by Dana Mason
“I remember a lot of things. I remember the butterflies I got every morning when I walked you to school—everyday.” He frowned. “Right up until graduation.”
She stepped away from him, suddenly aware of the awkwardness appropriate for the situation, and feeling the pounding rhythm beat in her chest as her pulse quickened. Melissa wanted to ask him why?
Then why did you choose Julie?
She turned to escape the shower and mumbled, “Sometimes we change our minds.”
“Changed minds? No, that’s not what happened.”
Melissa slid the shower door open. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Why do you say that? Clearly it matters! The look on your face tells me how much it matters.”
She turned to glare at him over her shoulder. “I’m leaving so you can take a shower.”
“Why do you do that? Why do you blow it off like you don’t care?” he shouted.
“Just get cleaned up so we can go get your kids. They need their dad.”
“Sure, Parker, run away from the difficult conversation—again.”
“It’s not a fair fight when you’re naked. It’s distracting,” she said, closing the door behind her.
Melissa grabbed a towel from the shelf and rushed into the bedroom while stripping her clothes off. She dropped her jeans and panties then tossed her wet t-shirt on top of them with a splat. She shivered uncontrollably, the cool air forcing goose bumps to erupt all over her body. She rubbed at her wet legs with the towel, but lifted quickly when the bathroom door flew open.
“How about now? We’re both naked,” Brian said glaring at her.
“That was fast.” Melissa quickly wrapped the towel around her to cover up.
“I ran out of hot water,” he said, yanking on a drawer. He threw her some sweats and a t-shirt, then stopped at the look she gave him. “What? Do you want to stay naked?”
“No,” she said, watching him get dressed and reminding herself over and over how much she loved Chase. He looked incredible. She thought she knew him, thought she could have drawn the lines of his body from memory, but he had changed. Grown. He’d matured in a way that made her mouth water. “Are you okay?”
Brian pulled his jeans on over his Jockeys and glanced at her. “I don’t know. Will I ever be?”
“Of course. You just need to get everything together. When you and the kids are all home and back to your normal schedule, it’ll get easier.”
He shook his head, frowning. “They must hate me.”
“No, they miss you. They’re homesick and a little confused.”
“How do you know?”
“I’ve been seeing them every couple of days. I take Cody to soccer with Jamie, and I’ve been trying to hang out with Erin. I switched her classes so she doesn’t have Jeffries for Biology anymore.”
Brian’s face went stony when she said his name.
“Being so early in the school year made it easier. She was able to jump right into another class without getting behind.”
He stopped dressing and stared at her. “You did all that? Have you been working?”
“Yes, I’ve banked some columns, and I can still write at night.”
“Why are you doing this? They’re not your kids.”
“Somebody had to. You’ve been cooped up here with a bottle.”
Brian sat on the edge of the bed, and their eyes met through the mirror hanging over his dresser. “I can’t believe I’ve been hiding . . . while . . . while they’ve had to go to school. Cody going to soccer . . . He was so close to his mom.”
“It helps to spend time with Jamie. They’re on the same team, so I take them together. It gets him out of the house and his mind off family. He’s a tough little boy, like his dad.”
“Tougher than his dad.” Brian shook his head and looked down at the floor. “Thank you for helping them. I’ll try to get my shit together. I’ve just been . . .”
“I know what you’ve been doing, but now you need to be around for them. It’s been too long. Life goes on, Brian, for them and for you.”
He nodded, then stood and turned to her. “Are you going to get dressed?” he asked, eyeing the towel she held around her chest.
“Uh . . .” She looked down at his clothes and her stomach fluttered. How would she get through the day wearing his clothes and smelling him? Maybe she should invade Julie’s closet. She glanced at the closed closet door, and the thought of that seemed harder than wearing Brian’s clothes.
When Brian went back into the bathroom, she quickly dropped her towel and pulled on his t-shirt. It hung below her hips, but she didn’t care. It’s not like they were going out on a date.
