Smoke 'Em if You've Got 'Em

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by David Rogers


  Kyle stared at him. “You’re kidding, right?”

  “Fuck no.” Craig shook his head. “Dead serious, pun intended.”

  “Dude, she thinks we’re both useless potheads. She’s not going to move in.”

  “She might if she needs help scavenging and surviving. Chicks usually get more interested in putting up with guys’ shit when they need something.”

  “Dude, she doesn’t need us.”

  Craig scowled. “Melody weighs like a buck twenty soaking wet. How much do you think she can carry back from the store?”

  “Melody drives a Range Rover.”

  “Yeah, a big gas hog. It’ll be out soon, and then she’ll need help hauling stuff around. This is our way in man.”

  “Dude . . .”

  Craig hit the joint again, then leaned his head back against the headrest. “Totally man, just wait. We’re two guys who know the deal. We’re not weird anymore. Now we’re experts. Zombie experts.”

  “You are officially too high.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “Seriously dude.” Kyle shook his head as he turned into the parking lot of the Publix at Johnson Ferry and Ashford-Dunwoody.

  “There is no such thing.”

  “Yes there is.” Kyle said, parking in a handicapped spot less than thirty feet from the doors of the store. “You’re living proof.”

  “Man, you are completely harshing my buzz.”

  “Good, I need you to come back down to Earth and help me.”

  “Do what?”

  Kyle put the gearshift in park and shut the engine off before turning in his seat and looking around the car. He had to wave his hand against the smoke filling the car’s interior so he could get a look out the back windows. “We’re out here now, so we should grab some stuff before we head back.”

  “Man, your tacos are going to be seriously cold if we do that.”

  “Dude, I don’t fucking care about the tacos right now.”

  “Can I have your half then?”

  “No!”

  “Damnit.” Craig muttered. Kyle hit something down next to his seat that made the trunk click and thump, then opened his door. Craig hit the joint again, then left it stuck in the corner of his mouth as he got out and joined Kyle at the back of the car. His roommate was rummaging around in the trunk. “What are you looking for?”

  “Weapons.”

  “Good idea.”

  “Yeah, I thought so.” Kyle said sarcastically. He straightened with a pair of metal rods in his hand.

  “What are those?”

  “Weapons.”

  Craig shook his head. “No, I mean, before we decided they were good for attacking zombies with.”

  “Oh. The lug wrench and jack handle for when I need to change a tire.”

  “Ah. Cool.” Craig said, reaching for the jack handle.

  “Nope, my idea.” Kyle said, thrusting the lug wrench forward and holding the jack handle out of reach. “Dibs on the good weapon.”

  “Man . . .”

  “Your call dude.” Kyle said, balancing the lug wrench on the edge of the trunk and heading for the store.

  “Fine.” Craig said, puffing on what was left of the joint. Grabbing the lug wrench, he followed Kyle. “What’s the plan?”

  Kyle paused at the doors, which were closed. They did not open, even when he waved his hands in front of the sensor above them. “We’re going to go inside and load a pair of carts down with supplies.”

  “Like, what kind?”

  “Food dipshit.”

  “Harsh.”

  “Stop smoking.”

  “Fuck that!” Craig said, looking around. “And there are no zombies near us, in case you’re wondering.”

  “Good.”

  “You didn’t check. Now who’s too high?”

  “Dude . . . shut up. Just stay with me, okay? Keep keeping watch and you’ll be fine.”

  “How are we getting inside?” Craig asked. He heard glass shattering and turned around to see Kyle holding his left hand up in front of his face while his right pulled the jack handle back from the door. Glass was falling out of the door frame. “Oh, right.”

  “Right.” Kyle said. “Come on, let’s load up so we can get back to the apartment.”

  “Man, I am so taking every fucking Twinkie in the store.”

  Kyle rolled his eyes as he stepped through the doorframe. “All the people to get paired with in damn zombie apocalypse and I get you.”

  “And when we get back, we can watch Expendables 2.” Craig laughed. “Who’s the best man? Come on, say it.”

  “Dude, seriously?”

  # # #

  If you enjoyed this short, you might find Apocalypse Atlanta entertaining. Free samples are available, so why not give it a try?

  Also by David Rogers

  Apocalypse Atlanta – We’ve all seen it on the news every year. A hurricane, a tornado, a tsunami, a flood. A BAD thing happens, and all hell breaks loose.

  Some people are caught in the chaos, others are victims, some run, others wait for help, most sit at home watching for everything to be fixed for them, and a few dive in to do whatever they can.

  The thing about a zombie apocalypse is whether or not you’re in that initial wave of people who get hungry and start snacking. And where you are as few turn to many. As we all know, when it’s zombies, soon many turns to most. And it’s over when most become all.

  Apocalypse Atlanta follows three people as the zombies start eating and bring the world down around them a bite at a time.

  One is a retired Marine. The second is a widowed single mother. And the third is a biker.

  Are there right or wrong answers when zombies are involved? Do things like morality and decency matter? Is it better to be alive to feel guilty, or dead an honorable? Who decides who’s right or wrong when a single mistake can make you dinner for a ravenous horde of the undead?

