by Roxie Ray
“How are you doing, puddin’?” Nana took my hand and smiled at me. I’d gotten her to sit up in the bed and we were watching our favorite soap. We watched it together any day I was off.
“I’m good, Nana.” I squeezed her hand and looked at the TV, but she wasn’t done.
“How about your love life?” she asked, her voice all lofty and knowing.
I sighed and cut my eyes at her. “Nana,” I whined. “Don’t worry about my dating life.” It certainly wasn’t a love life. There was no love going on in it, though I’d had a handful of dates.
“I worry about everything, you know that.” I smoothed her white hair back from her face and sighed.
She did. And I did know that. But I hoped she could put my non-love life out of her mind. “Well, don’t fuss over me. I’m about to the point of taking a break from trying. Dating is a lesson in disappointment.” I kept my voice light and teasing, but there was an undertone of truth to my words.
“Don’t you want kids, Har? You always used to.” She watched me with shrewd eyes. Her body was frail, but she hadn’t missed a beat. I did want kids, always had. I wanted the chance to give a child a life I hadn’t had. To be a good mother.
“I want to see some great-grandbabies before I go. If you won’t keep trying to find Mr. Right for yourself, keep looking for him for me. I want to hold your precious babies in my arms and tell them how wonderful their mother is.”
Ah, so it was time for the guilt tactic. “Stop talking like that, Nana. I can’t stand the thought of you gone.”
She sighed and nodded, blinking her baby-blue eyes. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I won’t put that on you. If I go before you have babies, you don’t worry over it one bit. I’m blessed to have had you all these years, my girl. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m more thankful than you could possibly know.” She hummed a bit, then continued. I knew my Nana. She’d still have one more thing to say to convince me. “But I do worry. I just don’t want you to be alone when I go. What a horrible thing to have to deal with all on your own.”
“Nana. Please don’t worry. I’ll be okay. You’re going to live for years and years still. We’ve still got each other.”
I’d been mulling something over but hadn’t brought it up to Nana yet. Now that her insurance covered her nurse, I was able to save most of my paychecks. I paid for part of our food and other incidentals, but Nana’s monthly check covered the electric and other bills. I’d sacrificed a lot of time and money to care for her but living with her was saving me a bundle now. I wanted to use it to my advantage if possible.
“Nana, I’ve been thinking about opening my own salon. There’s only one in town, and there is a lot of bad blood between Laura and the townsfolk. Many customers won’t go to her and they drive to the next town over.”
Nana’s eyes lit up. “Oh, I love that idea. You’ve got such a good head on your shoulders. You’re good with money, too, I’ve always said that.”
Nana had taught me how to budget at a very young age and had me take over our bills. She’d supervised, of course, but by having me handle the paying of bills and balancing the checkbook, I’d learned everything I needed to know to stay in budget and plan for the month’s needs. “Thanks to you,” I murmured.
She chuckled. “You were a natural.”
I waited for her to continue, but she didn’t say anything. “Nana?” I asked.
She started and looked at me. “Sorry. I got lost in thought. I think you should do what will make you happy. You are a natural leader, smart with money, and you went to school for more than just doing nails.”
“Sounds like you think I should go for it.”
She smiled and nodded, but something was off with her. She wasn’t totally with me. Normally, when discussing something so important, she’d be focused and giving me all sorts of advice. “I do think you should. It sounds like you’re excited about it.”
Nana looked at the TV again, not focusing on our conversation at all.
“Nana? Are you okay? Do you want me to let you nap?”
She blinked and slowly turned her head to look at me. Then, she reached over to grab the remote, pushing the button to shut off the TV.
“I do have something to talk to you about,” she said. “It’s important.”
“Okay. Tell me.” I had no clue what she could’ve been talking about. She didn’t go anywhere to get news, and her nurses generally kept me up to date on who called. I went through all the mail.
“I asked the nurse to let me tell you. Your father called me.” She dropped that bomb, then stared at me to see my response.
