But more than feeling suspicious, I feel hurt. Lai’s been going behind my back all this time, manipulating our teammates? And she told Mendel about her gift. She trusted him with her secret before she trusted me. Mendel, who she’s always at odds with, who blatantly doesn’t care about anything. Does Johann know, too? He and Lai are so close. Did she only tell me so that everyone on the team would finally know?
I’d thought that moment in the music hall was a moment of truth, of openness. But now I wonder whether it was anything at all.
I discover I’m unable to say anything in response.
* * *
I hear Lai before I see her. She’s playing a piece I barely forget the name of, one of those that I’d feel silly not remembering once someone told me the title. It’s slow, dark, and low, picking up in pace and intensity as she enters a thundering crescendo. I watch her back from the doorway; I know she’s aware of my presence, so I wait.
Her shoulders curve and straighten as her hands glide deftly over the keys to punch them flat. It’s a piece she appears to be quite familiar with, because she doesn’t falter when she transitions into the faster-paced section. She sways with the music.
When the piece finally comes to a close on a low, prolonged note that balances in the air between us like a shield, even though her posture doesn’t slump, something about her does. For once, I don’t check my grid to see how she’s feeling. I don’t want to.
“I see you’ve been talking with Mendel.” Her words shatter the spell and displace that last, firm note that was ringing in my ears. She doesn’t turn around to face me.
Of all the things swirling in my head, I’m not certain which I want to say most. I settle on, “Why?”
“You’ll need to be more specific. I have different reasons for different things I’ve done.”
“Why did you essentially blackmail Mendel into working with the team? Did you do the same to Johann, too?”
She shakes her head, still not looking at me. “I didn’t blackmail Mendel. I made him a deal and he took it. It helped everyone involved, so I don’t see how it’s a bad thing.” She hesitates. “I may have actually blackmailed Johann in the beginning, but things have changed. Johann is working with the team willingly now.”
“Ignoring the fact that you actually blackmailed one of our teammates, if you didn’t think the deal was so bad, then why didn’t you tell me about it?”
“Come on, Jay, how could I have told you that?” Lai asks, and now, finally, she turns around on the bench to face me. “What was I supposed to say? ‘Oh, hey, by the way, I pulled some strings and got the others to work with the team, so you don’t have to worry about that anymore.’ Yeah, that would’ve gone great.”
“You shouldn’t have been messing around with people like that to begin with,” I snap. The words come out more strongly than I meant them to, but I don’t pull back. “You shouldn’t have gone behind my back and—that isn’t how a team works. Everyone has to want to work together. You can’t just manipulate everyone into doing what you want them to.”
Her eyes flash and she stands. “Maybe in a perfect world, Jay, but we’re on the verge of a war, in case you hadn’t noticed. We didn’t have time to wait around until everyone wanted to get along with each other—if ever that happened. I gave them a reason to want to make the team a success, and guess what? It. Worked.”
“It shouldn’t have been through manipulation and secrets. How is there supposed to be trust in our team like that?”
We glare at each other for long heartbeats, neither of us backing down. But I already know Lai is stubborn. I can’t make her see something as wrong if she doesn’t think it is.
“I’m not saying what I did was morally right,” Lai says. “I’m just saying it needed doing.” She turns her back to me once more. “Not everything good in life can be accomplished by honest methods.”
“The end justifies the means,” I say. “That’s really what you believe?”
She doesn’t answer.
I had thought, before, that Lai’s willingness to do whatever it took to accomplish her goals was an admirable thing. I liked that about her. However, now, hearing some of the ways in which she’s set out to accomplish what she wants, I wonder. I wonder what other underhanded things she’s done that I’m not aware of. I wonder if Mendel was right when he said she can’t be trusted.
I sit next to her on the bench.
“Lai, why are you so on edge about Ellis?” I ask.
“Who isn’t?”
