by Ivy Fox
“Then I don’t understand,” I tell her truthfully, surprised by her visit.
Carmen has always been a part of the Grayson family as far as I’m concerned, but since I’ve known her, she’s also been a skittish, little mouse, frightened of her own shadow. At times, even too afraid to leave the manor on her own. Her coming all the way here to visit me in prison, of all places, makes me curious.
“Carmen, are you okay?”
I watch her eyes begin to tear up as she wipes the errant tears with her sleeves before they fall to the table in front of us.
“Carmen?” I repeat, my arm reaching out to comfort her, but I pull it back immediately when the loud sound of a baton slamming on the empty table next to us has her jumping in her seat.
“No touching, Grayson. You know the rules,” one of the guards on post grunts over at me.
‘Fuck you,’ my smile says, and by the scornful frown on his face, he reads it loud and clear.
But with so many witnesses present, he leaves me alone, probably thinking I’m not worth the hassle of making a scene. For now, at least.
I turn around and face the shy, fidgety woman at the table. Her head continues to be bowed, not able to make eye contact, as I begin to hear Carmen stutter her explanation. My mind rambles through all the Portuguese words I’ve listened to Henrietta say over the years, trying to find the one that will get her to calm down and settle her nerves.
“Fica tranquila, Carmen. Você está segura. Calm down, Carmen. You’re safe,” I repeat in English, just in case I completely botched up her native language.
She slowly raises her head upward and gives me one of her genuine little smiles.
“Por sua causa, Rome. Sinto-me segura,” she says on a gentle wail, but I can’t make out what the words mean. Instead of me probing her any further, I give her time to recollect herself.
“You okay to talk now?” I question when her tears have surpassed. She gives me a weak nod, and I offer her my own tender grin. “So you want to tell me what this visit is all about? Not that I mind, Carmen. Not at all. Seeing you here makes me feel less homesick,” I confess, hoping it’s enough to ease her agitation and help her to feel comfortable around such depressing surroundings.
The frown lines on her forehead crease, concern taking over any lasting nerves she might still have.
“You’re hurt,” she states the obvious, her eyes taking in all my cuts and bruises.
“Nothing that some Advil won’t fix.” I try to play off.
She chews at her lower lip, and before I have time to get to the bottom of this visit, she informs me that she has to return to the manor.
“You okay to go home all on your own?” I ask pensively, concerned as to why she made an effort to leave her comfort zone all alone, just to see my ugly mug for a measly five minutes.
I wish she had told Elle she wanted to see me. The rugrat would have jumped at the chance and made the experience less frightening for Carmen.
“I’ll be fine.” She smiles again.
“Okay, then. Send Avó my love. Tell her I miss her.”
“She misses you, too,” she admits with a saddened look. “We can’t wait to have you home, Rome.”
“That might not happen, Carmen,” I explain, not wanting Avó to have high hopes for my acquittal, only for them to be crushed.
Henrietta isn’t getting any younger, and neither is her ticker. I’d rather her to expect the worst than get a nasty surprise that might affect her health.
“I have faith,” Carmen counters, pulling at the necklace she wears around her neck, which has a bronze cross at its very center.
I offer her my pensive grin, knowing that I’ve spent most of my life having very little faith in anything, let alone putting stock in divine intervention to get me out of a mess like this. She stands, calling an end to this peculiar and rather short visit, and I follow suit.
Her eyes continue to glisten with unshed tears, and when she steps closer to me, I see they are seconds away from breaking through.
“Thank you,” she whispers, looking up at me with gratitude shining through her tear-filled gaze.
I’m about to ask Carmen again if she’s alright, when she takes my hands in hers, holding them so tightly, that I’m taken aback by the strength the gaunt girl has.
“Thank you,” she repeats, “I owe you my life.” She then bolts out of the room without looking back once, leaving me stunned and silent.
