by L. B. Dunbar
Zack’s thrusts match the rhythm of my heart, and together, we climb. We fly, and when we burst like fireworks or summer showers, we don’t see it as a fall but a glide back to earth. Drifting. Floating. Free.
He collapses over me and buries his face in my neck. “I love feeling you come around me.”
“I love to come around you.” Softly, I chuckle.
Zack lifts his head, pressing up on his elbows. “You’re really mine.”
“I’m really mine, but I belong with you.” I smile to assure him where I stand. Beside him, with him.
Zack shakes his head with a laugh. “You’re terrible at negotiation.”
“What’s to negotiate?”
Staring down at me, he grins again, slow and wide. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”
After we clean up, we remain naked with only a light blanket over us. Zack lays on his side, perched up on an elbow while his hand lazily glides over my body. His palm skims down my middle, between my breasts, and over my belly.
“Why did he do it?” he asks.
“Why did who do what?”
His hand returns up my center, and a fingertip circles my breast. “Why did Quincy leave this place to you? It had to be more than your kind spirit.”
His fingertip distracts me, and I lick my lip before I speak. “I brought him here to see a sunset. He’d received this place as a settlement. I had no idea it came from your family.” Eyeing him, I want him to know I didn’t know his history. He nods, and I continue.
“He wanted to die someplace beautiful; instead, he passed away in a small hospital room with only nurses at his side.” We didn’t get to stay here. It was a little like springing an inmate from prison, but I don’t use the analogy with Zack.
“I thought he was blind.”
“I described it to him.” Quincy had been in excellent spirits that night. He claimed he could feel the warmth on his skin. As best I could, I explained the brilliance of the half-circle sun, lowered behind the water. The cool glow like a rainbow of golds and oranges effervescing outward. The clouds as they broke off in thin strips like cotton and the deep blue of the water as it rippled like folds of denim with a frayed hem of white as it touched the shore. Thinking of that night, I see it all in my mind’s eye. “Two days later, he died.”
Zack’s forehead furrows as his finger dips down to my belly button, circling the puckered skin before dragging back to the valley between my breasts. “Wills take time. He must have already gifted the property to you before that night.”
I shrug, as I don’t have an answer. “In the will, he said a beautiful place should belong to a beautiful soul. He didn’t mean the house. He meant the view.” I could have returned the house to Quincy’s children. They argued it wasn’t ethical for me to take it, and some would agree, it wasn’t. I was his nurse. He was my patient. Being gifted a large property . . . just isn’t done, yet it happens. I didn’t want it, but after an ugly fight with Daniel, I didn’t want him to have the place either. This was a special spot to Quincy, and as he reminded me of my grandfather, I couldn’t pass on his generous gift. It was the new beginning I didn’t know I needed.
“Quincy reminded me so much of my grandfather in some ways. In others, he wasn’t. Losing him was like losing Grandpa all over again, though, and it was difficult for me.”
Zack nods, considering something. “So just to be clear, you haven’t been married to anyone before him?” He tips up a brow while his finger stills on my skin.
“I haven’t ever been married.”
His forehead furrows again. “Why not?” His voice softens, expressing concern he’ll hurt my feelings.
“I lived with someone for years in my twenties. We grew comfortable with one another, which can lead to being complacent. We just didn’t see it going any further than what it was.” Roommates who occasionally had sex. “We were both too busy. He was an emergency room doctor. After him, I’d been on dates, but nothing serious. I didn’t have the time.”
Zack’s quiet for a moment before he speaks again. “But you make time for love.”
Slowly, I smile. “You make time for love.” Our eyes meet before his expression turns serious.
“I’m grateful Ben was able to come home, be here, although it was difficult for Anna. He stayed in a guest room on the second floor because he didn’t want his illness tainting the master bedroom with haunting memories. He only wanted Anna to remember the good times in their bed.” Zack softly chuckles and looks around my room for the first time.