What the hell? We hadn’t spoken about him since I was a teenager and had asked about him. She’d told me everything she knew about him, and I’d never asked again. For all I knew, he was dead. He’d contacted Nana when I was ten to see how I was, and that was the only time we’d ever heard from him. “How? Why? What could he possibly have wanted?”
She shrugged. “You, of course. He asked how you were. Wouldn’t tell me much. He wants to meet you.”
I scoffed, then laughed. “What possible reason would I have for wanting to see him?” The man had abandoned me without a thought. “My answer to that is no and will always be no.”
She shook her head. “I figured as much. And that’s what I told him. But I’ve got his number written down if you change your mind.”
We sat in silence. My mind raced. As much as I didn’t want to meet him, I was curious about what he’d want after all this time. Of course, Nana had to say something more. “You know I worry.” I chuckled under my breath at her. “My fear is if you don’t figure out a way to solve your relationship with your father, it will weigh on you and sabotage any romantic interests you have.”
“Nana, I love you, but you’re nuts. If that was the case, I’d need to mend my relationship with my mom, too, and you know that’s not happening.”
“Don’t make me talk about that woman,” she said with acid in her voice.
I agreed with her sentiment. Mending fences with either of my parents had nothing to do with my future relationships. I ignored the sting of her words and dismissed them. She was way off base. “I’ll be back in a bit, Nana. I’ve got a dinner date with Ava and Charlotte.”
She held out her arms for a hug, and I squeezed her as tight as I dared. I didn’t want to hurt her.
“Think about what I said,” she whispered.
“I will, Nana. Love you.”
“Love you, too.” She picked up the remote as I walked out of the room, turning the soap opera back on.
I didn’t have plans, but damn, I needed them. It had been nearly a week since Stefan had embarrassed me in the parking lot of the body shop. I’d licked my wounds and picked my pride up off the floor, and now I was ready for a girls’ night. Time to group text my girls.
You two free tonight? I need some girl company.
They were both free. Excellent. We made plans to meet for a few drinks. I didn’t ask if they knew if Stefan was there. It didn’t matter if he was at the Dragon’s Breath or not. I was going. If he showed up, I’d ignore him like any other person at the bar besides Charlotte and Ava.
Ava sent a text as I walked out the door. I’ve got plenty of wine and Hailey just came home. I don’t want to leave her here alone. Can we drink here at my house?
I didn’t mind at all, and Charlotte replied back that she didn’t care, so I headed for Ava’s instead of the bar. She had settled Hailey in her room with a crafting kit. “She’ll be in there all night making that potholder.” Ava giggled. “And she thought I was giving her a gift, but it was all for me.”
We laughed as Ava poured glasses of wine. “None for me, thanks,” Charlotte said. I knew she wasn’t much of a drinker, but she usually had at least one glass with us. We both looked at her for an explanation.
A mischievous smile spread across her face. “I can’t have alcohol right now.”
Ava’s jaw dropped. “No.”
“Are you serious?” I asked
Charlotte’s face lit up as she nodded. “It was a surprise. I’m usually as regular as the rising sun, but when I didn’t start, I remembered there was one night that we didn’t wear a condom. We were so enthralled with each other, every bit of brains we had went out the window.”
“Good thing,” Ava said. I’d never seen her so giddy. She was one bounce away from being a dashboard bobblehead. “Now we get to experience a Charlotte and Axel baby!”
Leaning against the counter, I plastered a big smile on my face, but inside my heart cracked. Not that I wasn’t happy for Charlotte. She deserved happiness as much as anyone. More than most. But I wanted it, too. I wanted babies and a love like she had with Axel. They’d fallen hard and fast, like a modern-day fairy tale.
My throat burned a little as I gulped my wine, but I ignored it. Ava refilled both our glasses. She’d drained hers pretty quickly, too, so it didn’t seem so bad that I had. The next thing I knew, my glass was empty again as Ava and Charlotte talked about baby names and whether a boy or a girl would be more fun. Since Ava was now sitting at the table with Charlotte, I filled my glass up myself.