Chapter 10
Holland
The minute Rome sees me, he can’t get to me fast enough. I wrap my arms around his waist as he nestles me closer to his chest, gently holding my head against the spot where I can hear inside the love that beats for me. Even with the starch smell coming out from his jumpsuit, he still smells like my Rome. I feel him plant a tender kiss to the top of my head, his fingers itching to run over the rest of my body, yet unable to do so freely.
“That’s enough, Grayson. Sit down.” A harsh voice commands from a few feet away.
Knowing he won’t be able to, I pull away first, not wanting him to get into further trouble on my account. Lord knows he’s had more than his fill already. We both take the seats next to each other, bypassing the barrier that the round, metal table would create between us.
“How are you?” he asks hoarsely, his eyes taking in every inch of me.
I do the same and see that he’s not faring any better than I am. While my cuts and bruises are deep inside my soul, his are in plain view. I don’t say anything to call him out on it, as it will just make him worry more if I show my concern for his wellbeing. It’s a vicious cycle with the two of us. Round and round we go, our overwhelming affection for each other at the very center.
“I’m fine. Or at least I’m trying to be,” I tell him truthfully, sitting on my hands to avoid the temptation of running my fingers through his thick scruff.
Rome has always been a handsome man. Even when he was a total jerk to me, I was very aware of his stunning good looks. Maybe it’s the fact that I miss him so much, but every time my eyes land on him, I honestly believe he’s one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever encountered. Both inside and out. And the beard that he’s growing only adds to his charm and ruggedness.
“See something you like?” He smirks, knowing exactly where my head’s at.
“I’m looking at you. What’s not to like?” I tease, knowing it will relax him if I act all cavalier and unaffected by our poor surroundings.
“Fuck, but you look good, too,” he chokes, his eyes hungrily trailing up and down my form.
I’m wearing some generic jeans and a simple, lavender sweater, which were the first things I managed to put on after I left the courthouse. Yet by the famished expression he has plastered on his face, it’s as if I’m wearing skimpy lingerie and ready for him to debase me in front of all these people. Not that I ever needed to use any frills and thrills with Rome. But then again, we never got the chance to get creative either.
We never got the chance for a lot of things. Maybe we never will.
“Hey, hey. None of that. I’d rather see that gorgeous smile of yours than what you’ve got going on at the moment. That clear?”
“I see prison life hasn’t kicked that bossy attitude out of you yet,” I rebuke, feigning annoyance, trying hard to keep my wayward, somber thoughts from ruining the precious moments we’re still allowed to have.
“They can try.” He smirks proudly, his cocky grin stretching from ear to ear, warming me up from the inside. “The twins treating you alright?” he asks, wanting to sway my chaotic mind to a safer topic and distract me from my melancholy.
“They are,” I admit, feeling an embarrassing rush of heat rise from my neck up to my cheeks, my crimson blush completely giving me away.
“I bet.”
He bites the corner of his lower lip, his thumb tracing its supple length, mimicking the crave of my own tongue.
Damn him.
&nbs
p; “Stop it. If I’m not allowed to be sad, then you’re not allowed to have your mind in the gutter. Is that clear?” I chastise playfully, mimicking his words back to him.
He lets out a gut-wrenching laugh, making a shiver run down my spine at how good the melody sounds to my ears.
God, I miss him.
“I can’t make you any promises, but I’ll try my very best. I am happy, though, that you and the twins are finally seeing eye to eye. At least one good thing came out of my absence.”
“Nothing good could ever come from you not being home, Rome. Don’t say things like that. Don’t even think it,” I tell him in earnest, hoping he hears the truth in my words.
His leg lightly touches mine, away from the guard’s field of vision, and I sneak my trapped hand from under my knee, just so I can gently touch a part of him. His eyes smolder, and my breath hitches, as my thumb lightly fondles the outside of his upper thigh. It’s just a little, innocent caress, yet it has both of our hearts drumming wildly in our chests.