“I meant, why are you so personally on edge? As soon as you saw that envelope from the rebels’ leader, your anger was instant and incredible. Why?”
Her fingers glide over the keys, expression distant. “Can we not talk about this?”
“That depends. Do you know something you’re not telling us that could hurt the team?”
Her eyes flash to me. “You think I would intentionally put the team at risk?”
“I think you have a lot of secrets you’re not telling us. And that’s fine; you have every right to withhold whatever personal information you choose. Unless it puts the rest of us in danger.”
She doesn’t say anything.
“Our odds of coming out of this meeting alive are already bad,” I say quietly. “I don’t want to walk in blind if there’s a way to be better prepared beforehand. If there’s something you know that could help us…”
Lai doesn’t answer for a long time. Her hands, for once, are still in her lap. Her focus appears a million miles away, though not in her typical distracted sense. Her presence is withdrawn, subdued.
I’ve just about given up on receiving a reply from her when she says, “Sara Ellis left the military two and a half years ago. Two years ago, she formed the rebels. Ever since then, she’s been using her gift of shadow manipulation to communicate with me and try to convince me to join her—or even just to taunt me.” She won’t meet my eyes. “That’s why Devin tried to take me with him on our last mission. And the rebel with ice powers on the mission before that. Ellis’s gift is pretty intricate. And dangerous. I’ll explain it to everyone in detail once we’re all together.”
I don’t know how to answer. The way Lai spoke of Sara before, the possibility that she had gone to the rebels had crossed my mind. However, I was hoping for something different. I certainly hadn’t anticipated that she’d gone on to found and lead the rebels.
I nearly say I’m sorry. But that isn’t right. “Thank you,” I say. “Knowing the details of the rebels’ leader’s gift will help us tremendously. We can go in with a better plan of attack.”
She says nothing in response, and I’m not certain where to go from here. No wonder she was so angry when she saw Ellis’s letter. No wonder she didn’t want to talk about it. No wonder she’s so anxious about this meeting. Will it be the first time they’ve met since Ellis left the military? What kind of communication have they had in the last few years? Will Lai be able to properly fight against someone she was once so close with?
I don’t want to pursue the topic, but nor do I want to leave like this—especially not when we’ll be heading out to meet the rebels so soon. Was it really only just a few days ago we sat in this same spot unable to stop laughing?
“Do you want to practice together?” I ask. “I mean, I don’t know about you, but I could really use it.”
She looks at me out of the corners of her eyes and offers a slight smile. “Don’t lie to me, Jay. You know I need the practice as much as you do.”
23
LAI
AL STANDS BESIDE me as we wait for Jay and Mendel in one of the many open spaces in the training hall.
My talk with Jay last night weighs heavy on my mind. When he honestly wondered if I could be trusted, it cut me more than I expected. More than it should’ve. Who cares whether or not he trusts me? Maybe he shouldn’t. And why should I care anyway?
And yet, I do.
When Jay and Mendel arrive, we all stretch together. I take the c
hance of everyone being half distracted to say, “Before Ellis founded the rebels, she was an officer in the military. Her gift is shadow manipulation. She can observe anything or anyone touching a shadow that connects back to her own. She can also communicate through shadows by turning them into butterflies, or have those butterflies hide in someone’s shadow and keep watch over them. But the last one can only be done with the person’s permission. And it takes a lot of effort, but she can travel through connecting shadows, too. The farther the distance, the harder it becomes for her.”
Everyone listens silently. Surprisingly, no one questions how I know so much about her gift, or what my connection to her is. Not out loud, anyway.
That will be a difficult gift to deal with. I’ll have to take it into account when I make our plan.
So that’s why she was so mad yesterday when she saw that letter. For her to know that much, they have to know each other.
What’s this all of a sudden? I won’t complain about more info but why didn’t she say something sooner?
No one comments as we continue stretching, and honestly, I’m glad. It’s bad enough having to think about my reunion with Ellis without having to answer a bunch of personal questions about my relationship with her, too.
