by Dana Mason
Kevin had given her a home. It was broken and abusive, but it had been a home and she clung to it.
Ava’s words echoed in her head, You try so hard to prove you’re nothing like her, but who are you trying to prove it too? Ava was right. Sarah remembered wanting to prove that she could hold on to a relationship when her mother couldn’t. She had clung to him even when he beat her—because she wanted a place to belong—a home.
“I stayed because of you, Mama,” she whispered, her eyes still focused on Devon’s and the tightness around his eyes softened. “I was needy and stupid. I wanted to be important to someone and be loved...oh my God.” Sarah broke the eye contact with Devon and felt the walls closing in on her. “I need to get out of here—fresh air.”
The atmosphere around her mother, even around Devon was suffocating, she needed space and air. Room to think.
“No!” Devon grabbed her arm. “Don’t leave.”
“It’s okay, I just need some air.” She pried his fingers from her arm and vaulted out of the sliding glass door into the rain.
Sarah inhaled and forced her lungs to take in the air even as they fought against it. She hit the beach on a run, happy for the darkness and the sound of the waves crashing around her.
She thought of every cruel word Kevin had said to her. The nasty things he’d accused her of. All this time she blamed herself for staying and not running away.
If Kevin thought she was stupid and useless, why did he want her? Why the manipulation? She would’ve stayed forever if he had treated her right.
Sarah remembered the disgusted look on Mark’s face when she told him about Kevin and about the baby. His questions, how hard he’d tried to understand her self-blame. One question stood out in her memory, and at the time, it didn’t make sense. Now she couldn’t get it out of her head.
Kevin didn’t want me. He wanted money—he wanted to control her money. That’s why he was so furious with her for postponing the wedding date. Why he felt the need to break her down and destroy her spirit. He’d wanted her submissive, to strip away her confidence so she believed she’d never survive without him or have the strength to leave him.
Sarah stopped running and leaned over to throw up. Her lungs burned, she tried to catch her breath as she braced her hands on her knees.
Kevin had come so close to getting what he wanted. She’d eaten everything he’d fed her, believing she was the problem. The memories of him sickened her. She had been a naive child and blamed herself for years and for what, for nothing.
Losing her child had been the catalyst for saving her life. And as much as it hurt, she’d survived, but what had she done with her second chance? Squandered away the best thing that had ever happened to her. Look how she’d treated Mark when all he’d done wrong was love her.
When she could breathe normally, she pushed the wet curls off her face and ran to the dock, crouching to get out of the rain. From the corner of her eye, she saw someone coming toward her. Her heart began pounding faster. She spun to head back toward the house but tripped over a piece of driftwood. Sand stuck to her wet body and face. The jolt sent a stab of pain through her arms when she tried to catch herself.
Ignoring the pain in her shoulder, she jumped up and dug her heels in to run, but he grabbed her from behind. She cried out and fought against him but stopped abruptly when she heard his voice.
“Sarah! It’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you.”
She pushed off him with her elbows and spun to face him. She squinted in the dark, trying to focus on his face.
“It’s Shane. Are you all right?”
“Shane?” She couldn’t remember how or where she knew him from.
“Shane Fields. I work for Mark Summors. Did you hurt yourself?”
She leaned forward, relief flooding her senses. “You scared the crap out of me. What are you doing here?”
“Did you hurt yourself?”
“No...” She winced and tried to get the sand off her face. “I’m fine, what are you doing here?”
“Let me help you back. Do you need to go to the hospital?”
“What are you doing here?” she shrieked, taking a step back. “Did Mark send you here?”
“Let me take you back and we can talk.”
“I’m not going anywhere with you until you tell me why you’re here.”
Shane bowed his head and shook it, and then leveled his dark eyes on her. “Mark sent me to make sure you’re okay.”
Anger and elation surged through Sarah at the same time. If Mark sent someone to check on her, that meant he still cared. “Why didn’t he come? How did you get here so fast?”
“What?”
“I just talked to him a couple of hours ago.” She stopped and thought about it. “How long have you been in town?”
“I’ve been following you since Portland. You shouldn’t be out here at night.”
“Whoa, wait a minute. You’ve been watching me?” That must be why Mark stopped calling—he’d had eyes on her since she got to the beach. She started laughing—laughing like a crazy person.
“Oh my God!” She paced in circles, laughing a little crazier with each pass. Mark followed her. This whole time she was under surveillance. How did he know where to look? She pulled the phone out of her pocket and stared at it. Of course...stupid woman, she should’ve known Mark would find her.
“He cares about you. Do you realize what kind of hell you’ve put him through?” Words like that sounded a little funny coming from such a big man. How sweet of him to be concerned for his boss’s feelings. She never would have expected something like that from someone who got paid to be a bodyguard.
She stopped pacing and looked at him. “Oh, I know—he let me have it on the phone today. Let me know exactly what I’d done.” She chuckled again and felt lighter than she had in months. She felt like she could actually run that marathon now. “I gotta go.”
“What? No.” He reached for her as she turned away. “Let me take you back.”
