by Dana Mason
Matty pulled back and met her eyes. His smile had turned serious and his eyes searched her face before he finally said, “Happy New Year, Erin.”
Erin’s phone buzzed and flashed in the top of her dress, lighting up the space between them. She ignored it and said, “Happy New Year, Matt.”
He withdrew with a smile and held up his glass to her. “I hope it’s the best.”
She grinned and clinked her glass with his. “It already is.” When her phone buzzed again, she chuckled and glanced down at the light shining out from between her breasts.
Matt laughed. “Mine is in my pocket buzzing like crazy, too. He pulled it out and held it up for her. The readout showed several “Happy New Year” messages from their friends. Erin tugged hers out and froze when her eyes rested on the screen. It was a photo . . . of her, naked and up against the locker room wall. She had her legs spread and her arms up above her head. The pose made it look like she’d been tied up, even though she never had.
She stumbled and lost her balance, then fell backward and landed on her ass. She couldn’t breathe, the world spun around her as she fought to slide the bar and open the message so she could hide the photo. She pounded on her phone until the messaged closed, then she looked up at Matty’s confused face as he knelt next to her.
“Erin!” He reached out for her, his beautiful smile completely erased from his face. “Are you okay?”
She placed a hand over her mouth in an effort to hold back the sickness building in her throat.
“Can you get up?” Matty asked.
“Erin, honey, are you okay?” Ali asked, also kneeling next to her. Uncle Johnny, her grandparents, and all the other guests were all looking down at her. It took everything she had to keep her tears at bay and stop seeing that photo in her head.
“We were dancing . . . she lost her balance,” Matt said to them as he lifted her up and propped her on her feet. When she was standing, he met her eyes and said, “Sorry about my two left feet, Erin, I didn’t mean to trip you like that.”
She shook her head. “No, it was my fault . . . I’m sorry.” She looked around at everyone and tried to smile. “I was a little too excited.”
After leaving the wedding, Brian drove to the creek near his old school. He needed to clear his head and figure out what to do about Melissa. Until today, he’d never questioned her when she said she wanted to be with Collins. She had repeatedly told him she loved Chase, but even with all her insisting, he knew it wasn’t enough. It bothered him to see her settling for less than she deserved, but Ali had a valid point. Melissa deserved to have the family she wanted . . . so . . . he either needed to step up or leave her alone. The problem was . . . he closed his eyes and let the butterflies in his stomach settle . . . the problem was, what if she rejected him. What if they couldn’t make it work. The thought of losing her again scared the hell out of him.
He hopped out of the car and headed toward the creek. Being on the trail brought back memories of high school. He and Melissa had been here so many times when they were kids. They’d come out here almost every weekend. They’d even brought a sleeping bag once and spent the night in the woods. Talk about stupid; anything could have happened to them. God, if Erin ever did anything like that, he’d ground her for life.
As he turned the last bend in the trail, he looked up to find someone sitting on the ground, wrapped in a small throw blanket and looking down at the shallow creek. He started to turn back, but the shimmer of gold in her dress caught his attention. She was sitting under a break in the grove of trees, and the moon shone directly over her head like a stage spotlight.
“What the hell are you doing here by yourself?” His voice seemed to echo off the high trees, making her jump in surprise.
She turned her head and took several deep breaths. “What the hell are you doing following me?” She lifted to stand, but her foot caught her dress and she nearly fell over. Brian rushed forward to help, but she pushed him away and righted herself. “I came here to be alone.”
“You live alone. Why didn’t you go home? Holy hell, Melissa.”
“Shut up!” she said, storming past him and onto the hiking trail. “Why did you have to follow me?” She shouted, stumbling in her high heels.
“I wasn’t following you, but I’m glad I came. What—you have a death wish or something?” Brian reached out and grabbed her as she stumbled again.
“I told you I wanted to be alone. Why are you here?”
“I came here to be alone.”
“Where are Erin and Cody?”
“My mom and pop took them. I needed a night off.”
They stared at each other for a few moments before Melissa finally said, “I’ll leave you alone then.”
“Wait, don’t leave.” Brian tugged on her arm. “You don’t have to go. Stay, we can talk.”
“I can’t imagine what else we have to talk about.”
“Why are you being like this? Just sit with me for a while.”
Melissa wobbled a little, nodding as he helped her back over to the grassy knoll where she had been sitting. She lowered herself back down to the ground and pulled the throw tighter around her shoulders. When she reached over and picked up a bottle, his eyes nearly bugged out of his head.
“What the hell is that?”
“Wine.” She took another swig. “I stole it from the wedding.”
“You couldn’t have taken something stronger?”
She cocked her head. “What did you bring to the picnic, smartass?”
He dropped down next to her. “You’re right. I guess I can’t complain.”
She handed him the nearly empty bottle. “How did you think you were getting off this creek bank after drinking an entire bottle of wine by yourself?”
“I honestly don’t give a shit,” she said, laying back and looking up at the bright moon.”