But mostly, I feel relieved to have warned everyone. I don’t want to talk about my past with Ellis. I don’t want to cast even more suspicion on myself than I already have. But as soon as Austin told us about that meeting, guilt born from my silence settled in my lungs. It’s not like the military doesn’t know about Ellis’s gift. It isn’t as if the others couldn’t have found out the details of it from the new files we were given earlier this morning that included intel on some of the rebel members. But my personal involvement with her made me feel responsible for telling them. And now that I have, a small weight I didn’t even know existed has gone from my shoulders.
Once we’ve finished, Jay says, “Okay, let’s start. We’ll begin with a two-on-two, no gifts, since we’re still not used to coordinating with one another yet.”
If anyone has been more on edge than me in the past twenty-four hours, it’s Jay. His eyes are somewhat bloodshot, and he’s developed a habit of tapping his heel when he’s been standing in one place for too long. It’s mostly to due to his stress over the rebel “meeting,” but it’s got a lot to do with Mendel and me as well.
“Why no gifts?” Mendel asks. He shoves his hands in his pockets. “It’s not like we won’t be able to use them at the meeting.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Jay says. He taps his heel. “None of our gifts worked on Devin. And who knows how many others have a power crystal with the same neutralization gift? Besides, what if you reach the limit of your gift in the middle of a battle? Are you going to push yourself until you have a fallout, or are you going to fight?”
When Nytes overuse their gifts, it takes a toll on their bodies and puts them in a state of extreme exhaustion. We can barely move, let alone defend ourselves. We try to avoid getting to that point since it would practically spell our death—whether through the fallout killing us or someone attacking us.
Mendel doesn’t seem to have anything to say to Jay’s points, so he drops his hands to his sides and waits for the major to go on.
“I know we all have our differences,” Jay says. He doesn’t look at me, but his thoughts are on his conversations with both Mendel and me last night. “But we’re setting out in a matter of days. If we really are walking straight into a trap, then we need to be able to work as a team if we want to make it out alive.”
No one objects—probably because we’re all thinking the same thing. Even Mendel seems to take Jay’s words to heart, rare as that is.
Jay thinks, hand over mouth, before saying, “Hand-to-hand, first person to hit the ground loses for their team. Lai and me against Mendel and Johann.” He looks up at Al’s stuttered beginning of a protest. “You two need the most work in coordinating with each other. You work well together in the actual heat of battle, but you never stop fighting outside of missions. You need to be able to work together at all times, not only when our lives depend on it.”
Now Al is the one who can’t argue against him.
I have to hold back a laugh. Mendel’s respect for Al has gone up a little since she didn’t push about his past, and she’s picked up on that from the more tempered way he’s been speaking to her. They’ve graduated from spitting fire at each other to tolerating each other, but that’s about as far as they’ve gotten. A little challenge like this will do them good.
I pat Al on the shoulder on my way to Jay. I’m given a scowl in return.
As Mendel makes his way to Al’s side, I overhear him say, “Look, I know we’re not exactly the best of friends, but I really, really don’t want to lose. Especially not to Cathwell.”
Lai? Why her especially? Even if she is a little distracted, no one would blame him if he lost against her. She’s strong. “I never go into a fight intending to lose,” Al says. “Just try to keep up.”
Al’s inward praise of me makes me unexpectedly thrilled. I have to push down the feeling as Jay smiles at me, and then I hesitate. Are we okay after last night?
But there’s no lingering anger or frustration in Jay’s thoughts, nor in his voice when he asks, “You ready to go?”
“As ever,” I say. It still hurts. Even though Jay seems back to normal, the sharp cut of that lapse in which he didn’t believe in me stings. But I don’t want him to know about that, and I definitely don’t want to linger over it. It’s easier to put it out of mind and act like nothing was ever wrong.
Jay turns back to the others. “Ready?”