“Would you rather have jeans?” he asked, walking back into the bedroom.
She looked up, trying to hide her legs. She was naked from the waist down and thanked the heavens the t-shirt hung so long.
“Uh, jeans. That might be better if you have a belt.” Boyfriend jeans were popular these days, and she could tuck in the shirt. Brian rummaged through his drawer and pulled out a worn, faded pair of Levis. These are too small for me. They might work for you. Here.” He handed her a belt. “Sorry about your clothes.”
“I’ll . . . em . . . throw them in the dryer,” she stuttered.
“Are you okay?” he asked with his hands on his hips. “You’re not freaking out because you’re naked, are you?” His mouth curved up into a smile.
“No! God! I’m cold.”
Brian leaned back against the dresser, crossed his arms, and looked her up and down. “You still look good, Parker,” he said, winking.
“Shut up!” She pulled on the jeans quickly, trying not to act uncomfortable in front of him.
“Oh, and commando, that should be fun.” He chuckled again.
Melissa smiled at the sound of his laughter, thankful he’d relaxed. The shower and the talk must have helped. Julie’s pregnancy had to weigh pretty heavily on his mind. Julie pregnant—she still couldn’t believe it.
“We should pick up some groceries before we get the kids. Stock the house so you don’t have to worry about it for a while. I can cook some casseroles and freeze them for you guys.” She looked up to see Brian’s deer-in-the-headlights expression.
“Groceries?” He paled. “I don’t do that.” He sank to the bed. “Lis, I’ve never cooked for the kids—not real food anyway.”
“I’ll help. Don’t worry about it. I’ll teach Erin, too.”
“You can’t be here all the time.”
“Brian, don’t worry. I’ll hang out when I can and help. I do most of my writing at night. Being here won’t interfere.”
“Maybe I should hire a housekeeper. How much do you think that costs?”
“I have no idea, but I’ll help you with that, too. I’ll ask my mother. She’ll know who to call.”
“Aren’t you worried about Berkeley getting jealous with you spending so much time with me?”
“Chase,” she said pointedly, “trusts me. Why would he be jealous? I’m helping a friend.”
“You’re helping an ex-boyfriend.”
“That doesn’t matter.”
“So . . . you haven’t told him I’m your ex.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“MmHmm, sure it doesn’t,” Brian said as she stepped back into the bathroom.
Chapter Fourteen
When the phone rang, Erin stuck her head out to listen. Gran was talking to Dad. Geez, finally, I can’t wait to go home. She thought about her room and her mom and had to suck in a deep breath to hold in her never-ending tears.
“Erin, honey, Daddy’s on his way.” Gran inched around the corner. “Start getting your stuff together so you and Cody can go home.”
“Okay,” she said, trying to sound casual as her heart raced in her chest. God—does he know, is that why he hasn’t come sooner? Why would he leave us here so long? I don’t want to live here. I want to go home, sleep in my own room.
“Erin?”
; She jumped at the sound of her voice.
“You okay?” Gran leaned against the door frame and stared at her as if waiting for her head to spin on her shoulders. “You can stay here if you like, honey. I’m sure Daddy will understand if you’re not ready to be home.”
“No!” She shook her head. “No, Gran, I’m ready to go home. I’m okay, just worried about Dad.”
Gran nodded, lowering her gaze. “You have my number. You can call if things get too hard over there. I’m sure it’ll feel weird being there without your mother.”
“Thank you.” What else could she say? She loved her Gran and Granpop, but she just wanted to go home.
“I’m going to help Cody get his stuff ready. Call me if you need me.”
Erin nodded and smiled as Gran turned out of the room. When the hall was empty, she picked up her phone and dialed Melissa’s number.
“Hey, my dad’s coming,” she said when Melissa answered.
“I’m coming with him.”
“Oh, you’re with him now?”
“Yes, we’re driving over there right now. Are you and Cody getting ready?”
“I am, but does my dad know?” she asked on a whisper.