She stopped suddenly and spun to look at him. “That’s a great idea. Take me back.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Within twenty-four hours, Sarah was staring at Mark’s front door, shaking with nervous energy. The house was pitch black and for a fleeting moment, she almost chickened out.
When they arrived, she asked Shane to stand in the shadows. He’d kindly escorted her back to Santa Rosa without any argument. She was worried that her stunt might jeopardize his job, but he insisted he wasn’t worried and said he’d kept her safe and that’s all Mark cared about.
She pushed back the nerves. She didn’t know how Mark would feel about her being there, especially in the middle of the night without any warning. He’d made it pretty clear that he was done with her when they spoke on the phone. But that was before she realized she loved him. Now, she was the one unwilling to give up—she was the one asking for a chance with him.
Ringing the doorbell, she felt a flutter of butterflies in her stomach. He was at the door at a surprising rate considering he should have been in bed. When he thrust the door open, tears instantly watered her eyes.
Sarah cleared her throat and fought for a smile. “Hi.”
He swayed a bit in surprise. “What are you doing?”
Ouch, she deserved that, but it still hurt. “It’s nice to see you too.”
Mark glanced around her, his eyes stopping on her suitcase, and then on Shane. “What the fuck, Shane?”
“Talk to your lady. She's here, she’s safe—now it’s on you.”
Oh God, she needed to throw up. Mark didn’t want her here. She shouldn’t have come. Mark stepped outside and she could smell alcohol. “I don’t understand what’s going on.”
She blinked heavily and fought the heat of embarrassment that flushed her face. “I ugh...came to apologize to you.”
He stared at her and she didn’t know what to do next.
“Shane was kind enough to bring me back...sorry. I guess I shouldn’t ha
ve come. You’re clearly not interested.” She turned to leave, but he caught her arm.
“Sarah, why did you come here?”
“I told you...” She bowed her head and closed her eyes. “It’s okay, I’ll leave you alone.”
“That’s it? You came to apologize and now you’re leaving?” His words were slurred, and she felt bad for being the reason he was drowning his sorrows.
“No, I came here to tell you that I am sorry, and that I want to be with you. Since you don’t want to invite me in, I’ll assume I’m too late.”
“Stop fucking around with my feelings. You come here hat in hand and say you want to be with me, but what happens the next time you have to face something difficult?”
She reached over and grabbed her suitcase, throwing it down at his feet. “There’s another one in the trunk. Does that prove anything to you? This is difficult for me, Mark, I am—right now—facing one of the most difficult moments in my life, and I’m handling it—not running. I’m fucking trying here. Will you give me a chance?”
She took in a deep, sobbing breath. Her heart ached like nothing she’d ever felt before. Now, standing in front of him, she knew just how much she loved him and how much losing him would hurt her. “I told you, I don’t know how to do this.” Her eyes darted around searching for the words she needed to make him understand. When the words wouldn’t come, her heart sank.
“Forget it...I guess this was a mistake.”
She took the handle of the suitcase and turned to leave. Mark reached out and grabbed her arm again. She raised her free hand to cover her face as her chest heaved in an effort to hold in her tears.
“I don’t want you to leave.” He tugged on her arm. When she turned, he nodded toward the house. “Come inside, I’ll get your bags.” Mark gently pulled her hand from her face. “It’s okay, come in and we’ll talk.”
Sarah nodded and stepped inside but abruptly stopped. What a complete pigsty. Her mouth dropped open at the sight of his beautiful house in complete disarray. She stepped forward carefully and looked toward the glow coming from the stove in the kitchen It was the only light on in the house, but it was enough to see the mess. She felt sick and placed a hand over her stomach. At the end of the bar was a half-empty bottle of scotch and a small glass.
“I’m so sorry.”
Mark stepped in and looked at her shocked face. “I wasn’t exactly expecting company.”
Sarah’s stomach rolled again and she rushed to the bathroom.
When she rested back on her heels, Mark came through the door, his face stark white. “It’s not that bad in here.”
She waved him off. “I’m not sick because of the house.”
He helped her up and gave her a clean wet wash cloth. It reminded her of the night she had that awful nightmare about Kevin. Mark was so gentle with her, caring, and thoughtful. She wanted that back. She wanted him back...she wanted things to be like they were.
“I’m sorry—I am a coward—I panicked. I feel like every time things get really good, then something else happens.”
Mark’s expression was surprised. He looked as if he was taken aback by the outburst. He turned and left the bathroom and went to the bar to get a drink.
“Do you want me to leave?”
“No,” he mumbled. “I didn’t want you to leave the first time.”
“I know. I’m stupid, childish. I freaked out and ran, but I never stopped thinking about you.” She waited for him to finish pouring his drink. “I’ve never had these feelings before...I’m trying to accept us without the old prejudices sneaking in, but then I start doubting everything.” She rubbed her face and pushed her bangs back, her heart aching at the distance and the pain she felt from him. “I don’t know how to be part of a couple.”
He slammed the glass down on the bar. “What feelings? You haven’t shared any feelings with me. I shared mine and you took off.”
“I love you.” Her eyes widened at the relief she felt just saying those words to him aloud. “I love you.”