“Tell me what you’ve been up to with Ollie and Ash?” he rasps, his eyes already at half-mast.
“You know, most men would be dead-set against sharing their girlfriend with their brothers, let alone wanting to hear sordid details about what they do together when he’s not around.”
“Ah, little liar. I think we’ve already established that I’m not most men.”
“No, you’re not.” I chew my inner cheek to keep my breathing steady. “But I’m still not going to tell you a thing, so stop looking at me like that, Roman. You won’t hear a peep coming from me.”
“Whatever you say, little liar. I guess my imagination will have to suffice. At least until I see it with my own eyes,” he whispers huskily, only increasing the loud thumping of my erratic heartbeat.
“You’re incorrigible.”
I roll my eyes mockingly, but then I feel his hand cover mine, stealing the air from my lungs with his tender touch.
“It’s funny, but when Ollie and Ash told me they were dating the same girl, and that they were head over heels infatuated with her, I never thought I could be capable of feeling a sliver of that unconditional love. I always thought my ego and pride made me too much of a selfish prick to even consider such a thing,” he confesses, his amber eyes soften like liquid gold, making my throat clog up with emotion.
“You don’t have a selfish bone in your body, Rome,” I hush, entwining my fingers in his.
A shy smile tugs on his lips, making it that much harder not to kiss him as I want to. Not to say all the words we still haven’t uttered to each other. Not to lay my head on his lap, beg him to lie to me and tell me everything will be okay, as he brushes my hair lovingly, showing me, in all the little ways he does, how much he loves and worships me.
“I guess I don’t. Who knew?” He shrugs sheepishly, looking far younger than I’ve ever seen him, obviously in tune with my inner turmoil.
Just like me, he wishes he could do all that I desire in this very minute and so much more. But he’s disheartened that he can’t. Heartbroken that he doesn’t know when or if he ever will again.
“I did,” I tell him, bravely leaning in as close as I can without raising the guard’s curiosity or watchful eye.
I bow my head slowly, my eyes alert to the men patrolling the room, and as quickly as I can pull it off, I kiss his knuckles, feeling the resulting cuts of whatever fight he had pressed against my lips. I shut my eyes, as his other hand wraps itself on the nape of my neck, and continue to pepper his olive skin with my very soul.
“That’s enough, little liar,” he chokes on a pained tone when my tongue traces the indents on his cracked fingers, the endearment going way too far for him to bear.
“No, it’s not,” I mumble under my breath, low enough so that he can’t hear me giving him one last peck to his open palm, hoping the little, chaste kiss will sustain him through the cold nights of this place. But I know it won’t because it isn’t enough. None of this is enough. Not for him, and definitely not for me. However, I still straighten back up, knowing stolen kisses are all we have to hope for in the foreseeable future.
“You never told me you weren’t on board with the twins dating me,” I remark, my feeble attempt to move our conversation in another direction.
There is no use in increasing our sorrow by lamenting on the fact I can’t even touch him like I yearn to, or that he can’t hold me like he needs to.
“It’s not that I wasn’t on board. I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. I guess I didn’t understand it at the time. Now I do.”
“What made you change your mind?”
“Isn’t it obvious? You did. To have you is to love all of you. And that means accepting the people you’ve opened up your heart to love, too. I won’t lie, though. I’m glad you’ve only made room for Ollie and Ash. I don’t think I’d be comfortable sharing you with anyone else but them.”
“You say that now,” I tease, cocking my brow flirtatiously, even though we both know that no one else could ever own my heart as these Grayson men do.
“It ends with us, little liar. Don’t get greedy on me.” He laughs with a little twinkle back in his eyes, thankful I’m trying to lighten the mood. But as the seconds pass by, we do a poor job at hiding our anguish.
“What’s wrong?”
“What’s right?” I slump my shoulders, letting out a long exhale.
“It’s going to be okay, little liar. Have faith.”
