée could shew more craftie Foxes in this wildegoose chase, then there are white Foxes in Russia, and more strange Horse-trickes plaide by such Riders, then Bankes his curtall did euer practise (whose Gamballs of the two, were the honester.)
But because this sort of Birdes haue many feathers to loose, before they can féele any colde, hée suffers them to make their owne flight, knowing that prodigalls doe but test at the stripes which other mens rods giue them, and neuer complaine of smarting, till they are whip’d with their owne.
In euerie Corner did he finde Serpents ingendering: vnder euerie roofe some impyetie or other lay breeding: but at last perceiuing that the most part of men were by the sorcerie of their own diuelish conditions transformed into Wolues, and being so changed were more brutish & bloody, then those that were Wolues by nature: his spléene leap’d against his ribbes with laughter, and in the height of that ioy, resolued to write the villanies of the world in Folio, and to dedicate them in priuate to his Lord and Maister, because hée knew him to be an openhanded patron, albeit he was no great louer of schollers.
But hauing begunne one picture of a certaine strange Beast, (called Iacke in a Boxe) that onely (because the Citie had giuen money already to sée it) hée finished: and in these colours was Iacke in a Boxe drawne. It hath the head of a man (the face well bearded) the eyes of a Hawke, the tongue of a Lap-wing, which saies heere it is, when the nest is a good way off: it hath the stomacke of an Estrich, and can disgest siluer, as easily as that Bird doth Yron. It hath the pawes of a Beare instead of handes, for whatsoeuer it fastneth vpon it houldes: From the middle downe-wardes, it is made like a Gray-hound, and is so swift of foote, that if it once get the Start of you, a whole Kennel of Hounds cannot ouertake it. It loues to hunt dry-foote, and can Scent a Traine in no ground so well as the Citie, and yet not in all places of the Citie. But hée is best in Scenting betwéene Ludgate and Temple-barre: and it is thought that his next hunting shall be betwéene Lumbard-streete and the Gold smithes Row in Cheadeside. Thus much for his outward parts, now you shall haue him vnrip’d, and sée his inward.
This Iacke in a Boxe, or this Deuill in mans shape, wearing (like a player on a Stage, good cloathes on his backe, comes to a Golde-smithes Stall, to a Drapers, a Haberdashers, or into any other shop where hée knows good store of siluer faces are to be séene. And there drawing foorth a faire new boxe, hammered all out of Siluer Plate, hée opens it, and powres foorth twentie or forty Twentie-shilling-peeces in New Golde. To which heape of Worldly-Temptation, thus much hée addes in words, that either hee him-selfe, or such a Gentleman (to whom hée belongs) hath an occasion for foure or fiue daies to vse fortie pound. But because hée is verie shortly, (nay hée knows not how suddenly) to trauaile to Venice, to Ierusalem or so, and would not willingly be disfurnished of Golde, hée dooth therefore request the Cittizen to lend (vpon those Forty twenty-shilling-peeces) so much in white money (but for foure, fiue or sixe daies at most) and for his good-will hée shall receiue any reasonable satisfaction. The Cittizen (knowing the pawne to be better then a Bond) powres downe fortie pound in siluer, the other drawes it, and leauing so much golde in Hostage, marcheth away with Bag and Baggage.
Fiue daies being expired, Iacke in a boxe (according to his Bargaine) being a man of his word, comes againe to the Shop or stall (at which hée angles for fresh fish) and there casting out his line with the siluer hooke, that is to say, pouring out the fortie pound which hée borrowed, The Cittizen sends in, or steps himselfe for the Boxe with the Golden deuill in it: it is opened, and the army of angels being mustred together, they are all found to be there. The Boxe is shut agen and set on the Stall, whilst the Cittizen is telling of his money: But whilst this musicke is sounding, Iacke in a Boxe actes his part in a dumb shew thus; hée shifts out of his fingers another Boxe of the Tame mettall and making, that the former beares, which second Boxe is filled onely with shillings and being poized in the hand, shall séeme to cary the weight of the former, and is clap’d down in place of the first. The Cittizen in the meane time (whilst this Pit-fall is made for him) telling the fortie poundes, mi••eth thirtie or fortie shilling in the whole summe, at which the Iacke in a Boxe starting backe (as if it were a matter strange vnto him) at last making a gathering within himselfe) for his wits, hée remembers (hée saies) that hée said by so much money as is wanting (of the fortie poundes) to dispatch some businesse or other, and forgot to put it into the Bag againe, notwithstanding, hée intreates the Cittizen, to kéepe his Golde still, hée will take the white money home to fetch the rest, and make vp the Summe, his absence shall not be aboue an houre or two: before which time hée shall be sure to heare of him, and with this the little Diuell vanisheth, carrying that away with him, which in the end will send him to the Gallowes, (that is to say, his owne Gold,) and fortie pound besides of the Shop-kéepers, which hée borrowed, the other being glad to take fortie shillings for the whole debt, and yet is soundly box’d for his labour.