“Feeling a little self-destructive, are we?”
“Whatever . . .”
“So tell me about your wedding, Lis.”
“What wedding?”
“The one in March. The one you’ve been throwing in my face for months.”
“Whatever . . .”
“Did Berkeley break up with you?”
“Not yet. I’m guessing I’ve got about two . . . maybe three more days.”
“Is that why you were crying in the bathroom?”
“No.”
“Then why?”
She snatched the bottle out of his hand and took another swig before lying back down. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Then what do you want to talk about?”
“I didn’t want to talk. You did. Remember?”
“Right.” He slapped his knees, looking for a subject. “So . . . how’s work?” he stammered as he took the bottle from her.
“Why don’t you tell me why you and Julie didn’t have sex in over six months?”
Brian choked on the wine. “What?”
“Tell me why you didn’t make love to your wife for six months.”
“Well . . . I’m not totally sure.”
“How could you not be sure? Did you fail to put the moves on her?”
Brian laughed. “I’m pretty sure I put the moves on her at some point.”
“Maybe you didn’t try hard enough.”
“Or maybe she was gettin’ it from someone else,” he said with a fading smile.
“What did she see in that nasty jerk?”
“Hell if I know, but apparently, he had something I didn’t.”
Melissa laughed. She laughed so hard, she snorted. “Maybe he was pregnant and she felt she had to marry him.” She snorted again, and Brian couldn’t help but laugh with her.
“You’re a freakin’ jerk,” he said when she stopped laughing.
“Sorry.” She placed a hand over her mouth. “I couldn’t help myself.”
It was nice to hear her laugh. It’d been a long time since he’d heard that beautiful sound. He shrugged. “Ugh . . . it’s a
ll right. I’m sure I deserved it.”
He’d come out here to be alone and think, but he liked this much better. Melissa tipped the bottle up and took a long pull.
“Careful, sweetheart. Don’t forget you still have to get up that trail.”
“I don’t care.”
“I do. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
She waved the bottle at him. “Whatever . . .”
“Don’t make me take that bottle away from you.”
She gave him a crooked smile. “I dare you to try.”
Brian wrestled it from her hand. Melissa leaned over him and tried to grab it back, but Brian held it out with one arm and her back with the other.
“Give it back, Brian!” she shrieked, stretching toward the bottle and letting the blanket fall from her bare shoulders.
“What’d ya think was going to happen when you dared me?”
She smiled at him, and his heart swelled at the sight.
“Brian . . . baby.” Her eyelashes lowered slightly as she tilted her head in toward her shoulder. “May I please have the wine back?”
Brian relaxed as she leaned against him, giving her the opportunity to snatch the bottle back. “Thank you.”
“Cheater!”
He pinned Melissa to the ground and reached for the bottle. When they were nose to nose, they stared at each other for a long moment. Brian’s heart felt like it might pound right out of his chest. “Do you remember spending the night out here with me?”
She snickered. “I remember freezing my ass off.”
“Sorry ‘bout that,” he whispered. “Do you remember watching the sunset then watching the sunrise?”
“Yes, and almost getting caught by the park rangers.”
Brian chuckled. “Those guys were so dumb.”
She nodded. “They walked right past us.”
His heart ached with the memory. As he stared at her, it became glaringly clear how much he’d lost when he let her go all those years ago. He’d gained, too—a family—but when Melissa was absent from his life, so was a part of his own soul. “Things were so much easier back then,” he said. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered. “I’ve missed you so much.”
She placed a hand on his chest and pushed gently. “Couldn’t tell at my end.”
He took her hand and laced his fingers with hers. “Doesn’t mean it isn’t true.” He shifted his gaze to their linked hands and lifted his wrist to look at his watch. “Well . . . look at that. It’s midnight.” He met her eyes again and after lingering for a long moment, he leaned in and brushed a gentle kiss on her lips.
Chapter Thirty-One
Melissa should have pushed Brian away, but she didn’t want to. She thought about the dream she’d had the night she’d fallen asleep in his bed. That night was a lot like this, dark—and Brian warm and feeling so right. He deepened the kiss, and Melissa struggled to free her hands so she could touch him . . . just like in her dream.
He lifted up. “I’m sorry.”
She wanted to say stop, don’t leave, Brian . . . but she didn’t have the courage.
“Brian . . .”
“Yeah.” He released her hand and brushed the hair off her face.
“Did we do this that night . . . when you fought with Jeffries at the school?”
He smiled and let out a long exhale. “Do you remember now?”
“I thought it was a dream.”
“It felt like a dream . . . right up until I had to leave.”
“I guess that explains your bad mood in the morning.”
He grinned. “Sorry.”
“I didn’t want you to stop, but you did. That must have been hard.”
“You were quite the tease.”
“Or you were. I guess it depends on how you look at it,” she said.
He snickered. “True, but it wouldn’t have been very gentleman-like to make love to you while you were high.”
“I was stupid-horny from those pills.”