“Do you want kids?” Charlotte asked me.
I nodded and swallowed the wine in my mouth. “Sure, yeah. I’d love a house full of them.” She grinned, her happiness at her coming baby written all over her face. It was kind of hard to have a baby as a virgin, though, so my chances seemed slim.
Maybe I’d experience the next immaculate conception. I snorted and drained my glass again. Ava and Charlotte looked as I poured one more. This would be my last. “What?” Ava asked.
I held up my hand and joined them at the table. “Nothing, nothing. What’s your due date?”
She told us about the doctor’s appointment she’d had to confirm the pregnancy and her expected due date. “It could change with the first ultrasound.”
The conversation stayed on the same topic, babies, kids, and soon Ava was telling us both of her birth stories. Somehow, my glass was refilled again, even though I hadn’t planned on drinking another.
“I’m thinking of leaving Black Claw,” I blurted out. I wasn’t sure who had been speaking, but I was sure I’d interrupted. “Sorry,” I said, then a burp slipped out. “Oops! Sorry again.” I giggled and grabbed the wine bottle, emptying it in my glass. “One down.”
“That’s number two,” Charlotte said. “You two killed the first one about an hour ago.”
Oh, geez. How much time had passed? I’d drank more than I realized.
“Harley, what do you mean leave Black Claw?” Ava asked.
What had possessed me to blurt that out? I hadn’t told anyone about it. Hell, I’d only been mulling over the idea.
“When my Nana passes, and we all know it’s not too far off, I think I’d like to make a fresh start somewhere else. Her house is paid off and she’s leaving it to me. I don’t think I can stand to live there without her, so I can either rent it out or sell it.” It would be too painful to be in the house she’d decorated throughout her life. Even if I changed a lot of stuff around.
“Harley, honey, things could change. You never know what might happen between now and then,” Ava said. “Look how fast my life changed.”
Charlotte snorted. “I went from Logan beating me up to happily engaged and pregnant in about three months. I want to pinch myself most days because it doesn’t seem real.”
I shook my head. “Well, barring that miracle, there’s nothing for me here. I don’t even know most people anymore. If they don’t come into the nail salon, I don’t know who they are.”
Ava and Charlotte exchanged a long glance. I didn’t have the energy to try to figure out why.
“Harley,” Ava said. “We’ll support whatever you decide, but just don’t rule out staying yet, okay?”
I shrugged and opened my mouth, but just then the back door opened. Maverick walked in and his face showed shock for a second. Or maybe I imagined it. He grinned and moved into the kitchen, followed by Axel and, of course, Stefan. Why couldn’t he have stayed away on the one night I came over here? We didn’t get together all that often, and we hadn’t been here for our girls’ drinks since the failed dinner we’d all eaten together.
When I finally tore my eyes off of Stefan, I realized Jury and Maddox were also with them. Geez, what were they all doing together?
Stefan’s face hardened when he looked away from greeting Ava, who had jumped up when they walked in and realized I was there. He stared at me for too long. It felt like minutes in my inebriated state of mind. Finally, he leaned toward Maverick and whispered so emphatically I heard him loud and clear. “Did you know she’d be here?”
I had promised myself I was done being hurt by this asshole, but I’d lied to myself. His words cut me to the quick. He sounded so angry that I was in his personal space.
At first, I was angry, but it quickly changed to sadness. “I just don’t understand what it is about me that you hate so much,” I blurted out.
Oh, shit. I shouldn’t have said that. Every gaze in the crowded kitchen flew to land me. “This is why I don’t drink,” I said with a sob. “Damn it.” Scraping my chair back, I bumped into Jury, who held out a hand to steady me. I didn’t take it. “Excuse me, please.”
I wasn’t stupid enough to drive after so much alcohol, so I ran upstairs to Ava’s guest room. At least I could sleep off my embarrassment without anyone witnessing it.