“Ah, no, we’ll be there in about ten minutes.”
“So, no, you haven’t told him that I knew about Mom’s affair?”
“Yes, that’s right,” Melissa said. “I’ll talk to you when we get there.”
“Okay, thanks, Melissa. My dad would kill me if he knew I knew about Mom and didn’t tell him.”
“No, he wouldn’t. We’re going to talk, okay?”
Erin let out a heavy sigh and dropped to the bed. Melissa seemed cool most of the time, but she had a distinct way of reminding Erin that she could be a killjoy just like every other adult. God, how freaking annoying. “Fine, see you in ten minutes.” She ended the call before Melissa could respond.
Erin packed her cigarette stash first. She purposely put the pack and lighter in with her tampons. Her dad would avoid that like the plague. Gran and Granpop were so freaking old, they couldn’t smell cigarette smoke to save their own lives, but her dad had the nose of a bloodhound. She didn’t think Melissa would have a problem with her smoking, but she wasn’t certain. If Melissa were anything like Auntie Ali, she’d never let Erin smoke. Auntie Ali was an extension of Mom. She never let Erin get away with anything.
They’re stupid, treating her like some child. If she wanted to smoke, then she would. They couldn’t control everything she did. What does it matter anyway? If mom could sleep around, then smoking shouldn’t be a big deal. Especially after all the crap her mom did in high school.
Erin had read her journals. She knew about her mother. Her poor daddy. What a sucker, falling for her game. Erin couldn’t understand why Melissa wanted to be friends again with such a slut.
If it weren’t for her mom, Dad would have married Melissa. Mom trapped him, trapped him into getting married and having a baby. She got pregnant on purpose and used the pregnancy like she used everyone else, and admitted it in her journal. She was messed up back then. Erin cried when she’d read those journals. Her mother had been an emotional mess after losing her parents, and she used Dad to make sure she had a secure future. She’d been afraid. God, should I be afraid of not having a mother now? Why had she been so insecure? I don’t get it.
Why couldn’t she rely on herself, go to college, and make her own way through life? Why had she thought she needed a man to support her? Erin thought of Coach Jeffries. How could he do that? What a liar. His wife must be just as stupid as her mom.
Erin frowned. She’d fallen for his lies, too. She clamped a hand on the zipper of her hoodie and tugged it up to her neck. Why had she let him do that? Geez, if Dad ever found out. She shook her head and placed her hands over her face, trying to will away the images in her head, but she couldn’t forget. She’d thought someone finally respected her, treated her like a grown-up. She closed her eyes, ashamed she’d let him take those pictures. He told her she’d be a model.
“God,” she whispered, looking up to the ceiling. “I fell for it, too, Mom.” She remembered his cold hand on her bare shoulder as he’d told her how to pose . . . then pointing those hot, bright lights at her. She wanted to throw up just thinking about it.
Then when she’d tried to get away from him, when she’d dropped out of swimming at the end of the school year, her mom had freaked out. But she couldn’t tell Mom what she’d done.
I miss you, Mommy. I wish you were here. I’d tell you. I’d warn you not to fall for his tricks.
The memory of her mom, up against the wall of his classroom, him touching her . . . what a nasty pig. When Erin had found them together, it made her sick; she had to go throw up in the school bathroom.
She should have warned her mom then. Maybe if she’d said something, Mommy would still be here. She couldn’t hold in her tears this time. She’d give anything to feel her mother’s arms around her, to smell her and know that everything would be okay. She wanted to hug her again, one more hug. She’d be good and work really hard at making things up to her family.
Chapter Fifteen
When Brian stepped into the room, he found Erin sitting on his old childhood bed with her knees to her chest, crying. He held his breath, the sight overwhelming him. How could he have done this to them, left them to grieve without him? Her sorrow and remorse swam in the air. It reminded him of his own grief, and he realized he needed them as much as they needed him. He quietly moved to her side and wrapped his arms around her. She looked up at him in surprise then caught him in the tightest hug.