He shook his head slightly as if he didn’t understand. “What did you just say?”
“I love you...and I’m sorry it took losing you to figure that out.”
His anger deflated. “Did you say you love me?”
She nodded and tears dripped from her eyes.
He put a hand to his chest. “Are you sure, because my fucking heart can’t take this.”
“It’s the only thing I’m sure of. I love you, and I’m so sorry I hurt you.”
He stepped to her and she launched herself into his arms. He held her tight, tighter than she could take. She had to pull away to breathe, and when she placed her hands on his face, she felt the wetness on his cheeks too. “I’m sorry.”
Mark’s lips found hers, and he lifted her off her feet and took her upstairs.
Mark wanted to throw the phone across the room when it woke him up. If he didn’t have a kid to worry about, he would. He looked at the caller ID and realized it wasn’t his kid, or his ex.
“Why are you waking me up so early?”
“We need to talk.”
“I hope so, Brian, otherwise I’m kicking your ass.”
“Do you feel secure with Shane? Can he handle things with his injury?”
“What exactly do you mean by things?”
“If our rapist finds Jennings, can Shane handle it?”
“It’s a moot point. She’s here with me.” Mark got up and carried the phone into his office to avoid waking Sarah up. “What’s going on?”
“Our guy is getting a little desperate and we both know what happens when sociopaths get desperate.”
Every muscle in Mark’s body tensed. “What the fuck?”
“That last letter...the one he left in your mailbox...”
“Yeah...”
“’There will be more blood spilt if I don’t taste Sweet, Sweet Sarah soon.’” Brian recited the words, then said, “Yeah, a real poet this one...she needs to be in protective custody.”
“Shane and I have her covered.”
“You can’t cover her. Get another guy.”
“It’s fine, Bri.”
“Yeah, fine huh? What happened the night you two were out at that club? You’ve got your head in the clouds and you know it.”
Brian was right. He still fought the guilt that occasionally crept up on him for letting that bastard get to her in that damn club. “Fine, I’ll take care of it.”
“Smart move. I’ll push for more patrols in the area too. Make sure you call us if you get something on this guy.”
“I know, ‘don’t be a hero,’” Mark mocked. “We’ll call you if he shows his face.” Mark closed his phone and called Shane.
Pulling on Mark’s robe, Sarah hobbled her way downstairs and turned into the great room. She stopped at the strange man standing in her path. “Ah, hi...”
He turned and held up his coffee mug in greeting. “Mornin’.”
Sarah continued to stare at him, trying to figure out what she’d missed. Her brain frantically shifted through the last twenty-four hours, searching for a memory of this person, and how he ended up in Mark’s house. She squinted as she thought about it and realized she should be afraid of him. He was a hulking man, at least six feet five and almost six feet wide.
“Hey, babe.”
She turned toward Mark’s voice.
He was standing in the kitchen holding out a mug of coffee. “Good morning.”
Sarah looked from him, back to the man in front of her, then back to Mark.
“That’s Randy. He’s here to keep an eye on things.”
“Things...like?”
“Come have coffee and I’ll explain.”
She padded around Randy and reached for the mug Mark extended out to her. She sniffed, and her stomach instantly turned upside down. With her hand over her mouth, she rushed to the bathroom.
When she finished retching, she dropped the toilet lid and sat on it, waiting for the nausea to pass. Mark
knocked and came into the bathroom.
“Do you have the flu?” He touched her forehead. “You don’t have a fever.”
“It’s stress.”
“Since when does a cup of coffee stress you out?”
She reached up and laid a hand over his on her forehead, enjoying the feel of the skin-on-skin contact.
“It’s everything...traveling, dealing with my mother for an extended period of time.”
“I’m taking you to the doctor.”
“No...no, I’m fine. Tell me about Randy.” She hoped changing the subject would make him forget about the doctor.
“Randy is going to hang out with us, just to keep an eye on things.”
Her eyes grew wide as she stood. “You didn’t fire Shane, did you?”
He chuckled. “No, Shane will be back tonight. Randy will be here during the day.”
“You can’t do days?” she said, leaving the bathroom to return to the kitchen.
“Nope. I’m on boyfriend duty. I can’t do both.”
Randy caught her eye, and she couldn’t stop staring at him. He was unnaturally huge, like one of the body builders at the gym, only scarier and considerably taller.
“Don’t worry, he doesn’t bite.”
When she didn’t turn away, he said, “Do you want to try eating something?”
“Um...yeah,” she said, finally looking over at Mark as she climbed onto a barstool. Their eyes met, and she had to push back the self-consciousness she felt at being there. He’d forgiven her, but that didn’t erase the hurt he still must have felt.
“Are you going to be okay with having a tag-a-long?”
“I’ll deal with it.” She cleared her throat and lowered her eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry about what I did. I know you’re going to be a little gun-shy around me now, but I will do whatever I have to in order for you to trust me again.”
She heard the front door close and turned. Randy was gone.
“He stepped out to look around. Are you sure you can handle having people around?”
“I can handle it,” she whispered.
Mark picked up her hand and held it to his cheek. “Stop feeling bad. It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re here and safe.”