This Iacke in a Boxe, is yet but a Chicken, and hath laide verie few Egges, if the Hang-man doe not spoyle it with treading, it will prooue an excellent Henne of the Game. It is a knot of Cheators but newly tyed, they are not yet a company. They flie not like Wilde-Géese (in stockes) but like Kites (single) as loath that any should share in their pray. They haue two or thrée names, (yet they are no Romanes, but errant Rogues) for some-times they call themselues Iacke in a Boxe, but now that their infantrie growes strong, and that it is knowne abroad, that they carrie the Philosophers stone about them, and are able of fortie shillings to make fortie pound, they therefore vse a deade March, and the better to cloake their villanies, doe put on these Masking suites: viz.
1 This art or sleight of changing golde into siluer, is called Trimming.
2 They that practise it, terme them-selues Sheepe-shearers.
3 The Gold which they bring to the Cittizen, is called Iasons Fleece.
/> 4 The siluer which they picke vp by this wandring, is White-wooll.
5 They that are Cheated by Iacke in a Boxe, are called Bleaters.
Oh Fléete-stréete, Fléete-stréete! how hast thou béene trimd, washed, Shauen and Polde, by these déere and damnable Barbers? how often hast thou mette with these Sheepe-shearers? how many warme flakes of wooll haue they pulled from they Backe, yet if thy Bleating can make the flockes that graze néere vnto thée and round about thée, to lift vp their eyes, & to shunne such Wolues and Fores, when they are approaching, or to haue them worryed to death before they sucke the blood of others, thy misfortunes are the lesse, because thy neighbours by them shall be warned from danger.
Many of thy Gallants (O Fléete-stréete) haue spent hundreds of poundes in thy presence, and yet neuer were so much as drunke for it: but for euerie fortye pound that thou layest out in this Indian commoditie (of Gold) thou hast a Siluer Boxe bestowed vpon thée, to carry thy Tobacco in, because thou hast euer loued that costlye and Gentleman-like Smoake. Iacke in a Boxe hath thus plaide his part. There is yet another Actor to step vpon the stage, and he séemes to haue good skil in Cosmography for hée holdes in his hand a Map, wherein hée hath layde downe a number of Shires in England, and with small prickes hath beaten but a path, teaching how a men may easily, (tho not verry honestly) trauell from Country to Country, and haue his charges borne; and thus it is.
He that vnder-takes this strange iourney, layes his first plotte how to be turned into a Braue man, which he findes can be done by none better then by a trusty Tailor: working therefore hard with him, till his suite be granted, Out of the Citie, being mounted on a good gelding hée rides, vpon his owne bare credit, not caring whether hée trauell to méete the Sunne at this Rysing, or at his going downe. Hée knowes his Kitchin smokes in euery countie, and his table is couered in euery Shire. For when he comes within a mile of the Towne, where hée meanes to catche Quailes, setting Spurres to his Horse, away hée gallops, with his cloake off (for in these Beseigings of Townes hée goes not armed with any, his Hatte thrust into his Hose, as if it were lost, and onely an emptie paire of Hangers by his side, to shew that hée had béene disarmed. And you must note, that this Hot-spurre does neuer set vpon any places but onely such, where hée knowes (by intelligence) there are store of Gentlemen, or wealthy Farmers at the least. Amongst whom when hée is come, hée tels with distracted lookes, and a voice almost breathlesse, how many Villaines set vpon him, what golde and siluer they tooke from him, what woods they are fled into, from what part of England hée is come, to what place he is going, how farre hée is from home, how farre from his fornies end, or from any Gentleman of his acquaintance, and so liuely personates the lying Greeke (Synon) in telling a lamentable tale, that the mad Troianes (the Gentlemen of the towne, beléeuing him, and the rather because hée carries the shape of an honest man in shew, and of a Gentleman in his apparrell) are liberall of their purses, lending him money to beare him on his iourney, to pay which hée offers either his bill or bond (naming his lodging in London) or giues his word (as he is a Gentleman) which they rather take, knowing the like misfortune may be theirs at any time.