By way of reply, Al stands with her feet shoulder-width apart, hands raised, and keeps one eye on Jay and the other on me. I just need to watch, analyze, react.
Mendel stands slightly behind her, less enthusiastic about the whole thing, but ready to put up a fight.
Jay and I are completely still. I catch Mendel take a step before freezing, probably hoping to attack first and then thinking better of it, but he’s already moved. Jay shoots forward, and I follow close behind. Al moves to block him.
Mendel had the same idea. He and Al slam into each other, and only barely recover their balance in enough time to defend themselves. But now we’ve cut them off from each other. Jay and I are back to back, with Mendel facing Jay and me facing Al.
I wait and watch out of the corner of my eye as Jay lashes out at Mendel, who ducks and misses the punch. He catches Jay’s knee with one foot and yanks upward to try to catch him off balance. But I step back to support Jay’s weight, so that he falls against me and uses me to spring a kick on Mendel.
At the same time, Al charges at me, knowing she needs to get me away from Jay, but I easily deflect her punch with a firm guiding hand. I don’t let her go around to help Mendel, either. No matter how she tries to sidestep past me, I’m there to block her.
The thud of someone hitting the ground tells me we’ve won even before I see Mendel on the floor.
I grin and exchange a high five with Jay. He returns the gesture with some surprise, like he’s never done it before. He probably never has. I make a mental note to do it more often with him in the future.
“You let yourselves get divided too easily,” Jay says with a glance between Al and Mendel. “After that, it was only a matter of time.”
Al wants to blame Mendel for not trusting her to take care of Jay’s attack, but she knows that’s wrong. Jay was aiming for Mendel. Of course he would move to defend himself. She should’ve gone for me and tried to separate me from Jay, like we did them. Mendel’s eyes meet hers and he’s resisting the same urge to blame her for their failure. But surprisingly enough, he doesn’t.
“Let’s try again,” Jay says.
We have another go. This time is hardly any better for Mendel and Al. The two of them put up a stronger front at first, but then Jay slips between them and I come around Al’s back, and like Jay said, it’s only
a matter of time after that.
“Don’t let us through,” Jay says. He offers a hand to help Mendel up off the ground, and the corporal surprises me again by accepting his help.
What’s gotten into him? His sudden decency is suspicious.
Not that it makes him fight any better. After his and Al’s third failed match, and Mendel hits the floor yet again, Jay rubs his eyes. “Okay, let’s try something else. Johann, Lai, you two work together against me and Mendel. Try to think of how your partner will move and act accordingly. You can’t just fling yourself headfirst into a fight when you have someone else’s back to watch as well as your own.”
“You’re focusing too much on victory,” I say to Al. The corner of my mouth quirks into a smile as I switch to Gervaic. “Focus on keeping us alive instead.”
“What do you mean?” Al asks, also switching over.
I tilt my head. “When we’re in a real fight, you and your teammates’ lives are more important than defeating the enemy. This is no different. Make sure you’re always in a position to defend, and offense will come with it. Never leave your partner undefended. As soon as you do, you’re just as vulnerable.”
“I don’t need anyone watching my back to survive,” Al says. “I’m perfectly capable of looking after myself.”
“Perhaps when you’re in a one-on-one situation,” Jay says. I didn’t know he was even paying attention to our conversation, let alone that he knew Gervaic. I should have expected it from the former heir of a company with business partners in multiple sectors. “Once you’re outnumbered, your back is wide open.”
“In a language everyone can understand would be nice,” Mendel says as he crosses his arms.
Al feels a little bad for him. Even though she enjoys being able to talk in Gervaic after so many years, she switches back to Efrain so he doesn’t feel left out. “Realistically, if I was in a situation where I was outnumbered, I could just use my fire.” She snaps her fingers and a tongue of flame hovers over them. “There wouldn’t be any problem.”
A Soldier and a Liar Page 22