After throwing the little lock on the door, I collapsed on the bed. The influence of the alcohol enabled my emotions to break loose. All the heartache I’d bottled up since Stefan first rejected me came pouring out, and I sobbed into Ava’s thick pillows.
Why did I care so much about the man? He was too young, too hot, and too uninterested in me. I’d never had a crush on a man enough to make me cry myself to sleep, but that was exactly what I did. I cried until my eyes hurt and the alcohol swept me into unconsciousness, thankful nobody could hear me.
6
Stefan
Ava and Charlotte couldn’t hear Harley’s sobs, but all the rest of us could. When I heard her slam the door and the first of her cries, my heart splintered. As her mate, even unbonded, I felt her pain deep in my soul. If it hurt me this much, it would’ve been pure torture for her. But still, her pain at bonding with me and then me having to disappear or take her on the run would’ve been far worse. Bonded mates couldn’t separate without extreme emotional pain. It often killed them.
This was a prime example of why I couldn’t bond with her. It might fucking kill us both.
Ava stared holes through me. It was time to excuse myself and go home. I couldn’t help this. I knew I was making the right decision, but nobody but Maverick understood.
“Please excuse me,” I whispered and made my way around the kitchen toward the back door.
“No. You are not excused.” Ava’s cold voice stopped me in my tracks. I hung my head and waited for the berating that was coming. Ava was a notorious mama wolf, so to speak. She fiercely protected those she loved. Even I knew that, and I’d only been around her for six months or so.
“Ava, I’m sorry. I’m not doing anything on purpose, just trying to make the best of the situation.” Everyone in the crowded kitchen knew we were fated mates, but not why I couldn’t be with Harley.
She let out a fresh wave of sobs upstairs, making me flinch against the pain.
“That’s a bunch of bullshit,” Ava said. I turned to look at her and my gaze brushed across the table. Two wine glasses set where Ava and Harley had been. So, Ava’s mouth was emboldened by alcohol. Great. “You need to own up to the way you’ve been treating Harley. It’s crap! She’s your mate and she can’t help or understand the pull she feels toward you. When you shut her down, you break her heart. Can’t you see that?”
Maverick put his hand on her arm. “Honey, this really isn’t our—”
“No!” She cut him off. I appreciated him trying. He was the only one that knew
the whole story. The reason I couldn’t tie myself to anyone. He’d taken a big risk letting me stay in Black Claw, but he’d told me I deserved the chance to be with a real clan. He’d said he understood why I’d killed my father and would do anything he could to help me.
Ava kept on nearly shouting at me. “It is our business because she’s our friend and she can’t defend herself because she can’t know about the dragon thing yet. Or fated mates. She can’t be given an explanation for how she feels about Stefan.”
Maverick sighed and gave me a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry,” he mouthed. He’d told me he believed me, and that he believed in me. I wasn’t sure I’d ever had anyone tell me they believed in me. Not in my entire life. “Ava,” he said. “Stefan has been through a lot. If he’s not ready for a mate, who are we to judge him?”
“We are Harley’s friends,” she replied, giving him a look that told him they’d be discussing it later. “We have to be her voice since she can’t defend herself, not having the whole story.” She glared at her fiancé. “Besides, you can’t stand up for Stef knowing he’s completely wrong for the way he’s treating Harley. Embarrassing her at the shop? What the hell, Stefan?”
I stared at her, at a loss for words. I couldn’t tell her about my past. I’d never told anyone but Maverick. Nobody. But, fuck, my reason didn’t mean that everything Ava said wasn’t true. Harley didn’t deserve any of this.
“I have my reasons, okay?” I didn’t know what else to say. Surely, she realized I wouldn’t do this just to be a dick.
“And they are?” She put her hands on her hips and waited for me to reply.
“All due respect, Ava. I like you, but I don’t owe you an explanation. I don’t like you thinking so little of me, but I can’t give you more than that. I do have reasons for what I did.” Ava had been nothing but kind to me. I hated to think of her believing I’d be that much of a dick just for the hell of it.