by Dana Mason
She loaded her overnight bag into the car then ran back upstairs to pack her laptop and camera equipment. When she had her equipment ready, she punched in the alarm code before leaving and pulled the door closed. As she stepped out of the exterior door and locked it, she turned to see the flowers Brian had delivered still sitting on her doorstep. When he’d brought them the day before, she hadn’t bothered to open the door, but she watched him on the security camera as he waited then left the flowers next to the door. She’d hoped they would get stolen or just freaking disappear. She stared at the bouquet and thought about Ali’s wedding . . . then of her own abandoned wedding plans.
A lump swelled in her throat, and she fought to keep from screaming as she kicked the flowers with every ounce of frustration she had. When the tip of her boot hit the vase, it shattered immediately and sent roses, water, and glass into the air and skittering across her doorstep. Melissa closed her eyes to the mess and tears began to fall.
“Fuck you, Brian Hammel,” she said and turned toward her car. “Agh!” she shrieked as she walked right into the son-of-a-bitch himself.
He held his hands out when she pushed him away from her. “It’s okay, Lis!”
“No, it’s not okay,” she yelled, trying to swipe the tears from her face as she stumbled to the car with a bag over each shoulder
“Melissa . . .”
She threw her bags in her trunk and slammed it.
“Talk to me.”
Still ignoring him, she opened the car door and threw her purse in the passenger seat. Brian grabbed her arm and pulled her back, wedging himself between her and the car. “Stop and talk to me, please.”
Melissa pushed at his chest. “Get away from me.”
“I told you we’d spend every day of the rest of our lives together, now you’re forcing me to break my promise.”
“What’s one more broken promise from you, Brian Hammel?” She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him. “Big surprise.”
“That’s not fair. It was an accident this time.”
“I thought it was an accident last time.”
“No, last time was a choice based on an accident.” He gave her a smartass smile.
“Please, get out of my way.”
“Where are you going?”
“Away from here.”
“Will you talk to me?”
“I already told you no. I want to leave. Get out of my way.”
“I’m not leaving until you talk to me. Give me a shot here, Parker.”
Melissa pushed him, and then pushed him again and again, harder every time, beating her frustrations out as she went. She surprised him by smacking him open-handed in the face, until he finally grabbed her hands and pulled, twisting her and holding her wrists at her lower back. He turned and pushed her up against the car, putting them nose to nose.
Melissa felt his strong grip on her wrist and the cold steel of the car against her back, but more than anything, she felt the full length of him pressed against her front.
“You can beat me up all you want, but it doesn’t change anything. I love you—I love you—I fucking love you. Get that through your thick head. The only thing standing in the way of us finally being together is you being pissed off at me.”
Melissa broke down. She so badly wanted to keep up a stony façade, but she couldn’t stand it any longer. She took a great heaving breath and managed to squeeze out a meager, “please . . . don’t,” between her sobs.
Brian released her wrists and reached up to pull her into an embrace. Melissa didn’t have the strength to fight him off. Brian shuddered, too, and they held on to each other for several minutes until he whispered, “I’m sorry I keep hurting you.”
“I can’t take anymore,” she cried as she fought for breath.
“It’s over, baby. Now we can have each other if you stop fighting me.”
“I’m afraid.”
“I know you’re scared . . . and I know you think it’s easier to push me away and reject me than it is to take a chance on me, but Lissa, I’m begging you to stop. Stop this and let me love you. I will fill your life with smiles and make up for the missed years. I promise, Lis.”
Brian tangled his hands in her hair and took her lips hard. Melissa tasted her tears and his. She wanted to push him away again, but she couldn’t. Brian deepened the kiss, nearly lifting Melissa off her feet as he held her against the car.
“Give me a chance,” he said through their kiss.
His hands moved from her hair and traveled down her body. He pulled her closer and curled his fingers around her hips. Melissa finally started to relax in his arms. As the tension left her, she wanted to collapse; she felt zapped of her strength, of her desire for anything. Suddenly, Monterey seemed farther away, and her bed sounded more inviting.
When Brian started kissing her neck, she dropped her head back and let him have her. He felt too good and too strong against her to fight. She wanted to remember him from a simpler time, a time when she trusted him above all others, a time of no doubt and no worries, just her and Brian. The outside world didn’t matter in their world. Parents, teachers, friends, Julie—Chase—none of it existed, just him holding her and her holding him.
Melissa gripped his jacket as his lips lowered to her collarbone, his hands traveling up her shirt, meeting bare skin. She gasped as he moved up and cupped her breast. “Let me love you, Lissa. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. We’ve waited too long. I’ll beg if I need to.”
“Brian,” she breathed on a shudder when he pushed and arched against her with his erection.
“Where’re your keys?” he asked breathlessly, pulling back from her.
Melissa pried her fisted hand open and held them out to him. He grabbed the key ring and pulled her by the waist as he kicked her car door closed. He steered her toward the front of her building and fumbled with the keys until he had her exterior door unlocked.