“I have a couple in my pocket if you want to try again?” He flashed a wide smile.
Melissa wanted more than anything for him to kiss her again. He must have sensed it because he leaned in and teased her lips with his tongue then brushed kisses along her jaw line.
“God, I miss the way you feel,” Brian breathed. “I miss everything about you.”
He nipped her earlobe, and Melissa sighed at the warm sensation his mouth left behind. He was methodical, moving over her slowly, deliberately. She had no idea how he held onto his control. She fisted her hand in his hair and pulled him closer, forcing a deeper kiss than he might have meant, but she couldn’t stop herself. She no longer cared about the outside world. She wanted this moment more than anything.
Her hands ached to touch him again, and her heart needed the fulfillment only he could provide. Brian’s warm hand found her bare shoulder, and she wanted so much for him to touch every inch of her.
“Melissa . . . baby.”
The sound of her name and the heat in his voice nearly made her cry. How long had it been since she’d been touched by someone who loved her more than anyone else in the world. But did he?
Did Brian still love her like that?
Chase loved her, and she was cheating on him. She was doing no better to Chase than Brian had done to her.
Melissa silently screamed at herself to shut up. She wanted this. She wanted him more than anything else in the world, but the doubt was there, and she couldn’t pretend it wasn’t.
“Melissa . . .” When he cupped her breast over her tight, strapless bridesmaid dress, she choked out a cry. “Brian . . . I need to, no . . .” She pushed gently against his chest. “I can’t.”
Brian lifted up and looked at her.
She closed her eyes tightly and wanted to scream.
“I’m sorry . . .” he whispered. “I thought you wanted me, too.”
“I do,” she said and couldn’t stop when the tears squeezed out from under her lids.
He cupped her face gently. “Will you talk to me, please?”
She brought her hands up to cover her eyes, and the same overwhelming sense of loss hit her like it had in the church during Ali’s wedding. She wanted to die. Right there and then, she wanted to die in Brian’s arms. She would never be able to move on. She’d never be able to marry Chase. She’d never have a family. Never look across the altar at a man who only wanted her for the rest of his life.
When she started sobbing, Brian took his jacket off and covered her with it. The fog slowly misted them in a cocoon, as if purposely blocking out the rest of the world and giving them this moment alone, offering them a once in a lifetime chance to forget the past and live in the moment. And how did she take advantage of the moment . . . she spent it with tears in her eyes and doubt in her heart.
“Lis, please, don’t cry. I hate that I always make you cry.” He lay with her until she calmed enough to talk to him. “Take a deep breath, babe.”
The heavy torment in his voice only made her cry harder.
“Please, talk to me . . . tell me what I did wrong. Did I go too far?”
“No.” The word came out warped from her crying.
Brian pulled her into his chest and held her against him when she shivered out another sob. When her breathing settled, Brian tilted her head up to see her eyes. She tried to hide, but he wouldn’t let her.
“Can you talk?”
Melissa shook her head, and it was true, she didn’t think she could talk without losing it again. No matter what she did from this point on, her dream of having a family would never be realized. She’d die a pathetic, childless, strange cat-lady . . . or something.
“Did I push you too far?”
“No,” she squeaked.
“This has been a hard day for you, hasn’t it?”
Melissa nodded and curled against him, chilled from the loss of his heat.
“Let’s go before it gets too foggy to find the car. If you stand up, I’ll carry you back.”
Melissa let out a watery chuckle, thankful he wasn’t forcing her to talk when she wasn’t ready.
He pumped his chest out. “I can do it.”
She let him help her up, and she stuck her arms through his jacket. Brian threw the blanket over her shoulders, and it helped to block the chill from the fog. When he reached to pick her up, she stopped him.
“I can walk.”
“Fine, but let me hold your arm so you don’t fall.” Brian stuck his arm out, and Melissa took it. When she slipped, he grabbed her around her waist and hoisted her back on her feet, then held onto her until they reached the parking lot.
The ride home was quiet; neither of them was sure what to say or how to act now. By the time they’d reached her building, Melissa’s tears had dried up. Brian helped her out of the car and took her keys to let her inside. Melissa went straight to the bathroom to scrub her face clean. She’d cried herself into the worst headache.
She stripped off her wet, grass-stained dress and put on her robe before leaving the bathroom. When she came out, Brian was standing in her dark bedroom, waiting for her. She clicked on the lamp, and he smiled at her.
“I’m probably not getting my deposit back on this tux.”
“Sorry,” she said, her voice still harsh from crying.
He stepped closer. “I don’t want to leave you alone. Can I stay with you?”
She scowled at him, wishing like hell he didn’t know her so well. “Stop, will you? God, I can’t stand the pathetic look on your face.”
“What are you talking about?” He shrugged at her. “I’m only trying to help.”
“Then stop being so nice to me. That’s what you can do to help.” She walked to her dresser, pulled out the largest pair of sweats she had, and threw them at him. “Do you want a t-shirt?”