And thus with the feathers of other birdes, is this Monster stucke, making wings of sundry fashions, with which hée thus basely flies ouer a whole kingdom. Thus doth he ride from Towne to Towne, from Citie to Citie as if he were a Land-lord in euery shire, and that hée were to gather Rents vp of none but Gentlemen.
There is a Twin-brother to this Falsegalloper, and hée cheats Inne-keepers onely, or their Tapsters, by learning first what Country-men they are, and of what kindred: and then bringing counterfeit letters of commendations from such an Vncle, or such a Coozen (wherin is requested, that the Bearer thereof may be vsed kindely) he lyes in the Inne till he haue fetcht ouer the Maister or seruant for some mony (to draw whom to him he hath may hookes) and when they hang fast enough by the gils, vnder water Our Sharke diues, and is neuer séene to swimme againe in that Riuer.
Vpon this Scaffold; also might be mounted a number of Quack-saluing Emperickes, who ariuing in some Country towne, clappe vp their Terrible Billes, in the Market-place, and filling the Paper with such horrible names of diseases, as if euery disease were a Diuell, and that they could coniure them out of any Towne at their pleasure. Yet these Beggerly Mountibanckes are méere Coozeners, and haue not so much skill as Horseléeches. The poore people not giuing money to them to be cured of any infirmities, but rather with their money buying worse infirmities of them.
Vpon the same post, doe certain stragling ScriblingWriters deserue to haue both their names and themselues hung vp, in stéede of those faire tables which they hang vp in Townes, as gay pictures to intice Schollers to them: the Tables are written with sundry kindes of hands, but not one finger of those hands (not one letter there) drops from the Penne of such a false wandring Scribe. Hée buyes other mens cunning good cheape in London, and sels it déere in the Country. These Swallowes bragge of no qualitie in them so much as of swiftnesse. In foure and twenty houres, they will worke foure and twenty wonders, and promise to teach those, that know no more what belongs to an A then an Asse, to be able (in that narrow compasse) to write as faire and as fast as a country Vicar, who commonly reads all the Townes Letters.
But wherefore doe these counterfeit Maisters of that Noble Science of Writing, kéepe such a florishing with the borrowed weapons of other Mens Pennes? onely for this, to gette halfe the Birdes (which they striue to catch) into their hands, that is to say, to be payed halfe the money which is agréed vpon for the Scholler, and his nest being halfe fild with such Gold-finches, hée neuer stayes till the rest be fledge, but suffers him that comes next, to beate the bush for the other halfe. At this Caréere the Ryder that set out last from Smith field, stop’d: and alighting from Pacolet (the horse that carried him) his nextiourney was made on foote.
THE BEL-MANS SECOND NIGHT-WALKE. CHAP. XII.
SIR Lancelot of the infernall Lake, or the Knight Errant of Hell, hauing thus (like a young Country gentleman) gone round about the Citie, to sée the sights not onely within the walles, but those also in the Suburbes, was glad when hée sawe night hauing put on the vizard that Hell lends her (called darkenes to leap into her Coach) because now hée knew hée should méete with other strange birdes and beasts fluttring from their nests, and crawling out of their dennes. His prognostication held currant, and the foule weather (which hée fore-told) fell out accordingly. For Candle-light had scarce opened his eye (to looke at the Citie, like a gunner shooting at a marke,) but fearefully (their féet trembling vnder them) their eyes suspitiously rouling from euery nooke to nooke round about them, and their heads (as if they stood vpon oyled skrewes) still turning backe behinde them, came créeping out of hollow trées, where they lay hidden, a number of couzning Bankrupts, in the shapes of Owles, who when the Marshall of light, the Sunne, went vp and downe to search the Citie, durst not stir abroad, for feare of being houted at and followed by whole flockes of vndone creditors.