“I’m sorry, Daddy. I’m sorry.”
“No, honey, I’m sorry for leaving you here.” He looked up at Melissa who was standing in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest, crying. A tear dropped from his chin as he squeezed Erin in an effort to thaw the part of his heart that had frozen over since Julie’s funeral. “Missed you so much—are you ready to come home?” Erin nodded into his chest, and he felt her body heaving from the crying jag. “Honey, we’ll work everything out. I promise. Melissa helped me stock the house with groceries, and she’s going to help me cook. Everything will be fine.” He stroked her hair and pushed it out of her face. “Are you okay?”
She nodded as her eyes filled with tears again. “I missed you, and I miss mom.”
“I know. I miss her, too.”
“Why didn’t you come sooner, Dad? I want to go home. What took you so long?”
“I’m so sorry, babe.” He pursed his lips and held his eyes closed for a moment. “I’m having a hard time with this, just like you. I should have been here. I’m sorry, but I’m here now and we’re going to be fine. I promise.” Pounding footsteps sounded down the hall and he looked up to see Cody running at him.
“Daddy!” Cody grabbed his dad and squeezed him so hard, Brian had to hold his breath.
“Hey, little man. Are you ready to come home?”
Cody pulled away and nodded, obviously trying not to cry, but he closed his eyes against his own burning tears. Brian clung to them both until Cody’s crying settled. When Brian looked back up to see Melissa, she’d turned away and left the room.
“Can we go home now? I missed you guys. The house seemed so empty without you.”
Both kids nodded, and Brian lifted Cody in the air and swung him under his arm. “C’mon, Cody, I’ll help you get your stuff to the car.”
Cody squealed as Brian hauled him out of the room.
“I’ll help Erin,” Melissa said as Brian came out of the room with Cody. She smiled, but it wasn’t enough to hide her puffy, red eyes.
He grinned at her and mouthed a wide-eyed, “Thank you.” She sniffled and nodded before stepping back into the bedroom.
Brian rounded the corner and nearly took his mom out with Cody’s feet. “Ah, look out, Ma.”
“Brian, can we talk for a minute?” she said, nodded to the living room.
“Um . . .” He looked down at his son’s smiling fac
e and placed him on his feet. “Cody, go check the room and make sure you got everything. I’ll be there in a minute to help you.”
Cody nodded and took off running back down the hall.
“Ma, thanks for taking care of things for me.” Brian followed her into the living room where his pop was sitting. “I’m sorry. I’ll get my act together.”
Nora grabbed him in a hug, clinging to him, holding on for a long moment before pulling back. She was so much smaller than he, and yet, her embrace held so much strength. Brian felt terrible for not being here for her—and for his kids. What kind of father abandons his family when they need him the most?
“Brian.” She smiled at him, but it was the saddest smile he’d ever seen on her face. “I understand how hard this has been. I’m glad you’re coming around. I expect this to take time. You’ll find a routine soon enough. We’re here to help with whatever you need. You know that right?”
“Yeah, Ma, I know. I’m sorry I haven’t been around. I . . . uh, I’m working it out, and I’m done with the pity party.” He smiled back at her, trying to reassure her he was okay. “Melissa is checking into a housekeeper for me. She’s also doing some cooking and showing me some things.”
“Brian, she’s been great with Cody and Erin. I’m glad she’s helping you . . .”
Brian tilted his head, understanding settling in. “But . . . ?”
“But I’m not sure if you and her spending time together is such a good idea.”
“Why?”
“Honey, you know perfectly well why.”
“No, I don’t.” He placed his hands on his hips. “Enlighten me, please.”
“Brian,” Greg growled.
Brian looked over at his pop, who was staring at him over his magazine and reading glasses.
“What exactly is your problem with Melissa?”
“We don’t have a problem with Melissa. We have always loved her like she was one of our own,” Nora said.
Brian hadn’t missed the ‘we’ in her statement. This was clearly something they had already talked about.