“Faith?! I’d rather have you home, than believing in miracles, Rome.”
He lets out another chuckle, but this one doesn’t hold the same levity as the one before.
“How can you not believe in miracles when you have proof they exist? We found each other, little liar. Do you know how rare it is to find your soul mate in this jaded world of fake privilege and well-spun lies? How much more proof do you need that we were meant to be? This,” he says, swaying his head around to emphasize where we are, “is just a hiccup in our story. Nothing and no one can ever imprison what we have. It can never be caged or subdued. If you don’t believe in anything else, believe in that, little liar.”
“Don’t give me pretty words, Rome, when you’re the reason I ache at night. Why is it that you’re always the one who has to sacrifice your happiness for everyone else’s? I mean, look at you. How far are you willing to take this?” I exclaim, my eyes tracking over the bruises he’s unable to conceal from me, being so up close.
“As far as I need to.”
I shake my head, angry at his stubbornness, and gutted that his selflessness is one of the reasons I fell in love with him in the first place.
“It’s not right, Rome. None of this is. You shouldn’t be sacrificing yourself for me. Aren’t you the tiniest bit scared?” I question, not hiding my fear for his safety this time. But Rome just tilts his head, the golden river in his eyes swimming with nothing but love and serenity.
“Sacrifice doesn’t scare me. Losing you does.”
“You’ll never lose me, Rome.”
“If you do what you are thinking of doing, I might.”
“What if I could find another way? A way to fix this?” I whimper, unable to keep my fears and sorrow in check as I should. As he needs me to.
Each day that passes with Rome stuck in this horrid place, only increases my guilt, and shatters my resolve to follow his wishes. But if I could find another way to prove his innocence, then maybe I can finally right the wrong done to us.
“How?”
“I’m not sure yet. But do you trust me?”
“Ah, little liar. There is no one I trust more. With my heart, my soul, and my very life.”
My emotions begin to take over, and I wish there wasn’t an invisible barrier separating us so I could show him how much I care for him. Words never seem to be enough, but right now, words are all I have.
“I love you, Rome. I won’t let you spend your life behind bars for something I did. I�
�ll get you out of here. I promise I will.”
“If there is anyone that can, it’s you, my gray-eyed warrior. But promise me this, whatever you do, I want you safe. Take one of the twins with you to do whatever that beautiful mind is cooking up. I’ll sleep a lot easier at night, knowing someone who loves you as much as I do is looking after you.”
The familiar bell calling the end of our visit rings out, and in unison, I hear the devastation in the room from the crowd of visitors that have to, yet again, say their goodbyes to the men they love.
Just like me, they know what it feels like not to be whole. Not when the person you most care about will have to return to a cold cell that offers no hope or joy.
I’m not naive in thinking that most of the men here deserve this penance, this gruesome existence. But not my Rome.
Never my Rome.
The last hug we share is way too brief for either one of us to take comfort in, but for today, it’ll have to make do.
I rush out of the prison’s walls, not wanting to stay inside them another moment, knowing that Rome is being led to his dreadful confinement. I finally reach the outside, and my heart leaps to my throat when I see Ollie and Elle waiting ever so diligently for me.
Ollie bridges the gap between us, and holds me in his arms until my tears subside, making me feel halfway human again. Always my anchor, no matter how destructive the storm in my life is.
“Everything okay? How did it go in there?” Ollie asks, furrowing his brow in concern as he releases me from his tender hold.
“As well as can be expected.” I shrug.
What more can I say? He saw Rome today, just like I did, and when he came out, his desolation was clear as day, no matter how hard he tried to hide it.
Ollie kisses my temple and throws a little look over at Elle, thinking I wouldn’t catch it. It’s the protective look he has marred to his expression since Rome was arrested.
I’m not sure who Ollie is more worried about—Rome or me. Between the twins’ constant shadowing, I haven’t had much alone time lately to wallow in my misery. But I guess that’s the whole point.