  The story that started it all, the preceding book to Apocalypse Aftermath.

  http://www.amazon.com/Apocalypse-Atlanta/dp/B00D538D6M/

  Apocalypse Aftermath – the follow-up to Apocalypse Atlanta, continuing the stories of Peter, Jessica, and Darryl.

  When an apocalypse starts, there's always running and screaming. Sooner or later, most of that starts to fade; if only because most of the runners and screamers are dead. Once the end of the world gets going in earnest, the sprint becomes a marathon. You can’t run all the time, can you?

  Saving someone is easy. Helping them is what's hard. Heroes happen all the time. After those moments when you become someone's saviour, what comes next? One day turns to two, and then the days are a week. Time keeps ticking by, and if you're going to keep from being ground beneath the clock’s relentless push, you've got to find the essentials for life. Food, water, shelter, safety. Everything else is negotiable.

  Apocalypse Aftermath picks up where Apocalypse Atlanta leaves off; following three people, each going in three different directions, all trying to survive the end of the world. The same question faces Peter, Jessica, and Darryl; what’s next? What’s a safe path to follow, one that doesn’t place them and those they’re with at risk of becoming a meal for the zombies? What’s the right move, and how do they see it for what it is in time to act? Which way is the right way?

  Because whether you’re an aging retired Marine, a widowed single mother, or a biker who bounces, the problem is the same.

  Zombies.

  http://www.amazon.com/Apocalypse-Aftermath/dp/B00KKB43E8

  Bite Sized Apocalypse – an anthology of five short stories set in the universe of Apocalypse Atlanta. The common thread are the zombies. Each story looks at a different little slice of the apocalypse as it gets going for those particular characters. Little bite-sized chunks of it.

  Is that a dinner bell I hear?

  http://www.amazon.com/Bite-Sized-Apocalypse/dp/B00DUFWNKW/

  The five stories in Bite Sized Apocalypse are also available individually.

  Better to b
e Lucky – You've thought about it. What would the first few hours of a zombie apocalypse be like? For one company of military police, it was like almost any other job in the service. Boredom with flashes of sheer, howling terror.

  http://www.amazon.com/Better-be-Lucky/dp/B00DENSDNG/

  Marching through the Apocalypse – Many things might be happening when a zombie apocalypse begins. For some of the most genre aware people in Atlanta, their survival wasn't so much who or where they were, but rather what they were wearing when people started getting hungry.

  http://www.amazon.com/Marching-through-Apocalypse/dp/B00DEKA1IY/

  There goes the Weekend – A bail bondsman's, er . . . woman's, day can be boring or interesting. Boring can be profitable, and interesting can be fun. But there is such a thing as too much fun. When Darla goes looking for a wife beater right when the zombie apocalypse kicks off, there goes the weekend.

  http://www.amazon.com/There-goes-Weekend/dp/B00DSGFGBQ/

  Smoke ‘em if you’ve got ‘em – Life is about rules. Lots of rules. But when zombies start eating people, the rules change.

  http://www.amazon.com/Smoke-youve-got/dp/B00DTI8S7C/

  A little me time – Every year, Lloyd spends a week hiking in the North Georgia mountains. This year, while he's getting away from it all, everything goes straight to hell.

  www.amazon.com/little-me-time/dp/B00DR5IPF2/

  Individual short stories

  You are what you eat – When a zombie apocalypse starts, everyone has problems. Well, everyone who’s not a zombie I guess. For one student in a small South Georgia town, her problem was zombies don’t respect dietary restrictions.

  www.amazon.com/You-are-what-you-eat/dp/B00ELLZGX0/

  Gut Check at the Choke-and-Puke – Lauren is a truck stop girl, just one more service provider riding the interstates and making a living. A layover south of Atlanta turns into more than just a fuel, food, and rest stop when zombies turn up. One thing leads to another, and soon it's everyone for themselves. Lauren has to hold on to both her stomach if she's going to hold onto her life.

  www.amazon.com/Gut-Check-at-Choke---Puke/dp/B00KMJNNTE/

  Working with Zed – One of the biggest problems someone faces in the middle of a zombie apocalypse is who to trust. One nine-year-old boy doesn’t have that problem. He knows who to trust.

  His dog.

  http://www.amazon.com/Working-Zed/dp/B00MXKIF84/

  Author Bio

  David Rogers was born in Atlanta and has lived there for over twenty-five years, with the only interruption between birth and Atlanta being a detour of about a decade into Florida. If you’ve never been to Florida, let him save you a trip. It’s very flat and quite tropical. Oddly enough, Georgia is very hilly and quite humid, so maybe there’s not so much of a difference between the two. Also, it wasn’t his fault. His parents made him go.

  Since escaping childhood, David has been a secretary, file clerk, tech support operator, telemarketer, gopher, FedEx truck washer, and office manager. He loves good stories in nearly all forms, particularly novels and movies, though television is gaining rapidly since some of the quality there has shot up quite a lot in the past few years.

  Every Christmas Eve he watches Die Hard and Lethal Weapon, because they’re the best Christmas movies ever made. Family, friends, and beating the crap out of the bad guy with your bare hands . . . what more do you want in a Christmas story? BB guns? Please, you’ll shoot your eye out.

 

 

 


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