“It’s different in here. New paint,” he observes. “Different bed and furnishings.” His review moves to the window with sheer coverings. “No haunting memories,” he whispers, and I wonder only briefly if he could ever live in this house again. Would it be too much for him? We’ve only just declared our love so moving in together seems like too much to mention.
“You okay in here?”
“I will be.” He pauses as he glances back at me. “Remember when you asked me to keep my eyes to myself, and I denied I could.” Zack smiles, and I chuckle at the reminder of our first encounter. “You said whatever makes me feel better. And somehow, I knew right at that moment, you, just being with you, would make me feel better.”
“Zack,” I whisper, overwhelmed by him. His gaze roams over my body once more. My shoulders. My breasts. My belly. His look alone is a soft caress. “You do have a beautiful soul. You are sunrise and sunsets, and I want to see them every day with you.”
Deep inside, I light up because I want the same thing.
29
[Zack]
Unfortunately, I had to leave early the next morning, speeding across the state once more to get home to my boys and return to work. I had so much to do and so little time, but I took a deep breath, knowing River and I promised to make time for one another.
When the weekend drew near and Jeanine canceled her scheduled visit with the boys, it didn’t take any coercion to convince Trevor and Oliver we should return to River’s home, even if she had to work the morning shift both days. Her absence would actually give me time to assess the house and see what it needed. I’d noted little things on my too-short visit, like the scuffed floors and awful furniture. Entering her bedroom was like entering a different realm compared to the rest of the house, and I was grateful it was so changed. Not a drop of my parents’ existence in there remained. The wall color. The sheer material covering the windows. Even the placement of the bed made it feel like a new room.
As I wander through her place, I hear voices coming from the front yard, recognizing both Trevor and Oliver’s tones but not the third. Quickly, hackles rise on my neck. We’ve talked about not speaking to strangers, especially after the surprise of seeing my father at the canoe rental place. I didn’t tell the boys who the man was, other than a rough lecture about not offering information to people they didn’t know.
As I race down the stairs and out the front door, a man I newly recognize stands in the front yard.
“No!” I yell out, pointing a finger at him. “Get out of here.”
Robert freezes where he stands beside an old beat-up car. It’s sporty in style, though ancient in make and model. Rusty and used, it has potential. I don’t want to think about how he got it or where.
He holds up his hands in surrender, and déjà vu fills my head. His arms in the air. His calm demeanor. His voice as he spoke to the police who stood at our front door.
Robert Weller, you’re under arrest . . .
“Get away from my boys!” I shout.
“I didn’t know they’d be here. I didn’t know you were here.”
“I don’t care.” I don’t even want to know why he’s here. “You need to leave before I call—” the cops. I stumble over the words, and my brows lift. Robert must hear the unspoken, and his forehead furrows as well. His arms remain in the air. Could I call the police on him?
We remain in this position—him with his arms up, me with a scowl on my face—when a car pulls into the drive.
/> River? She’s home early.
As she parks, I rush to her. “What happened?”
Glancing from me to Robert, she hesitates. “I could ask you the same thing.”
I gaze over my shoulder. “I don’t know what he’s doing here. I’m trying to get him to leave.” Before I turn back to her, a hand comes to my forearm, and I peer down at it before looking up at River.
“Listen,” she whispers to me. Her eyes softening. “Just listen.” Her eyes well with tears.
“What’s wrong?” I step closer to her, brushing her cheek with the back of my knuckles.
“It isn’t me. We’ll talk later.” She nods at Robert, and I glance at him once more. “He’s here for you.”
Shaking my head, I bring my attention back to River, trying to catch her eyes. I can’t do this. I don’t want him here. I want to know why she’s about to cry.
Too quickly, she slips around me, though, and approaches Robert.
“Hello, Mr. Weller. It’s nice to see you again.”
“I told you to call me Robert, honey.”