Brian shoved her inside, and pushed her against the wall, taking her mouth and devouring it with his. Melissa went for his pants while he slipped his jacket off and let it fall to the floor. He tugged at his buttons with one hand until his shirt was undone. Unable to resist the sight in front of her, she lifted her hands to his bare chest and circled up over his shoulders. Oh how she’d missed his chest and his sun-kissed, olive skin.
With her hands braced on his shoulders, he lifted her in the air and set her teetering on the stairwell handrail. He reached down and tugged her right boot and jerked it off, then went for the left. When she was shoeless, he pulled her back down and wrenched the button on her jeans. Both of his large hands slid down her sides and pushed at her waistband.
Before he had her jeans down over her hips, the stairwell erupted in a screeching sound. Melissa threw her hands up to cover her ears.
“Shit!” Brian looked up at the camera pointing down on them. “Mark’s alarm.” He ran up the stairs, pulling her behind him. Melissa opened the door and went directly to the keypad and punched in her code to shut it down.
Brian snatched her up as she threw her legs around his waist and let him carry her into the bedroom. As soon as they hit the bed, the phone rang.
“Damn it!” He scrambled over, grabbed the phone, and punched the talk button. “Seth, Brian Hammel here. It’s fine. She’s fine. Go away.”
Brian shook his head and put the phone to her ear. “Password, please.”
Melissa snickered and said, “Cinnamon.”
Brian barked out a laugh and put the phone back to his ear. “Yeah, Seth, thanks.” He hit the off button and grinned down at her. “Cinnamon? Really?”
Melissa nodded, her mood sobering. The distraction was enough to make her think about what they were doing.
Chapter Thirty-Five
When Melissa’s smile faded, so did Brian’s. “I will love you with everything I have.” His voice was a soft whisper and his gaze intense as he looked into her eyes. He leaned back in and took her mouth again.
“Brian . . .”
She pushed him back slightly.
“Babe . . . please don’t push me away.”
Melissa’s eyes welled up. She couldn’t help it. Fear took over, and she couldn’t pretend she hadn’t been hurt beyond repair all those years ago. She tried to talk, but the words wouldn’t come.
“I won’t hurt you, Lissa. I won’t leave you, and I won’t lie to you. I just want us back.”
“I’m scared. I can’t live through losing you again.”
“Never. Never again.”
He kissed the hands she held over her face and she lowered them to look at him.
“Open yourself for me, Melissa.”
As he wiped the tears from her face, she stared at the gold ring in the hazel eyes she’d missed so much. She reached out to touch his face. He leaned into her hand, and Melissa took in his changed features. A grown man. Brian had grown up and become a man since the last time she’d been with him. He had been a child, and so had she. Now a father and a detective, a good friend to everyone, and he’d been a good husband to another woman while Melissa sat on the sidelines of life and regretted too much for far too long.
“Do you remember the last time?” she asked quietly.
“I’ve survived on that memory for seventeen years. I remember it better than I remember last week.”
Melissa traced his lips with the tip of her finger and the fine smile lines on both sides. “You look different, different than my Brian.”
“My face may be weathered, but my heart and soul feel the same as they did at eighteen.” He tilted his head. “And they have always belonged to you, Melissa Parker. Every day since the very first time I laid eyes on you.”
He leaned in, and Melissa felt it in his kiss, the connection she knew had never been broken—kinked and twisted—but never broken. That’s why she hadn’t been able to move on. Their souls were linked forever.
“You’re beautiful and perfect and exactly the same.” His mouth surrounded her nipple and it was like a shock to her system, completely washing away her fear.
She wanted him again, too, that she knew for sure. She wanted every inch and every smile, every laugh and every argument. It was all worth it. She’d live with the broken heart if it meant she could have even just a piece of him again.
When she tugged loose the button on his jeans, he kicked them off and lay naked next to her, rubbing skin on skin. Melissa enjoyed the gentleness of his touch. When they were kids, all tenderness was thrown out once their clothes were off. Now, they were mature enough to enjoy every second and appreciate the luxury of being together, especially after losing each other once before. She explored him; her hands touched and her eyes searched for changes in him. He was bigger, bigger everywhere, his hands, his legs, his arms. His shoulders were much broader than she remembered. Melissa kissed his shoulder and his chest, loving the taste of his warm skin.
Brian came over her, cupping her face with his hand and looking longingly into her eyes. Melissa smiled, a true smile, a smile that came from the inside out. She hadn’t felt so full of life or so full of love in a long time. All the exhaustion and lack of desire she’d felt outside had been replaced with pure excitement and need of ardor.
Brian’s face broke out into a huge smile, too, and he whispered, “My smile . . . I missed that.” His lids grew heavy and he said, “If you knew how much I love you . . . it’s so strong, Lissa.” He gently pecked her lips then pulled back and looked at her again. Melissa grabbed his hips and pulled him down, feeling his erection against her stomach and wanting more than anything to have him inside her. Brian arched up then pushed, surprising her and making her gasp.
“Oh God, Brian.” She squeezed her eyes closed as he moved slowly and gently inside her. “Brian . . .” Her voice was high-pitched and urgent. “Condom?” She managed to say.
“No, no condom, I want to feel all of you.”