But now when the stage of the world was hung in blacke, they ietted vp and downe like proud Tragedians. O what thankes they gaue to Darknesse! what songs they balladed out in praise of Night, for bestowing vpon them so excellent a cloake, wherein they might so safely walke muffled Now durst they, as if they had béene Constables, rap alowd at the dores of those to whom they owed most mony, and braue them with hie wordes, tho they payd them not a penny.
Now did they boldly step into some priuiledged Tauerne, and there drinke healths, dance with Harlots, and pay both Drawers and Fidlers after mid-night with other mens money, and then march home againe fearelesse of the blowes that any showlder-clapper durst giue them. Out of another nest flew certaine Murderers and Theeues in the shapes of Skreech-owles, who, being set on by the Night, did beate with their bold and venturous fatall wings at the very dores, whereas in former times, their villanies had entred.
Not farre from These, came crawling out of their bushes a company of graue and wealthy Lechers, in the shapes of G
lowe-wormes, who with Gold, Iyngling in their pockets, made such a shew in the night, that the dores of Common Brothelryes flew open to receiue them, tho in the day time they durst not passe that way, for feare that noted Currizans should challenge them of acquaintance, or that others should laugh at them to sée white heads growing vpon greene stalkes.
Then came forth certaine infamous earthy minded Creatures, in the shapes of Snailes, who all the day time hiding their heads in their shells, least boies should with two fingers point at them for liuing basely vpon the prostitution of their wiues bodies, cared not now, before candle-light to shoote out their largest Hornes.
A number of other monsters, like These, were séene (as the sunne went downe) to venture from their dennes, onely to ingender with Darknesse: but candle-lights eyesight growing dimmer and dimmer, and he at last falling starke blind, Lucifers Watch-man went stumbling vp and downe in the darke.
HOW TO WEANE HORSES.
EVERY dore on a sudden was shut, not a candle stood péeping through any window, not a Vintner was to be séene brewing in his Cellor, not a drunkerd to be met reeling, not a Mouse to be heard stiring: al the citie shewed like one Bed, and al in that Bed were soundly cast into a sléepe. Noyse made no noise, for euery one that wrought with the hammer was put to silence. Yet notwithstanding when euen the Diuel himselfe could haue béene contented to take a nap, there were few Inkeepers about the towne but had their spirits walking. To watch which spirits what they doe, our Spy, that came lately out of the Lowercountries, stole into one of their Circles, where lurking very closely, he perceiued that when all the guests were profoundly sléeping, when Carriers were soundly snorting, and not so much as the chamberlaine of the house but was layd vp, suddenly out of his bed started an hostler, who hauing no apparrell on but his shirt, a paire of slipshooes on his féete, & a Candle burning in his hand, like olde Ieronimo, step’d into the stable amongst a number of poore hungry Iades, as if that night he had béene to ride poast to the Diuell. But his iorney not lying that way till some other time, he neither bridled nor sadled any of his fourefooted guests that stood there at racke and manger, but séeing them so late at supper, and knowing that to ouereate them-selues would fill them full of diseases, (they being subiect to aboue a hundred & thirty already) hée first (without a voyder) after a most vnmanerly fashion tooke away, not onely all the Prouander that was set before them, but also all the hay, at which before they were glad to licke their lippes. The poore Horse looked very rufully vpon him for this, but hée rubbing their téeth onely with the end of a Candle (in stéed of a Corrall) tolde them, that for their Iadish trickes it was now time to weane them: And so wishing them not to be angry if they lay vpon the hard boards, considering all the beddes in the house were full, backe againe hée stole to his Couch, till breake of day: yet fearing least the sunne should rise to discouer his knauery, vp hée started, and into the stable hée stumbled, scarce halfe awake, giuing to euery Iade a bottle of hay for his breake-fast, but all of them being troubled with the greazy tooth-ach, could eare none; which their maisters in the morning espying swore they were either sullen or els that prouender pricked them.
Complete Dramatic Works of Thomas Dekker Page 250