Closing my eyes, I’m ready to lose my shit. I spin on my heels, and my entire body vibrates. I want him out of here. I want him gone, but River has her arm around Oliver. He’s looking up at her, questioning what’s going on, while at the same time, he looks comfortable and comforted pressed to her side. Trevor glares at me, his eyes filled with questions.
“Why don’t we all go to the backyard for a bit?” River’s eyes meet mine, and she tips her head. Silently, she seems to say, I’m right here. I won’t let anything happen. Whether she means to the boys or me, I can’t be certain. She’s that Wendy character, taking care of her lost boys.
She shifts her gaze to Robert and offers him a genuine smile. I see he’s captured under her spell, and he silently moves forward, following River and the boys around the side of the house toward the backyard. I have no choice but to follow as well.
The boys head for the tree fort, and River disappears into the house but quickly returns with a pitcher of iced tea and some glasses. I want to snark that this isn’t some social visit, and she doesn’t need to entertain him, but I bite my cheek. Personally, I could use something stronger than iced tea. River glances at me, offering me a glass, which I accept while Robert declines. Giving us space, which I don’t want, she wanders into the yard, still wearing her scrubs and her clogs. With her back to us, she allows us privacy while her position suggests she won’t go far.
“Just say what you came to say so we can get this over with,” I snap, pinning my eyes on a man I no longer know. He leans forward, elbows on his thighs, and I notice the tattoos on his knuckles. I don’t want to know what they mean or where he got them or why. He shakes his head.
“Your mother—”
“You leave Mom out of this,” I immediately growl.
Sitting upright, he swipes a hand through his thin hair which is more silver than dark brown now. He looks toward Anna’s house, and I want to demand he shouldn’t look in that direction. He shouldn’t look toward the family who took us in, told us over and over we were their family, and cared for us. I glance at River’s back, drawing strength from her presence.
“You’re right,” he says, his voice rough. “I had a problem. I didn’t think I was good enough. I wanted to give her more. I didn’t want her to ever be sorry she chose me.”
Robert has my attention now.
“In the end, I lost her. She was the best thing I ever had, and the best I could do for her was give her up.”
I turn my head. Silence falls, awkwardly wrapping around us, before I peer back at him.
“I’ve got a girlfriend now.”
“I do not want to hear this,” I quip. Jesus, what is he thinking?
“Her name is Robbyn,” he continues.
“Cute.” Sarcasm coats my tone. Robert and Robbyn. The name hits me—Robbyn’s River Adventure. “Did you con her into giving you a job? Buy into her business with false promises? Are you stealing from her?”
As my voice rises, River turns her head but doesn’t fully glance at me over her shoulder. She approaches the tree fort, calling quietly up to the boys.
“I deserve that,” Robert says, and a heavy pause follows again. “But I won’t take it. She’s a good woman. Smart and kind. I make an honest wage and appreciate the slower pace of life. No more hustle.”
I snort at the concept and double meaning of the word. My fingers curl around the arm of the chair where I sit, feeling tied down and tortured at this . . . interview? Introduction? What are we doing here?
“I like your girl.” He rolls his neck to gaze over at River.
“Don’t talk about her,” I snap again, coasting my shaky palms along the edge of the chair’s arms.
Robert turns back to me and weakly raises a hand. “Only wanted to say you make a nice family.”
The words bring me up short, but I find myself speaking. “She’s not my wife.” My voice is rough but not harsh. I realize my father never met Jeanine, and perhaps he thinks River is the mother of Trevor and Oliver. He wouldn’t know any different, and my mind races with the thoughts I’ve been having since I’ve been separated from her.
“I’m divorced.” I’m not even certain why I tell him this fact. Robert tips up a brow and gives me a knowing glance.
“We all deserve a second chance at love . . . and getting it right.”
My mouth falls open, ready to retort that it’s a little late for fatherly advice from him. Then I peer over at River, head tipped back, speaking to Oliver who was hanging out the window of the tree fort, and my mouth clamps shut instead.