He pushed again as she clung to him, experiencing everything he could intimately give her, and crying out at the sensations. For the first time in so long, she was whole again.
She moved with him, held on, and tried to pace herself, but she wanted more and more with every motion. “Brian . . . oh God . . .” she breathed when he gripped her hips and pushed her further. How had she survived so long without him? She tightened, her muscles constricting more with every movement. She was overwhelmed by every sensation. Overwhelmed by Brian. Brian touching her, Brian kissing her, Brian filling her . . . finally. Her core coiled and tightened like a spring, but she wanted to wait for him. His gentle flow turned more urgent, and he moved faster, harder, and as her need increased, so did his rhythm.
“Lissa, I love you.” He slowed again, making her crazy. “Tell me you love me. I want to hear the words.”
Melissa bit her lip and arched again. “Brian—” she shrieked as he came down hard again.
“Say it . . . Melissa.” His chin dropped to his chest, and he leaned in. “Look at me, Lissa. Open your eyes.”
She did as he commanded and met his heated gaze. “Brian.” The feel of his name on her lips felt so right. “I love you.” She nearly screamed it as he released inside her. She gasped and let go.
Brian wrapped his arms around Melissa and held her, a lump forming in his throat. The intense sense of completeness stole the air from his chest. He held her close, and refused to let go of what was now one of the most precious moments in his life. She was the piece he’d been missing for all these years.
When he pulled himself together, he met her eyes and smiled. He couldn’t help it. He had everything he wanted. Melissa was everything in the world to him. She was his reason to get up in the morning and his reason for wanting to be a better man. She’d been right about his behavior with Collins. He had been a completely unforgivable ass to the guy. Melissa deserved better than that, and he wanted to be better for her.
“Are you okay?” he finally asked.
She nodded and gave him a radiant smile. Brian felt like sobbing. He never thought he’d see that smile, never thought he could have this again, have her again. As much as he loved Julie, they’d never had this connection. Melissa was his other half. How did he ever think he could survive without her? How could he believe his life full before? It had been an illusion. He’d spent years convincing himself he was happy with Julie, but never, in all those years, did he ever feel like this with her.
The realization struck him hard. He’d let Julie down from day one when he couldn’t give her everything. He couldn’t have given her this, and now, he wondered why it had taken her so long to leave him.
“Are you okay?” she asked in a quiet voice.
He nodded and pushed Julie from his thoughts. “I’m perfect. I’m more than perfect.” He leaned over, kissing the top of her head and brushing the hair off her sweaty skin. “I missed you so much.”
“Me, too,” she muttered. “You didn’t use a condom.”
He shook his head. “No, I didn’t want anything between us.”
“But . . . I told you, I’m not on the pill.”
“I thought getting pregnant is what you wanted.”
“Yes, but you don’t.”
He lifted his head to look at her. “Why would you think that?”
Melissa’s brow creased. “Julie always acted like you wouldn’t let her get pregnant again.”
He bobbed his head. “It’s true. I didn’t want her to get pregnant. Did she tell you that?”
“She never said it, but it was implied.”
“We tried for more kids. Julie had three miscarriages.” Brian pursed his lips and shook his head. “Seeing her go through that . . . I couldn’t take it again, so I told her I was done.”
“Oh . . .” Her eyes lifted to the ceiling, then back to his face. “Is that why you were so upset when you found out she was carrying his baby?”
“Yes.” He closed his eyes for a moment and said, “One of the reasons.”
“I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”
“I would have loved to have anot
her, but she’d always had trouble carrying. Pregnancy was too hard on her . . . I guess it wasn’t meant to be.” He frowned. “Lis, I don’t want to talk about Julie anymore.”
“Okay, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. It’s just . . . weird.”
“I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful.”
“I wasn’t either.” He ran a hand up her bare stomach to between her breasts and said, “Maybe you’re incubating a little Parker-Hammel infusion in there right now.”
She shook her head and lifted a finger to his lips. “We shouldn’t be talking about having babies, either.”
Brian’s heart dropped into his stomach. “You don’t want to have a baby with me?”
“We need to go slow.”
“We’ve known each other for twenty-six years. How much slower can we go?”
Melissa pulled the sheet up to her chin with a sigh and turned into his chest.
“Stop being so cynical. We’re good now, sweetheart.”
She nodded and closed her eyes, but a frown formed on her lips.
“You’ll see. When you miss your period and start getting sick—when your sister comes to you with a pregnancy test and forces you to take it—then you’ll see I’m right.”
Melissa chuckled. “I’ll stop being cynical when things get easier.”
“Can I ask you something without you getting pissed at me?”
She tilted her head to look at him. “What?”
“Is it possible you’re pregnant already? You said Collins used a condom, but if you come up pregnant, I don’t want to have to worry about it.”
“I’m sure.” She exhaled heavily. “The morning of Ali’s wedding, I bought two pregnancy tests. I took one and I gave one to Ali. I’m absolutely sure I’m not pregnant.”
“Why does that make you sad?” Heat spread throughout his body. He tried not to show it, but he couldn’t pretend not to be hurt. “You’d be willing to have his baby and not mine.”