I stare at my father. It’s been almost thirty years, more than half my life, and I don’t know the man before me. I don’t even know if I want to know this person. The father I had is gone.
You need to forgive him, River said. It was the only way to move on. Be grateful for when I had a dad and accept that I no longer do.
“Because of her, I know I need to forgive you. For me. For them, but I’m not there yet.” I don’t really know if I’ll ever get there. Perhaps with River’s help . . .
Robert and I remain in awkward silence for another long moment while he lowers his head, pursing his lips in concentration. Finally, he looks up at me, weakly smiling, and says, “You should bring your boys back to Robbyn’s. Next river trip is on me.”
I don’t think he’s ignoring what I’ve said about forgiveness as much as bypassing it for now. He isn’t looking to argue with me any more than I want to fight with him.
“Yeah, the boys would like that,” I say for some reason, instantly knowing I won’t take him up on the offer. My thoughts leap back to the day we went canoeing. The boys had loved pretending they were pirates searching for something hidden around every corner. River added to the adventure, calling out things she hoped to see next, yammering about buried treasure and where it might be found, and wondering if there was gold deep in the river. She was so creative. The boys ate it up.
“That’s a nice new fort,” Robert offers, and I notice he’s been watching River and the boys during my silence. “You and your brother had quite the imagination up there.”
While I recall some moments, there’s so much I don’t remember, perhaps blocking some memories out.
“We had to build a new one. The old platform wasn’t safe anymore.”
“It always was the perfect tree for a fort.” My father speaks more to the tree than to me, and instantly I remember a night of laying on that platform, looking through the winter-bare branches. We were gazing up at the stars, my father and me. Always reach for the stars, Zack. Accept no limit to what you can do, who you can be.
Suddenly, I’m swallowing hard as more memories return to my head. I remember feeling like we were floating, flying as we glanced up at the dark sky with a brilliant display of stars.
Flying in love. I couldn’t remember the age I’d been, but I’d loved my dad so much at that ancient moment. I was certain of it.
But loving a parent is a different kind of love. Unfortunately, my father needed limits back then. He needed to accept what we had. He needed to trust my mother’s love for him. She wouldn’t have thought less of him. We would have all made changes and sacrificed like Calvin and Bryce did for Ben. That’s what families do. That’s what I learned from my friends. They were my family.
“People make mistakes, son.” The comment draws me from my head. I want to snap at him for calling me son. I wasn’t his son any more than this man was my dad, but I wasn’t going to argue the term. Could we negotiate with one another? Could we compromise? I wasn’t certain. Sitting here with him felt bigger than both of us.
My eyes seek Trevor and Oliver, both laughing at something River has said. With the universe as my witness, I swear I will never be distant from my boys again.
“I need to go,” Robert finally says when I’ve taken too long to respond to him. He rubs his hands together, and I watch the motion, wondering if he’ll hold out a hand to me. Will we shake like acquaintances? Will we stand and hug? The thought makes me shiver, and I quickly dismiss it. Something in my face must warn him not to reach for me, so he doesn’t. He rubs his hands over his thighs next.
“Well . . .”
“Yeah.” I quickly stand, scraping the feet of the metal chair against the concrete, making a sound like nails on a chalkboard. River turns in our direction and meets my gaze. Without a second of hesitation, she crosses to me.
“Leaving?” There’s a question in the word, as her eyes remain on mine.
“I need to get to work,” Robert says.
I almost huff but stop myself.
“We enjoyed our day at the river adventure,” River offers, smiling at my father, who can’t help but smile in return to her.
“You come over any time you want.” He winks, and River nods, keeping her grin in place. She’ll never go there again if I don’t want to go. I’ve done what she asked. I listened. Did I absorb it? Did I forgive him? I’m not certain I’m there yet, but I let him talk.
“I’ll see myself out,” Robert says, giving a wave to the boys before nodding to River. “It was good to see you, Zack.”